The Sound Of Silence
by brokenlovesong
Summary: It's 1968 and Blaine runs away from home. He meet a boy different from anyone he's ever met who changes everything he thought he new about himself and life, and quickly his entire world changes drastically. Strong language, sex, drugs, drinking, violence
1. We're Alive

_And in the naked light I saw_  
><em>Ten thousand people, maybe more<em>  
><em>People talking without speaking<em>  
><em>People hearing without listening<em>  
><em>People writing songs that voices never share<em>  
><em>And no one dared<em>  
><em>Disturb the sound of silence<br>-Simon & Garfunkel - "The Sound Of Silence"  
><em>

The year was 1968.

There was a big demonstration at Capitol Hill, Washington D.C. Blaine had come there in a bus filled with other Ohio activists.

It was a hot day in late July, and they had been crammed into the bus, close and sweaty, most of them stoned and naked. Songs and the tunes of an acoustic guitar had been humming throughout the entire bus, and even though Blaine hadn't known anyone but his two best friends when he got on the bus, he felt like he knew everyone once they arrived in Washington.

They had left Ohio on Thursday night and the night on the bus had been spent on singing and drinking. Blaine's best friends, Gary and Linda, were engaging openly in the sharing of love between the passengers.

That was the one thing Blaine had never really felt comfortable about in the lifestyle he had chosen: the way the expression "love" was used. He gladly kissed and shared intimate moments with friends and fellow activists - but he never let it go any further than that, because he didn't feel that it was right.

Blaine and Gary had grown up side by side, attending the same schools, had sleepovers and celebrated their birthdays together - all the stuff little boys do, so Gary knew perfectly well how Blaine felt about this, and he didn't pass a moment to joke about it.

"Oh, but be careful about Blaine here - he's a bit of a tease," was one of the first things Gary said when they met new people.

He always laughed, and Blaine knew that it was all in good fun, but he couldn't help feeling a pinch in his chest every time it happened. Gary was with Linda, and had been for over a year - but they pretty much fucked with anyone; they said it was a part of the love they were sat on this Earth to spread to the Universe.

Friday afternoon Blaine had started to feel sick, and he had ended up on a seat by himself sleeping with his head against the window, his denim jacket pulled over his head to shield out the noise of the partying passengers. He had felt so awful, guessing it was a mix of the heat and the long ride - of course also the brick wall thick cloud of smoke constantly hovering over their heads.

When he had stepped out to the green on Saturday morning everything had felt different.

Blaine was so excited to be there. He had never left Ohio before, and never in his wildest imaginations would he have guessed that he would spontaneously let Gary talk him into jumping on a bus and going across the country.

The square was almost black from the people at Capitol Hill. Young people singing and dancing, flowers and banners everywhere. Never in his life had he seen so many smiling faces and peace symbols in one place.

The roaring feeling that had been growling in the pit of his stomach since he had left the note on his parents' counter two days earlier eased up a little, and as a blonde girl put her arm around him and placed a deep kiss on his lips he let himself engage in the act.

From the parking lot he saw Linda send him a thumbs up and a wink, and he decided to let his fingers lock with the stranger's and followed her into the crowd.

The girl had seemed like she knew everyone and was used to those kinds of demonstrations, so Blaine felt comfortable that he had chosen to walk with her, even though he felt weird just leaving Gary and Linda behind.

The air was thick with anticipation and summer. The morning heat was overwhelming, and the grass felt cooling on his naked toes.

The blonde dragged Blaine through a crowd of people with signs singing some anti-war song he couldn't really make out the words of.

The girl curled her arm around his waist, and started singing along with the others. Every now and then she would jump on the spot or turn to grin broadly at him, baring her white teeth with a laugh.

That was the moment Blaine saw him. A skinny boy in a dusty short-sleeved shirt. Even though the sun was baking down over them, and had been across the country for more than a month, his skin was pale and delicate, and his brown hair was a strong contrast, arranged in a fashion that mostly resembled James Dean.

The boy smiled at him from the midst of the crowd, his hand clenching around a sign with bright green and purple letters spelling something Blaine didn't even spare his time to figure out what it read, he was too busy keeping up eye contact with the stranger.

It wasn't until the blonde girl firmed her grip on his hand and dragged him towards the green some feet away that he changed his focus. Blaine didn't know what else to do than to follow her, his neck craning over his shoulder, desperate not to leave the boy out of sight.

They dumped down in the grass with a little group passing around a joint. The girl giggled at him and accepted the joint, before she blew the smoke into his face and fell down in the grass.

They sat there for some time; listening to the masses singing, painting protest banners and discussing politics, which pretty much had been the way of the entire day.

When it started to get dark Blaine returned to the bus where he met up with Gary and Linda. They were stoned and horny, so Blaine quickly decided that he wasn't interested in sleeping too close to them when they arrived at the commune where some of the local activists lived and had opened to let them in.

Blaine crawled into the corner of the backseat feeling how the new town was crawling under his skin, suddenly hit by a sting of guilt by the thought of his mother's face when she found the note.

"_Gary and I are going to D.C. to a demonstration against the war. I don't know when I'm coming back. If I even am. I love you both, but world peace is bigger than a son's love for his parents. I'll call you in a few days. Blaine_."

It had been so easy to scribble the quick little note and just leave it on the counter before he grabbed his backpack and his guitar and followed Gary out the door. It hadn't been until he was on the bus hearing some of the other kids talking about their parents in really hard tones that he felt a tinge of guilt.

He didn't feel like that about his parents. His mom was a loving woman who had raised him well, taken him to church, fed him, and helped him with his homework. His father was a decorated military man, and had often let a slap fall to Blaine's face under their heated discussions of politics - but he didn't want to spite his father, because he knew it would cause his mom troubles with her husband.

They arrived at the commune after half an hour drive where Blaine almost fell asleep. The bus hadn't been as full as on the drive from Ohio and since most of them had been stoned or drunk, there hadn't been nearly as much of a racket.

The commune apartment was decorated with carpets all over the place, floors and walls. Some of the walls were covered in grandiose paintings of vivid colors and flowers dancing with suns, birds flying above clouds.

Those of them who were to sleep there were led into a room where the entire floor was covered in mattresses and blankets, and got the message that they could sleep as they wished or join the residents in the rest of the house in love and spiritual release of their souls.

Blaine dumped his backpack in a corner and followed Gary and Linda into the lounge. The windows were covered by large scarves in dazzling colors and motives, and a heavy scent of incense and cannabis filled the room.

He dumped to the floor where he leaned against the couch that Gary and Linda took seat in.

Teenagers were dancing dozily on the floor to the tunes of The Doors' _You're Lost Little Girl_. Couples were embracing each other and kissing, some feeling each other up, naked or dressed. The small coffee table was covered in bottles and filled ashtrays.

Blaine quickly felt his brain go clouded and his eyelids starting to drift. The stuffy air and the sweaty feeling of his clothes clinging to his skin made him wish for a shower and a long night's sleep.

"Hey. Is this seat taken?" A high pitched voice asked into his ear, making him do a little jump from the surprise of someone addressing him in this dimmed light filled with unknown faces.

"No. Feel free to sit," Blaine replied a little sore-throated from the long day of singing and shouting.

Two piercing blue eyes were looking at him through the dimmed light of the room, the boy's white skin almost turning pink from the red lamp shades in the corners of the room.

It was the boy from the crowd.

He was still wearing the same dusty shirt he had been wearing in the crowd, and his hair still looked like he had only just fixed it a minute ago.

The boy sat down next to Blaine on the floor, pushing a little at Linda's feet so he could sit close to Blaine, but not clingingly close. He smelled like rain even though it hadn't rained for a long time, and Blaine could feel the heat radiating from his body.

"You seem lost. Are you here alone?" The boy asked, letting his gaze lock back into Blaine's eyes, making Blaine feel like this stranger was looking into his soul.

"No. I'm here with my best friend and his - Linda. Girlfriend… or whatever it is the kids call it these days." Blaine chuckled, trying to disguise the fact that he had no idea how to tackle this sudden conversation, only making it harder when the boy didn't as much as let the corners of his mouth twitch.

"But why do you feel so lost then?" The stranger was completely serious, and didn't even blink as he waited for an answer, but Blaine was so baffled that he couldn't grasp his control of speech.

"I saw you on the bus from Ohio. You were playing guitar and singing Desolation Row. It was really beautiful. But you seem so sad, like you don't know what your purpose is here."

Blaine suddenly realized that the knot in his stomach had grown stronger. There was something about this boy that crawled under his skin.

"It's okay. You don't have to say anything." The boy let his hand brush lightly over Blaine's cheek, before he had let it slide gracefully back into his own lap.

"I'm Kurt. And you're Blaine. You've got really lovely eyes. Like dark chocolate and stardust." He didn't even move a muscle in his face while saying it, which impressed Blaine. Had anyone but this boy said those kinds of words to him he would have laughed at them, but the poetic words flowed so naturally from the boy's lips that there was no questioning that he truly meant it.

"Do you want some?" The boy named Kurt asked. He offered Blaine a smoking glass bong, but when Blaine nodded and reached out to accept it, Kurt put the bong to his lips, lit the unknown herbs with a big flame of a match and drew in a heavy breath.

Blaine let his hand back to take the bong, but Kurt held in the smoke and placed a gentle palm on Blaine's cheek, indicating for him to open his mouth. With eyes locking Blaine's he let his mouth so close to Blaine's that their lips nearly touched, before he exhaled and let the sweet smoke flow into Blaine's mouth.

Blaine let the smoke fill his mouth and nostrils, feeling like he was inhaling a part of Kurt, letting the stranger fill his lungs and body, and the scent of rain take over his mind, dizzy even before he exhaled.

"Come on," Kurt suddenly said and jumped to his feet, grabbing Blaine's hand and leading him to the mattress-room.

There weren't any doors in the commune, except for the bathroom and the meditation room. The residents said it stopped the love and spirits from running freely and it could hinder the muse in her way of finding the artists, so instead they had separated the rooms with hangings in psychedelic colors and patterns.

When they stepped into the room it was like they stepped into a dark cave of another universe. The air was warm, and hushed sounds of snoring, breathing and people having sex was filling the room.

Kurt's hand was warm in Blaine's, and he didn't know why, but he was afraid that the boy would feel how sweaty his palm was.

Blaine was led tiptoeing over the mattresses to the corner where he had left his backpack. The corner was close to black compared to the rest of the room that was draped in the colored lights stealing its way through the hangings in sneaky streams of light from the lampposts outside.

Kurt dragged Blaine down to lie with him, their bodies close enough to feel each other, but still not close enough to touch.

Blaine could almost feel Kurt's breathing on his lips, and he appreciated that his eyes had adjusted to the dark so he could find Kurt's blue.

After they had laid in the darkness, staring into each other's eyes, for what felt like an eternity, and yet like no time at all, Kurt took around Blaine's hand and placed it on his chest. Thereafter he placed his own hand on Blaine's chest, his eyes flickering rapidly as if he was listening very closely after something very silent.

"Can you feel that?" Kurt whispered almost inaudible.

"We're alive. We're here. Together. And we're alive. Isn't it incredible?" Kurt's voice was dripping with excitement through the dark, and it was like all the other people in the room had disappeared. Or like a bubble had closed around Blaine and Kurt in their little corner of the world.

Blaine felt the pounding of Kurt's heart in his chest, welcoming the vibrancies through his fingertips, letting the prickle be a part of his skin.

"Yeah. It's beautiful," Blaine responded, suddenly realizing that the giant ice cube that had filled his stomach since he left Ohio had melted away, like it was Kurt's touch that had started a fire inside him and wiped his fear away.

Blaine had felt scared his whole life. Not for any apparent reason; he just had. Politics had been a subject close to his heart since he was a kid, and the military had been a part of his childhood home through his father, so he had never been very vocal about that fear. He had thought it natural to feel that way, so when Gary had asked him to come to D.C. with him and Linda it had seemed like the perfect possibility to escape those fears.

Here he was now. 17 years old, lying in the dark with a boy he had never met before, who knew his name without telling him how, sharing heartbeats with this very same boy; and feeling safer than he had ever done in his own nursery as a child.

The touch of Kurt's hand against the skin of his chest was soothing and comforting. Almost as if he could heal the holes Blaine had felt in his life.

*

"Try and smell this. Isn't it unbelievable?"

Kurt let his hands, filled with fresh blades of grass, up to Blaine's nose, waiting for him to inhale the sweetness of the green.

"Close your eyes and feel it run through your veins with the fresh air," Kurt encouraged as he closed his eyes himself.

Blaine let his eyes drift closed and sniffed in. All he could sense was the fragrance of Kurt mixed with what he had to guess was grass.

He opened his eyes to find Kurt's blue ones so close that their noses almost banged together. It wasn't until now that Blaine noticed that his blue irises had tints of green and brown in them too, depending on the way the sun was shining.

"Do you ever feel like you're screaming in the middle of a crowd, but your voice is on mute?" Blaine asked suddenly, unable to stop himself. He didn't know where the question had come from. It was like Kurt touched something inside him, like Kurt knew him better than he knew himself.

Kurt didn't look away. He raised his hand and let it brush Blaine's eyes closed again.

"Listen. Can you hear that? It's the universe, it's the only thing you will ever need to be heard. If you let the universe in, you will be heard when it's time for you to have your voice."

Kurt took away his hand, and let himself fall down in the grass under him.

"Your voice is beautiful, Blaine. You won't have any problems with being heard when your time comes. One day you will sing, and everyone will listen," Kurt said as he placed his arms behind his head to look at the clouds.

Blaine sat staring at him. No one had ever made him speechless like this.

Blaine had been an honorary student at Dalton Academy back home. He had been leader of the debate club and front of the choir. He never got anything less than A and he had received honors from the staff for his extraordinary help in integrating the young students, and working on charity projects outside school hours. He was set to speak at his graduation, to inspire his fellow graduates to go out and do something meaningful with their lives.

Yet here he was not having a single word to fight its way over his lips.

He searched his brain for something clever and intriguing to say. Something that would make Kurt think that he was intelligent and innovative, but he couldn't find anything.

It suddenly hit him that even though he and Kurt had been spending the last week together he hadn't heard Kurt laugh one single time. Not as much as a giggle. His eyes were always wide and bright, almost glasslike, and he rarely smiled. The most he did was let the corners of his mouth go a little up whenever his and Blaine's eyes met on accident.

This had him wonder whether there was something that was troubling Kurt.

It seemed so unlikely when one first met him. He seemed so at peace, in harmony with the world and the nature, but Blaine started to feel that behind the balanced appearance he was fighting some demons that he didn't vocal.

"Are you going back to Ohio?" Blaine asked, eager to find out more about this boy he had grown so fond of in such short time.

"I don't have any reason to go back," Kurt answered in his charming young voice.

"But… don't you have a family that is missing you?"

"No. Elizabeth, my mother, died when I was little, and Burt, my father, remarried. His new wife, Carole, had a son with her. He's a good boy, but he's a proud military man now. Burt and Carole are very proud of him, he's doing really great. He's in 'Nam right now. They don't need me to be another worry and burden," Kurt explained, his voice as calm as always, but Blaine couldn't help feeling a sting to it.

"I don't think you could ever be a burden," Blaine argued, taken aback by the thought that anyone could ever find Kurt as a burden.

"It doesn't matter. I am here now. That is all that matters. Where I was yesterday and where I will be tomorrow is insignificant for this moment."

Blaine sat a little while, letting the words turn over in his mind, feeling them, tasting them, before he let himself fall down on the grass next to Kurt. He looked to the sky, where the white smoky clouds were flowing over their heads.

The blue was almost sharp in his eyes, and a pinch started behind his eyebrow, so he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

He felt the August wind caressing his skin and the sun prickling in his face. He wanted to reach out and put his hand on Kurt's in the grass between them, but he didn't.

On some level Blaine knew that it would be okay for him to do so, but there was something holding him back; telling him that it wasn't the time or the place.

Blaine had never considered the question of sexuality.

In his home being straight had always been the only option there was, so that's what Blaine had identified himself as.

When Gary had introduced him to the activists at home, Blaine had started expanding his views on the issue. He had never had a girlfriend, and he had never been interested in neither girls nor boys, but even at his first time at an event in the local park he had found out that he felt it natural to kiss both girls and boys, and be intimate with them.

He had never felt anything for any of them. He had kissed them, and let them touch him and he had touched them too, but he had never let it go any further than that - there was something that held him back.

He enjoyed the intimacy, and he had often sought it out at the events he and Gary had been to, but he had never felt _that_ thing, and he had never missed feeling it. He had been happy that way, he felt that he had bigger things to worry about,

Now, for the first time in his life, Blaine was wondering about the sexuality of another human being. Whenever the only sound around them was the sound of the cars and the birds singing Blaine couldn't stop his thoughts from wandering, and they always ended at the same place; whether Kurt was gay or not.

Would it matter if he was?

*

Linda fell down on the futon next to where Blaine was sitting on the floor with his guitar. She took a huge mouthful of the glass bottle of beer in her hand before she offered it to him.

"Are you forgetting us, young Blainers?" Linda asked as he drank himself. Her voice was teasing, but he knew that she wanted more than to just tease him; she wanted real answers on something he couldn't see through what could be.

"It's hard to forget someone who fucks each other senseless next to you every night," Blaine joked back, giving her the almost empty bottle as he let his fingers back to the strings.

"I did offer you to join. Several times. But you so virtuously decline every time so what am I supposed to do?" She rolled her eyes at him, letting her head fall to her arm.

"But you know what I mean. That boy. Is there something with you and him? Gary is worried about you, you know." She was serious. Which was scary, because to Linda life was a game that consisted of sex, booze and drugs - occasionally accompanied by music.

"Kurt? There's nothing. We just… talk. Spent the days together. He's got a very interesting view on the world," Blaine said, even though he wasn't sure it was the whole truth. He didn't know what the truth about him and Kurt was. But was it really relevant?

"You sleep together every night, that doesn't seem like nothing to me. You have a connection. I just wanna know what that connection is."

She started poking him in the side, tickling at his ribs, almost making the guitar hit her in the face as he twitched.

"We don't - we don't sleep together. We talk, and then we fall asleep next to each other. People around us are banging all the time, and you choose to see something into two guys talking?"

When the words escaped his lips Blaine heard that he sounded hurt.

"Just - Blainers, listen… I know you're different from us. You believe in waiting for the one true love instead of pursuing it, or something like that. No let me finish…" She held up a hand to stop him when he opened his mouth to argue.

"All I am saying is that I've heard that this boy is flighty. I don't know if you're gay or straight or both… or maybe even not anything at all. I just know that you have a delicate heart, and you should take care of it."

Linda let her fingers run through his curls, making him feel like a child being caught by a serious conversation with his mother.

"I never said that I am waiting for my 'one true love'. But it doesn't matter, it's not like that. Kurt and I just talk - he's a bright kid. It's summer. He teaches me stuff about the universe and I play for him every now and then because he likes my voice. It's nothing," Blaine scuffed.

He shook his head and got to his feet. It was such a relief to be able to walk around barefooted and shirtless, leaving his curls to grow and not having to worry about appearance. He couldn't do that at home. If he ever did his father would have a heart attack and send him directly to military school.

"Tell Gary that I'm fine, okay? There's nothing to worry about. I don't have '_a delicate heart_'." Blaine wrinkled his nose as he said those last two words, obviously stating that he thought that she was talking nonsense and she should mind her own business.

He turned his back on her and left the lounge. Suddenly the incense in the air had made his head very heavy, and he needed some fresh air to be able to play again.


	2. The Vow Of Silence

The commune was buzzing with voices and silent Indian music. Gary was in a corner of the lounge with a ginger girl where they were looking through records. Linda was in the meditation room, and the rest of the lounge was filled with people smoking or whispering together, not breaking the quiet blanket that was covering the commune.

Blaine was lying on the futon, listening to the humming, trying to relax. He still hadn't called his parents as he had promised, and he felt guilty. He just couldn't comprehend the possibility that his father would answer the phone and yell at him or his mom crying answer, asking him to come home.

He imagined how his mom had come home to find the note on the counter. How she would have cried and called for his father through the house, only to find out that no one was there. That she was alone. She always was.

The soft tickling of fingertips brushing up his naked ribs made a shiver run through his body. It was followed by a silent blow in his ear, and before he opened his eyes he knew that it was Kurt. He recognized the feeling of his fingers and from the scent of summer rain.

"Hey you. What's going on?" Blaine asked in a whisper.

Blaine had fallen asleep next to Kurt the night before, but when he woke up in the morning Kurt had been gone. He had been gone all day, and no one had seen him. At first Blaine had thought it seemed odd, but then he figured that it was a very Kurt thing to do, and decided not to worry before he had been gone for a longer period of time.

Kurt let a finger to Blaine's lips to hush him. He let his eyes blink a few times before he turned to the table and grabbed a piece of paper and a charcoal pencil.

"_I have vowed to live this day in silence_"

His writing was artistic and twirling, and his _Y_ looked like it was about to jump out of the paper and turn into a flower.

A day in silence.

_What a strange thing to do_, Blaine thought. But as strange as it seemed he also found it intriguing. How could a person go an entire day without uttering a word?

There wasn't more time to think any further about it though, cause Kurt grabbed his hand and dragged him off the futon, and led him through the apartment and out to the street. Blaine almost asked where they were going, but then he recalled that Kurt wouldn't answer anyway so he closed his mouth and followed.

As they walked through the streets of Washington Blaine noticed how strong the colors of the city was. He felt like they were going through a comic book painted in hard crayons. It was like the trees seemed greener, the sky more blue and the stripes at the barbershop more red.

He wasn't sure what day it was. After he had come to D.C. the days had slowly drifted into a blur, and it felt like time had disappeared.

After having walked for an unknown amount of time they walked over a great lawn with a couple of trees and a playground at one end; children playing, laughing, screaming and crying.

Kurt sat down cross-legged on the green and gestured for Blaine to sit down across him. Kurt closed his eyes and took a deep breath, a peaceful expression flowing over his face. His hands were gracefully placed in his lap, his toes slightly separated sticking up at his knees, and his back and neck completely stretched out, yet his shoulders relaxed - Blaine thought he looked like a religious icon as he was sitting like that.

Blaine tried mirroring the posture, but he had a hard time doing so, which in the end resulted in him giving up and sitting as casually cross-legged as he used to.

The tender wind made his curls roll around his face, tickling his ears and eyebrows, the sun heating up his skin making him feel like he was being boiled.

He wasn't sure what it was that Kurt was doing, but he closed his eyes too, and waited.

When his eyes were being shut off he slowly realized that his other senses were much stronger when he couldn't see. He couldn't just hear the children in the playground anymore, but he could also hear the cars from afar, dogs barking, birds singing and insects summing around them.

He could smell the grass, the flowers, the detergent in his clothes - and Kurt.

The wind and the sun felt so much more intense on his skin, the cool grass under his bare feet and the feeling of sweat prickling out under his hair and on his palms made shivers run down his spine.

Blaine licked the salty sweat of his upper lip, and decided that he wanted to follow Kurt's example and go through the entire day in silence. He had no idea how long this would be, but he guessed that Kurt would tell him when that was.

He felt Kurt's fingers in his hair, and when he opened his eyes he saw that Kurt had put a flower in his own hair and was now fastening one behind Blaine's ear.

Kurt dumped back down to sit on the grass and gently took Blaine's hands and turned them to face palms up between them. Kurt let his fingertips trail the lines of Blaine's palms, softly and caressing, his eyes focused on Blaine's as if he waited for something to happen from the friction of their touch.

Blaine had to swallow because of the intensity of the moment, and he felt awkward that he wasn't able to make a comedic remark. The noises from the city had been muffled, and the only things to be heard were the birds singing over them.

They sat like that for a while; Kurt stroking the inner of his palms, listening to the birds and playing children running around them. For a second Blaine dared to let his hands close around Kurt's and let his thumb brush over Kurt's, but Kurt merely closed his eyes and gestured for Blaine to do the same, before he let his hands up to feel Blaine's face.

His fingertips on Blaine's skin made electric waves run through him, and he was afraid that Kurt had noticed the little twitch he did as they met, but Kurt didn't seem to be marked by it.

After some time Kurt stood up and started walking back towards the city. Blaine was so confused about what was going on that he had to run to catch up with him. When he finally reached Kurt he was heaving for breath so Kurt stopped and put his fingers to his lips to hush him once more. When Blaine's breathing had returned to normal Kurt started walking again.

When they reached the commune the sun was setting. A mix of red and golden spread across the rooftops and only a few people were present on the sidewalks.

"Hey. What's up, love birds?"

As they entered the apartment the ginger haired girl Gary had sat with earlier met them. It had come to Blaine's attention that she was merely referred to as Ginger which made a lot of things much easier.

The girl was wearing nothing but an open male shirt and a pair of small knickers. Her thick hair was prettily arranged in a braid hanging down her one shoulder, her lips were red and her breath smelled of beer.

Kurt held up a hand to stop her, and let his index finger draw an X over his lips, before he held out a hand flat in the air at Blaine's jaw.

"Oooooh, you're not speaking," Ginger burst out, sounding a little drunk, before she proceeded her way to the kitchen.

Kurt turned to face Blaine and sent him a warm gaze before he bopped his head in the direction of the hall with all the rooms.

He led them into the meditation room. It was dark and empty. Yoga mats were all over the floor, except for a mattress filled with blankets in the corner under the window that was covered by dark scarves and hangings.

Kurt tiptoed over to peek under the drapes, still not making a sound before he came back where he had left Blaine in the middle of the floor and grabbed his hand, leading him to the mattress.

The way Kurt walked was incredible, he was so elegant and graceful that even the slightest movement looked like he was doing a sad ballet.

He stopped in front of the mattress, his hand still closed around Blaine's but his back at him. Out of nowhere Kurt let go of Blaine's hand, and started opening his shirt. He let it fall to the floor and let his pants and underwear too.

Blaine didn't know how to react. He sensed that it still wasn't okay to speak yet. The vow was still counting.

Kurt started pulling Blaine's shirt off too, and opened his pants and started dragging them down.

He sat down on the mattress and gently pulled Blaine down to sit next to him. When they were both sitting he made them fall down next to each other, dragging the blankets over them to cover their bodies and heads completely, lying so close that they almost shared breathing.

The room was completely quiet. Not even the voices of the people on the other side of the door could be heard, not even the sound of the city racing by outside the window - nothing but their breathing. Blaine was almost certain that he could hear their hearts beating.

Blaine had never been naked with anyone before. Not if he didn't count the locker rooms at school, and he really didn't. That was about getting a shower after gym, nothing else.

This was different. This wasn't about being naked.

It was hot under the blankets. He could feel the warmth streaming from Kurt's body and gracing him in it, letting his body take it in and make it its own.

"Did you hear that?" Kurt said quietly, almost shocking Blaine. He hadn't known that it was okay to talk yet.

"You did it too. The Vow Of Silence. Did you feel it?" Kurt asked again, this time a little more excited in his eyes, his voice still calm and quiet.

"You heard The Universe. It was speaking to you. And you felt it run through you. I saw it." He wasn't accusing. He seemed more amazed that Blaine had reached that point. As if he hadn't expected him to follow through with the vow.

Blaine felt his lower lip quiver as he watched the light grow in Kurt's face. He was back to the desperate need to speak up, say something; something that could show Kurt that he wasn't just a dumb boy with a guitar and a full head of curls. But no words presented themselves.

"It's okay. It's dark now. You can speak," Kurt assured him, as he let his index finger stretch out between them to meet Blaine's in a flighty touch before he pulled it back. As if he wanted Blaine's body to feel the assurance as well as his ears and brain.

"You are - so odd," Blaine blurted out.

Even before the words left his mouth he wished that he could have stopped them, but it was too late. His brain had already given the orders to let them out, and now there was nothing to do about it.

"Thank you." Kurt's eyes lit up, as if he had just been given a very strong compliment.

"Your aura has so many colors. You are so filled with so much you don't even know yourself. But tonight the dark blue that's usually glowing from your throat has a more indigo tint to it. You should be proud of yourself."

Kurt's eyes were flickering wildly between Blaine's. Like he was afraid that he was going to miss something if he didn't keep full attention all the time.

Blaine was confused. He had heard others talk about the different meanings of auras and chakras, but no one had ever explained it to him, nor had he sought out the information himself. He hadn't had the interest. Now it was like a magnet inside him was pulling him to finding out what it was Kurt was telling him - about himself.

"What - what does that mean?" Blaine dared to ask, his voice a rasp whisper from the hours of silence.

"The dark blue tells me that you are scared of what is to come, but tonight it has changed to a more indigo tone. It was there all along, but it was overshadowed by your fear," Kurt explained.

"But… what is the - indigo, then?"

"It shows me that you are sensitive, and that you feel deeply. And the bright emerald green that drifts into yellow-green around your heart and lungs," Kurt paused and placed a hand on his naked chest.

"It means that you are a lover. You are creative with your heart and soul."

It felt like Kurt's palm was burning a print into his chest. The touch was almost painful, but Blaine didn't want it to go away. He wanted Kurt's hand to stay there forever. He wanted to stay in that moment forever.

"Will you teach me how to love?" Blaine asked, not knowing why, not knowing where the question came from, but tears welled up in his eyes, and he felt like a 4 year old asking for help to the simplest thing as tying his shoes.

"You _are_ love, Stardust," Kurt whispered, forcing his hand harder into Blaine's chest, almost as if he wanted to let it slide in through the skin and bones and nerves to find his heart and grab directly around it.

"I need _you_ to teach _me _love."

Kurt's eyes suddenly seemed scared. His lower lip was trembling, and the touch of his hand seemed weak. Like he was a completely different person.

A tear streamed down Blaine's face, but he didn't care.

He hadn't cried since he was a child. Not even when he had been alone. His father had taught him that a real man doesn't cry, but that wasn't why. He just hadn't had any reason to cry.

"Do you feel this? Nothing can come between us at this very moment. Not even clothes are separating us. We can say anything we want, because this is it. This is the moment to say it."

The intense feeling of honesty was filling their closed little space under the blanket. The lack of sound made their breathing sound like it was inside Blaine's mind, and he felt his shoulders relax. He was actually comfortable about being naked.

He had never felt as safe as he did there, close and naked - with Kurt.

"I think you are beautiful."

Blaine closed his eyes, afraid that he had ruined the moment with such a shallow observation. Afraid that he had disappointed Kurt by commenting on his appearance, knowing perfectly well how focused Kurt was on what was inside.

"It's okay. I know that you don't mean it like that," Kurt cooed, as if he had read Blaine's mind.

"One day I will show you my heart. Maybe not in this life or the next. But one day you and I will find each other under the stars, and we will know that it is the moment when we will melt to one - and you will see my heart."

Blaine's eyes were still closed as Kurt said the words, he was surprised when he felt a careful finger brushing over his cheek to wipe a tear away.

Blaine opened his eyes to find Kurt kissing the finger that had taken his tear.

"I promise."

And Blaine knew that he did. That this wasn't just some random, silly idea. Kurt really meant it.

"I want you to see my heart too," Blaine said rushed, his voice almost begging.

"I know. And I will. As soon as you are ready. As for now - you still need to see it yourself."

Kurt let his hand fall down to lie between them, next to Blaine's own.

They stayed like this, listening to their breathing, staring into each others eyes for a while. The heat seemed to build up, but no matter how hot Blaine felt, he wouldn't for anything pull of the blanket and return to the real world.

"You still haven't called your parents yet?" Kurt asked out of nowhere, sweeping Blaine completely off guard.

Blaine hadn't mentioned his parents once. For all Kurt would know he could have been a rich orphan on the run from J. Edgar Hoover himself.

"How did you -"

"Because I'm a psychic," Kurt responded, Blaine stared at him with his mouth ajar in disbelief.

"I'm kidding. Linda told me." He broke down in laughter. A beautiful amazing laughter. The most beautiful laughter Blaine had ever heard, like a child on Christmas morning. He was so surprised by the fact that Kurt had actually cracked a joke, that he didn't know whether he should laugh or be quiet.

Blaine had actually started wondering whether Kurt had made a pledge to never as much as smile.

"Seriously. They must be worried about you. They are the reason you are scared, aren't they?" Kurt abruptly shifted back to being serious, and Blaine wondered for a moment if the outburst of laughter a second before had been pure make-believe.

"My father is a military man. There is nothing more in this world he wishes for than his only son joining the troops. When I come back he will probably chop off my hair and ship me off without blinking."

The scared look returned to Kurt's eyes, this time it was mixed with sympathy.

It was so easy to talk to Kurt. There were no boundaries, and there would be no ridiculing or joking like when he talked to Gary. And Blaine knew that what he told Kurt wouldn't be passed on. He could trust Kurt. He had faith in Kurt.

"My mom would try talking him into not doing so, but eventually he would get his way. He always gets his way," Blaine concluded hollowly.

There was something in Kurt's eyes that dragged Blaine's up to lock them.

"If you go into the army you will die. Your heart is too big for the military."

How was Blaine ever supposed to respond to that? He swallowed, trying to drag out time until he knew what to say, but failed miserably.

Kurt sensed that Blaine was stuck at the conversation and thankfully he changed the subject.

Kurt rolled over to lie on his back, letting his arm rest against Blaine's, his hip so close that it almost hurt, and his thigh gently brushing against Blaine's thigh and penis, a wave running to Blaine's brain.

"It is remarkable that with all that love and inspiration, all that creativity and freedom there is here, you are still lying in a dark room naked with a boy you don't even know."

Blaine let his arm bend so he could rest his head on it, as he turned over Kurt's words. It suddenly hit him that the answer had been lying next to him all the time.

"Honestly, I find them all boring. Uninspiring. They always say the same things about how they are going to stay young forever. They kiss and fuck and sing and smoke a lot of weed… but there's never any passion," Blaine explained, surprised at which force he whispered the words.

"But - then why are you here with me?" Kurt asked, his eyes confused, and his mouth slightly open, as if waiting for a bomb to drop.

"Because you have passion. You are inspiring. When you talk - Kurt - you have this… flame. When I wake up and see you lying next to me… I wanna run out and create. When I'm with you - I believe that this world might be alright."

Blaine got a sudden urge to talk with big arm gestures and maybe even scream it out loud.

Instead he stayed where he was and let his eyes pierce into Kurt's, for the first time since that day at Capitol Hill seeing him really smile.

"Maybe we should sleep."

Kurt turned his head to stare at Blaine through the dark.

"If we stay here we can sleep without the presence of others, and we might be able to reach a higher conscious in our sleep."

Blaine wasn't sure what he meant, but he liked the idea. Whenever he was with Kurt he wished that they never had to be surrounded by other people again.

It wasn't that he didn't want to share Kurt with anyone. He just felt like it was so much easier to relax, and simply much easier to be breath.

Kurt shuffled to lie on his side again, resting his head on his elbow, his eyes like stars in the dark. Blaine knew that they had probably been in there for hours and it might be late, but he didn't want to close his eyes.

His eyelids started drifting close, but every time he realized that he was almost falling asleep he hurried to open his eyes as wide as he could. He was afraid that he was going to miss a second with Kurt, and then soon he would never get a moment like this again.

"You are tired. You should let yourself sleep. There's somewhere I wanna take you in the morning."

Kurt let his hand up to brush Blaine's eyes closed, barely touching his face.

"Goodnight, Stardust," Kurt mumbled, before Blaine let himself drift off to sleep.


	3. Within You Without You

"Blaaaaaineeeeers."

Linda dropped down next to Blaine where he was eating his cereal with his back against the radiator. She looked excited, as if she had something big to tell him and was just waiting for him to ask what it was.

"Morning Linda. What's going on?" Blaine asked with his mouth full of cornflakes, soymilk almost dripping on his shirt through his words.

"Gary and I want to take you out today. We rarely ever see you, and we're a group who're going to this park and we're going to play and sing and -"

"I can't. Kurt is taking me somewhere. I am so sorry. It really sounds fun," Blaine blurted out, accidentally spitting a little corn flakes on her shirt in his desperation to emphasize how sorry he really was. At least he wanted to be sorry.

"Hey. Why don't you just bring Kurt? He's such a loner. He only ever talks to you, and it might be good for him to be with other people too."

Quinn, a girl who was from Ohio too, put out her cigarette to engage in their conversation.

She was a really pretty girl, with long blonde wavy hair and was always wearing long dresses in bright colors, with flowers on the light fabric.

Blaine had met her back in Ohio at some of the demonstrations and parties they had been at. He knew that Quinn was out of a wealthy family, and her parents saw her as a disgrace for having chosen the life she had. When she had met them at the bus for Washington she had carried a large suitcase that contained any material she would need; she wasn't coming back to Ohio.

Blaine started chewing on the same mouthful of cereal for several seconds until it was almost a mush in his mouth, but he had no idea what to tell them. He didn't want to go with them. He wanted to go with Kurt, wherever it was that Kurt had planned for them to go.

"I don't really know -"

"Come on, Blaine. Kurt can't keep you to himself forever," Quinn said flirtingly, her eyelashes waving at him.

"But I promised him that I would go. We can do something tomorrow, okay?" Blaine tried, not wanting to lead Quinn on, but he didn't want them to think too much of him and Kurt together either. What if they thought that him and Kurt had something going on?

"Gary is gonna be so disappointed," Linda exclaimed and stood up.

"Tomorrow then. You promise?" Her tone was sharp, and Blaine knew that this wasn't a time to joke around, so he nodded convincingly in agreement.

He watched her walk off towards the bathroom as he let his head fall backwards against the radiator. He just knew that now she was going to tell Gary that he had blown them off for being with a guy, and then Gary would come to try and frit him for information for the next hundreds of years.

Quinn was sitting on the futon braiding her hair, sending Blaine looks and smiles every now and then, and he smiled politely back, just wanting to finish his breakfast, eager for Kurt to tell him that they could get going.

Kurt walked with a determined pace down the sidewalk, Blaine following him, confused about where they were headed for. He had quickly found out that it was purposeless to ask Kurt questions on where they were going when he had a plan; that would only result in a hazy reply about no one ever really knowing where they were going until they had reached the crossroad where they had to decide.

They ended in a neighborhood with concrete buildings and kids playing in the streets with their jump ropes and kicking a ball across from one sidewalk to another. Blaine guessed that it was very rare that cars visited that end of town, and the pavement looked like it could use a little help.

A group of shops were located at a corner of the block, and Kurt walked down the stairs to a store under an apartment building.

The room was big and cold, but it felt incredibly small because it was filled with close-standing shelves and boxes all filled with records. On the walls posters of rock groups were hanging and incense were fogging in a cloud under the low-hanging ceiling. A little radio on the counter was playing through a scratching speaker as a long bearded man was singing along.

"Wow. That's - that's a lot of records," Blaine said sniffing in the smell of vinyl, remembering just how much he loved them.

"You love music. I can see it when you play your guitar. But I feel like I've been keeping you away from it. Even now your eyes have a spark that only comes when you play or sing. The yellow-green from your heart is so much stronger, even lavender is surrounding you now; your imagination, your vision is so much stronger in here. You belong here."

Kurt started tripping down the aisle between the wooden boxes, looking like he was dancing.

Blaine was left at the door, looking over the sea of music, letting the scratchy tones reach his ears and run to his heart, making it pound even harder as if it was trying to let the music pulse through his veins.

He started flipping through the records, letting his hands caress the slick paper of the pockets, carefully taking out the vinyl discs to hold them against the light and look at the perfect tracks smoothing over the black.

He went through all of the boxes. He didn't care how uninteresting one box of records seemed, he flipped through all of them anyway.

Blaine had completely forgot how it felt to do every day stuff like this, and he shocked himself when he realized that he hadn't listened to music on his own accord since he had been home.

He picked up the newest record by The Beatles and took it to the listening booth where he put it on the gramophone, and sat down with closed eyes and just listened.

It wasn't until the record ended and he had to flip it that he opened his eyes and saw that Kurt was standing with his head resting against the wall and observing him, the corners of his mouth lightly turned up.

"I didn't see you there," Blaine said, wanting to kick himself for the stupid remark.

"You had your eyes closed. You weren't here," Kurt stated, his voice soft.

"Yeah. I guess you could call it that."

Blaine nodded, not really knowing what to do when Kurt walked over and sat next to him on the small wooden bench.

"Teach me how to listen to music."

It wasn't a joke. He really meant it. It was the strangest thing Blaine had ever heard, and yet he knew that Kurt really meant it.

The bench was small and they sat really close, which for some reason made it hard for Blaine to breathe.

He took off the record and turned it over so he could put it back down. He led the arm to find the groove, and turned to Kurt.

"Now close your eyes, and listen. Let the music become a part of you; let it flow into you and let yourself feel it."

Kurt closed his eyes, and Blaine watched as his eyelids did rapid movements before they finally calmed and held still as if he was sleeping.

The lyrics floated out and filled the tiny booth, making it feel like they were sitting even closer than they actually were, Blaine's jeans feeling warm and itchy on the place where his thigh met Kurt's.

He carefully grabbed around Kurt's hand, making Kurt do a little jump of surprise, and led his hand up to his heart, making Kurt let two fingers out so Blaine could tap them in the pace of the bass.

"Let your pulse run with the beat. Can you feel that the music is running through your blood, and giving oxygen to your muscles?" Blaine asked, feeling his eyes grow big, and adrenaline running through him with the excitement of sharing this with Kurt.

The pale boy nodded slowly at him, as Blaine could feel how hard he was concentrating on listening to the music to keep up the beat with his fingers.

"_And the time come when you will see_

_We're all one, and life flows on within you and without you_"

As _Within You Without You _ended Kurt didn't open his eyes, he merely waited for the next track to begin, not letting go of Blaine's hand held to his chest, making their fingers pound against his skin in unison.

Blaine didn't remove his hand either, he just sat there, glancing at Kurt taking in every tune and word of the new world Blaine had introduced him to. Sure they had music in the commune, and there was music flowing around them all the time, but there was no questioning that passion of music was a completely new concept to Kurt; but he was open and willing to let it in so he could embrace it.

Side two ended and their fingers went calm, their hands still placed on Kurt's chest, before he opened his eyes and stared at Blaine in amazement.

"I can understand why it means so much to you," he said, almost sounding hurt, for some reason Blaine didn't see when it hit him that they had been there for a long time, and it had to be really boring for Kurt as he wasn't attached to music.

"Do you wanna go? We could go dip our feet in the fountain we passed on our way here."

Blaine stood up very abrupt, almost making the cardboard cover fall to the floor, only saved by Kurt making a quick movement to push it back to the middle of the table.

"It's okay. You don't have to do that. I like watching you with music. It's like watching love materialize itself in front of my eyes," Kurt assured him, not leaving his seat as if he was waiting for Blaine to sit back down next to him.

"But I want to. Let's go outside and feel the sun and hear the life of the city."

Back home Blaine would never have left a record store unless he was being kicked out. He was on first name basis with the local shop owner, and he was friends with the black kid, Benjamin, who made sure the store was nice and clean for customers. Usually he stayed for hours and was the last person to leave the shop as they closed up.

But he really meant it; he wanted to go with Kurt and experience the world buzzing around them.

He took a step closer and grabbed around Kurt's elbow and made him stand up. He then left the listening booth, placed the record in its box, and said politely goodbye to the man at the desk.

As they came back to the fountain on the way back to the commune Blaine rolled up the edges of his jeans and let his feet sink into the cool water, Kurt doing the same next to him.

They sat there for a long time, without talking, only letting the sun bake on their skin, smiling at the children passing them, before they took up their walk back to the apartment where Blaine was sure that he should expect a long discussion with Gary.

As they passed a phone booth Kurt stopped and sent him a saying look, and Blaine knew that he had to do it. There was no way around it, so he picked up the phone and threw in some coins.

The beeping felt like it lasted forever, and as the phone was finally picked up at the other end Blaine had almost promised himself that no one was home.

"_Anderson residence_."

"Hey mom. How… how are you?"

"_Blaine. Where are you? Your father and I have been so worried? What did you do? Please come home_." His mom's voice was high pitched by the sound of her son, and she quickly started crying, letting the ice cube return to the pit of his stomach.

"I - I'm sorry mom. I just had to do this. But… I don't know when I'm coming home. I'm in D.C. Gary and Linda are here too. We're staying... with some friends. It's okay, mom. I'm fine. I promise I won't let it be so long until I call again."

Blaine did his best to sound convincing, to let her know that he really was sorry, that he didn't want her to worry about him.

"_Anderson. You are coming home right now_!" His father had grabbed the phone from his mom, and as if one cue the ice cube jumped to his throat, making it almost impossible for him to answer.

"I can't, dad. Not right now. But I promise I'll stay in touch. I'm running out of coins now. Tell mom I love her, would you."

He hung up. He felt awful for having lied to his father. He had plenty of coins, he just didn't want to spend them all on being yelled at by his father.

"I'm sorry."

Kurt's voice was weak, and sounded almost embarrassed. He was standing a little away, as if he had just walked in on some very private event.

"Don't be. It'll be fine," Blaine assured him and started walking down the sidewalk, Kurt by his side.

The walk home was spent in silence. Blaine kept hearing his dad's angry voice and his mom's cry over and over again in his mind, and he wished that he could just shake his head and they would go away. He felt so guilty over having left his mom like that.


	4. A Hole In Her Heart

It was the hottest day Washington had seen that year, and Blaine felt like he was being choked up. Not as much as a breeze was over the town and all he wanted was to find an open-air pool or just the fountain he and Kurt had dipped their feet in the previous day; but he was stuck with Gary, Linda and a group of other people - some from the commune, some from outside.

Quinn and Ginger were making garlands in their underwear, letting the sun tan their delicate skin, while Gary and Linda didn't have any problems about lying completely naked on the square of grass behind the apartment building.

Blaine just sat running his fingers through the grass, looking at the tree at the corner of the yard, feeling restless. His guitar was lying on the blanket next to him, looking sad and un-used. He didn't know why but he felt empty, and wished that he hadn't promised Linda to stay for the day. He wondered what Kurt was doing; where he was and who he was with.

Blaine suppressed a hollow laugh; there was no reason for him to think about Kurt, because there was no reason for Kurt to think about him.

"Man, what's going on in your life?" Gary asked, while tracing patterns over Linda's back.

"Not anything, really. I called my parents yesterday. My mom cried and my father demanded that I'd come home. Nothing I didn't expect." Blaine let the sun bake his eyelids, feeling the prickle of pain from the heat, but not wanting to make it go away.

"That's not what I meant, and you know it. Blaine, you never tell me anything anymore. You should quit hanging out with that Kurt boy and hang out with more ladies. I know Ginger there has a weak spot for you, and I wouldn't be surprised if Quinn has too -" Gary winked at the girls, making them giggle and look away, their heads going closer in whispering.

"You need to share your love with the girls," Gary said, returning his attention to Blaine.

"They're nice. Yeah."

Blaine had no idea what else to say. Sure, the girls were sweet and pretty, but they were so alike - all of them. All they ever wanted to do was kiss or talk about how horrible Johnson was at ruling the country but also that Nixon wouldn't be any better even though he was the favorite for the upcoming election. Never did they say anything constructive or stimulating.

"Nice? Have you looked at the body of them - and needless to say; Ginger is a pretty good fuck. And knows how to head -"

"Just stop, Gary. I'm not interested in any of that. You know that. I like the girls, they're sweet but they don't do anything for me, alright. Could we just… drop it?"

He knew that Gary just wanted to help Blaine get '_a purpose_' in life, or '_share his love_' or whatever it was that he kept saying. Only thing was that Blaine also knew that Gary was a slut - he was in a relationship with Linda, who he undoubtedly loved, but he was really out to get himself as much pussy as possible, and he needed someone to position as his wingman. A position he had eagerly tried to get Blaine to take for the last few years.

Gary was well aware that Blaine was a big interest to girls, which could be an advantage for Gary. Whenever Blaine turned one down Gary would pick up the pieces - that just took Blaine to actually be with someone once in a while.

"You're such a prick, Anderson. Leaving all the girls broken hearted while you run around seeking a higher meaning with that tease of a lady-breaker." Gary fell to his back on the blanket, his sunglasses threatening to jump off his nose.

"Wait - what?" Blaine blurted out before knowing it.

"Yeah. That Kurt is always running around making the chicks feel special before he dumps their asses. You don't wanna learn any tricks from him."

Gary didn't even look at Blaine as he casually swung it out, neither did anyone else. It seemed like it was this thing that everyone knew and everyone agreed on.

"I wouldn't know. We never discuss those kinds of things," Blaine retorted, struggling to let his voice be casual, but instead it ended up coming out sharp.

He realized that it was true. Kurt had never once mentioned anything about girls. Blaine had never even seen him send looks after girls or even brush the concept of romance. Not that it mattered. Or did it?

Blaine suddenly felt like his head had got heavy and thoughts were spinning around in his brain. When he thought closer he actually didn't really know anything about Kurt, and yet it seemed like Kurt knew everything about him.

Blaine didn't say anything, he just picked up his guitar and left the green patch.

As he came upstairs he went into the meditation room where he tried remembering what Kurt had taught him on how to disconnect the brain and let his body and soul be one - but he couldn't. The thoughts of the mysterious boy refused to leave him.

He gave up and went into the mattress room where he curled up in a corner with a book, pretending to read, but no matter how many times he went through the same sentence it didn't stick.

Clouds were drifting over the sky, fluffy and lazy, shielding the sun. A couple of dogs were barking at each other in a dull game as a toddler dangled around on his chubby legs, his mom chatting lively with a friend on the bench a little away from where Blaine was sitting.

For the first time since he had left Ohio he was alone. He had brought his guitar to the green where he and Kurt had spent their day of silence, hoping to clear his thoughts a little.

His night had been awful, and he had slept until the middle of the day, feeling nauseated when he woke up, needing some space from the heavy packed apartment, where people were starting to get ready for a big demonstration the following Tuesday.

He had just grabbed his guitar without knowing where to go, and out of nowhere he found himself at the great lawn Kurt had showed him.

He stroked the strings a few times, but for some reason music failed him and nothing went to his fingers. He sighed heavy and got up to follow the sidewalk to the phone booth at the corner of the streets.

"Hey. It's Blaine. I - I just wanted to well… let you know I'm fine, I guess."

Blaine waited in silence, hoping for the receiver to say something.

"_Hi Blaine. It's so nice to hear your voice, honey. Your dad and I have been so worried about you. This won't do, you know that right? You need to come home_." His mom's voice sounded as if she had been crying. Blaine squeezed his eyes closed as hard as he could and rested his forehead against the cold metal, letting the curls flight to his eyes.

"Mom. I - I can't. Not right now. I'll come home in a month or two. I promise. I just need some space." He let his fingers lightly drum on the case, biting his lower lip, fearing what his mom might have to say in response.

"_Blaine. I'm sick again. It's nothing to worry about. I just hoped I didn't have to tell you over the phone. But it's okay, sweetie. I understand that you need this time. Just - don't be a stranger, baby. I love you, and so does your dad_."

The message hit Blaine right to the gut.

His mom had been sick. One day she just started getting better, and she came back home, and they hadn't ever talked about it since. This had happened when Blaine had been 10 and he hadn't known what was going on; his parents didn't tell him anything, but he knew that it was bad.

"Mom. If you want me to I'll come home. If you're sick then -"

"_No, Blaine. Just stay. You're young, and I don't wanna keep you from finding yourself. Call me every now and then and I'll tell you how I'm feeling. Have fun, and take care of yourself, honey_."

"Alright. I love you mom. I really do."

"_I know, Blaine. I know_."

His mom hung up, and Blaine felt like a big empty hole had been carved in his stomach. He stood for a minute still holding the phone before he put it back and turned around.

"That didn't sound too good."

Blaine almost jumped from the shock of standing face to face with Kurt. He hadn't seen or heard him come, and Kurt hadn't done anything to get Blaine to pay attention to his presence.

"No, well - it's fine. It's okay," Blaine replied, his heart still racing, a little flushed in the cheeks.

Kurt was looking gorgeous with his usual James Dean hair and a tight white t-shirt stretched over his torso, and what looked like a red sarong perfectly matching his bare feet. On any other male this would have looked ridiculous, but for Kurt it worked perfectly.

Blaine took a little firmer grip around his guitar and starting walking back to the green area he had left only a few minutes before.

Kurt tripped next to him in silence, Blaine suspecting that he was afraid to say anything that might upset him.

Kurt lay on his front for a little while, running his fingers through the grass, making garlands and observing the playing kids on the playground at the other end. Neither of them said anything until Kurt rolled over to lie on his back, his round sunglasses shielding his eyes from the hidden sun.

"Kurt. Tell me about your family."

Blaine didn't know why he asked, or if it was even okay of him to ask about such personal information.

Kurt never talked about himself, and most of the time it seemed like he wanted to pretend that he wasn't even from Ohio. That he hadn't had a life before coming to Washington.

"My dad is married to a woman named Carole. She has a handsome son named Finn, who's a half-year younger than me. There's not really much to tell."

He almost snapped, and seemed transformed, in a way he had never acted before, Blaine regretting he had even asked, making a mental note to never bring it up again. He could see how Kurt almost dragged into himself, like he shrunk in front of Blaine's eyes.

"My dad only remarried two years ago. Finn… was in my school. And our parents met at a parent-teacher conference. My dad hadn't seen anyone since… since my mom - you know," Kurt explained, rolling to lie on the side, dragging his knees up to his chest, his head resting on his arm, making him look like a scared little boy.

"My mom she -" He paused, holding so completely still that he resembled a statue, Blaine wishing that he could see his eyes to have a shot at figuring out what was going on in his head.

"She was the most amazing woman to step foot on this planet. She taught me about life and love and beauty. She taught me to love the nature and be one with the universe."

"Kurt. What happened to your mom?" Blaine's voice was so low that he almost didn't hear it himself. A cloud had drifted from the sun and was shining down on them, as if to mock this precious, delicate moment.

"She was sick. She had a heart disease. They said that - they said she had a hole in her heart. When I was eight… her heart just couldn't anymore."

His sunglasses fell to the grass next to him, and revealed his eyes wet with tears staring blankly down in the grass, before he looked up at Blaine from under his long wet eyelashes.

"Will you play for me?" He asked, his voice weak and insecure.

Blaine didn't respond. At first he was a little baffled by the request, but he hurried to pick up his guitar and started playing. Without knowing it he started playing a soft version of the Elvis Presley song _She's Not You_. For some reason that had been the first song that popped into his head when he looked down at Kurt, so fragile looking in the grass in front of him.

"_Her hair is soft and her eyes are also blue_  
><em>She's all the things a girl should be<em>  
><em>but she's not you<em>

_She knows just how to make me laugh when I feel blue_  
><em>She's everything a man could want<em>  
><em>but she's not you.<em>

_And when we're dancing_  
><em>It almost feels the same<em>  
><em>I've got to stop myself from<em>  
><em>Whispering your name<em>

_She even kisses me like you used to do._  
><em>And it's just breaking my heart<em>  
><em>'cause she's not you.<em>"

Kurt sniffed as the tears rolled down his face, before they stopped and the dry streams glittered in the sun. His fingers were playing with the folds in Blaine's jeans, as his eyes flickered in sync to the music. There was no doubt in Blaine's mind that he was listening, and taking in the lyrics of the song.

"Thank you." Kurt whispered not looking up at Blaine.

Blaine let down his guitar on the grass and laid down on his side next to Kurt to catch his eyes.

"Your voice is really calming. I wish you could sing for me forever," Kurt said carefully.

"Kurt. I'm really sorry about your mom. It's not fair for you to have been through that."

Blaine wanted to put his arms around Kurt, drag him closer and stroke his hair. Hum in his ear, and assure him that nothing could ever hurt him again.

That would be crossing the line. So instead he just glanced at him, clenching his fists to not reach up his hand and cup Kurt's cheek.

Why was it that everything with Kurt seemed so easy, and yet it felt so complicated at the same time?

"The wise ones say that there's a reason for everything. Didn't you know?" Kurt said, pretending to be fine, even though Blaine was sure that this wasn't the case.

"Maybe. But that doesn't make it any less painful for those it affects," Blaine replied in as comforting a tone he could muster.

Kurt's eyes got stronger in some way, their gaze deeper, and it felt like he was back to staring directly into Blaine's soul.

"You are much brighter than you give yourself credit for," Kurt said suddenly.

He made his lips disappear in a thin line across his face, a deep thinking expression welling in over him.

"What was it… that upset you when you were on the phone?" Kurt sounded scared to ask the question, but a concerned look was lurking behind his eyes.

"The thing is… when I was little, my mom got very sick. No one told me anything about it. I was 10 so I didn't understand, and the adults certainly considered me way too young to let me ask about her. All I remember was that - she was crying all the time. It made me scared. I thought I might have done something, and I tried comforting her, but nothing helped."

As Blaine paused he didn't look at Kurt. He felt the shiver of the dark memories run down his spine and make chills rise all over his body.

"One day I got home from school and she was gone. My father told me she was in a better place. We didn't speak of it at all. He wasn't home much because of his work, so there was a maid to take care of the house, and the practical about me. Then after a few months one day I got home from school one day and she was back. Everyone acted as if nothing had happened, and it sort of just - slipped away into the past."

Blaine bit his lower lip not knowing why he had just blabbered out with all of that to Kurt. The only one who knew about this was Gary, and that was because Blaine spent endless amounts of nights at his house while his mom was sick.

He looked down in the grass in embarrassment, not sure how to tackle it, when he felt Kurt's index finger crook around his own between their hips.

A warm rush went through Blaine as he looked up and saw Kurt slightly smiling at him.

"Are you ever going back to Ohio? I know it's none of my business but - I think you should. I'm sure your family misses you."

Blaine held his breath, waiting for Kurt to react.

"Maybe. Some day. You'll never know. What is more important right now is that we appreciate being in this moment. Time is so flighty. Once we've had it it's never coming back. We need to treasure it."

Kurt's eyes grew big, and he was back to his usual self with philosophical words and dreamy eyes. It was amazing.

"You're cold. Let's go back. We can hide under a blanket and I can read to you," Kurt suggested, letting a thumb stroke over Blaine's.

Blaine hadn't even noticed it himself, but now that Kurt mentioned it he realized that he was almost shaking from the cold breeze. A cloud had drifted for the sun again, and a dark shadow had closed over the green space.

He nodded in agreement, and astonishment over Kurt once again showing how well he knew him better than he did himself. Then they stood up and walked back through the streets, Kurt looking dreamy and graceful as he smiled and waved at the playing children and people on their way home from work.


	5. Lucinda, Tinkerbell and The Crazy Lady

Blaine spent the next couple of days mostly in the mattress room reading or playing his guitar. Often Kurt would stay with him, watching him, and sometimes Kurt would ask him to play a certain song, or teach him how to listen to music.

Other days Kurt would wake him up in the middle of the night and take him to the meditation room, saying that when they had just woken up they were already in contact with the spirit and that was the best time to meditate, because it would make it easier for them to leave their body behind.

Blaine found it exciting and impressing to listen to Kurt talk about the meanings of the different aura colors, and the effects of the nature on the soul.

His voice was so soft and soothing. Blaine had a theory that if Kurt started to read the phonebook or encyclopedia to him he would still listen as much as he did when he was talking about anything else.

One day they were sitting in the mattress room staring into each other's eyes after Blaine had finished a song on his guitar. He didn't know how long they had sat like that, but they both were thrown completely caught off guard when Gary burst into the room.

"You. Out." Gary pointed at Kurt and gestured for him to leave the room.

Kurt looked confused at Blaine, as if he wanted Blaine to tell him whether he should leave or stay. Gary looked and sounded drunk, and his tone was aggressive.

"What? No. Gary stop - you can't just… you can't tell him to leave. We're all allowed to be here, you know that!"

Blaine felt anger well up in him, and was about to stand up. He had no idea why it bothered him so much that Gary spoke to Kurt that way, but he wouldn't sit back and witness it.

"Well, I wanna talk to my best friend, and it's none of his business. So would you kindly get the hell out -"

Blaine started to stand up, but Kurt put a hand gently on his knee to hold him back.

"It's okay. I'll leave and come back later. Don't worry about it. Such primitive talk isn't going to offend me." Kurt's voice was as soft as always, but with the last sentence he turned his head and sent Gary a sharp look in a way that Blaine would never have guessed that Kurt would be in possession of.

"No. Really, Kurt. It's not okay," Blaine objected, and stood up and started to walk over to Gary.

"Listen, man. You're going to go into one of the other rooms and sleep it all out -"

Blaine had placed his hands carefully on Gary's shoulder trying to guide him out of the room, but Gary blew completely up at him.

"Hell fucking no! Do you seriously think I am gonna go and sleep while my best friend is in here being a fag? We all know that boy is homo, and you're running after him like fucking puppy. At first I thought you just needed to get to know some people, but this is making me sick. It's repulsive. What do you think your dad would say? He would kill you!"

"Stop, just STOP! I don't wanna hear your bullshit. Just get the fuck off Kurt's back. I don't care how much shit you're giving me, but don't let your drunk piss out on Kurt. You know that in the morning you're gonna creep back to me and be sorry, and frankly I'm not sure I'll be able to forgive you that easy this time."

Blaine was scared of himself. He had never felt so much anger. He was shaking and felt like punching Gary, or bang his head against a wall.

"Your mom is sick again. Did you know that? She's turning crazy again, Anderson. You know where they took her the last time, right? She's going back. All of Lima is talking about it. You thought you kept it a secret for so long, b-"

Blaine took a few steps back, not sure what was happening to him, before he dumped back down on a mattress across the room from Kurt.

"Gary just - just go. Get sober somewhere, and get some water. You're gonna have the world's worst hangovers tomorrow."

He didn't sound angry anymore, and it felt like the adrenaline had frozen in his veins. He had no idea what Gary was talking about, but vivid images and bits of sound from his childhood were running wildly around in his head.

Gary sniffed cockily before he took a step backwards, hitting the wall before he left the room.

The silence that filled the room was booming. The buzzing from the voices in the rest of the commune sounded as if they were coming from under water. Blaine felt like he was being strangled, but he couldn't move.

Before he knew it, Kurt was next to him letting his hand close around Blaine's on the mattress between them.

Neither of them said a word, but that was one of the things about Kurt, he just knew.

"Blaine. Come on, he said he's sorry. He was just really drunk. He didn't mean it that hard."

Quinn lit a cigarette before she offered the pack to Blaine, but he coolly declined.

"You know what, I don't care. I thought we were friends, but that just crossed the line. I don't even know how he could bring himself to say those things."

Blaine's pitch had reached a level he didn't feel comfortable representing himself in, so he reminded himself that it wasn't Quinn's fault.

"It's not like it was a secret. Everyone knows." Her voice was thick with resentment, and Blaine could see on her face that she had said more than she had meant to.

"Everyone knows what, Lucinda? What is it that everyone knows but me? Apparently I'm the only one clueless here?" Blaine snapped at her, seeing her lips form a thin line as he mentioned her birth name.

Quinn was a good girl raised by Christian parents that had named her Lucinda Quinn Fabray. She only went by the name Lucy, but as she started hanging out with her new friends she had started introducing herself as Quinn.

"Tell me something here; what is it that you're most upset about? What he said about your mom, or what he said about Tinkerbell there?"

Blaine looked at her in disbelief, not sure she had actually just said those words to his face.

"What?" He burst out in lack of coherent words for response.

In one fluid movement Quinn was sitting so close to him that he could taste the nicotine on his tongue.

"Do you want to fuck me, Anderson?" Quinn asked in a low sensual voice, her eyes flirting and her moist lips so close to Blaine's that they almost met. Blaine was just staring at her, frozen in the spot, unable to act.

Her eyes flickered between his for what felt like an eternity before she leaned back to sit against the cold wall.

"Yeah. I didn't think so," she said, a tint of hurt in her voice - or maybe that was just something he imagined.

She drew a long breath of the cigarette, letting the smoke out to surround her in a dark gray cloud, making her head completely disappear.

And all Blaine could think about - was Kurt.

"I remember when we were kids. Everyone was talking about how the Anderson woman had being taken away in the morning, and no one saw her until months later. My parents discussed it at the dinner table, feeling sorry for the boy. Blaine, everyone in Ohio knew about it. You were the boy with the crazy mom."

Quinn butted her cigarette on the saucer in front of them, Blaine's eyes burning into the ashes that were spread all over it.

"I didn't know. I - I didn't know what was wrong with her. No one told me anything. They just - told me she was sick, and that… that she was in the hospital," Blaine said in a hollow voice, swallowing a knot, trying to keep his brain in check.

"Are you serious? How did you miss that?"

Quinn was genuinely shocked. She leaned in to sit closer to Blaine, letting a hand cup his cheek.

"I am so sorry, Blaine. It's really awful. Gary should have known. You guys are best friends, he knew that you had no idea what had happened. He should have talked to you instead of - this." Her voice was apologetic, and her eyes were big and sad. Her fingers smelled like tobacco, and her lipstick was cracking.

"We _were_ friends. How come no one told me, huh? It's unbelievable."

Blaine stood up, having to stop himself from kicking over the stool next to the couch.

"Please, sit down would you -"

"Just do me a favor, Lucy, and leave me alone. You're no better than he is."

Blaine turned on his heel and was on his way out. He didn't know where he was going, all he knew was that he needed to get out, get away.

For the rest of the week Blaine kept to himself. When he woke up in the morning before anyone else he put on his clothes and hurried out. He walked to multiple places: to the record store where Kurt had brought him, to the library, to the green patch by the playground, and didn't return until late at night where he went directly to bed.

At first he planned on just going back to Ohio, returning to his broken home filled with lies, but he couldn't stand the thought of facing his father and have the conversation while he was suffering in rage and confusion, knowing it would take a turn for the worst.

Monday night he came silently back to the commune that was buzzing with excitement and music, people painting signs and dancing. Blaine tiptoed to the mattress room doing his best not to be noticed, succeeding.

The room was completely dark and no one was there, so he let out a relieved sigh, undressed and laid down under the blanket, waiting to fall asleep.

"Talk to me," Kurt's soft delicate voice sounded through the darkness of the room.

He crossed the floor of mattresses and laid down, facing Blaine. His expression wasn't expecting or waiting, it was soft and understanding.

"There's been a lot of talk the last few days. About you, and Gary. About what happened and what he said. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. Just know that if you need to talk I will listen," Kurt offered.

"Kurt. I'm so sorry for what he said. He didn't have any right to -"

Kurt held up two fingers to his lips and hushed.

"Don't be sorry. He was right. I am gay. I fall in love with boys instead of girls. But that is my cross to bear. Not yours. But that wasn't what I was talking about. Your mom."

He paused and closed his eyes, drew in a big breath and opened them as he exhaled, as if he was gathering courage to what he was about to say.

"I heard you talk to Lucinda the other day. What you don't know is - I went to school with Lucinda. We grew up together, and when we got older she dated Finn for a few months our junior year of high school."

He gazed into Blaine's eyes, waiting for him to catch what it was that he was trying to tell him, so he didn't have to say it out loud himself.

"When you told me about your mom I didn't know that - I heard the stories too… about your family. I had no idea that it was you. Your family. But it's wrong. You shouldn't have heard this. Your family should have talked to you about your mom's condition. I am sorry this happened to you."

Kurt let the tip of his index finger stroke over Blaine's hand, but quickly pulled it away like he was afraid that he had burned him.

"How is your mom? Is she feeling any better?" Kurt asked, his voice indifferent.

"She's… she keeps saying that she's fine. That nothing's wrong. But I can hear in her voice that it isn't true." Blaine sniffed, his stomach turning over by hearing himself saying the words.

It was actually very nice to have Kurt ask about it. It was comforting to know that Kurt worried, that he didn't forget about him as soon as they weren't together. It felt like a promise. A promise of what, he didn't know.

Yet, he wasn't ready to talk over the delicate subject. He still wasn't used to the thought about his mom being sick again - moreover, he wasn't prepared to think about what her condition actually was.

Again it was like Kurt read his mind. Like he knew that this wasn't the time or the place, that he wasn't ready for this conversation, and that he needed something else to take his mom off his mind - and Kurt changed the subject.

"You know - Lucinda is in love with you. She has been for a long time. Since you started coming to the same parties back home. She talked about you when you weren't there. 'Blaine says this, Blaine did that.'" Kurt didn't sound judging, just anticipating, as if he was holding his breath for an answer.

"Quinn is a lovely girl, but… she's just not for me," Blaine said, perplexed, unsure why Kurt was telling him this, yet stunned by how he hadn't seen it.

He had talked to Quinn a few times, but never really engaged in a conversation with her. He couldn't see any reason as to why she would ever have those kinds of feelings for him. It was insane - she was older than him, a gorgeous young girl and… that's when it him. She was a girl. That's what she was.

"Kurt I… how did you know?" Blaine asked out of nowhere, only realizing that there was no way Kurt would know what he was referring to by such a vague question.

"Oh aren't you oblivious? Haven't you seen the way she looks at you? Noticed how she licks her lips and pouts them? How she discretely moves closer to you when she can? It's so clear," Kurt said, as if Blaine had just asked him how he knew that the sky was blue and the grass was green.

Blaine felt himself blush and squeezed his eyes shut, swallowing and convincing himself that it was okay.

"No. Kurt. Not her. That - that you are gay. How did you know?"

He didn't even know why he was asking. It didn't matter to Blaine how people knew they were gay. He wasn't gay, so it was completely irrelevant.

Usually he would never have asked anyone about something so private, but he wasn't nervous. This was Kurt. He wouldn't take it as an offense, or be hurt. Blaine didn't have a single doubt that Kurt would open up and tell his story.

"I just did. To me it was more a question of knowing that I wasn't into girls than knowing that I was into boys. When I was little I thought this was how it was - that boys liked boys and girls liked girls and sometimes boys and girls fell in love with each other. I didn't think about it until I started school. So - to answer your question: I always knew."

Kurt sounded as if he had prepared himself for the moment where he would have to tell Blaine about this. Like he had known that the moment would come - but how?

Had he expected Blaine to not be okay with it?

Blaine grew silent, letting the words fasten themselves in his mind, making space for them to work their way around.

Kurt let up a hand to cup Blaine's cheek, smiling consoling at him through the dark.

"It's okay, Blaine. Don't worry about it. You'll be ready when you're ready," Kurt said, voice soft and understanding - though understanding about what Blaine had no idea.

Did Kurt know something he didn't?

Blaine didn't know how to respond to that so he decided to keep quiet, feeling Kurt's hand burning into the skin of his face, not wanting it to move.

This was something Blaine had never experienced before. He had always got the impression that being homosexual was something one found out after experimenting during their teenage years - that it was something they got used to, chose to be, not a way to be born.

Thoughts of how Kurt had struggled through his school years were racing through Blaine's mind. As much as he wanted to picture Kurt as a happy child, he couldn't. There was something triggering pictures of a sad lonely boy, instead of a happy socializing boy, and Blaine couldn't figure out how anyone could live with that.

With the feeling of Kurt's hand gliding from his cheek and down to rest on his jaw, a warm feeling radiating from the spot, Blaine fell asleep, a dream creeping in over him on how his father would react if he ever was to come home with the message that he was gay.


	6. Fairies and Stellar Nebula

Ginger buried her nose in Blaine's curls as she kissed his neck before dropping to the grass next to him. Activists were running around singing and chanting, dancing around and holding each other where Blaine sat around some of the others from the commune on a patch of grass.

Kurt was sitting next to him, and Linda across from him; Gary had refused to be anywhere near Blaine as long as he maintained his friendship with Kurt, which Blaine hadn't felt the need to object against.

He had been drinking way too much, and mixed with whatever it was he had been smoking from the bong earlier, his head was heavy and he felt dozy.

Puck, one of Kurt's friends from Ohio, had brought a guitar and was sitting on the grass playing and singing, making the girls giggle when he smiled and winked at them.

Blaine secretly just wanted to grab Kurt's hand and just go home instead, but he knew that it would be inappropriate and that people would accuse them of ditching the action, so instead he stayed, well-knowing that it would soon start to get dark and the rest of the group would start packing their stuff and go home.

It had been an incredibly long day, and they had been drinking and smoking since early in the morning, the sun baking down over them, causing Blaine's brain to turn into mush.

"Hey you."

Quinn came out of nowhere, falling down over Blaine, entwining her fingers in his curls, letting her soft tongue determinedly force its way into his mouth almost making him choke.

As soon as he grasped the moment of what was happening he placed his palms fast on her shoulders and pushed her away, a little harder than he intended.

"What do you think you're doing?" Blaine burst out in disbelief, unsure of why he was so shocked. It wasn't exactly unusual behavior - normally he would have kissed her back, and allowed the fun, but somehow it felt wrong this time around.

Quinn dumped down on her ass, looking like she had been slapped in the face. Her pink lips were wet and shiny, and her eyes were big and hurt.

"I'm sorry, Quinn, I just -"

Before he finished the sentence Quinn jumped to her feet and on her way into the crowd. After a few feet she turned on her heel to face the group on the grass patch,

"Fuck you, Blaine Anderson. Just - fuck you!" She disappeared into the sea of singing people and banners.

Blaine looked confused to the rest of the group, where he realized that Kurt was gone. He had been right next to him, but now he had left. Why?

"What the hell was that about?" Ginger snapped at him, smacking his shoulder, her eyes lightning.

"What? I didn't feel like making out with her. Big deal -" He looked around to get some help from the others, but no one in the group seemed like they were in a state of mind where they would even be able to tie their own shoes.

"Dude. She totally wants your ass," Puck chuckled, striking the strings of the guitar a bit.

"I know. But - I'm just not interested in her," Blaine said, almost feeling like he had to defend himself.

"So? Everyone makes out with everyone. It's not like it means anything. But you - I haven't seen you make out with anyone since we came here. Starting to go non-sexual, Anderson?" Puck grinned at him, Blaine knew he was only kidding to make him relax a little, but on the contrary it made him even tenser.

"It just - felt wrong."

Blaine got up from the ground, trying to see if he could find Kurt in the midst, without any luck.

He felt a heavy hand drop hard on his shoulder, so hard his knees almost gave in.

"Come on man, let's grab our shit and go back instead. I got something great I wanna try at home." Puck winked at Blaine, squeezed his shoulder and started walking in the direction of the commune, the girls faithfully following him.

The commune was filled with people. The people who lived there, people who didn't, strangers and known faces in a mix of sweaty naked and clothed bodies dancing against each other, and music flowing out in the room as if it was coming from thin air.

Blaine still felt a little buzzed from the beers, and fought his way through the hands grabbing him, trying to drag him into the bunch of people swaying against each other, but he fought them off as he walked towards the kitchen to get some water.

The kitchen was filled with girls giggling and chatting in a group around Puck who was leaning against the kitchen table. Blaine walked over to get a glass of water, the girls wrinkling their noses at him, but he didn't care.

"Did you see Kurt?" Blaine asked Puck, all of the girls adopting an offended look at the sound of the name, but Puck looking concerned.

"No. Not since he ditched us at the demo -"

Blaine was already out of the kitchen, and in the hallway before Puck could finish the sentence. He decided that he didn't want to run around looking for Kurt. If Kurt didn't want to be found there was no reason to try.

He ran into Quinn in the hallway. She looked embarrassed and her eyes looked as if she had been crying, Blaine grabbed around her wrist dragging her closer.

"Hey Quinn. Are you okay?" He did his best to catch her eyes, but they were more or less rolling around in her head, clearly drunk and high on something.

"What am I doing wrong?" Quinn whimpered at him, before she looked to her side and her sad expression turned into disgust.

"Oh look who's here -"

Kurt came over to them, looking hazy his eyes glasslike and tired. Quinn shot a glance up and down Kurt's frame before she looked at Blaine who only had eyes for Kurt and twisted her wrist out of Blaine's hand so she could march off down the hall.

Kurt leaned in, his mouth close to Blaine's ear, his voice so low that Blaine almost couldn't hear it over the buzzing voices and music that was filling up the entire building.

"Come with me. I have something I wanna try."

Kurt let his hand down so his fingers could lock with Blaine's, dragging him to the living room where they sat down on the futon, Blaine not having the slightest clue on what was about to happen.

For the first time in the weeks they had spent every day together, Kurt moved to sit closer to Blaine in a public space. He leaned back to Blaine's ear, making sure he could whisper clearly without being heard by anyone else.

"Have you ever tried anything psychedelic?" Kurt asked, his breathing careful and his voice excited. Blaine already knew that once he looked up he would see Kurt's eyes sparkling in the dark room.

"No. Why?" Blaine asked, more or less already following where Kurt was going with this, not knowing if he really dared to hear the answer.

Kurt reached down in his pocket and took out a little plastic bag with something brown and dry. It was hard to see what it was through the darkness of the living room, but Blaine didn't have to ask.

"Kurt. Mushrooms? Really?" Blaine realized that his voice was insecure, and he hoped burningly that Kurt couldn't hear it through the noises. He didn't want to showcase himself as a chicken.

"Puck gave them to me. He said they should be really great. Let's do it, Blaine. Get to know each other in a whole new way."

Kurt paused when he saw the expression on Blaine's face.

"But… if you don't wanna do it, then I'll just give them back to Puck. I don't wanna do it without you. This should be for us to get to know each other."

His voice sounded disappointed and it pierced into Blaine's heart. Why, he didn't know, but before he could stop himself he made a decision.

"Okay. Okay. Let's do it," Blaine burst out, not knowing where this sudden boldness came from, but a rush of adrenaline and anticipation suddenly pulsed from his heart and spread through his veins.

Kurt's eyes lit up his entire face, Blaine could have sworn that he heard him do a little squeal.

He opened the tiny bag and let the mushrooms fall out into his palms. They looked so tiny and fragile in Kurt's hand, the dark a strong contrast to Kurt's pale skin.

Kurt took a few of the mushrooms from his palm and placed one lightly on his tongue, Blaine reached his hand out to take the ones left, but Kurt closed his hand before Blaine could take them.

"But I thought -"

Kurt stopped him, shook a finger in front of him, before he grabbed around Blaine's jaw the way he had done the first night they had talked.

Kurt let his face slowly close in around Blaine's, gently forcing his mouth open.

Blaine didn't dare close his eyes. He felt Kurt's moist lower lip against his own, followed by Kurt's tongue crossing their lips before the tip of his tongue met the tip of Blaine's to exchange the mushroom. Blaine's eyes desperately trying to catch Kurt's, but they were fixated on a point behind them at the corner of the room.

As Kurt let his tongue retreat to his own mouth he let the tip briefly trace Blaine's lower lip, before Kurt leaned back to where he came from, leaving Blaine frustrated and confused. He had no idea what had just happened, but as Kurt let his hand close around Blaine's mouth once again he knew he had to swallow the small herbs that Kurt had just given him - even though it reminded him of fallen leaves in October.

Blaine watched as Kurt took his too, before he grabbed two water bottles from the coffee table and a bunch of blankets from the sofa before he jumped up, nearly scaring Blaine to jump as well. Kurt let his hand entwine with Blaine's once more where he began dragging him out of the living room towards the hall.

That's where Blaine realized what Kurt had been looking at. Quinn. She was there, standing in the corner, observing them, the entire time. Her cheeks seemed tearstained, and as Blaine tried shooting her an apologetic look as they passed by, she merely turned her back on them and left the room in the opposite direction.

A vague wind was blowing on the rooftop, cooling Blaine's face abruptly after coming from inside the mugginess of the overcrowded building. Silence surrounded them, shutting off the bustling voices below, a welcomed feeling of serenity to complement the cloudless sky; a black canvas full of painted twinkling stars.

Kurt spread out one of the blankets he had brought up with them one with a light blue and red pattern, made of wool that they could lay down on, instead of the ground. Once situated and comfortable, and both stared up at the stars, waiting for their bodies to relax, allowing the effect of the drugs to kick in. Blaine observed how illuminating the stars were; a masterpiece of glitter in the black vastness of the atmosphere above, it was almost as if they decided to shine for them only.

He wasn't really sure what to expect, all he had ever tried was the usual marihuana they smoked, and he had never done much of that either.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, letting the cold night air fill his lungs, before he slowly exhaled, feeling all of his muscles slowly relax, the humming of the music from the party downstairs sending a weak bass through his body.

He didn't know how long they lied there. He started feeling a prickling over his skin, and almost felt bored as he tried keeping his attention on the stars when Kurt faintly giggled next to him.

"What? What's so funny?" Blaine asked, desperate to get some sort of action before he fell asleep.

"Can't you feel it? It's like - like bubbles in my blood. Like ants are crawling over my skin," Kurt giggled, immobile, still staring up at the sky.

Blaine rolled his eyes, thinking that maybe the drugs he had got didn't work at all when he suddenly felt something; there was like a tickling on the inside of his skin, like someone was stroking his muscles and nerves with a feather.

"It's weird," Blaine giggled nervously, uncertain of what was happening to his body.

Kurt suddenly sat up abruptly, surprising Blaine at the sudden shock. Kurt sat looking at him for a moment before he jumped up to stand. He was still giggling, only not as much as he had been.

"What are you doing?"

Blaine wanted to get up too, but he felt like the prickling were pinning his muscles to the blanket, yet he couldn't stop giggling.

Kurt had started dancing. Blaine had no idea what it was that he was doing, but it didn't look like anything he had ever seen before, he wanted to stop giggling - he just couldn't.

"Blaine. Please. Come and dance with me. Sing to me," Kurt begged, continuing his dance across the roof. Blaine tried telling his body to stand up, but it seemed like he wasn't the one in control of his body anymore.

Kurt strolled over and bent down to grab around Blaine's hand, heaving him off the floor. Blaine realized that the movements he was performing weren't moves his brain told his muscles to do. He watched as his legs moved around, his hands locked with Kurt's - maybe it was Kurt's brain that gained control over Blaine's muscles in some way?

Suddenly Kurt let go of Blaine's hands, backed away and let his arms drop to his sides, giving him an incredibly ridiculous posture, his blue eyes cut their way into Blaine's even though they were now several foot apart.

Kurt took one leap over to stand close the space he'd created between him and Blaine; he was so close that Blaine could taste Kurt's moist breath on his lips.

"Blaine. I just remembered something," Kurt whispered, as though he was afraid someone else might hear him, even though they were clearly all alone on the roof.

"I once met a fairy. She taught me how to fly. If you don't tell anyone - I can teach you to fly too…" Kurt revealed, his eyes huge and shining. It was like the sparkling stars had been taken down from the firmament and placed in his eyes instead.

He didn't get to process the thought further, as Kurt had grabbed his hand and raced towards the small brick wall at the edge of the roof. The wall was as broad as a sidewalk so Kurt jumped to stand on it, and dragging Blaine to follow him. Seeing as Blaine was no longer in control of his body, he had no choice but to follow Kurt's orders, as he was the one in charge of his movements.

Kurt came back to stand next to him again, close as he had before, this time with the view of 4 floors free fall right next to them.

"If you just follow me, you are safe. I promise. Do you trust me?" Kurt whispered, his voice nearly inaudible, despite the fact that his lips were so close to Blaine's ear that he could feel them lightly brush over every now and then when Kurt spoke.

Without knowing it, Blaine let his hand slide down to lock in Kurt's. He trusted him.

Kurt let his hand comfortably squeeze Blaine's tighter, letting them balance over the wall as if they had been tightrope walkers. The lights of the streets under them were strong in Blaine's eyes, making it feel like tiny colorful needles were prickling in his eyes. The blinking neon signs looked like dragons spewing fire at them. He had a surprising urge to throw his arms around Kurt as protection welled in over him.

"Isn't it amazing? We're flying. We're actually flying, Blaine!" Kurt burst out.

They carefully balanced their way around the entire edge of the roof, Blaine felt his pulse rise every second from the fear of stepping wrong once that they would fall. This was the craziest thing he had ever done, and the wind carefully brushing against his skin reminded him that this was a deadly game that Kurt had dragged him into, making it all the more exciting, making Blaine equally just as scared.

Kurt suddenly stopped in the middle of a step and turned around to face Blaine, keeping balance with his free arm spread in the air above the street that seemed to become further away than it had been when they stepped up onto the tightrope.

"Blaine. Sing to me. You need to sing to me." His voice was desperate and his eyes manic. This seemed like a ridiculous request considering they were several floors up with nothing but a tightrope for a platform and thin air surrounding them.

"No, Kurt. Not n…" But he stopped when he saw the panic spread across Kurt's face.

"But you must. You have to. If you don't sing to me, I won't be able to fly anymore. Music keeps me flying. If you don't I will fall and die."

Tears had started streaming down his face, and he looked like Blaine had just said that he wanted to kill him. Sadness stronger than any emotion Blaine had ever seen expressed welled over Kurt, and cut directly into Blaine's heart like a knife.

Kurt let go abruptly of Blaine's hand and stared at him in horror, not seeming able to stop the tears. He turned to face the edge and looked down on the street while spreading his arms out, before he returned his attention to Blaine.

"Well… then I might as well - I wish it didn't have to be this way. I loved you Blaine," Kurt cried, his face now completely wet.

Blaine felt a panic build up inside him, the fear gnawing its way into the marrow of his bones. He couldn't let Kurt fall.

Blaine took a careful step closer to Kurt, not losing eye contact, afraid what Kurt might do if he got too close.

As he had got close enough, he dared to reach out to Kurt. Almost as if the second he crossed the line of Kurt's personal privacy sphere, the tightrope disappeared under him, leaving him floating in the thin air. Nothing to hold him up, nothing except for Kurt's personal space.

Once behind Kurt, he let his arms gingerly, but firmly, lock around his waist - he had never been this close to Kurt before, and the feeling of him made Blaine feel like he was being electrocuted, and the scent of Kurt felt like a drug running directly to Blaine's brain, making him feel drunk.

He bore his nose into Kurt's hair, his mouth just at his ear, even though he had to tip toe a little to make it fit.

"_When the night has come_

_And the land is dark_

_And the moon is the only light we'll see_…"

Blaine sang the words as quietly as possible, to make sure no one but Kurt would hear him. He could feel Kurt's abdomens relax under his hands, and his arms slowly fell to his sides, and his breathing slowed down.

Blaine looked at the streets under them, everything so far away that it looked like insects and he was sure that if he kept looking down they would soon be so high in the air that everything under them would be reduced to mere specks of dust.

After a while of Blaine holding Kurt, their breathing in sync, watching the streets disappear under them, listening to the hum of the music from the party downstairs and looking at the stars Kurt carefully turned around to face Blaine.

Kurt's eyes flickered between Blaine's, as if waiting for a reaction, but Blaine was holding his breath - what if this beauty was nothing more than a mirage and if Blaine did the tiniest move of a muscle Kurt disappeared into thin air.

Kurt let his hand down to grab around Blaine's and then he led him to the middle of the roof, where he rose his hands to close them around Blaine's neck, their eyes piercing into each others, the world disappearing around them, Blaine didn't care that they were floating around in space now.

Kurt placed his cheek on Blaine's as Blaine let his hands up to hold around Kurt, palms at the small of his back. The heat of Kurt's cheek against his was so intense that he was expecting his skin to break any second, but he didn't want it to stop.

"Don't stop singing. If you stop singing we'll fall down," Kurt whispered, pleading.

"_No, I won't be afraid_

_No, I won't be afraid_

_Just as long as you stand_

_Stand by me_…"

He didn't know why he had chosen that song. It had been the first to pop into his head when Kurt had asked him to sing. All that had been on his mind was that he wanted the tears to stop rolling down Kurt's face, and he wanted to save Kurt - he couldn't let them fall and make Kurt die.

They stood close, dancing around for what felt like forever. When the song was about to end Blaine panicked, out of fear that it would be the true end, and he searched his brain for another song.

"_Wise men say_

_Only fools rush in_

_But I can't help_

_Falling in love with you_…"

He closed his eyes as he sang. Neon-colored stars were dancing on the inside of his eyelids and the tingling feeling of feathers around his nerves made the sensation of holding Kurt close in open space even more euphoric.

Blaine didn't know how long they stood dancing like that. The smell of Kurt's hair made him imagine dew covered harebells and peaceful summer mornings. He dragged Kurt closer, not knowing whether it was okay, but he didn't care; because in that moment he just needed to feel the boy closer, despite the electricity that was unstoppably running through him because of the contact between their skin.

But what if Kurt wasn't a boy?

It suddenly hit Blaine, like a comet exploding in his brain. Why hadn't he considered it before?

He felt his brain starting to flame up, adrenaline running through his veins, and he was sure that this epiphany was something his life had been leading up to, and that was why he had always felt so lost - he had been searching for this moment.

Kurt wasn't a boy. Kurt was a fairy. There was no doubt.

It wasn't a coincidence that Blaine had been brought to D.C. It had been so he could meet Kurt, because the only reason Kurt was in this world was so he could find Blaine and guide him, give his life purpose and make him find the right path.

Blaine let his grip around Kurt loosen so he could drift a little away and have a look at Kurt's face, to really take in his magic.

It couldn't be any other way. His pearly white skin with a tint of pink on the cheeks, so flawless and beautiful; but the thing that concluded it for Blaine was his eyes.

Prior that night he had noticed that somehow the sky above them had turned black, but now he saw why. The night sky had been put into Kurt's eyes; Blaine could see all the constellations and the planets, even the moon and the most beautiful stellar nebulae he had ever seen. It was incredible.

"We need to meditate!" Kurt suddenly burst out, grabbing Blaine's hand and leading him back to the blanket in the middle of the roof.

Blaine hadn't noticed when they had returned to the roof, but must have been when the night sky had been put into Kurt's eyes instead - they couldn't float around in space if the moon and stars were gone.

Even Kurt's excitement couldn't drag Blaine out of his haze. He kept looking to find Kurt's eyes, he needed to see them, to let himself be mesmerized by their beauty.

He suddenly found himself sitting cross-legged on the blanket, Kurt mirroring his position in front of him, their hands locked together as when they usually were to meditate.

"This is the perfect moment to connect to our spirits!" Kurt beamed wide huge eyes.

"Kurt. I know what you are," Blaine said, uncertain on whether he was supposed to know Kurt's secret or not; but how could he keep it to himself now that it was something so amazing?

"What?" Kurt looked scared. Like he had done something. Maybe Blaine wasn't supposed to know.

"You're so beautiful. Your skin is pale and perfect. Like flawless mother of pearl. Your voice is high pitched and silk soft. When you move it's like your dancing on clouds…"

"Say it, Blaine. What am I?"

"You taught me how to fly. We were flying in space together!" Blaine could feel his pulse racing, and he was sure that once he actually said it his heart would explode in his chest from working so hard.

"Say it out loud."

"Fairy. You're a…. fairy. You're here to guide me. My entire life I have felt so lost, but then I met you. And I'm not lost anymore."

Blaine bit his lower lip. Waiting for a reaction. Was Kurt going to leave him now that he had revealed his secret? Was Kurt going to fly away and never come back to him?

He couldn't. He was too good and pure.

"Shhhhh. I know what you are too," Kurt whispered, completely unexpected.

"I have known since I met you. I don't know why, or where you have come from, but there is no doubt that you are the higher spirit I have been looking for so long. To guide me and help me find the direction I have sought -"

He paused and closed his eyes, squeezing Blaine's hands in his own, making Blaine return his attention to the electric vibes that made it feel like his spine was twisting in his back.

Kurt opened his eyes and let go of Blaine's one hand to reach over their legs and place his hand on Blaine's chest, their eyes locked on each other, Blaine certain he had found Venus in Kurt's eyes.

"We need to let our souls entwine," Kurt whispered, his mouth so close that Blaine felt a sudden sting to move his head just that one inch and taste Kurt's lips.


	7. Shrooms

It felt like a spotlight was pointed directly at his face, and the heat was unbearable. Blaine opened his eyes and remembered that he was on the roof, a blanket over him, Kurt sound asleep next to him.

His stomach was hurting, cramping and complaining, and his head was pounding and a nausea was creeping around in the back of his throat.

Birds were singing and the sun was baking down over them. Blaine had no idea what he was doing on the roof, and even less did he know why he was feeling so sick. This was the first time since he had come to Washington that he had missed his own room and his bed back in Ohio.

He realized that the collar of his shirt felt extremely tight and when he looked down his torso he found that his shirt was on backwards. Had he taken his shirt off last night?

Blaine moved to lie on his side to wake up Kurt, but as he did something felt off. The feeling of denim against the skin of his butt made him stop in the middle of the movement. He felt an unknown sense of freedom in his pants, when it hit him that he wasn't wearing any underwear.

What had happened on this roof?

"Kurt. Kurt. You need to wake up." Blaine pushed Kurt on the shoulder, and images of what had happened the night before started fighting each other for his attention.

"_We need to let our souls entwine," Kurt whispered, his mouth so close that Blaine felt a sudden sting to move his head just that one inch and taste Kurt's lips._

_Out of nowhere Kurt stood up and started stripping off his clothes. Blaine followed, standing staring at the boy slowly letting piece by piece of fabric fall to the blanket they were standing on._

_Blaine had no idea what was going on, so he didn't act, he just stood frozen in the spot staring at Kurt's naked frame in front of him._

Kurt woke and turned to look at Blaine, looking confused, looking around to realize himself that they were on the roof.

"What happened? Why are we here? Ugh, I feel terrible. Like I got hit by a bus," Kurt whined, closing his eyes to avoid the bright light from the sun.

_Kurt gestured for Blaine to take off his clothes too. Blaine was still in a haze, taking in every inch of Kurt's beautiful body, so it didn't take Kurt long to convince him that he needed to do it._

_Blaine hurried to take off his shirt and pants, feeling the wind on his bare skin but not noticing as he was still completely hypnotized by Kurt's eyes._

Blaine looked away from Kurt as the rest of the images rushed back in over him. He had no idea what they had been doing. This was so strange.

_Now they were both naked, and even though Blaine couldn't stop looking at Kurt's eyes, Kurt was letting his gaze run up and down Blaine's body, before he took a leap and defied the small distance between them._

_Kurt let his arms up to embrace Blaine, dragging him close, and let his own palms softly stroke over Blaine's skin, making the well-known electricity return. Only this time it wasn't just in his skin, it spread to his muscles, nerves and veins, running with his blood cells to let the feeling of Kurt spread to every single cell and particle in his body._

_Blaine was confused and didn't know why Kurt was doing this. All of his life he had been told that it was wrong for two boys to be close to each other like this. What was he doing?_

It felt like it might as well just have been a distant dream, and yet the images were so vivid. Blaine wanted to ask Kurt if he remembered any of what had been going on that night, but he was afraid to. He couldn't ask another boy if they had been naked together, holding each other.

"Me too. I just wanna go find a bed somewhere. My head is exploding and everything is just…" Blaine couldn't say it. He couldn't mention that everything was confusing cause then he'd have to admit that he had memories of the previous night.

_Blaine panicked and had no idea what to do. Kurt's skin was soft and tender against his own, and the thought that there wasn't anything at all separating them was comforting. But he shouldn't be feeling like that. Not with a boy. He should be disgusted, repulsed. At least feel that it was wrong._

_That's when he remembered - it was okay. Kurt wasn't a boy, he was this perfect angel, a fairy that was there to protect him, and guide him, take care of him - so it was okay. This was the most perfect thing that could happen, and in that moment he understood what it was Kurt had said._

_Blaine could feel that they weren't two people anymore. By standing there with their arms around each other, they were two bodies that had melted into one soul. They belonged together now, they would be tethered together forever. Nothing could tear them apart. Not even distance - or even death._

"Uhm, Blaine?" Kurt asked, dragging Blaine out of his flashback, his long eyelashes flickering from the sunlight.

"This is strange but - are you wearing any underwear? Mine is… gone," Kurt said a little awkwardly.

It was impossible for Blaine to figure out whether Kurt remembered too, or if he was completely blank as to their nightly adventure.

His lips were dry, and his throat was as sore as his eyes. He wanted to get up and hurry downstairs and find a dark room to sleep in. Sleep the day away. Sleep the pains of his body away. He felt like toxic was fighting around his body, struggling to find a way to leave his nervous system, and all he wanted was for it to get out.

"I - I think we threw our underwear off the roof -" Kurt exclaimed carefully, making Blaine remember them back to wearing clothes, standing at the wall surrounding the roof letting the white fabrics fall to the sidewalk in front of the building.

"_There. Now it will never be able to separate us again," Blaine had said, smiling at Kurt, hoping for a glimpse of Jupiter in the blue._

"Why would anyone do that?" Blaine burst out, not knowing what else to say.

Blaine got to his feet and started walking towards the door. The sun was like fire burning into his pupils, and he couldn't wait to feel the comfortable darkness there would be inside.

This was getting too damn strange. At least Blaine was certain that they hadn't done anything else. He would have known - he would have felt it.

Right now he just needed to sleep properly, on something soft, hopefully make the pain of sleeping on the ground of the roof disappear.

"Let's just - I'm getting the fuck out of here. I'll go find somewhere to like… die or something," Blaine moaned as he felt his stomach roll over, a fear that he might vomit threatened the back of his throat.

Kurt groaned, but as Blaine's words hit him he slowly sat up. His movements not nearly as graceful as usual - _he almost seems human_, Blaine thought to himself.

"Will you wait for me? I just… I'm not sure I can walk down alone," Kurt whimpered, his eyes looked incredibly sad, like his entire world had just collapsed.

Blaine's stomach rolled over again, but this time it wasn't the downside of the drugs, this time it was a worry, a concern.

"Sure. Of course," Blaine scuffed, wanting to hurry to Kurt's side and help him up, but for some reason he froze on the spot, feeling it better to just wait for Kurt to take care of himself.

As soon as Kurt was on his feet Blaine opened the door and started the eternally long walk down the way too long stairs, Kurt behind him. Neither of them said a word.

The entire commune was fast asleep and Blaine was sure that it was the first time he experienced all of them sleeping at the same time. The silence was like a heavy blanket that Blaine's pounding head gladly embraced.

The boys carefully crossed the mattresses filled with sleeping teenagers wrapped around each other, snoring and breathing heavily.

Blaine dropped to the soft floor under him in the corner he and Kurt usually inhabited, his muscles aching too much for him to care about getting undressed, but the zipper of his jeans scratching against his dick reminded him that he needed to.

He didn't know why, but the thought of Kurt next to him made him feel a sudden rush of self-consciousness so he slipped under the blanket before taking off his jeans so he could get on the fresh underwear he had found in his bag.

He didn't take off his shirt, or turn it around. He didn't care. He just needed to sleep, to let the world disappear around him.

For the first time since he had got to know Kurt, he went to sleep with his back on him.

Blaine spent the rest of the day under the covers in the corner, his back on the entire world. He was afraid that if he turned around he would have to face Kurt, and he couldn't do that.

Images of Kurt's naked body kept running through his head. The secure feeling of Kurt's hand guiding him over a tightrope that wasn't really there, the fear when Kurt cried and said that he would die if Blaine didn't sing to him. The entire night came crashing in over him, objecting loudly whenever he tried to sleep.

Blaine wasn't sure whether it was the drugs leaving his body, or if it was the feeling of Kurt's naked skin left as a print against his own that made a fever rush up, but Blaine was sure that if he had ever had a hangover that he wanted to die from, that was pure water next to this.

The night was horrific. Blaine was starting to fear that he was getting the flu, and he had been drifting in and out of sleep. Dreams of dark with Kurt's dancing silhouette mesmerizing him, hypnotizing him, filling his sleep, making him wake up with dry mouth and wet eyes, unsure whether his shakings were caused by the dream or the fever.

When Blaine woke up he was curled into a ball holding himself under the blanket. His pillow was soaked in sweat, and his muscles felt like he had been running a marathon the previous day.

As he turned around he realized that the room was empty.

Blaine wanted to kick himself as he realized how relieved he was to find Kurt's spot empty. Like the pain of his body aches weren't enough, he also had to deal with the flood of thoughts of Kurt running through his brain once again.

"Shhh, don't move," a voice sounded through the room that Blaine found soothingly dark.

Before he could raise his head to see who the voice belonged to, Linda was over by his side, placing a cool washcloth on his forehead, before she sat down to let her fingers calming brush up and down his naked arm.

"You have a very strong fever. I think it's a virus. It started overnight. I woke up to go to the bathroom and you were whimpering and twisting and turning. Your face was burning," Linda explained quietly, Blaine was afraid his eyes were rolling in their sockets.

He wanted to say something. Ask how long she had been sitting with him. Where everybody was. If Gary would be angry at her for being here with him, with Blaine, instead of being out there with him.

Ask where Kurt was.

But he couldn't. His body was fighting his every move, and he knew that if he tried talking he would be punished. Luckily Linda knew him well enough to know what questions were pressing him. At least some of them.

"Jesus, Blainers. You look terrible. I've been sitting with you since last night. I couldn't just leave you like this. I know Gary is angry, but he's probably out there fucking Ginger somewhere - let him," Linda said, like she had been reading his mind, he hoped that she hadn't read the question to Kurt's whereabouts.

"Quinn is worried about you. She doesn't feel well herself, but she's asking how you are instead -"

Linda paused, as if she expected Blaine to say something, even though Blaine was well aware that she knew him well enough to know that he wasn't in a state of talking.

The washcloth was soothing against his forehead, and it almost felt like it might take the top of the cramping going on inside his head, wishing that he could wrap his entire body in the little piece of wet fabric.

Blaine was freezing, but at the same time he felt so unbelievably hot, and he had no idea if he should pull the blanket closer around him, or if he should just push it aside.

Linda slid down on the mattress to lie next to him so she could look him in the eyes, brushing the sweaty curls away from his face, as she found a comfortable spot.

On Kurt's spot. Where Kurt usually slept next to him.

_Stop. Just stop thinking about that boy that way_, Blaine forced himself to demand from his brain.

He knew that it was wrong. That he shouldn't think about a boy like this. But he couldn't help it. Kurt had a way of fighting his way into his thoughts, even in situations where he shouldn't even be there.

Blaine had always been of the view that people could love whoever they loved, but he was taught that it was wrong for two people of the same sex to be together. It was against The Bible, it was against God, and as much as Blaine didn't care whether people fell in love with boys or girls, he had never considered that he could maybe fall in love with a boy himself.

_I am not in love with Kurt. That's ridiculous_, Blaine thought to himself and shuddered.

"I miss you, Blainers. After we got out here, we don't see each other much anymore. You've been so busy running around with that Kurt boy that you seem to have forgotten that you had some friends before you met him."

Blaine felt a chill run down his spine by the sound of Kurt's name. Or was it just the fever causing that?

"No. Of course I haven't," Blaine squeezed out, his throat feeling like it had been brushed over with sandpaper.

"But as much as I miss you, I gotta say - there's something when you are with him. You're a completely different person. It's like you are more… you. I know it's lame. I can't explain it. I just like the way he makes you smile."

Linda's voice was different. Different from any way Blaine had ever heard her sound before. Why did she have to bring up Kurt? Right when Blaine just wanted to forget everything about him.

"He doesn't - make me smile," Blaine tried to argue, but the light cough in the middle of the sentence along with his weak voice made it sound like a pathetic attempt to make her sustain her statement.

She didn't answer. She just let her eyes stare into Blaine's as if she was searching for something, and Blaine knew that she could see that he was lying. She could always see through him.

"I called your mom," Linda suddenly said.

"I did it yesterday when you were sleeping all day. She's not feeling well. She said that she was getting better, but I don't think that's true. She told me to say hi, and say that you shouldn't worry."

Linda reached up her hand to turn over the washcloth, as if she knew that it was already warm and clammy.

"Thank you," was all Blaine could get out.

The rest of the day Linda stayed by his side, people every now and then dropping in to check on them, bringing Linda food and changing the washcloth so she didn't have to leave Blaine.

The next few days proceeded with the same process.

Linda by his side, people stopping by to sit with them for a while, Blaine drifting in and out of sleep with strange dreams that didn't make any sense, his body feeling like it was going to burn up. Even Gary dropped by, not sparing Blaine a word, but kissing Linda on the top of her head, and dropping off a fresh washcloth for Blaine.

As he was lying there twisting and turning in pain, the fever killing him slowly from the inside, and his body so exhausted that he didn't even have the energy to move, all he could think about was Kurt.

Where was Kurt? Why hadn't he shown at all? Where was he sleeping since he didn't come to sleep with the rest of them?

All of these thoughts were attacking each other, questions fighting for dominance of which was the most significant - and yet one question was echoing louder than the others in the back of Blaine's mind: If Kurt showed, would he even talk to him or look at him?


	8. Confessions Of A Teenager In Trouble

A humming of voices was running through the commune when Blaine woke up Monday afternoon. Linda had left a note on the pillow next to him saying that she had to leave to run some errands, but she would be back and check on him as soon as possible.

The pounding in his head had disappeared, and his muscles weren't as achy as they had been through the last days of hiding under the blanket.

"Blaine. Can I talk to you for a minute?"

He hadn't noticed her at the other end of the room, but Quinn was sitting with her legs dragged up under her.

Blaine did a little twitch from the surprise, but sat up and dragged the blanket under his chin as he gestured for her to come sit next to him.

Quinn hurried to cross the mattresses, an expression of agony painted across her face.

She sat down next to him with her back against the wall, doing what she could to avoid any kind of eye contact.

"You have to please promise me that you won't tell anyone. Not Kurt, not Linda, not anyone. Please," Quinn bit her lower lip as she let her eyes pierce into Blaine's, begging for a promise.

"But why? What is it?" Blaine asked confused.

"Swear it, Blaine. Please - I need you," Quinn begged, her voice filled with sadness, and her eyes seeming frightened.

"Okay. Okay, I promise. Just... what's wrong?"

"I... I was just at the doctor's office. I used a fake name, but..." She paused and closed her eyes. It wasn't until now that Blaine noticed that her lower lip was quivering, and her hands were shaking.

"Jesus Quinn. You're shaking -" Blaine grabbed her hand and felt how ice cold it was. Maybe it just felt like that because he still had the feverish feeling in his body.

"Quinn. You need to talk to me. Why did you go to the doctor's office?" Blaine squeezed her hand a little tighter to show her that it was okay, that she could talk freely to him.

"I - I'm pregnant."

She spat out the words as if they were something poisonous she didn't want on her tongue.

Blaine felt it as a slap in the face. He had not seen this coming.

"Wow. That's… I don't know what to say." Blaine felt that he should be apologizing for not having any consoling words to offer her.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have bothered you with my problems."

Tears were streaming down her face, and her nails were digging hard into his hand.

"No. No. It's okay. Completely. How? Who? I mean…" He wasn't sure what to say or ask, but he knew that she understood.

"The other day. After the demonstration… I know that you know about me, Blaine. Everyone knows. I've been crazy about you for over a year now. It's no secret. But - the other day when everyone got drunk. I saw Kurt kissing you. He did it just because he saw me looking at you, you know. I just - it just hurt so much. So I - I got drunk and then I… I talked Puck into sleeping with me. And he did. And we agreed to stop in time. But… he was high, and I was drunk. So we didn't. And now… Now I'm in this mess," she explained, stopping for sobs between words, before she hid her face against her arm.

Blaine was in shock. This was so much information at one time.

A part of him hadn't believed it when Kurt had said that Quinn was in love with him. But here she was, saying that she had been for over a year. And pregnant; she had got herself pregnant from one stupid, impulsive, irrational fuck.

And Kurt. Why would she think that Kurt would even consider kissing him?

"He didn't kiss me," Blaine blurted out.

"He was just sharing his mushrooms with me," he continued, only now realizing how insensitive he was being.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have… Have you told Puck?"

"No. I can't. He'll die. I pushed him into sleeping with me because I just wanted to forget you. I needed to feel wanted, and Puck's liked me since we were kids, so I knew I could talk him into it. I'm such an awful person. I don't know what to do. My parent's are going to kill me."

She started taking deep breaths as if she was preparing herself to avoid hyperventilating. Blaine's mind went overboard with millions of thoughts running through, and he tried pushing them away to be there for the crying girl, so he started brushing her hand soothingly with his thumb, doing his best to calm her down.

"First of all I think you should tell Puck. He deserves to know. I understand that it's going to be a nightmare but… He really deserves to know. And Puck is a good guy. I know he acts all tough, but deep down he's really sensitive and I know he'll support you no matter what happens."

Blaine shuffled closer to put an arm around Quinn. She was shaking even worse now, but it was like the feeling of Blaine's arm around her shoulders touched something inside her, making her force herself to relax.

He was so torn about what to do, what to tell her. It was painful to listen to her crying.

"Quinn. You're a smart girl, and just… I'll be there. No matter what. I promise."

Blaine silenced and let her cry out into his shoulder. He felt bad for her that she had come to him this day where he was just trying to get out of his virus, and hadn't showered for days. The smell of illness was stanching in all of his clothes and on his skin, and his entire body was clammy from the fever.

"You're so amazing. Why couldn't I just have…" But she stopped herself. She wiped the tears off her cheeks and sat up to face Blaine, her face more relaxed from the relief of sharing her secret.

"Listen, I don't know what you're planning on doing, but - I think you should start out by telling Puck. And then I think you should go home and tell your parents. I should go home soon, so I can go with you. We can go together so you don't have to take the long trip alone."

Hopeful sparks spread in her eyes, as if she for the first time saw a light at the end of the road, a way out of the chaotic mess she had whirled herself into.

"Thank you, Blaine. I - you don't have to do this."

"It's okay. I want to. You shouldn't have to go through this alone." He muffled her hair lightly, letting her rest her head on his shoulder.

"Can't we just stay here forever? In this moment," Quinn whispered.

"Yeah. That would be nice," Blaine whispered back at her.

Blaine didn't tell her, but during their entire conversation, he had felt a knot grow stronger in his stomach. He felt so guilty that this had happened to her - if he hadn't rejected her, then she wouldn't have sought console in Puck, and she wouldn't be pregnant.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come? I can come. I can go with you, and we can take care of this together." Puck's voice was heartbreaking and his eyes were filled with concern.

"No, I just… have to go back to my parents, and I'll figure out what to do. Blaine will go with me. He's going home himself," Quinn assured him, shooting Blaine an insecure glance where he sat in the corner, nodding at her in a promise that he would stand by his word.

"Right. You take care of her, Anderson. But, Quinn… if you decide to keep the baby I'll be the dad, you know that right? I will take it on me," Puck said, and cupped her face in his hands, forcing his eyes into hers, making her eyes flicker nervously as they grew wet.

"I know. I'll… I'll let you know when I've made my decision," Quinn promised before she wrenched her face out of his hands

Puck dug into his pocket and found something. He handed a little folded piece of paper out to Quinn, and then he gave one to Blaine too.

"This is the phone number for the commune. There actually is a phone here, but no one ever use it. I just thought that you should have the number so you could call me if there should be anything," he said.

Blaine folded the number and stuffed it into his wallet. He never knew the commune had a phone, an actual phone. Why would they? That seemed ridiculous. But now that he knew they did he appreciated it.

"Thanks. I promise I'll take care of her. I should go pack my stuff. I talked to my father. He said my mom is getting… They want me to come home soon, so we're going tomorrow," Blaine said to Puck, trying to push away the thought of packing up all of his stuff into his rucksack once again.

"I know you will. It's cool. Just call me if you need me to come back, or if there's anything really. But I'll see you around," Puck said, padding Blaine's shoulder before Blaine got off the couch and headed down the hall.

"So… I hear that you're leaving," Kurt said as he dumped down on the mattress next to where Blaine was sitting, trying to figure out if he had remembered all the things he needed pack up.

"Yeah. That's the plan. There's a bus leaving early tomorrow morning," Blaine replied as he packed up the extra case of strings for his guitar, avoiding Kurt's gaze, not really knowing what to say or do, or if Kurt was even expecting anything from him or if he was there in mere courtesy.

"Is your mom getting worse?" Kurt asked hesitantly, the question taking Blaine completely by surprise.

"Yeah. My father demanded that I come home, and as Quinn is going home too I promised her that we could go together," Blaine explained in a hollow tone, his throat dry and itchy by the thought of his mom being sick.

"You're… you're going with Lucy?" Kurt flinched as he said her name, Blaine was confused as to what could possibly be the problem about that, but before he could ask, Kurt stood up and walked towards the door.

"Then I guess this is goodbye," Kurt said before he turned on his heel and left the room.

"Kurt…" Blaine called after him, not louder than his regular speaking tone, not sure whether he had wanted Kurt to come back or not.

He didn't know what to say to him if he did. But he didn't want their goodbye to be this way either. He didn't know what he wanted their goodbye to be.

He actually didn't want to say goodbye to Kurt.

Then it hit him that he might never see Kurt's face again, and there wasn't anything he could do about it.

Blaine swallowed a lump in his throat at the thought, but forced himself to try and tune out his brain so he could finish packing, though Kurt's face kept running in and out of his mind for the rest of the day, an empty feeling in his chest.

Blaine slept awful that night. Kurt hadn't come to sleep next to him, and when he had entered the kitchen in the morning he had overheard people saying that he had left the commune the previous afternoon and no one had seen him since, which worried Blaine.

Linda and Puck had followed them to the bus. Gary had refused to go with them, and Blaine most of all wanted to flip him, but he didn't.

Puck reminded them to call him if they needed him to return to Ohio, Quinn told him that it was okay, and he shouldn't worry about her. Blaine thanked him and smiled appreciatively before shaking his hand.

"Oh Blainers, I really hope your mom gets better soon. Tell her I said hi, would you," Linda crooned, as she hugged him. The bus driver barked that if they wanted to get on the bus they should hurry, cause he would close the door in a minute.

Linda pulled him in to hug him one last time before he swung the backpack over his shoulder, and took a firmer grip on the handle of his old guitar case. He let Quinn enter the bus first, but right as he was about to step foot on the stairs Linda grabbed around his wrist.

"He's gonna miss you too. Don't try to deny it, Blainers. I've never seen you look at anyone like that before -" Linda said, her green eyes penetrating Blaine's brown ones, before he grew confused he hurried to get in the bus and proceed down the aisle to find Quinn.

The morning sun was piercing in his eyes as Blaine rested his forehead against the cool window. They had found a seat in the back where they could easily sleep a little more. The entire bus was quiet, and all that was heard was the roar from the engine and the silent snoring from people here and there.

Quinn fell asleep against his shoulder within 15 minutes of the drive. The girl that usually looked so tough in her face looked almost angelic as she slept peacefully, all of her worries gone for the moment.

Blaine wanted to sleep too. He tried. He rested his head against Quinn's and tried hiding his face in her hair, but he couldn't fall asleep. Her hair smelled like strawberries and the sweetness made him nauseous.

He shuffled in his seat, trying to hide his eyes from the sun so he could face away from Quinn's hair, but no matter what he did all he could think about was Kurt. Speculating why he hadn't come to sleep at the commune last night, why he hadn't come back, where he was - if he had done it to avoid Blaine. Didn't he want to say goodbye?

The drive was long and hot. It was hard to keep his head straight because of the heat. Quinn didn't say much. She kept her gaze locked on the landscape rushing by them outside, occasionally squeezing her hand around his arm, before she curled her hands up in her lap.

There was no doubt that she was terrified of going back to her parents and thereby having to tell them she was pregnant, and Blaine couldn't help feeling sorry for her even though he was certain that this was the right thing to do.

Around nightfall, they held in at a truck stop near a gas station. Blaine and Quinn didn't really want to but they knew they would need to get out to get some fresh air before driving all night, so they had no other choice.

The air was chilly and Blaine lent Quinn his sweater before he sat down on the curb next to the bus. When he put his hands into his pockets he realized something he didn't know he had put there.

He pulled out the little piece of paper and unfolded it, uncertain of what it was and where it had come from. He recognized Kurt's flawless handwriting immediately.

"_Stardust. I know I'll never see you again, but I won't forget you_."

He stared baffled at the note in his hand, and suddenly he felt the need to hide it away. It was like a treasure that he couldn't share the beauty of with anyone else. As if the value of it would fade away if someone else saw it.

He folded the note neatly, and put it back in his pocket keeping his hand locked around it out of fear that it would disappear if he let go.

When he slept that night he rested his head on Quinn's shoulder, and all he could remember from his dream was Kurt's smiling face in the sun on their green patch next to the playground.

When he woke up the next morning he noticed that they had crossed the border of Ohio - but all he could focus on was how clear the smell of summer rain was in his nostrils, warming all the way to his stomach.

"Call me if you need anything. I'm only 20 minutes away," Blaine told Quinn as he hugged her awkwardly on the corner of the street where she lived.

It was odd to be back in Lima. It was like time had stood still while they had been away. The same people crossed the street at the same time as always, and the shops looked as if nothing had changed. Even though he was walking down the same streets he had walked since he was a toddler, it didn't have the usual familiarity.

The façade of the Anderson house looked like itself, too. The white shutters and the front porch with the love seat where his mom always sat in the summer.

Today was no exception.

When he stepped onto the steps of the porch she looked at him in disbelief. Like he was a mirage, like she was hallucinating, and in no way believing her own eyes - believing that her son was back.

"Hey mom," Blaine tried carefully, not quite certain what reaction to expect from her.

His mom got to her feet. Slowly, like she was hazed.

"Blaine? You're really back, baby?" she asked, insecure, letting her hand up so her fingertips almost touched his face.

"Yeah, mom. I… I missed you. So I decided to come home. To see you," Blaine stammered, hoping that he sounded convincing and not too worried. He didn't want her to know that he had come home because he knew that she was sick.

He pulled her into a hug where he couldn't help noticing how much weight she had lost. When he let her go again he saw that her once so tanned skin had gone gray and unhealthy. Her eyes seemed lifeless and her hair had lost its shine.

They walked inside where she forced him to eat, claiming that he looked skinny, and asked him to tell her about D.C., about his experiences and the people he had met.

He didn't tell much. He mentioned that he had met some kids from Lima and that they had stuck together throughout the most of his stay.

"I made a new friend," Blaine shared, feeling like a kid coming home from his first day of school.

She didn't laugh at him the way mothers did when their kids tell them they made a new friend - she looked serious, and interested.

"His name is Kurt. He taught me a lot; he taught me about nature, and art, and how to be at ease with myself. He's from Lima too," Blaine told her, not sure why it was so important for him to tell his mom about Kurt.

He had met so many people, and experienced so much. Kurt was only a fraction of his stay in D.C., so why was he so eager to tell her about him?

"He's… special, you could say. There's not anything wrong with him. Not special like that. He just sees the world in a different way. It's beautiful."

Blaine smiled as a memory popped into his head.

Kurt on the roof telling him that a fairy once taught him to fly, and Blaine believing him so easily, trusting him unconditionally, and letting his hand slide into Kurt's, letting Kurt teach him how to fly.

"That's nice, baby. You need friends," she responded. She was slowly returning to her old self, which calmed Blaine down. He had been nervous about which state he would find her in when he got home.

"I also made friends with… Quinn Fabray. She's a sweet girl, and only lives 20 minutes from here. She and I took the bus back together." Blaine emptied his glass of water to try getting rid of his dry throat.

"She's a good girl. Her parents are nice," she said as she got up from her chair and walked around the counter where she leaned in to place a flighty kiss on his cheek.

"I'm sorry, sweetie. I have to go lie down for a bit. Go get unpacked and get a shower. I'll talk to you at dinner." She let a thumb brush over his cheek, and he felt a sting of worry for his mom run through him, but he didn't say anything. He wished her to get better and let her go.

He stayed in the kitchen for a while; taking in the feeling of his home, with the sounds and smells and colors from his entire lifetime.

After a while, he decided to get upstairs and do as his mom had told him to. When he passed the bedroom, he could have sworn he heard his mom cry, but he didn't dare go in there. He didn't want to intrude, so he proceeded down the hall to his own room.

The room smelled like the sun had been baking in through the windows for days. He could see that the sheets were clean, and nothing else was changed since he left. Yet, it felt like something was missing.

He put his guitar into the holder standing by the wall, before he walked to the bed and fell down on his back, his eyes threatening to drift closed.

He felt smelly, and his entire body was aching from the long bus drive. He knew that he should get a shower but he was exhausted and really just wanted to curl up on his bed and sleep for a week.

But he felt empty inside. Something was missing but he didn't know what it was. He looked around his room, but couldn't see anything different. Everything was in its place, and nothing had been removed or replaced. His room was just the way he had left it.

He forced himself to sit up, and looked hopelessly at his backpack on the floor in the corner. It needed to be emptied out, too. He needed to get all of his clothes to the hamper so he could get rid of the stench of the commune.

Blaine got to his feet and ruffled around for some clean clothes in the dresser before he grabbed the backpack and walked to the bathroom.

He started pulling out all of the clothes to force it violently into the hamper next to the sink when a breeze of summer rain hit his nostrils and curled up to a ball in his stomach. The scent of Kurt.

For a brief second he let the shirt up to his nose so he could really take in the fragrance, but hurried to shake his head, and force it aggressively down in the middle of the other clothes he had just shoved in the basket.

He rushed to strip off his clothes so he could step under the hot water, letting it ease up his tight muscles, caressing his skin. He rested his back against the cold tiles, as he let the water painfully hit his closed eyelids, threatening to break through the skin and nerves.

He wanted to wash himself completely clean of Kurt. He didn't want anything to remind him of that boy anymore. It was pointless - they weren't going to see each other anymore anyway. He was back in Lima now, and he needed to get rid of the feeling of D.C. that was currently covering his body.

He let the soap smear all over his naked skin, and the shampoo drench his curls - he knew that as soon as his father got home he would have to say goodbye to them and see them shaved off. The thought made him sad.

As he left the shower a wall of cold air hit him and made a chill run down his spine and his skin tighten around his muscles. He hurried to dry himself with a towel before he started dragging on his clean clothes when he saw the jeans he had been wearing on the bus ride lying on the floor.

How could he forget?

He reached into the pocket and pulled out the little piece of folded paper. He unfolded it and re-read the words, even though he had them memorized.

"_Stardust. I know I'll never see you again, but I will never forget you_."

He folded the note again and clenched to it as he returned to his room. In there he grabbed out his wallet and tugged the paper into a little hole in the leather. This way he would always have the note with him, but no one would ever see it. Nothing could make its beauty fade away.


	9. Confrontations

The days at home were long and mundane. Blaine spent his time going to the record store or hanging out with Quinn at the park as there was still some summer sun left in the sky. However Blaine mostly felt cold and restless.

One of the days that Blaine had gone to the record store, the owner was thrilled to see him returned home. The man immediately started listing off all the records the store had received since Blaine's sudden disappearance. He ended up leaving the record store with more albums than he had intended to.

Blaine began bringing his guitar to his meetings in the park with Quinn. He started to realize that he had a hard time talking with her, he felt like he no longer knew how to be around her. Or anyone really. His guitar served as an escape route when the talks awkwardly died out and they had nothing to do but look around.

Quinn wasn't intruding his private sphere anymore, but he couldn't help feeling that she was still trying to flirt with him, which he found uncomfortable. He didn't want to hurt her again, so he pretended that he hadn't noticed.

He only played melodies with no lyrics so no singing was involved; he didn't feel like singing these days.

He had become certain that he had heard his mom cry that day he got home. He had been back for quite some time now and he had realized that her crying wasn't all that unusual.

She often excused herself to 'go lie down' in the middle of the day, that's normally when he would hear her cry in the bedroom.

Blaine didn't mention anything, but he couldn't stop himself from looking at her through sad eyes. To him she seemed increasingly more fragile - like she could break any second. It scared him.

He wanted to ask her why she was crying, tell her that she didn't have to cry, tell her that he was there for her - but that would mean that he had to tell her that he had heard her.

"My father is coming home tomorrow," Blaine told Quinn one day.

The sun was hidden behind a group of clouds and for the first time in months he was wearing a long sleeved shirt. He shook his head a little, feeling his wild curls twirl in the slight breeze.

"Are you gonna tell him about Kurt?" she inquired, seeming like she already knew the answer, yet fearing that she might not have it right.

"What would I tell him about Kurt? There's nothing to tell," Blaine retorted, mad at himself for the pressure he allowed to grow in his chest from the sound of Kurt's name.

Since he got home he had forced himself to push the thought of Kurt away each time he presented himself in his mind. Only that had been a harder task than he had hoped for. Kurt had a way of sneaking up on his thoughts when he least expected it. When he was in the record store, when he was eating, when he was walking down the street, or simply when he was playing his guitar.

The nights were the worst though. He would lie in the dark and see images of Kurt smiling at him, or dancing around on the ceiling. There was the sound of Kurt's laughter like bells and his silk voice talking about the universe and the beauty of being.

"That's not true, and you know it. There is much more between you and Kurt than you are willing to admit to anyone - least of all yourself -" she stated as she butted a cigarette in the grass making Blaine flinch - what would Kurt have said if he saw her do that? Would he have thundered at her for punishing the nature for no reason?

"I still haven't told my parents yet," Quinn went on, pulling him out of his train of thoughts. It was like she had been waiting for Blaine to bring up the subject of parents.

They had been back in Lima for more than a week and she hadn't been grounded or sent away, so he suspected as much. He wished that she had though, because he knew that it meant that she hadn't decided what to do about it yet.

"I… I heard that some guy in town could take care of it. Discretely. I have some money saved up. The money was actually meant for college, but if I don't do this there will be no college anyway."

"You can't do that. That's dangerous. Do you know how they do it? Hot knitting needles, that's how. Do you really want that for your body?" Blaine spat out in horror.

He knew that it didn't concern him, but he also knew that it was extremely dangerous. He had read articles in the paper about young girls seeking a quick way out of unwanted pregnancy and ended up sick and infected - some of them nearly dying of it. He couldn't just sit back and let her do that.

"I don't have a choice," Quinn argued, and Blaine was terrified that she'd rather put herself through that risk than tell her parents so they could help her. He had no way of helping her himself, so there was nothing he could do.

"I'm seeing him in a week," she said, her voice cold and shaking, Blaine didn't doubt for a second that she was trying to avoid tears.

"You do have a choice. But if that's your decision, well then… I can't argue with you. I just wish it wasn't," Blaine said defeated, seeing a tint of guilt flashing through her eyes.

"What do you care? It's not like I mean anything to you," she snapped at him, biting her cheek, clearly regretting how harsh she was with him.

"Have you called Puck and told him what you're doing?" Blaine thought that this piece of the puzzle was of extreme significance - it was his baby too.

"No. I… he's just gonna get angry with me, and it's not his choice. This is my body." She looked away, and he knew that she was afraid to look him in the eyes.

"Quinn, it's his baby too. He deserves to know -" Blaine objected.

"This is not a baby!" She almost screamed and jumped to her feet. She marched over the lawn and disappeared behind a tree. Blaine instinctively knew that she wasn't coming back.

_Then I guess I'll have to call him_, he muttered before he grabbed his guitar and made his way back home.

Blaine looked absentmindedly down in the toast on the plate in front of him. He didn't feel like eating anything, but he knew that he should. His head felt tired and heavy, which he didn't understand since he was sleeping a lot more now that he had an actual bed to sleep in.

His mom joined him in the kitchen, letting her fingers run through his curls before she sat down next to him, a cup of tea in her hands, purple rings showing under the tired skin at her eyes.

"Your dad is going to make you get rid of those long curls when he get home tonight, you know that, baby," she said sadly. His mom liked his curls. She always looked sourly at his father whenever he told him to cut them off, and she would take time to appreciate them as long as he could get away with letting them grow out.

"I know. It's lame. It shouldn't matter to him what my hair looks like -" he responded in a dry tone. Lately the bare thought of his father pissed him off - how could he just leave his mom when she was feeling like this?

But to him the army always had first priority. Blaine should have got used to that. "_It's about being loyal to your country,_" his father always said - but Blaine saw it as an excuse for being a power-hungry douche.

"You know how he is," she said in an overbearing way, Blaine wanting to scream at her that it wasn't okay for him to be like that.

"Will I meet your new friend Kurt?" she implored, taking him completely off guard. He hadn't mentioned Kurt since his first day home, and she hadn't asked. For all he knew she could have completely forgotten about his existence - something Blaine was starting to wish he could do.

"He's… he's still in Washington. I don't think I'll see him again. He'll probably stay there," Blaine explained to her, struggling to make it sound casual, as if it didn't matter. Because it didn't - it didn't matter to him where Kurt was, or if he ever saw him again.

At least that's what he constantly kept telling himself.

"I'm sorry, honey. I hope you'll see him again some day soon," she crooned and let a hand caress his cheek before she left the kitchen, leaving Blaine confounded.

"It doesn't matter. I'll make new friends. It's not a big deal," Blaine yelled after her, not sure who he was trying to convince more.

When Blaine came down for breakfast the next morning he could immediately feel the changed atmosphere in the house. It was like a pressuring on his chest, a cloud over his head and tension flexing his muscles.

His father was home.

He almost regretted coming downstairs and considered going back to his room, but he also knew that this would only cause trouble for him, and possibly his mom, later.

"What did I tell you about that mop of hair, son?" His dad didn't even look at him over his newspaper as Blaine entered the kitchen. Blaine ignored him and went for the refrigerator to get some juice, hoping that he could get through the morning in peace so he could escape to the record store.

_I should have known better._

"If that isn't gone by dinner, you know what's gonna happen," his father said firmly as he turned a page.

Blaine clasped his lips together to a thin line to keep his temperament in check, but he knew how hard it was going to be, so he closed his eyes and slowly started counting to ten, to get a hold of his building anger.

"I have arranged for you to get transferred to a new school by the end of October," he continued on casually, hitting Blaine like a hammer in the chest.

"You have what?" Blaine spat out, forgetting everything about keeping his anger in control.

"You didn't think I would let your little runaway-act go unnoticed, did you?" His father's voice kept cold and firm - demanding, as always.

When Blaine had got older, around 12 years old, he started suspecting that his father couldn't separate his job and personal life - like he couldn't see the difference between the military and the real world.

"That's bullshit. I didn't do anything wrong. I'm 17 and I was on my summer break," Blaine bellowed shocked. How hadn't he seen this coming?

"It was you who just deserted mom here alone, even though you know she's sick. I got back as soon as I knew how sick she is, you just screwed her over -"

Blaine had stopped in the middle of his stream of words by a fist punched to his eye, making him almost lose balance as stars danced before his eyes. It wasn't the first time, and he knew it wouldn't be the last time his father hit him, still he was taken completely off guard, and felt a rush of anger run through his body, as he let a palm up to support against the wall.

"Your mother isn't sick. She's just a little hysterical - if you don't get yourself together you'll end up being just as much of a sissy as she is," his father stated with disgust painted all over his face.

Blaine got a grip of his legs and left the kitchen in rushed steps. All the way up the stairs he could hear his father yell after him, but he didn't care. He slammed the door to his room behind him before he fell down on his bed.

He laid there a little, not sure what to do next.

"_You can't let the rage take you over. Go outside and scream your lungs out, sit down and meditate, play some music and sing your voice rasp," _Kurt's voice sounded through his head.

Yeah, that seemed like just the thing he would advice him to do.

He reached down in his pocket and found his wallet. He pulled out the little note, and looked at Kurt's neat, artistic letters, making a warmth run through his veins.

For a brief second he imagined himself curl up to a ball, protected by Kurt's arms, but he hurried to shake off the thought - such a thought didn't belong in his head.

He got to his feet and grabbed his guitar before he stormed out the door and ran down the stairs. He hurried out the door before his father could hear him.

He hurried down the street without knowing where he was going, but after having walked for a good 15 minutes he found himself in town facing the record store.

He started going through all of the boxes with records, looking if there were any he was missing in his collection, trying to calm down his head - trying to forget what had just happened.

He spent the rest of the day in the store. Playing his guitar for the customers, singing songs they wished for, doing music quizzes with the owner, and Benjamin who was sweeping the floors.

On his way home he dropped by Quinn's house. He knocked on the door and waited politely, a little nervous by the thought of her father opening the door. He knew that her father was a strict man, and he was afraid that if she had told them he would very likely be guessed to be the guilty.

Her father wasn't the one to open the door though. Who knew the Fabray's had a maid?

"What are you doing here?" Quinn asked anxious as she came to the door and grabbed his arm to lead him down the porch, heading for the sidewalk outside the lawn.

"I just wanted to hear how everything was going. You left pretty abruptly yesterday, and I just wanted to apologize if I crossed a line," Blaine said confused, not really sure why she was acting like this, but seeing her expression soften in front of him.

"It's okay. I'm sorry. I'm just confused and frustrated - and it's not your fault, so I shouldn't take it out on you. Look… I can't talk right now. Meet you tomorrow?" she asked, looking genuinely sorry for her behavior.

Blaine agreed and left as he saw her close the door to her house.

He headed home, and decided to just go to bed as soon as he was there. That would be the only way to avoid any conflicts, and he didn't want to put his mom through any more stress than she already was under.

He passed a payphone on the way from Quinn's house. He passed it, but after a few feet he returned and dialed the number for the commune that he had saved on Puck's note.

"_Hello_ -" a soft, but surprised, voice sounded at the other end of the receiver, a noise of voices and music and singing in the background.

Blaine panicked and hung up. A knot tied up in his stomach, and nausea threatened in the back of his throat. His head started spinning, and his legs felt heavy as he stared at the phone in front of him.

He didn't know what he had expected, but not this.

Why did Kurt have to be the one to answer the phone?

The way home felt unrealistically long for what he was used to, but he managed to creep up the stairs without being noticed by his father.

His mom was crying again. He stopped in the hall, debating whether or not he should go in to see her, but he didn't - he proceeded down the aisle to his own room at the end, where he crawled under his covers, not even bothering to take off his clothes.

He couldn't fall asleep. He twisted and turned in the bed, and couldn't find just the right way to lie, and he felt empty and full at the same time.


	10. Red Goodbye

The next days looked the same; Blaine waited to get out of bed until he was certain that his father had gone to work, and then he took flight to the record store, or the library. The record store owner offered him to make a little cash by looking after the store every once in a while which he gladly accepted - cash would never be a bad thing, and it would take his mind off things at home and about Quinn.

He ended up giving in and got his hair cut off. He felt weird and naked without his curls flying around his ears and face in the wind, but he saw it as something that could mean a new beginning.

Even though he had been determined to call Puck and tell him about Quinn's decision he hadn't done it. He was afraid that Kurt might be the one to answer the phone again. He didn't know why it was such a big deal to him, he just couldn't stand the thought of hearing Kurt's voice again. He had been so sure that he would never hear it again, and to have Kurt pick up the receiver and take him by surprise had felt like a punch in the stomach.

Quinn came to the store every now and then to catch up and hang out. She hated being at home just as much as Blaine did. She said she felt like her parents knew there was something she wasn't telling them, and she felt like they watched her every move.

"I went to that guy in town. He said he could help me in two weeks," she muttered one day while Blaine was putting the new records in their boxes. He wanted to turn around and grab her shoulders and just shake her, convince her that she should call Puck so he could try to talk some sense into her, but he knew that it would be pointless - she wasn't going to change her mind.

"Honestly, I don't wanna hear about it. I think you're being stupid. It's dangerous, and you know it. And you know how you can get around something like that," Blaine emitted without as much as looking at her.

"Blaine. Come on, I need you to go with me. I can't do this alone. You don't know what it's like with parents like mine," she implored as she grabbed his arm.

Blaine turned around and glared at her with an angry expression on his face.

"I don't, huh? You don't know anything about me or my parents, so spare me. I'm not going with you, because I know what you are doing is wrong. I'm refusing to go with you because I don't wanna support you in doing something that can ruin you forever."

He shuffled around her and marched down the aisle to disappear into the backroom of the store.

"You're all I have -" she cried after him through the shop, but he didn't stop and return to her.

It was harsh. Of course it was. But how could it not be when the silly girl wasn't listening to a thing he was trying to tell her? Just ignoring what he had explained to her about the damages she was about to do to herself.

He rubbed his eyes to get a hold of his head before he walked down between the shelves to start listing the records they needed to order more of.

When he reached The Beatles he froze for a second and felt a chill run down his spine.

_Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band_.

He let a finger run down the plastic cover protecting the paper. He let his finger trace over the title of track number 1 side 2 - _Within You Without You_.

He allowed the memories to flush in over him. How he had sat with Kurt who was asking him to teach him how to listen to music - helping him feeling the pulsing of the tunes through his veins, and observing how his closed eyelids moved with the music.

He put the record back on its shelf and hurried to proceed to the rest of the shelves with a lump in his throat he didn't quite understand.

Blaine was lying on his back on his bed when someone knocked aggressively on his door. He had been completely absorbed in the record that was playing so he almost jumped from the shock.

"Blaine. There's someone on the phone for you -" His mom said. At first Blaine felt a rush through him, and the first thing that popped into his head was Kurt, even though he knew that Kurt would never have any chance of getting his phone number from anywhere.

Then he realized that his mom sounded very upset and he got to his feet.

"It's a girl. She's crying and won't tell me what's wrong, she just keeps saying that she wants to talk to you," his mom explained, and Blaine rushed through her.

He grabbed the receiver from the table and was scared of what he was going to hear. Had Quinn got sick from going to the guy who would help her get rid of her baby? Had her parents found out and done something awful to her?

"Quinn? I'm here. What's happening?" Blaine burst out, not even caring to stress down.

"I don't… it just hurt… blood everywhere -" she cried into the phone making Blaine's blood freeze over. He felt dizzy, and he had to swallow to get a hold of himself.

"I'm coming. Don't do anything irrational," was all he spat out before he hung up the phone and hurried out the door.

It only took him 10 minutes to run the way to Quinn's house, but he was afraid that it had been 10 minutes too long. So much could happen in 10 minutes, and when he finally was at her door he felt like he was going to vomit, but he rushed in the door.

It was way too early in the day for her parents to be home, so he didn't care about knocking. He burst into through the house he had never been in before, and found Quinn on the kitchen floor, blood on her clothes and fingers.

His head started spinning, but he drew in a heavy breath and sat down next to her, not knowing what to say or do.

"I just… I was just in the kitchen, and then I just -"

She got interrupted by a frightening cough, that made Blaine dizzy, when he saw that the red intensified on her hands.

"Jesus, Quinn - you're coughing blood. Where's your phone? I'm gonna call an ambulance," Blaine quaked as he stood up and looked frustrated around the kitchen to find the phone.

Quinn pointed in the direction of the hall so he hurried out to make the call. As soon as he was sure they were on their way he ran through the drawers and found a dishcloth. He made it wet and hurried to kneel by her side where he started cleaning off the worst blood.

He knew that he felt that it looked much worse than it actually was. It had to be. He just couldn't stand the sight, and he hoped for the ambulance to be there quickly, when the thought suddenly hit him that he needed to clean the blood off the floor first so he could go with Quinn to the hospital without her parents knowing about it, so he started to wash it off as good as possible, and when the ambulance was there only a vague pink was showing on the white tiles.

"Blaine. Don't leave me," Quinn quivered, clenching her hand around Blaine's as they put her on the carrier to get her to the ambulance.

Blaine followed with promises of not letting go, still scared and confused about what was happening.

Blaine had been forced to wait in the hall as he wasn't related to Quinn. He was pacing the floors, while waiting, frustrated about how people could just sit and read their magazines and newspapers when they were in a hospital.

As soon as the door to the room they had taken Quinn in opened Blaine had rushed over to hear what was going on.

"Mr. Anderson - I assume that you are the father. I will ask you to come join us so I can explain the situation to both of you. She has been asking for you," the doctor said making Blaine confounded, and simply followed without any objections.

The doctor gestured for him to take place on a chair next to the bed Quinn was lying in. She had been cleaned up and was looking very pale and scared.

"Miss Fabray. You had a miscarriage. Usually it isn't as bloody and painful, but it can very likely have been released by a great portion of stress. Have you been under a lot of stress lately?" The doctor focused on Quinn, waiting for her to share her story.

"Quinn. You have to tell him so he can help you -" Blaine muttered under his breath, not sure he was in a position to say anything, but she just shook her head, her eyes brimming with tears.

"Sir. I'm not the father. A mutual friend of ours is. Quinn has been very… nervous, about telling her parents, and it has caused her a great deal of stress. She's been thinking a lot about it, and had actually decided to get it… removed… unprofessionally," Blaine blabbered out, feeling Quinn's betrayed eyes on his face, but not being able to, not wanting to, stop himself.

The doctor nodded in a very saying way. There was no doubt that this wasn't a new case for him, that he had often been faced with these sorts of happenings.

"I have to inform your parents. You are a minor and I am legally bound to contact them about the situation." The doctor didn't spare Blaine another look so Blaine let his focus back to Quinn who looked like she had seen a ghost.

"No. Please don't. You can't do that. They'll kill me -" she objected, pleading and begging, piercing Blaine's heart.

"I'm sorry, miss, but that is the procedure. I can't do anything about that. Mr. Anderson; you have 5 minutes and then I will have to ask you to leave as you have no relation to the girl."

The doctor had turned from understanding to sharp and cold, and Blaine knew that he'd better do as he was told and got to his feet grabbing Quinn's hand.

"It's gonna be okay. I'm sure it will. Call me as soon as you come home, or come see me or something. You know I'll wait for you."

Quinn whimpered for him to not leave her, but he knew that he had to so he forced himself to ignore it. He bent down to kiss her ice cold forehead before he rushed out of the room, feeling the doctor's scolding eyes after him as he walked down the hall towards the exit.

"_Blaine._

_I can't thank you enough for all the help you've given me._

_You had no reason to, and still you were there when I needed someone._

_For that I will be you eternally grateful._

_That is also why it breaks my heart to face that I won't see you again._

_My parents got furious when they came to the hospital. _

_As soon as the doctors say that I can leave they are shipping me off to a boarding school across the country._

_Thank you._

_Yours, Quinn_."

Blaine had read the letter over for what felt like a million times and yet he still stared at it in disbelief, as if he thought that he had missed something, or that the letters would transform and form out other words. More comforting words.

He had never guessed that her parents would do this. He had been certain that they would understand as long as she was honest and explained what happened.

He knew that it was ridiculous and that none of it was his fault, but he couldn't help feeling guilty. So incredibly guilty.

If she hadn't seen him with Kurt that night she would never have slept with Puck. If he had listened to her and let her stay in Washington someone there could have taken her to the hospital to get a proper abortion. Or if he had only been more understanding and agreed to go with her to the guy in town she probably wouldn't have been so stressed and the miscarriage would have been avoided.

He folded up the letter and let it drop to his desk.

It was 4 days since he had left her at the hospital, and the letter was the only thing he had heard from her since. She was probably already on her way off to that school.

He gushed. The thought of the military school his father was planning on sending him to was creeping under his skin. He had sworn that he was never going to that school, no matter what it took, and he was even more determined now.


	11. Mom

After the incident with Quinn it got hard for Blaine to work at the store. All of Lima knew about it; she had only just returned to her parents house to get picked up by an ambulance and then she had disappeared from town. Blaine suspected someone from the hospital to not be aware what professional secrecy meant.

People had seen Blaine and Quinn together at either the record store or at the park, so the little shop quickly filled with teenagers sending curious glances in his direction, or people snapping him remarks they very likely thought to be discrete, but to Blaine they were very obvious. Too obvious. The only place he could truly find a refuge was in the listening booth or in his room.

His parents didn't mention Quinn even though he knew they had heard it all too. He wasn't planning on bringing it up, though. He didn't see a reason to.

No one had talked about the military school either. However, it was mid-September and October was growing threateningly close.

His mom had started to not even get out of bed more often than do, and all Blaine knew was that she spent her time in the bedroom crying or sleeping.

His father kept up pretending that nothing was wrong, and continued his routines of going to work and the club where he played golf without as much as a concerned look crossing his face - Blaine found him repulsive.

They hadn't had any conflicts since the morning when his father had just returned home. Blaine did his best to avoid him, and only replied to his limited question in ways that couldn't lead to anything similar to a conversation in any way. His father didn't seem to care, which was only a relief to Blaine.

Blaine started to work as much as possible, only stopping to get home to sleep or to eat - which he didn't do much of.

He still saw his father as the biggest douche of the planet, and appreciated that he worked much too, because it often meant that he didn't come until in the middle of the night, or sometimes even went out of town for a day or two.

Blaine was getting more and more desperate to find a way to break through to his mom. His father wasn't going to help her, but Blaine knew that somebody should.

Some days he felt like doing his best to beat up his father, even though he knew that he would never stand a chance against the big military man - he just needed him to show some sort of sign that he cared about his wife.

"Mom. You know that I love you, right? I'm not going to leave you again," Blaine said hesitantly one morning that she had come to the kitchen to have breakfast with him.

"I know, baby. I love you too. What an odd thing to say," she chuckled at him as she put his empty cereal bowl in the sink. She turned around and let a hand run from his hair down to caress his cheek.

"Of course you have to leave me some day, Blaine. I'm getting old, and you need to get out there and find out who you need to be. Who you need to be with," she crooned softly.

Blaine felt it as a shot through his veins.,

"I think you should call your friend Kurt. When you told me about him it seemed like you lit up. I want that for you, honey. Somebody to light up your handsome face." She kissed his hair and left him to sit by himself in the kitchen, not really sure what it was she had just said to him.

He walked to his room to get ready to go to the record store, somehow feeling empty and misinformed. All he could think to say or do was to escape to the music to avoid thinking about what his mom had said to him.

Something inside him had awakened and he didn't like it. It was uncomfortable, like she had poked a sleeping dragon. But what was it he was so afraid of?

The day was long and lazy. There wasn't too many customers, and those who were didn't stick around, which of course gave him a lot of time with his guitar, playing to Benjamin and taking his song requests.

It took his mind off when he was with Benjamin and it made him relax. He had almost forgot how it felt to be relaxed, and he wished that he could in some way thank Benjamin for being there to ease him without Benji even knowing it.

The door was locked when he came home, which he found strange as he knew that his mom should be home. An uneasy chill ran through his body, but he pushed it away as he went to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

On the counter was a note from his mom saying that she had gone to bed with a bad headache and if he needed something they would talk in the morning. He felt sorry for her. This had happened a lot lately, and he wished that there was something he could do for her.

He started rummaging through the cupboards for something eat and found out a book to read while he ate. As soon as he was done he decided to take a quick shower and go to bed. He had an early shift the next day and he felt heavy headed.

He flipped absentmindedly through the newspaper he had found on the table before he cleaned up after him and headed for his room, grateful that his father was out of town for work and wouldn't be home until the weekend was over.

As he passed his parents' bedroom he decided to go in there to see if she was awake so he could tell her that he really meant it; that he wasn't going to leave her again so she could be stuck in Lima with his father terrorizing her.

He was sure that he had hit her before, and that he was going to do it again if he was in a bad mood or she disagreed with his reasons in some way.

Blaine knocked on the door, but as there was no answer he opened the door and crossed the floor to sit on the side of the bed next to his mom. Her eyes were closed, so he didn't want to startle her.

"Mom. I… I'm sorry I just left like that. I should have told you instead of just disappearing that way. I just needed to get away. But I won't do it again. I promise. If I leave I'll take you with me next time."

Blaine paused and took a deep breath, hoping she was awake just enough to hear what he was saying.

He began to stroke her hand, but as he felt her skin against his he realized that she was unnaturally cold. He put his palm to her cheek that just as cold as her hand, and he felt panic rise through him, making his stomach coil up and his nerves tingling burningly.

"Mom? Mom? Mom, wake up!" he bellowed anxiously but with no response. He reached to her neck to feel her pulse, but he couldn't feel anything, so he started shaking her, yelling for her to wake up without any luck.

Dark spots started forcing their way in front of his eyes, and he felt like something heavy was pressing on his chest, trying to keep him from breathing.

He let her drop lifeless to the bed before he ran downstairs to find grab the phone. He wasn't planning on calling his father. Screw him. He didn't care anyway.

Blaine called an ambulance in desperation, not knowing what else to do. He didn't cry or bawl, he explained the situation remarkably clear headed. So clear that it almost scared him. They promised to send someone quickly and he put down the phone not knowing what his next move should be.

He couldn't go back up there. He couldn't see her like that. He had no idea how long she had been gone, and he felt it frightening to know that she had been lying there all alone while he had been down in the store playing and having fun.

He couldn't think. He couldn't even sink his spit. His eyes were dry and itchy. He knew that he should be crying, but he wasn't. Something had locked and nothing came out of him. It was like he was drained.

Before he knew what he was doing he had picked up the phone and dialed a number.

"_Halloooo_," a female voice sounded at the other end of the receiver.

"Kurt. I need to speak to Kurt -" Blaine stammered, not caring how rude he was being.

"_And who may I say is calli _-" she started asking, but Blaine got angry and stopped her.

"Just get me Kurt, would you!" he roared into the phone.

The girl groaned at him, muttering something about bitching and he heard the receiver being put to the table and voices talking and laughing in the lounge, music playing and someone drumming on glasses.

"_Hello. This is Kurt _-" Kurt's silky, dreamy voice sounded, making a fire run through Blaine's veins and muscles.

Without being able to stop himself he broke down and cried into the phone.

"Kurt. My mom is dead…"

The other end went completely quiet, like there had been a malfunction and they had got disconnected - but suddenly Kurt spoke.

"_Stardust. Take a deep breath and listen to me_…"

But there was a knock on the door, and Blaine knew he had to hang up.

"I'm sorry. I'll call you tonight," Blaine sobbed and hung up the phone without further explanation. He dried his eyes and went to open the door, showing the men to the bedroom.

He couldn't go in there himself. He just couldn't.

He went down and waited for them in the kitchen. Refused to look at the stairs where they would come down, carrying her to the vehicle.

His face was wet from tears, but he didn't even think it over for as much as a second.

"We found some pills in the bedroom. We'll bring them to see if they have anything to do with it. It looks like it's suicide. Do you have anyone to stay with you for the night?" The man said, looking worried down at Blaine.

He didn't answer. He just nodded. He couldn't take the thought of having to spend the night somewhere, so he lied.

"My father is coming home later," he said, not knowing how convincing he sounded, and not really giving a damn about it.

"That's good, son. I'll leave some papers for him here, that I trust you to pass on. I'm sorry, kid -" the man said as he let a hand onto Blaine's shoulder before he left the kitchen, and shut the front door after him.

Now Blaine was left to himself in the dark of the kitchen.

Blaine had fallen asleep on the couch. He didn't want to go upstairs to his room. To get to his bedroom he had to pass the bedroom and it was just too soon.

When he woke up it was in the middle of the night and he remembered that he had promised to call Kurt, and ran to the hall and dialed the number.

"Kurt. Can I talk to Kurt?" Blaine burst out before the person at the other end even got a chance to say anything.

"_He's not here. Screw you - do you know what time it is_?" The person slammed the phone back on, and Blaine stood looking at the phone in his hand not sure he had grasped what had just happened.

Kurt had just left? Had he become angry when Blaine hadn't called as promised?

Blaine shook his head and went back to the couch, trying to fall asleep but couldn't. When he finally did his sleep was troubled by dreams of his father yelling at him that it was his fault, that he should have been there for his mother instead of running around with those hippies.

The next morning Blaine called the store and said that he wasn't feeling well so he wouldn't come to work. He didn't want the real reason out yet; there was no reason to hand them over the basis for rumors.

He stayed downstairs the entire day. He tried convincing himself that he needed to go to his room, take a shower and change his clothes, but he felt like he was being repulsed by the door to his parents' bedroom.

Late in the afternoon he finally did it. He went upstairs and ran past the bedroom. He knew that it was childish, he just couldn't get himself to stroll by it casually like nothing had happened.

He rushed through a shower, desperate to go back downstairs. He wished that he could leave the house, but it would be impossible - then he'd have to face people, and he wasn't sure he could fake it. He hadn't cried since he talked to Kurt, but he was afraid that if he was being put face-to-face with people who would ask about the ambulance he would break.

When he was done in the bathroom he returned to his room to pick up a book and stuff he would need downstairs - so he didn't have to go back in there for a while.

That's when he found the folded piece of paper on his pillow. How hadn't he seen it before?

"_Honey._

_Life is hard, and sometimes some people just aren't strong enough._

_This has nothing to do with you. Remember that._

_I want you to go out and have a long and beautiful life._

_You are such a strong boy, with such a passionate heart._

_You will do good in life. I know you will._

_Hold on to your music - that is the true you._

_Find your friend Kurt, and let him make you happy._

_I know he's the reason you've been so sad. You miss him._

_Allow yourself to be happy. Call him._

_I will always be with you._

_I love you, Blaine._

_Mom_."

Her flowery letters twirled over the paper as if they were dancing, and Blaine read it over again and again. Memorized every single word. Let it burn into his brain, and closed his eyes to make sure he could see the paper clear in his mind, hear her voice read the words to him.

He felt like a hand was cramping around his heart, and threatening to squash it and fill his chest with tar instead.

He brought the letter downstairs with him, put it on the coffee table so he could read it again when he feared that he had forgot what it said, even though he knew it every time.

He didn't read, or listen to music. He stayed on the couch, sniffing in the smell of his mom from the pillows, staring into the dark of the living room. He didn't even turn on the lights; he didn't have the energy to get up so he could flip the switch on.

Suddenly there was a loud knock on the door, making Blaine jump, feeling his heart race to his throat. He looked at the clock; it was almost midnight.


	12. Save Me From Myself

"God, Kurt I am so happy to see you," Blaine burst out as he threw his arms around the boy in front of him. He could feel all of his insides trembling and all of his reality crumple under his feet as he felt Kurt lock his arms around his waist.

He let it all out. Let all of the tears run down his cheeks, soaking the collar of Kurt's blue blouse, sobbing hysterically - not a care in the world of how he looked or sounded. It didn't matter anymore.

"Let's go inside. You're getting cold," Kurt said after Blaine's sobbing started to grow silent. Kurt let a hand brush up his back, and unlocked Blaine's arms softly from his neck.

"How? Why? When?" Blaine spat out, not knowing that he was being incoherent in his stream of questions.

"Shhh, it's okay. Let's go inside and we'll talk," Kurt crooned as he let a thumb dry away a tear from his cheek.

Blaine led him to the living room, abruptly hit by a feeling of being extremely pathetic for having been lying on the couch all day doing nothing.

Kurt switched on the lamp over the coffee table and it slowly bathed the furniture in a yellow, artificial light.

He wasn't bringing much with him. Only a light bag made of hemp, decorated with colorful, psychedelic patterns and political pins. He was wearing tight blue jeans that was rolled up to show of his ankles, and a dusty blue tunic with purple flowers swaying perfectly around his torso. Naturally he was barefoot. Blaine would never expect it to be any different.

Blaine sat down on the couch, making room for Kurt to sit next to him, but Kurt merely dumped down to sit on the floor next to the sofa instead.

"You can sit on the couch. It's okay," Blaine said, a little confused about why he needed assurance for sitting on the couch, but waited for Kurt to come join him.

"No. You should come sit with me. On the floor. You'll like it," Kurt answered, as if Blaine was crazy to think that he would actually willingly sit on a couch.

Blaine hesitated, but after being perplexed for a brief moment he crawled down to sit next to Kurt on the floor.

"Can you feel it? This is how we're supposed to be," Kurt said, and then he changed to a very serious expression, and reached out to take Blaine's hand. His palms were even softer and warmer than Blaine remembered.

"I'm really sorry about your mom. I don't wanna force you into talking about it - but I couldn't just leave you alone. If you want to you can talk to me." His eyes were big and glistening with the lamp reflected as a twisted shine in his eyes.

"Where's you dad?" Kurt hurried over the words, like he was afraid what it would do to Blaine that he opened the subject.

"He's out of town for work. He'll be back Monday. You can stay here with me… if you want." Blaine wasn't really sure if Kurt had expected that he could randomly crash at the Anderson house, but something inside Blaine told him that Kurt hadn't even considered that - it wasn't of any importance. The only thing that mattered was that Blaine needed him to be there.

"Thank you. As long as your dad doesn't kick me out," Kurt replied. A smile broadened on his lips and Blaine was unsure if he had just made one of his rare jokes.

"He won't. I'll just tell him you're a friend -" Blaine said, observing a confounded look spread across Kurt's face. His brows furrowed and his eyes turned pensive.

"But… isn't that what I am? What else would I be?" he asked, in all seriousness, sweeping Blaine off his feet.

His palms felt clammy and his throat felt like it was tying up. Why would he go ask that sort of question?

"I… don't know," he stuttered, afraid of saying too much or too little.

He suddenly remembered the soft feeling of the tip of Kurt's tongue against his own. The thought made his face blush and looked around the living room in a desperate hope that Kurt hadn't seen it.

"You cut your hair. I missed your soft curls, and then when I see you they're all gone. But it wasn't your decision, so I understand," Kurt noticed with a smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

Blaine had to struggle with all the strength he contained to suppress a burning urge to move in and let his lips meet Kurt's, to let his fingers into the soft James Dean reflection of his hair and pull Kurt's face so close to his own that it would almost hurt.

Out of nowhere Kurt stood up, looking down on Blaine who was still sitting on the floor, with his naked toes brushing lightly against Kurt's.

"You look tired. I'm sure you're exhausted. Your last few days must have been horrible. We should get you to bed," he exclaimed and grabbed Blaine's hand to get him on his feet as well.

Blaine clenched to Kurt's hand as they walked upstairs. For some reason it wasn't so terrible to walk past the bedroom with Kurt holding his hand.

Kurt didn't wait for an invitation. The first thing he did when they entered the room was crawl onto the bed and curl up to a ball that reminded Blaine of a playful kitten.

"If you come lie down I can cuddle your hair till you sleep," Kurt offered, his voice melodic and inviting.

Blaine didn't wait long until he was lying down next to Kurt. He pushed away all thoughts of his father, and let himself lay down on the pillow where he let Kurt put the bedspread over him like he had been a child, before he started letting his fingers play with what was left of Blaine's curls.

It felt so true and natural that the only thing that could make it better was when Kurt started silently humming in his ear.

Blaine didn't know the melody and he didn't care, because it was beautiful and soothing, and it made him feel like the pressing on his chest got relieved for the first time.

When Blaine woke up Saturday morning Kurt wasn't in the bed and he panicked. What if he had just wished so bad for Kurt to be there that his brain had forged a dream so vivid that he was convinced it had been true.

But he could smell the characteristic fragrance of summer rain on his bedspread, and he could see that the spot next to him was ruffled. Maybe Kurt had really been there.

But then where was he now?

Blaine hurried out of the bed and changed his shirt before he ran downstairs. He looked around in all of the rooms in the house, until he realized that the French doors in the living room leading to the garden was open.

He stepped out on the tiles of the terrace. The sun had heated them to feel comfortable walking barefooted on even though it was September. Blaine let his eyes over the garden furniture but still not a clue as to where Kurt had gone, until he let his gaze search over the lawn where he found Kurt sitting in the middle of a sunbeam, clearly meditating.

He didn't want to interrupt him, but at the same time he felt himself drawn to him. Like he had to cross the grass and sit down to watch him, observe him, take in every piece of him.

He decided to sit down a few feet from Kurt, doing his best to not make the tiniest sound that could pull him out of his concentration. Instead he sat down with eyes locked on Kurt's face. Blaine thought he looked so peaceful that it could have been the face of an angel.

"Is it true? What your mom wrote in that letter?" Kurt suddenly asked, his expression still peaceful without even opening his eyes, but he startled Blaine so much that he felt his heart race in his chest.

_How did he know that I'm here? _Blaine thought.

Kurt opened his eyes, and once again Blaine felt like they were penetrating his soul.

"I'm sorry. It was on the coffee table and I couldn't help seeing my name. I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have looked -" Kurt apologized, for the first time ever seeming embarrassed.

Blaine knew that if anyone had seen it and read that letter he would get hysterically angry. It was private. It was the last piece of his mom he had left. But somehow he felt relieved, in some way, that Kurt had read it. He wanted to share everything with Kurt - even his most private secrets.

"I never told her anything. I just told her that I had met some new friends, and then I mentioned you. Told her… what you taught me. About life, and everything -" Blaine said, unsure if he was trying to reason for her words.

Kurt crawled on hands and knees over the grass, looking even more like a cat than ever - even when he was crawling like this he was graceful like a tiger.

Suddenly there wasn't more than an inch between their faces, and their noses almost touched.

"Stardust - a mother always knows her child's heart," Kurt silked, letting his sweet breath smooth its way over Blaine's lips and to his mouth where it was caressing his taste buds and made him feel like a summer breeze was running through his windpipe to his lungs - he was certain that Kurt was going to kiss him, and he felt like his mouth in one time started watering and dried up.

Kurt craned his neck a little, their lips so close that Blaine could feel them, taste them, without actually touching, and Blaine prepared himself to welcome Kurt's kiss - before Kurt jumped to his feet.

"Can we get something to eat? I've been awake since sunrise, and I'm starting to get a little hungry. Just a lil' bit."

He wrinkled his nose in a way that Blaine couldn't help finding incredibly adorable, and even though his lips were pounding to feel Kurt's and the blood was pulsing through him in frustration he stood up too.

"Of course. Let's go have a look," Blaine agreed in a thick voice, desperate to cover up his disappointment. He walked towards the kitchen, feeling Kurt trip gracefully on tiptoes behind him, like he was dancing over the grass.

They didn't leave the house at all throughout the entire weekend.

Blaine called the cleaning lady and asked her to bring groceries with her so they could have something to eat until his father got back home - he just wasn't ready to go out and face the people of Lima where he indisputably would have to explain everything before his father even knew.

Blaine would lie on the couch and read while Kurt would tiptoe around the living room and dance in a dreamlike state, or look at all of the pictures that decorated the walls.

Every now and then he would stand still, almost like a statue, and Blaine would wonder if something was wrong, and Kurt would snap out of the moment and continue dancing before leaning down behind Blaine to whisper "_you were a beautiful child filled with love_" before continuing his trip around the room, Blaine sitting back feeling his ears grow red, but unable to stop himself from grinning.

They lost track of time, and before they knew it the sun was starting to set, and the room was bathed in a red and golden shine.

Blaine was on the couch playing guitar, letting his fingers find their own ways, not really doing an effort to play anything in particular, just letting his fingers be in control.

Kurt walked over, soundless as if on cat paws - movements just as graceful - and let himself slide from the back over the backrest and down to sit on the couch so close to Blaine that their thighs were almost painful against each other, Kurt slipping his legs effortlessly under Blaine's arm with the guitar.

He sat staring for a few minutes, switching his gaze between Blaine's face and his hands and fingers moving over the strings, Blaine quietly humming along with the melody.

"Teach me," Kurt implored from one second to another.

Blaine glanced at him in surprise, not having seen this request coming. Kurt's eyes were begging and his entire face was washed over by anticipation.

"Please. It's so beautiful when you do it, and I just wanna… feel - what you feel," Kurt entreated, something close to a sadness starting to well out and take over his pupils.

"Okay - let's… let's try then," Blaine said and awkwardly reached out to take Kurt's hand and place it on the wood, making his fingers slide over Kurt's to let him get the right grip.

"It's harder than it looks," Kurt chuckled under his breath.

"No, it's actually really simple. Besides, I doubt that there's anything you can't do -" Blaine bit his lower lip; that was inappropriate. He meant it though; he couldn't imagine that there was anything Kurt couldn't do.

Kurt's cheeks flushed a little, and he pushed Blaine teasingly with his shoulder. Kurt's fingers moved shockingly stiff over the strings and Blaine started to think that he had actually found something Kurt couldn't do.

"Ugh. I'm hopeless," Kurt groaned and let his hand drop with a defeated sigh. He sunk down and leaned against the backrest, dragging his feet up with his head bobbing over to look at Blaine.

"You're not hopeless," Blaine objected, and he feelt hurt that Kurt could say such a thing about himself. He put his guitar down and turned to face Kurt.

"I've played since I was a kid. But… there are so many other things you're good at," Blaine encouraged him, trying his best to convince Kurt with his eyes.

"What do you think I'm good at, Blaine?" Kurt asked hazily, Blaine almost confused when he said his real name - he didn't remember when it was the last time Kurt had done that.

"You're… good at making me feel better. A lot. You're good at - making me forget all the stuff that blows, and you're good at making me smile. You're good at… being you," Blaine blabbered out, instantly feeling embarrassed that he hadn't been able to restrain himself.

"I'm glad," Kurt said, looking astounded, but appreciative.

"I wouldn't know how to be anyone else." He smiled softly, and Blaine's stomach took a turn.

They sat for a while; staring at each other, into each others eyes, until Kurt had another spontaneous idea and grabbed Blaine's wrist to lead him to the kitchen.

"What are we doing now?" Blaine asked, not really following Kurt's new plan.

"We're going to play a game…" Kurt beamed and started to excitedly explain his game.

Blaine followed willingly, by now he was sure that he would gladly do anything Kurt could ever ask him for.

Next Blaine found himself on his bed, his room dark and a tie used as a blindfold. Kurt was sitting on the bed in front of him with a plate of different kinds of fruits and vegetables he had found in the kitchen, and the rule was that Blaine wasn't allowed to look - he should just taste.

Kurt started feeding him of the things from the plate, one thing at a time, and Blaine was surprised at how strong the different smells and tastes were when he couldn't see them. It was almost scary how much his eyesight could hold his other senses back. It was a sensation he had never tasted anything like.

At first he felt handicapped by the blindfold, but after he got used to it he started to let his other senses take over, and he felt liberated and let his shoulders relax.

He didn't know how long he spent with the tie covering his eyes, but when he heard Kurt giggle at him, felt his fingers on his arm and his scent in his nostrils he was sure that he could easily do it a little longer.

But it was when Kurt's fingertips accidentally brushed his lips it was hardest - he wanted to grab his hand and hold it still so he could kiss the delicate skin.

After the urge had overwhelmed him a few times he asked Kurt to stop. He didn't want to screw anything up, so he thought it better to end the game before his newly found connection to his senses was going to trick him into doing something that potentially could end very bad.

Blaine excused himself with being tired, so they cleaned up and went to bed. Blaine made sure to keep a little distance to Kurt, but still allowing him to sleep in his bed. He was afraid that if he could feel Kurt close to him in the dark he wouldn't be able to stop himself.

The sun was desperately fighting a battle to break through the closed shades of Blaine's room and it made him flinch his eyes and nose as one sunbeam had fallen in love with his face.

The first thing that met him when he finally caved in and opened his eyes was Kurt's blue gaze.

He didn't know why, but the second he comprehended that Kurt was lying in front of him and stared at him a feeling of protection turned up to quickly get mixed with an overwhelming feeling of sorrow.

He had lost so much lately, and he hadn't even talked to Kurt about any of it.

"Can we just… stay in bed and talk, today?" Blaine asked, hoping that this wouldn't affect any plans Kurt might have.

"Sure. Of course. What do you wanna talk about?" he asked, as empathetic as ever.

"I don't know. Just… stuff. Whatever crosses our mind -" Blaine responded awkwardly. He honestly didn't know what he wanted to talk about. He just needed to talk.

Kurt shuffled a bit, to get closer, but still a foot between them - it seemed like Kurt thought that Blaine didn't want to be close to him. But that was exactly the point; he wanted to be close to him, _needed _to be close.

"It was supposed to be a big secret - so naturally everyone knew that Lucy went home because she's pregnant," Kurt started out, flinching by the thought, and hurried to proceed.

"And then everyone said that… you were the father. Of Lucy's baby. And that's why you had to go together." Kurt stopped and closed his eyes, Blaine finding it impossible to figure out what was going on in his head.

"Jesus. You turn your back one second and everyone starts talking about you," Blaine burst out, afraid to say something incredibly offensive. He felt anger bubbling in him. Quinn hadn't wanted anyone to know, and yet someone had blabbered it out to everyone. Probably Ginger.

"So it's true then? You're the father of Lucy's baby," Kurt nearly whispered under his breath, Blaine feeling him move a little away from him.

"What? No! Not at all. I never…" Blaine panicked in his search for words to convince Kurt that this was in no way true. He would, for all in the world, not have Kurt think that he had ever been involved with Quinn in that way.

"Kurt, listen - I… trust you. More than anyone in the world. I tell you everything. If I had been with her you would've known. Don't you remember what I told you? Quinn isn't a girl for me."

Blaine didn't know why it bothered him so much. It should be enough to just laugh and say that it wasn't true and that people's rumors were ridiculous - but he felt desperate and frantic to explain, to let Kurt know that it was not true.

"I… I wanna tell you everything. And that's why I should tell you that I'm not in love with Quinn. I… I'm in love with someone else. I think. But I'm not sure. I don't know if I am. I'm very confused about it."

He had no idea where that came from. He wasn't in love with anyone. He had never been in love, and he sure wasn't know. If he was he would know it for sure. Wouldn't he?

He couldn't look at Kurt. It was way too awkward. Instead he blinked and tried to focus on the patterns on the dark sheets.

"If it matters so much to you that it confuses you, then it must be love. Nothing but love can make a person confused to the fullest. It is a part of the process of falling in love. But when you are ready, you will know," Kurt crooned with his voice soft as ever and stars dancing around his corneas.

His skin was so incredibly pale, and the contrast to the dark blue sheets and the dark room made him look almost luminous, and Blaine noticed that a light pink had spread in his cheeks. He looked so soft and sweet. As if a flighty touch would make all ones worries disappear in the moment.

"Quinn was afraid to tell her parents. I kept pushing for her to do it, but she wouldn't. She wanted some guy in town to get her a non-professional abortion. She begged me to go with her, but I refused. I told her it was stupid and dangerous," Blaine started telling, hoping they could get off the subject of him possibly being in love - that was something he definitely didn't want to think about.

"One day she called my house. She was crying, and almost having hysterics. I almost couldn't understand what she was saying. I ran to her house and… there was blood everywhere, so I called an ambulance. They took her to the hospital, and the doctor said that she had a miscarriage because of stress."

Blaine remembered how scared he had been when he ran to Quinn's house - but even more when he had entered the kitchen and seen all the blood.

"A few days after she sent me a letter. Her parents shipped her off to some girls school. I don't know where, I don't know anything."

He felt a pressuring on his temples and a knot forming in his throat. Kurt reached up his hand and placed it on Blaine's wrist between their chests.

"It's not your fault. Don't blame yourself. It could never be your fault." Once again Kurt seemed to be reading his mind. Like he had some sort of direct line to his thoughts.

"Yeah. You turned her down. But you never told her to go be with someone else. She's a silly girl, who doesn't think clearly. She had unprotected sex with God knows who. What you did was the right thing. You were noble - a hero." Kurt let his thumb stroke soothingly over his wrist, his eyes forcing their way into Blaine's soul.

"And the same with your mom. She loved you, and knew that you love her. She was sick, there was nothing you could have done."

And just like that Blaine's heart dropped to the floor, and felt it was being stepped on, or dissolving to a puddle of blood on the carpet.

He hadn't told Kurt anything about what happened with his mom, and yet it seemed like he knew everything. How did he know?

It was Kurt. He just knew.

Always.

"Tell me what happened. Please." He meant it. He looked like eternal happiness depended on it. Like he desperately needed to hear it, or his entire world would go black.

Blaine closed his eyes, inhaled heavily, and exhaled as he opened again. He wasn't ready to talk about it. He would never be. But it was Kurt who asked - he wanted him to know every single detail about his life. No matter how big or small.

"You know she was sick. When I came home she… wasn't really herself. She seemed distant. We talked and so but… she cried a lot. She would say that she had a headache and needed to lie down, and then go to the bedroom to cry. I wanted to go comfort her but… I didn't know what to do. So I just left her there. I just… let her cry alone. And then… the other day, I came home from the record store and - I finally decided to go in there. And she was… so cold." Big, fat tears were rolling down his face, warm and salty on his lips. His nose was clogging up and he felt his face go hot.

"You're the strongest person I ever met," Kurt whispered and tightened his grip around Blaine's wrist. He craned his neck to kiss Blaine's cheek - kiss his tears away.

"I think you're a hero, and I think you're beautiful," Kurt whispered, nearly inaudible.

Blaine had not seen that coming. He would never have expected Kurt to make a superficial statement like that. But what if this wasn't a superficial statement? What if he actually meant it - in that way that only Kurt talked?

"I think you're beautiful. You're my hero. You saved me from myself," Blaine said through tears, wishing that he was able to hold himself back. That had got to be the most ridiculous thing he had ever said to anyone.

"Don't say stuff like that," Kurt exclaimed frightened.

"We need to get you to think about something else. Your dad will be back tomorrow, so you should do all the things you've always dreamed of doing but couldn't because your parents were watching over you."

He sat up in the bed, and looked down on Blaine. His hair was ruffled and his white blouse were stretched tightly over his chest. His muscles looked like they were threatening to break free from the fabric and Blaine couldn't help seeing how it was almost see-through and his nipples were pointing excitedly through the soft cotton.

He looked completely different, and yet he was the same Kurt as always. Angelic, and dreamy - but a wide grin covering his face, flashing a set of perfect white teeth.


	13. Teach Me

From the shower Blaine could hear Kurt rummaging around in the living room, so he hurried downstairs to see what was going on, his wet curls nearly dripping on the way on the way down the stairs.

"Kurt. What are you doing? I heard that… woooow!"

The first thing Blaine saw when he entered the living room was all of his records spread all over the floor and furniture surfaces. Kurt was sitting in the middle of the mess with a giant grin on his face.

"Surprise!" he beamed and threw his hands in the air.

Blaine was completely baffled by the sight, so Kurt stood up and crossed the floor to tiptoe next to him.

"I went to your room and I saw all of the boxes with your records; so I thought I'd bring them down here, and you could… teach me about music. If you want." He quickly transformed from excited to seeming like he wasn't sure that it had been okay for him to touch the vinyls.

His cheeks were red, and Blaine suspected that it was because he had been in the sun before he had pulled the drapes shut to protect the records. His hair was still a little damp from he had showered before Blaine and a lock had escaped his usual hairdo and was tingling back and forth over his forehead when he talked.

"I'd love that, Kurt. It's brilliant," Blaine smiled warmly, and he realized that he really did have a lot of music. All kinds of colors and patterns were spread over the room on the covers. He felt a rush of excitement from being encouraged to talk about music. Usually people asked him to shut up when he first started talking, because they knew how eager he was about it.

"You're the best!" Kurt grinned and placed a kiss on his cheek.

"Come, I found a lot of interesting ones," he said and grabbed Blaine's hand to lead him through the sea of paper, vinyl and plastic so they could sit down on the spot Kurt had just left.

"This one… this looks interesting -" Kurt said as he picked up a record with a picture of a young man on the cover.

"Bob Dylan. Yeah. This was his debut album actually. From 62. There's this one amazing song - I mean, it's a really cool album, but this one…" Blaine blabbered on as he grabbed the record and put it on the gramophone so he could find the right track; _The House Of Rising Sun _- he had listened to it so many times that he knew exactly where to start it.

Kurt leaned back to rest on his arms as he listened to the song.

Blaine tried his best to not be too obvious in observing him, but he couldn't help it. It was like watching Kurt's brain go wild. His eyes flickered and seemed distant, his eyebrows furrowed and returned, his lips went slightly apart before they closed again - he listened to the song with his entire face and body.

Blaine looked away and as the song died out he moved the gramophone-arm and let the record back into its cover so he could fit it back in its box.

"That was so sad. But beautiful. I could feel it everywhere - it was like his voice became a part of my skin," Kurt whispered shocked when Blaine sat back down next to him.

They spent the entire day going through the records. Blaine told Kurt about the different bands and songs - Bob Dylan, The Doors, Led Zeppelin, Fleetwood Mac and The Beatles. Kurt listened with big eyes and slightly parted lips, and when Blaine was done explaining something he carefully asked his questions, absorbing up every word Blaine uttered.

Blaine couldn't stop himself from smiling. When Kurt had asked him to teach him how to listen to music he knew that it wouldn't take long before Kurt would feel the music - be one with the music.

After a few hours Kurt dragged him to the kitchen so they could eat, and they realized that the sun had started threatening to leave them. When they were done eating it was dark outside and the breeze from the garden doors had grown cold ,so Blaine closed them before he sat down next to Kurt in them middle of the mess of records.

He dared himself so close to Kurt that his lips almost brushed his cream white cheek.

"I want you to close your eyes when you listen to the next song I'll play for you," he whispered. He waited for Kurt to nod in promise before he turned around and grabbed the subject he had planned to introduce him to.

"Why is that one so small? The others are so big -" Kurt wondered when he saw Blaine pull out the slick, black disc.

"It's because it's a single. It's only 7" and it only holds two tracks - but I only ever listen to one of them," Blaine explained to him and let the record hit the turntable and let the arm meet the vinyl.

Then he turned to Kurt and let his hand slide softly down over Kurt's eyes to close them. His eyelids started to flicker rapidly, but as the song started playing he relaxed and they fell still.

"_Only you can make my world seem right_

_Only you can make the darkness bright_

_Only you and you alone_

_Can thrill me like you do_

_And fill my heart with love for only you"_

An insecure smile spread over Kurt's lips, and he moved a little closer Blaine, his eyes still closed.

"_Only you can make this change in me_

_For it's true, you are my destiny_

_When you hold my hand_

_I understand the magic that you do_

_You're my dream come true_

_My one and only you"_

Blaine couldn't take his eyes off of Kurt, but he forced himself to close his own eyes to listen to the song without being distracted by the angelic figure in front of him.

He felt Kurt move even closer than he already was. Suddenly he was so close that Blaine's thigh were nearly aching from the contact. Kurt fumbled a little, and then he found Blaine's hand and let his fingers slide carefully in between Blaine's before he let his head rest on Blaine's shoulder, making a fire spread in his stomach.

"_Only you can make this change in me_

_For it's true, you are my destiny_

_When you hold my hand_

_I understand the magic that you do_

_You're my dream come true_

_My one and only you_

_One and only you_"

The song died out, and Blaine was afraid what would happen now. He didn't want Kurt to move his head away. He wanted him to stay on his shoulder with their hands and fingers locked forever.

Kurt didn't move. He stayed in the position, and Blaine started wondering if he had fallen asleep. He knew that if that was the case he needed to wake him up carefully so he could get him up to bed, but he didn't have the heart to do it. Luckily Kurt yawned and sat straight up.

"I'll go put the records back in their boxes and take them to my room. Go lie on the couch, and we'll go to bed when I'm done," Blaine said silently as he saw how tired Kurt looked. He started stretching his arm up to let his fingertips brush over Kurt's face, but he stopped himself in time.

He watched as Kurt got to his feet and staggered carefully through the spread boxes and records so he could dump down on the sofa and curl up around a pillow.

Blaine started carrying the boxes upstairs, and he quickly felt how drained of energy he was himself. Even though they hadn't done anything but sitting on the floor talking he had spent so much energy because he had been excited and got outlet for his music obsession in a way that no one had ever put up with before.

After Blaine had carried the last box to his room he went back downstairs. When he entered the living room it felt big, empty and cold without all the boxes, but as soon as he saw Kurt lying on the couch in front of him the feeling disappeared completely. He switched off the lamp over the table, making the only light illuminating the living room the one that came from the moon shining in the French doors.

"Come on. Let's get you up to bed," Blaine muttered sleepily, hoping Kurt hadn't fallen asleep.

He hadn't. With a graceful movement he stood up and looked like he floated across the room. He made his fingers slide perfectly into place with Blaine's again, and Blaine started to walk towards the stairs, but Kurt dragged him to the floor in the middle of the living room.

He stood in front of Blaine and placed Blaine's hands on his hips, before he moved closer and let his own close around Blaine's neck.

Before Blaine knew it Kurt had gently put his cheek to Blaine's and started swaying slowly back and forth.

"Dance with me," Kurt whispered, and Blaine was baffled.

"But… there's no music," Blaine said confused, but Kurt merely hushed him and pulled him closer. Blaine let his feet move slowly around in sync with Kurt's and closed his eyes so he could let the feeling of Kurt's touch and scent fill his body, take charge of his movements and cloud his brain.

"You were the one who told me to find the music in myself -" Kurt whispered, nearly inaudible.

Blaine smiled into Kurt's hair and let his hands slide onto the lower portion of his back. He could feel Kurt's chest rise and fall as he breathed and Blaine held his own breath in, because he was afraid to let his chest clasp against Kurt's.

"I like dancing with you," Blaine stuttered hesitantly. He could feel Kurt smile, but he still didn't open his eyes.

Kurt didn't answer. He hushed at him once more and they proceeded dancing. Blaine didn't know how long they stood like that; moving slowly on the same spot, but after some time the white moonlight was sharp in his tired eyes.

"We better go to bed. I don't know what time my father comes home tomorrow," Blaine apologized.

He didn't want to stop but he knew they had to. He couldn't let his father come home and find him sharing his bed with another boy - a boy his father had never even seen before.

Blaine still hadn't told Kurt that he would have to move into the guestroom the next day. He didn't want to. He wanted Kurt to stay in his bed.

Kurt stopped moving and without a word let go of Blaine, instantly leaving cold spots where his hands had been only a second ago. Then he started leading Blaine up the stairs and into his room.

Kurt started opening his jeans and let them slide off before he crawled under the covers wearing nothing but his white tunic and his unerwear. Blaine hurried to change to his pajamas so he could lie down next to him, noticing that Kurt was waiting for him to join him.

The room was dark, and not even the moonbeams were escaping in through the closed curtains, but somehow Kurt's eyes were still sparkling.

"Kurt… tomorrow, before my father comes home, we'll have to move your things into the guestroom. We need to let him think you've been sleeping there since you came. He… he can't know you've been sleeping in here," Blaine told in a thick voice. As the words left his mouth he realized how embarrassed he was about it.

He was so ashamed that he had to kick Kurt out of his room. It was ridiculous and it shouldn't have to be like that, and as Kurt didn't react he started fearing that he had hurt his feelings, or offended him greatly - the last thing he would ever do.

"I am so sorry - it's not because I…" Blaine started but Kurt let his fingers to his lips.

"Shhh, don't say anymore. I know. I already knew. I already collected my stuff in my bag, so it's ready for moving. I know that you like sharing your bed with me," Kurt cooed at him, with a smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

Blaine didn't say anything as Kurt had requested. He made a grin crawl over his face, and nodded in agreement, not really having anything to say if he should have.

Kurt craned his neck to kiss his forehead before he laid back down on the pillow and closed his eyes to sleep.


	14. Lip Prints

The next morning Blaine woke up by Kurt running his fingers through his hair. When he opened his eyes he saw Kurt's big, blue staring into his.

"I didn't want to wake you up, but I figured we'd better be ready for when your father comes home." Kurt let his hand fall so he could let his head rest on his arm, as he observed Blaine coming to his senses.

"Yeah, you're right. Thanks for waking me up," Blaine stammered, sad to know that this could possibly have been his last night of sharing a bed with Kurt.

"I'll go take a shower and then I'll move my bag to the guestroom and make it look like I've been there the last two days, alright," Kurt exclaimed without waiting for Blaine to respond. He slid out of the bed, and tripped to the door, where he left it open so Blaine could watch him swaying hips down the hall to the bathroom.

As he closed the bathroom door after him Blaine dropped to his back on the mattress. He ran his fingers through his hair, and rubbed his eyes, as he could feel his natural morning male urges running wild, making a chill run over his skin. It couldn't be because of Kurt - of course it couldn't.

He waited for it to go away by itself, but he kept thinking about Kurt, and it just wouldn't stop; so he decided to go downstairs to make breakfast ready for Kurt when he was done showering.

They spent the day lying on their backs reading in front of the garden doors where they were bathed in a hot stream of sun filling the living room. They started out by lying a feet from each other, but without Blaine even noticing it Kurt ended up lying with his head on Blaine's ribs.

It wasn't until late afternoon they heard the door open, and Blaine sat up in panic and nearly made Kurt's head clash to the carpet. He glared at Kurt through the corner of his eyes as he moved to sit against the wall. Kurt didn't seem tensed by the situation, but Blaine had a feeling that he was nervous but refused to let it shine through - or maybe he was projecting his own nerves to Kurt.

Blaine forced himself to take control of his breathing, and kept his gaze locked in his book without actually reading a word or even seeing the letters over the paper.

"Blaine. Get down here. It's important!" His father's voice was a booming up the stairs, and Blaine could feel Kurt glance at him from the startle he just had.

"I'm in here, dad," Blaine said, barely loud enough for his father to hear it in the hall.

He hurried to his feet and Kurt instinctively knew to follow his example, so he straightened his shirt and he made sure he didn't stand too close to Blaine.

His father appeared and walked in to stand in the middle of the room as an intimidating shadow. He shot a glance up and down Kurt, in a way Blaine could only interpret as arrogant and judgmental, so Blaine gritted his teeth and balled up his fists.

"I didn't know you had a visitor. And who is this?" His father looked to Blaine for an answer, and he could feel his ears grow red. He was so ashamed to have Kurt witness this.

"Dad. This is… Kurt. He lives at the other end of town. He came the other day and have been staying over for a few days." Blaine didn't think he needed to add that he had met Kurt in Washington; that would very likely only cause troubles, and he wanted to get out of the living room as quickly as possible - preferably alive. Even more important was to get Kurt out alive.

"Hi. Mr. Anderson." Kurt surprised Blaine and took a respectful step forward. He offered his hand to Blaine's father who stared at it for a minute, but eventually shook it with a suspicious look on his face.

"Hi. I will have to ask you to leave the living room - I would like a word alone with my son," Blaine's father said in a tone that most of all reminded of an order.

Kurt nodded in agreement and left the room without as much as a glance in Blaine's direction, which Blaine appreciated. He could hear his footsteps disappear up the stairs, and now he was alone with his father.

"I got the news. I arranged the funeral to be Tuesday. Tomorrow. Your friend will be out of the house Saturday morning," his father declared.

_So he knew, but he didn't come home. He knew that his wife was dead, and yet he stayed at work, leaving his teenage son to take care of himself, _Blaine's thoughts roared in his head.

"What? You knew?" Blaine burst out in shock, unable to stop himself, well-knowing he shouldn't have said a word. At a very young age he had learned that he wasn't to question or talk back at his father.

But he didn't care.

"Don't you talk back to me, kid. Of course I knew. They called me as soon as they got her in. No surprise - she always was a cuckoo. Now get out of here, I've got a lot of work today as I won't be working Tuesday." His father looked down at him as if to say that he was dismissed before he turned on his heel and left the living room in the direction of his office.

Blaine had never despised his father more. He felt physically sick by the light way he had handled it, and he wanted to scream at him that he was a disrespectful prick.

He didn't. He knew that it would only cause bigger problems, and he didn't want that to happen with Kurt in the house. Instead he sprinted up the stairs with a deep wish to find Kurt in his room. What if he had thought it best to go to the guestroom? Then Blaine would find his room as cold as empty and it had been before Kurt had come.

When he reached his room at the end of the hall he closed his hand around the doorknob and inhaled before he slowly opened and entered his room.

Kurt was sitting on the bed with his arms locked around his knees, but when he saw Blaine enter the room he ran over to throw his arms around him.

Blaine lost all control. He was so angry at his father that tears welled into his eyes, and he didn't even bother to try keeping them in anymore, because it didn't matter.

Kurt let his hand run soothingly up and down his back, and Blaine clenched his arms as hard around him as he could. He pressed him as close as possible, and hoped that his anger would disappear, but somehow it just kept growing.

"Come here," Kurt said and released his grip, forcing Blaine to do the same, so they could go lie down on the bed.

Kurt laid down on his back, and let Blaine put his head on his chest. He let his fingertips trace up and down Blaine's back and through his hair while humming comforting sounds in his ear - and even though Blaine soaked his shirt in tears he didn't stop or move the tiniest bit.

"Shhh, it's okay, darling," Kurt crooned in his ear. Blaine started feeling drained for tears, and his fingers had completely crumpled up his shirt by clenching it in an attempt of controlling his rage.

"He's such an asshole. I just wanna… punch him," Blaine sobbed through a rasp voice into Kurt's chest.

"I know. But you won't - and that's the difference between you two; you are a good person and know that would be wrong."

Kurt let his fingertips brush lightly down his neck, and he made the hair on Blaine's arms rise with a chill running down his spine. A warmth spread through Blaine's body - _Kurt thought he was a good person_.

He sat up and looked at Kurt - his eyes felt dry and itchy, so he rubbed them and made himself feel like a 3 year old.

"I… I understand if you don't wanna stay here anymore. In a house with a person like that," Blaine said apologetically, and he meant every word he said. He wished that he had a choice himself. That was when he realized that he hadn't told Kurt about the military school his father wanted to send him to. He couldn't.

Kurt sat up himself, and his eyes were understanding and sympathetic.

"I don't. But I am not going to leave you here. You can't be alone with him," Kurt assured him and placed his hands gently to his face.

"I won't leave you, Blaine," he said with a force that caught Blaine off guard.

Kurt's eyes flickered, as if to make sure that Blaine had understood exactly what he was saying. Blaine felt a fat tear escape his red eyes, and nodded, unable to form a coherent sentence. He closed his eyes, and hoped that no more tears were about to come.

That's when he felt it.

Soft, moist lips at the corner of his mouth.

Kurt's lips wasn't meeting Blaine's but were pressed softly against his cheek right at the corner of his mouth. Close enough for Blaine to wish that he was brave enough to move his head just the tiny bit that was needed for him to taste Kurt's lips.

Kurt pulled away while brushing his thumb over Blaine's cheekbone, and his lips left a warm mark against his skin. It was almost like a burning hot print - like a fingerprint made by lips. A print by unique lips; a print that would never disappear. Blaine was certain that the feeling of Kurt's lips would burn into his skin and never leave - and he was happy and felt comforted by the though that it never would.

"One day I will get you away from here," Kurt promised. Blaine opened his eyes again, afraid to see that it wasn't Kurt who was sitting with him.

Kurt's hands had dropped to his lap, and he was wearing a firm and determined expression Blaine had never seen him wear before, and he knew that he meant it. It wasn't an empty promise, or a spur of the moment statement - it ran much deeper than that.

Kurt fell back to lie down, and Blaine followed his lead. He wanted to snuggle back close to Kurt, but he was afraid that it would be crossing the line after the kiss, and he was sure that he needed to damp off the last steams of rage.

Kurt shifted to lie on his side, so he could face Blaine, and his eyes transformed to sad orbs.

Neither of them said anything for a long time. They stayed on the bed and watched the shadows in the room change as the sun started to go down, and the sunlight changed from yellow to red and golden, eventually being replaced by darkness.

When Blaine heard his father's bedroom door close they waited 20 minutes and then they tiptoed downstairs to eat in silence. They hurried so they could tiptoe back upstairs when they suddenly remembered that Kurt had to go into the room next to the bathroom instead of down the hall with Blaine.

They stood awkwardly at the top of the stairs for a little while, before Kurt squeezed Blaine's hand lightly and disappeared into the guestroom. Now Blaine was left to walk alone down the hall through the darkness, the walk somehow feeling incredible long and lonely, and his heart feeling in one time heavy and light.

When he was under his covers he watched the moonlight that had fought through strip in the closed curtains, and he couldn't stop thinking about Kurt's soft lips touching his skin. He hadn't been wrong; the burning print was still as clear as it had been right after he had moved away.

He hated himself for not having been brave enough to move his head that tiny bit in the right direction - he needed to feel Kurt's lips against his for just a second. He needed to taste them, and let them mark his lips as well as his skin.

He wasn't sure whether he was sleeping or not, but the last thing he remembered was Kurt's silhouette dancing in the moonbeam in front of him, while the craving for his touch kept growing stronger.

Yet a dry voice in the back of his head kept telling him that it was wrong, and that he should stop these thoughts and feelings from coming to him. After all; Kurt was a boy, and boys do not feel for boys.


	15. Promises

Tuesday.

Blaine didn't open his eyes when he woke up. He kept his eyes closed in a hope that he would fall back to sleep and miss out on the event of the day.

When he had laid there long enough and he finally convinced himself that it wouldn't do - that he needed to get up and do it, or he would regret it later in life - he opened his eyes to see a little piece of folded paper on the pillow next to him.

Suddenly he was wide awake and he sat up in a rush. His heart was racing when he picked up the note and started to unfold it. He was convinced that this was Kurt saying that he had to leave, and they could never see each other again.

Sure, it was Kurt's neat, artistic writing that was dancing over the paper, but the message was nowhere what Blaine had feared.

"_I can't hold your hand today, but I will be there with you still. You are strong. I'll wait for you_."

Blaine swung his feet to the floor and hurried down the hall to Kurt's room. He knocked the door lightly before he carefully pushed it open without waiting for an answer.

He wasn't there. The room was empty and looked like no one had even been in there. Except for a piece of paper on the pillow.

"_I knew you would come in here to look for me. I went out to meditate and borrowed your key so I am sure to be back when you are_."

Blaine couldn't stop a smile forming on his lips. How was it that Kurt knew him so well that he had known that he would go look for him?

He hurried back to his own room before his dad saw that he was in the guestroom. He picked up some clothes and went to shower, and as soon as he was done he took both notes and shoved into his pocket.

The entire ceremony was unbearable.

The black suit was uncomfortable, and the tie felt even more out of place. The church was filled with people - mostly people in military uniforms. Everyone shook his hand and commiserated.

He didn't cry at all, despite how sad the service was. It was cold and impersonal. Only one picture of his mom was shown and no one said anything about her. Blaine wanted to stand up and make a speech to feel that at least someone had tried doing something, but he didn't want to give his father anymore reason to get on him.

Throughout the entire service Blaine was clenching the paper in his pocket with closed eyes as often as he could get away with. A desperate attempt to feel Kurt's presence. He wished so badly that the whole thing could be done differently - be done to show his mom's spirit.

The only thing that kept his head high was that as soon as he could get away from it all Kurt would be waiting for him in his room.

As soon as Blaine was back in the driveway he felt himself speed up. It was like he was dragged towards his room, like a magnetic force was pulling him towards Kurt.

He hurried up the stairs and almost crashed the door to his room open.

But Kurt wasn't there.

His room looked like it had done when he had left it earlier that day. It was cold and empty, his bedspread perfectly folded over the sheets, the guitar in the corner and a bunch of records placed next to the gramophone.

When the lack of Kurt in his room hit him he felt it like a hole started growing inside him. He dragged his feet to the bed where he sat down, and let his head drop to his hands. He could feel the corners of the notes in his pocket cut through the fabric against his thigh, and his mind was foggy. The hole in his chest grew bigger with every breath he took and he let himself dump down to hide his face in the pillow.

He screamed. Screamed as much as his lungs and voice would allow him into the pillow. When he couldn't anymore he gathered up breath to start all over again. His voice was rasp and itchy, his throat was burning and tears were stinging his eyes.

He screamed so hard and long that in the end he wasn't even sure any sound came from his mouth, but his lungs were screaming at him to stop. He pounded his fist hard down in the mattress and wished that he had something hard to beat up instead.

His muscles were aching, and his brain cramping. He bit his lip so hard that he was sure he would break through and make it bleed. His skin felt like it was stretched too much, and he was in one time both cold and hot.

"Shhh, it's okay," Kurt's smooth voice sounded as Blaine felt his hand running down his back.

Blaine could feel Kurt lie down and curl up around him, covering his body with his own, as he whispered comforting sounds in his ear, and let his fingertips caress every surface of his body he could access.

The tension in his muscles slowly took off, and he let himself fall naturally into Kurt's body that felt like it was molded perfectly to fit Blaine's.

He could feel Kurt's nose in his hair, and his lips against the skin of his neck. Kurt's breath made chills run down his spine, and he felt a fire roar in his intestines and running through his muscles. He wanted so badly to turn around and push Kurt to the bed and kiss him forcefully, grab around his arms and throw him to the bed, crawl on top of him and feel his tongue against his own, tear his clothes off and feel Kurt's body warm his.

He didn't. He stayed where he was and let the energy suck out of his limbs so he couldn't do anything but lie there and wait to fall asleep or life to drift by without him.

As soon as he had calmed down, and he felt his eyelids starting to flicker, Kurt sat up and moved to lift Blaine's head and place it in his lap.

Kurt slowly stroke his hair, still making comforting sounds, making Blaine feel like a child. He grabbed a fistful of Kurt's t-shirt and clenched it as hard as he could. He let the fabric brush over his lips so he could taste the soft cotton and take in the scent, so he could let Kurt's fragrance fill his entire being.

He reached a point where he couldn't tear anymore. He was still crying but his eyes were dry, and he suspected it to be because he was dehydrated, but he didn't care.

"You weren't here. You promised, but I came home and you weren't here -" Blaine thrust out, not knowing why he said it. It was childish to cry over something like that. So what if he hadn't been there.

"I know. I'm sorry. But I'm here now, and I'm not leaving you. I promised that I wouldn't leave you, and I won't," Kurt answered softly, his fingers running through Blaine's hair.

Blaine felt the aggressiveness that had filled him before slowly disappear, like it faded away with each of Kurt's strokes.

"I should get out of these clothes," Blaine said in a thick voice as he finally sat up. He was amazed by how patient Kurt had been. He had no idea how long he had been lying in his lap but he could see on the changes of the sky outside his window that it was starting to get late. Kurt hadn't complained for one second - he actually hadn't said anything but consoling sounds, and Blaine appreciated it very much.

He started to get off the bed, but Kurt grabbed around his wrist.

"I think you look really handsome like this," Kurt said, as dreamy as ever. He let his eyes run down Blaine's frame of the crumbled up suit and the loose tie, to his curls that was starting to go wild again and his bloody lower lip.

He was sure that he looked like someone who had just come from a bar fight.

From all he knew about Kurt this was absolutely something he would not have expected; for him to think that anyone could look good in a suit. It somehow seemed too formal for Kurt to find it interesting.

Kurt let his hand up to let his palm slide down the front of Blaine's blazer with rosy cheeks and a distant look in his eyes.

"I think you're beautiful," Blaine stammered out, before he wanted to kick himself for the stupid remark and hurried off the bed to head for the closet.

He started pulling off the suit, when Kurt's face suddenly showed in the mirror he was standing in front of. He pulled him into a hug, before he kissed him on the cheek and tiptoed back to the bed where he curled up to a ball with closed eyes, and Blaine knew that it would be no good to talk to him.

He felt his cheeks go red and watched as an unstoppable grin crossed his lips. It had felt really good to see Kurt standing next to him in the mirror like that.

He changed into a t-shirt and pajama pants - there was no way he was leaving the house for the rest of the day. Then he returned to the bed and laid down to watch Kurt as he relaxed.


	16. Sneak Peek

Blaine hadn't said much all day, and he actually didn't know what he should have said. Since he had said goodnight to Kurt the previous night and gone to bed he had felt cold and empty inside.

He hadn't slept much, but instead laid glaring into the darkness and listened to the wind outside his window. The weather was starting to go heavy and fall came creeping in over them, and Blaine could feel it in his mood too.

He kept picturing his mom. His mom smiling at him, hugging him, bringing him to his first day of school, listening to him play his guitar or the piano at a school concert when he was 14.

He wished so much that he had got to hug her one more time, to tell her that he loved her - reached out to her sooner.

He felt so guilty. And angry. Angry with his father that he had called her hysterical and a cuckoo, angry that he had known how sick she was without doing something to help her - that he had stayed away the entire weekend to work even though his wife had died. What kind of man was he?

But most of all Blaine was angry with himself - if he hadn't gone to Washington she might not have gotten sick again, if he had come home when he knew it was coming she could have been better; if he had manned up and talked to her sooner he could have saved her.

Kurt leaned against the cold concrete wall while he observed Blaine go through a box of singles. Blaine could feel Kurt's eyes prickling over his skin, and he wanted to turn to look at him too, but instead he kept focus down in the box.

Kurt walked around the boxes of records and started strolling gracefully down the aisle between the cases of vinyl. He looked like he was dancing on purpose, but Blaine knew that this was just how he moved.

He let his fingers stroll over the cardboard while he softly sang along to the song playing on the gramophone on the counter, and Blaine was certain that Kurt didn't know that Blaine could hear him.

The tones of the music and Kurt's voice were relaxing his brain. It was windy outside so there weren't a lot of customers, but those who were stayed longer than usual.

"Can you play that song by The Who?" a dark haired girl asked as she and her friend leaned against the counter.

Blaine picked up his guitar and started checking the strings. The girls looked at each other and giggled as they observed Blaine slowly starting to play.

"This one?" he asked as he started playing _Our Love Was_. The girls giggled again, flickering their eyelashes and pouting their lips at him.

Blaine played and sang. He desperately tried to discretely see what Kurt was doing, glaring in his direction every time he could see a chance to it, but still being polite and looked at the girls who was swaying in front of him keeping their eyes locked on him, and their little fingers crooked together.

"That was so good. You're so talented," the second girl flirted when he finished. He smiled at them and put his guitar back on the stand in the corner before he awkwardly stood up.

He helped them around to find the records they were looking for. He discussed bands and songs with them, and even laughed at the stories the girls told from when they had been in marching band when they were in school.

As they had paid for their records and were about to leave the brunette placed a hand on Blaine's arm and leaned in to him.

"I'm really sorry about your mom," she said, so low that only Blaine and her friend could hear it. The girls turned on their heels and walked out the store. Blaine dumped down on the stool and stared blankly through the room with the familiar hole growing in his stomach and his heart dropping to the floor.

The weather outside was dark and gray and the wind was howling against the buildings, so the thought of walking through town to go home was something that just had to go over with, despite how much he usually treasured that walk of freedom before he had to enter the house and face his father.

"I'm closing up," Blaine declared, not sure Kurt had heard him. He was standing at the other end of the store looking at the posters on the wall, so Blaine packed up his guitar and started getting the counter ready for the night.

The walk home was silent. Kurt hadn't said a word and Blaine didn't know what to say himself. He wanted to talk to Kurt so badly, and the entire walk he kept shooting him glances from the corner of his eyes. He couldn't stop thinking about how great it would be if he stretched out his hand defied the distance between them to hold Kurt's hand.

"I'm tired. I think I'll go straight to bed," Kurt exclaimed when they walked up the driveway to the Anderson house.

Blaine felt like he had been punched in the stomach. All day he had been looking forward to go home and coil up in Kurt's arms - or at least have his presence in his room, be there with him, protect him from doing something stupid; just feel him.

"Oh… okay," was all Blaine could say.

_Don't. Come stay with me. Let me hold you and sing to you_, Blaine begged in his head, but didn't say it out loud.

He watched as Kurt disappeared down the hall to the guestroom. He considered following him; going to the guestroom to beg Kurt to let him hold him, to beg Kurt to sing to him - but instead he turned and walked to his own room.

He sat against the bed and started playing his guitar. He didn't know what he was playing; he just played random tunes to detach his brain - but before he realized it the melody coming from his guitar had faded into _Only You _and he felt his cheeks go wet, and he had no idea why.

When he finished the song his fingers stopped moving and he let his head rest against the mattress. Suddenly the guitar felt overwhelmingly heavy, but his arms denied all kinds of action, so he stayed in the position and let his eyes drift closed.

Blaine woke up because he was shaking. He had fallen asleep on the floor sitting against the bed with his guitar in his lap. His entire body felt stiff and he nearly couldn't get up from the floor.

He started stripping off his clothes and put on his pajamas, before he checked the clock and walked to the bathroom to brush his teeth. The light was sharp in his eyes, and he felt so cold that his teeth almost clattered.

When he left the bathroom he saw the guestroom door and stopped. It was only 1am. Would it be so bad if he went to see if Kurt was sleeping?

He stood in front of the door for what felt like ages before he carefully knocked. There was no answer so he opened the door soundlessly.

The room was dark except for a moonbeam streaming through the shades, and the sound of Kurt's breathing was quietly filling the room. The moonlight that hit his white cheeks made him look like a China doll - beautiful and perfect.

Blaine felt an urge to crawl into the small bed, put an arm around him and kiss his cheek, but he looked so flawless and peaceful that he couldn't bring himself to do it. He didn't want to draw him out of his sleep, so instead he swallowed the lump in his throat before he closed the door after him and returned to his own bed.

He didn't close his curtains, but let the moonlight fill his room. He took the pillow Kurt used to sleep with and hugged it close to his chest and dug his nose into the fabric, letting himself fall to sleep like that.

Thursday looked more or less like Wednesday had; they went to the record store where there really weren't a lot of customers, so Blaine played his guitar to Benji while Kurt explored the boxes of records that he hadn't been through the previous day.

When they closed up the store they walked home and sat in Blaine's room listening to music for a while before Kurt announced that he was tired and wanted to go to bed.

This made Blaine sad. He knew that there was only one day until Kurt had to leave his house, and he didn't know if he was going home or if he was going back to Washington.

He was afraid that when Kurt was to leave Saturday morning this would be the last time he would see him, and he couldn't do the slightest thing about it.

Blaine's father would ship him off to military school, and he wouldn't be able to send him letters because letters would get checked for drugs as customary in schools like that, and there was no doubt that they would be against Blaine's friendship with Kurt - if Kurt would even want anything to do with him when he knew that he was going to military school.

He wouldn't be able to call him, and he wished that he at least had a picture of Kurt that he could keep in his wallet while he was away.

Blaine woke up late Friday and panicked. It was almost noon and he had wasted his last day with Kurt away on sleeping.

He jumped out of the bed and ran to the bathroom so he could shower and hurry to find Kurt. He wished so badly that he could find him in the guestroom when he was ready.

The hot water was stressing Blaine out. It felt like it was running way slower than usual just to annoy him and slow him down. Normally he found it calming and relaxing, but today it only put him on edge and he wanted it to be over with.

Suddenly he stopped in the middle of a movement. Did he just head the door open?

It was ridiculous, why would the door open while he was in the shower?

The running water could be heard in the hall, and everyone in the house knew that if the door was closed it meant that the bathroom was occupied.

He shook his head at his own silly thoughts before he continued to shampoo his hair so he could finish up and get out.

Even though he kept telling himself that he was being irrational he couldn't shake the feeling that someone was watching him - observing him.

He started washing the soap off his body and leaned his forehead against the cold tiles to let a freeze run through his bones. He turned off the water and left the shower positive that he put the towel at the other end of the table.

That's when he saw it; the door wasn't properly closed.

Had Kurt been out there to look at him while he showered?

He knew that his father was at work, so it could really only be Kurt. Would he do something like that? And why?

He started drying himself with the towel, unable to stop a grin from covering his face.

The library smelled like dust and old books. Blaine was sitting at the table in the corner and watched Kurt as he walked between the shelves where he looked through the titles and smelled the covers. He looked comfortable in the silence unlike everyone else who came there. Even the people who worked at the library looked like they found the extreme silence awkward and too much.

Kurt didn't. He looked like it was the most natural thing in the world .

Blaine couldn't stop wonder if it had been his imagination running wild or if Kurt really had been in the bathroom earlier. He couldn't exactly ask: "_Hey did you sneak in to peek at me while I was naked_?" - that would be crossing the line.

He leaned back in his chair and looked down in the book in his hands. The letters were dancing around the pages and it was impossible for him to see them actually forming words. He couldn't stop himself from stealing glances over the top of the book to watch Kurt. Sometimes Kurt's eyes met his through the shelves, and Blaine felt his cheeks flush, so he hurried to look back in the book.

They spent the entire day at the library. Blaine struggled to read, but no matter how many times he read through the sentences they refused to stick in his head.

Kurt didn't read; when he was done strolling through the bookcases he dumped down on the chair next to Blaine and leaned in over the table to rest his head on his arms, so he could look up at Blaine under his long eyelashes.

Neither of them said anything, but Blaine constantly had to push away the thought that Kurt possibly had watched him in the shower earlier that day - naked and washing himself.

When they left the library Kurt pushed Blaine down a little street instead of walking down the main street of the town.

They never walked this way, no one did actually, so Blaine was confused.

They walked a bit down the street as the sun disappeared behind the roofs and the clouds were dark and threatened to break out in rain.

Halfway back to Blaine's house Kurt stopped and pushed Blaine against one of the small houses.

"I like watching you. You're sexy," Kurt whispered into Blaine's ear as he let his fingertips run from his neck, down his chest to end at his hip where he et his thumb slide lightly down the line of Blaine's jeans. Blaine could feel himself grow hard behind the zipper and sweat break out on his forehead, holding his breath in.

Kurt let go and proceeded his way down the sidewalk as if nothing had happened.

Blaine closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the brick wall he was leaning against and exhaled heavily.

It was too much. Why did Kurt make him feel like this? Maybe it was for the best that Kurt was leaving in the morning - he couldn't want Kurt like that. It wasn't right.

There was only really one explanation: they were friends, and they were really close, and Kurt had confused him with his closeness and trust - _and his beauty, and sexy body and everything, and soft lips._

No! He shouldn't think like that about his friend. Kurt was his friend. End of story.

Blaine's skin was cold and clammy from the quick spurt of heat and the cold weather, so he rubbed his palms over his face before he hurried to follow Kurt home.

When they came back to Blaine's house they sat down in the kitchen and ate cereal without a word. Blaine didn't dare look at Kurt even though he could feel Kurt's eyes on his face; but he was afraid that if he looked his face would go scarlet, and Kurt would know that he knew that he had been in the bathroom

"Wanna go to your room and listen to some music before bedtime?" Kurt asked insecure, letting his fingertips brush over Blaine's wrist before he pulled his arm away and let it disappear under the table.

"Sure. We could… we could do that," Blaine agreed, already promising himself to keep away from Kurt for the rest of the night to avoid any kind of misunderstandings.

They walked upstairs and Kurt went to the bathroom while Blaine put on a record. To his surprise Kurt sat on the floor instead of the bed next to Blaine when he entered the room.

It was strange - why didn't he want to sit next to him?

_It doesn't matter, I had planned to stay away from anyway_, Blaine reminded himself.

Yet it bothered him. More than he would admit to himself, and even though he tried acting like he didn't care he couldn't stop himself from looking at Kurt on the floor as he was lying with closed eyes listening to the record.

"I should go to bed. I have to get up early in the morning," Kurt suddenly proclaimed and got up from his spot on the floor. Before Blaine could say anything Kurt had left the room, and all that was heard was the humming from the just ended record on the gramophone.


	17. Stars And Rain

"Blaine. Blaine, wake up," Kurt whispered in his ear.

Blaine opened his eyes and found Kurt sitting on his knees on the bed in front of him.

"Kurt? What's going on? Is something wrong?" Blaine asked in a thick and sleepy voice. His eyes were heavy and his head confused as he felt a steam of panic creep under his skin.

"No. Not at all. Hurry up, put on some clothes," Kurt said and tripped out of the bed to wait for him.

Blaine didn't understand a word of what was going on, but he sat up, his eyes only now getting used to the dark. He looked at his watch before he looked back to Kurt who was tripping on tiptoes in the middle of the floor.

"Kurt, it's midnight. What are you doing?" he asked, but he realized that Kurt was fully clothed. He was wearing tight jeans, a shirt tucked into his pants and a scarf around his neck. His hair looked as perfect as always and he seemed excited.

Blaine decided it would be purposeless to ask anymore so he got up and dressed as requested.

As soon as he was ready Kurt tripped soundlessly out of the room and Blaine followed without questions. Kurt led them outside and down the street in the opposite direction of the one they usually walked when they were walking to town.

Suddenly Blaine found himself in the middle of a green patch like the one they always came at in Washington, only this one was much smaller and there was no playground, but a few trees surrounding them.

Kurt sat down with crossed legs and closed his eyes the way he did it when he was about to meditate. Blaine kicked a little in the ground with the nose of his shoe before he sat down in front of Kurt and mirrored his position.

"Would you sit next to me instead, please?" Kurt asked quietly, and when Blaine opened his eyes he saw that Kurt was staring at him.

"Sure. Of course," Blaine agreed and moved over to sit next to him.

Kurt pulled his knees to his chest and let his head down to rest on Blaine's shoulder.

"Look at the stars. Look how the shine falls over the grass and make it go from black to silver," he whispered out of nowhere.

But all Blaine could see was the way the shine of the moon made Kurt's skin look silver. They sat like that for a long time. The cold ran through Blaine's jeans and made all of his muscles stiff and aching, but he was determined to not let himself start shaking - he didn't want Kurt to know that he was freezing, because then he might say that they should go home, and go to bed. In their separate beds, in separate rooms.

"Thank you," Blaine said, interrupting the sound of the wind squealing in the trees around them. He hesitated a little, but eventually he took a deep breath and let his arm around Kurt to drag him closer.

"What for?" Kurt asked confounded as he let his hand down to place on Blaine's thigh, making a shiver run down Blaine's spine.

"For coming. I… when I called you that day I just… needed to hear your voice, and needed you to calm me down. And then you were just standing there, in front of me. And stayed with me," Blaine blabbered out, unable to stop himself before he had let it all out in the open.

He was so relieved. He had needed to say it. He didn't feel that he could thank Kurt enough, and yet he didn't feel like he had thanked him at all; even though Kurt had dropped everything to cross the country just to give him a hug.

"But how could I ever do anything else? You needed me - how could I just leave you alone?" Kurt said it like it was the most irrational thing anyone had ever said to him, like he in no way understood what it was Blaine was saying to him - and Blaine was glad that they couldn't see each other's faces.

He tightened his arm around Kurt, and he felt Kurt squeeze his hand around his thigh.

"Thank you. I just… I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't come." Blaine swallowed, and realized that it was true.

When he had called back to the commune and the girl had said that Kurt wasn't there he had felt the last piece of his world shatter. He had needed Kurt to talk him down and comfort him so badly, but then he hadn't been there - and then when Kurt showed up on his front porch the next day it was like all clouds left the sun.

"But there isn't any reason to think about that. Because I am here, and I could never leave you alone when your world had just fallen apart." Kurt's voice was soft and honest. He let his thumb brush over Blaine's thigh a single time.

"I wish I could have met your mom. She was beautiful," Kurt said after some time, and a flame ran through Blaine.

His throat tied up, and he remembered the letter his mom had left on his pillow. A rush of sadness filled him, and suddenly the black trees seemed melancholic; like they felt the sorrow that made his heart cramp up.

"She was the best woman I ever met," Blaine said. He noticed that his voice had turned weak, and he was sure that if it had been physical it would crumple from a blow of the wind.

"I know she was. How could she have been anything else? She raised you," Kurt answered, making Blaine's stomach coil up and ache.

The cold grass made his ass numb and his fingers were so freezing that he almost couldn't move them, but he still didn't want to leave.

"It's raining," Kurt announced, as Blaine felt a drizzle on his face, and the grass starting to get wet.

"Come," Kurt said and jumped to his feet, grabbing Blaine's hand to help him up.

And they danced. They felt the drizzle transform to a light rain, making their hair go wet. Blaine let his hands lock around Kurt's neck as Kurt's arms were on his back and his hands on his shoulders pressing Blaine's chest against his own while their feet moved slowly around the wet grass.

"There's a reason I brought you here," Kurt suddenly said, his silk voice almost inaudible through the whining wind and falling rain, even though his lips were right next to Blaine's ear.

"Why?" Blaine asked, without the slightest idea of what to expect what was next to come.

Kurt released his grip and moved so he could look Blaine in the eyes, and Blaine saw again that the stars had been taken from the firmament and put in Kurt's eyes instead.

"There's something I want to give you. Close your eyes," he said, not a demand but a request, his face indifferent, not giving Blaine any clue about what was going on, but nonetheless closed his eyes as told.

All he could feel was the cold rain dripping on his face, and running down the back of his shirt.

He had no idea what Kurt could want to give him, and he tried pushing away the thought that Kurt's jeans were so tight fitted that it would be impossible for him to keep anything in his pockets and still move his legs.

Out of nowhere Blaine's lips turned warm, and he could feel a pair of soft lips against his own. Kurt pressed his lips against Blaine's, and he felt electricity take over his blood.

He rose to stand on tiptoes to let his arms stretch further around Kurt's neck to drag him closer, while he let his lips move in sync with Kurt's; let them move faster.

Kurt's lips slowly parted and Blaine could feel the tip of his tongue trace over his lower lip, so Blaine stretched out his own tongue to let it meet Kurt's, and Kurt gasped into his mouth, but volunteered into the dance Blaine's tongue offered him.

Kurt's breath was sweet and tasted vaguely of mint toothpaste, making Blaine nervous that his own breath was horrible. But he didn't care, cause Kurt's breath was warm into Blaine's mouth that felt cold, and Kurt's tongue was soft as his voice and hair, and even though Blaine had felt it excruciating to hold himself from kissing him, he now felt that it had been worth it.

He wished that he had done it before, and he was happy that ever since he had met Kurt he had refused to kiss anyone - because this was right. This was the only kiss that could ever feel right for him.

"I think I'm in love with you," Blaine stammered, his breathing slightly panting against Kurt's lips, not wanting to let them go, not wanting to lose their touch.

"I know you are. You've been for a long time. You just needed to figure it out yourself," Kurt whispered back, and let the tip of his finger wipe a raindrop out of Blaine's left eyebrow.

In that second a bolt of lightning tore open the sky and Kurt screamed excitedly against Blaine's neck. He wasn't afraid, Blaine was sure. Kurt was giggling, and the rain got heavy and fast, and in a second they were soaked.

Kurt took his hand and they started to run, careful not fall on the wet grass with thunder yelling at them over their heads. Once they were back on the sidewalk they ran so fast that Blaine's muscles were screaming in protest.

Their fingers were locked together, and Blaine squeezed Kurt's hand as hard as he could, afraid that the rain would make them slip apart.

They were screaming and laughing, but as soon as they were at the Anderson front door they knew they had to be quiet when they entered the house to make sure they didn't wake up Blaine's father.

Blaine knew that it was risky, but they didn't let their hands part as they tiptoed up the stairs. When they reached the top Blaine felt ice dropping to his stomach - what if Kurt just retreated to the guestroom now?

He couldn't let him go away now, not when they were so close to the minute that they had to part - maybe for good.

He stopped at the top of the staircase and looked at Kurt through the darkness, but Kurt smiled at him and led him down the hall to Blaine's own room. Blaine lit the lamp on the desk by the window, and he was happy that the light was dimmed so it didn't ruin the moment.

Thunder and rain was booming outside the window, and the room was occasionally bathed in a lightning tearing the sky apart.

Their clothes were soaked and their skin was freezing, but on the inside Blaine felt like he was filled with boiling water.

He crossed the floor to the closet, and found out two plaid shirts and walked over to give one to Kurt.

"Put this on. So you don't get sick," he said, as he started to open his own shirt.

Kurt smiled appreciating at him and started letting his clothes drop in a pile on the floor before he put on the shirt Blaine had handed him.

Blaine hurried to change into his own shirt, uncomfortably aware that even his boxers were nearly dripping from the rain, and the white fabric was clammy and clinging to his skin.

Blaine pushed the pile of his own wet clothes to the side before he looked up and realized that Kurt had crawled into the bed and was waiting for him under the covers.

Blaine wasn't really sure what to do, so he crossed the floor to lie down next to him.

Kurt's eyes were shining through the darkness, and even though the wind and rain was roaring against the window his breathing seemed loud through the darkness it felt like the world had disappeared around them.

Blaine could hear the blood pounding in his ears, and feel his hair dripping from the rain, but all that mattered was that Kurt was lying next to him, smiling and waiting for him.

"There's something I need to tell you," Kurt exclaimed, his face difficult to read, and Blaine started to wonder if it was something he actually wanted to hear; but he nodded.


	18. One

"I've been in love with you since I saw you the first time. When I saw you on the bus from Ohio, and you were playing and singing. The passion and love radiating from you - I couldn't stop looking at you. It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen and heard. It was like magnetism - I needed you," he whispered, making Blaine feel like he was about to explode.

Before he knew it he had moved closer to Kurt, leaned in over him, and let his hand up to cup his face so he could make their lips clasp together.

"I've been so afraid," Blaine admitted. He was so ashamed of himself, ashamed that he had been acting so stupid; telling himself that he shouldn't feel that way about Kurt, when he now knew that it was the only right thing for him - that he shouldn't feel any other way, because if he did _that _would be wrong.

"I know - you needed to figure it out at your own pace. So I gave you that. Helped you in the right direction without pushing you," Kurt responded, and let his fingertips run down Blaine's arm.

"But… it's ridiculous, I should have just - faced that I want you, I want to… be with you. So much - and I think that somehow I knew it all along, I just wouldn't admit it, because I was scared," Blaine blabbered out, embarrassed and with a need to hide and kick himself.

"It doesn't matter now. Because we are together now, and that is the most important thing. You are worth the wait," Kurt cooed, and let his fingers run through Blaine's wet hair and Blaine feelt a wide grin spread over his face.

"So are you. I would wait for you - to the end of time. I've never felt this way before. Ever. But Kurt… I love you, I really do." Blaine let his eyes force their way into Kurt's stargaze, letting Kurt's eyes run through every cell of him and gladly welcoming them in.

Kurt shuffled a little to sit up and Blaine let himself sit against the pillows next to him. This was strange - what were they going to do now? What was going to happen? Were they… together? Like really together?

Blaine had never had a girlfriend in his life - but did he have a boyfriend now?

"Blaine - I wanna be your boyfriend. If you'll let me. But… I want you to know that I would never force you to tell your dad," Kurt said, answering the most pressuring questions that was starting to well in over Blaine like an avalanche.

"I understand that you can't have it out in this town - because it would hurt you so bad if your dad knew. So I just want you to know that it's okay. Like I said; I would wait for you to the end of time." He paused and bit his lower lip, but Blaine felt like he was about to explode from the warm feeling running through him.

In the blink of an eye Kurt had moved to sit on top of him. Blaine didn't have to think twice to let his hands rush to Kurt's hips feeling that his boxers were soaked too, for a second afraid that he would get sick despite the dry shirt.

"One day I'll take you away and we'll run away to a place where we don't have to hide it. I promise. I wanna be with you, so much. And I wanna be able to proudly hold your hand when we walk down the street, and -" Blaine started, with a need to express how much he meant it, but he was stopped mid-sentence.

Kurt clasped his lips against Blaine's. cutting off his words. He let his fingers caress Blaine's neck running into his wet curls, and Blaine could feel that Kurt's heart was racing just as fast as his own when their chests met between them.

The buttons of their flannel shirts were boring their way into Blaine's skin, but he didn't care. He let his hands slide down to Kurt's ass to press him closer, feeling Kurt smile against his lips in the middle of their kiss that slowly grew heated.

"I wanna feel you - I wanna feel you, Blaine," Kurt panted against Blaine's cheek that he was kissing wildly, and Blaine felt Kurt grow hard against him while Blaine was completely unable to stop his own natural reaction.

He started kissing Kurt's neck, and squeezed his ass lightly before he let his hands up to start unbuttoning Kurt's shirt, when he felt Kurt starting to unbutton his too, letting his lips find their way back to Blaine's.

The storm was still screaming at them, and when a boom of thunder sounded over them Blaine opened his eyes so he could see Kurt while he kissed him when the lightning was about to come - to his surprise Kurt was looking at him too, so they stayed like that; staring into each other's eyes during their heated waves of kisses and frantic fingers struggling to get the shirts open.

When they finally were through what seemed like an endless battle of buttons Blaine felt Kurt's naked skin against his own - his cold chest that was still as clammy as his own from their wet clothes, and his stiff nipples against his own.

Kurt started moving his hips, and their erections were rubbing against each other making Blaine extremely aware of himself, making him feel exposed and self-conscious.

But it didn't matter - because he was with Kurt.

"Let's… be naked," he whispered, surprising himself with the request, but not regretting it for a second.

Kurt bit softly down on Blaine's lower lip, and let his dick rub extra slow and hard against Blaine's causing a chill to run through his body. Kurt climbed down on the side of Blaine to start taking off Blaine's boxers carefully, before he let his own drop to the floor too.

Blaine couldn't wait anymore. He needed to feel Kurt against him again. The print his skin had left on his was burning hot, but he was afraid that it would fade away, and he didn't want that to happen for anything in the world. He hurried to his knees and pushed Kurt to lie down, head at the foot of the bed, before Blaine fast crawled to lie on top of him, with his fingers in Kurt's hair and the other hand letting his fingers run down the perfect skin of his cheek.

The feeling of Kurt being pressed completely naked against him was amazing, and he didn't know if his skin was damp from the rain they had just left or from the sweat breaking out everywhere.

He could feel Kurt's hands running down his triceps and down his ribs, to place his palms flat on the lower portion of his back so he could press him closer down between his legs that Kurt led up to caressingly brush against Blaine's thighs.

It all felt so incredibly real - he had never felt so alive, and he felt a fire burn in his stomach; like something inside him wanted to get out.

He couldn't stop himself from looking at Kurt as beautiful as he looked while lying there under him; sparkling eyes and flushed cheeks, every now and then completely illuminated by a bolt of lightning.

When Blaine had been younger he was terrified of thunderstorms. He would hide under his covers and try to keep out the noise with his pillows. Something that had lasted all the way into high school; but when he was lying there in Kurt's arms he felt safer than ever before. He found the mayhem of the raging weather beautiful and comforting.

Their breathing speeded up, and with every movement their bodies made the friction against their hard cocks pressed between them caused a twitch to run through Blaine.

Never in his life had he really thought about sex, it had been irrelevant to him because there had never been anyone in his life that he was interested in like that, but in this particular moment it felt so right, and natural that he just…

"Kurt. There's something I need to tell you," he panted and closed his eyes.

He didn't know if Kurt was even interested in sex, but he still felt that he owed him to tell him, no matter how awkward it might feel.

Kurt stopped his hands that had been moving up and down his back, and let his head drop to the mattress under him. His eyes were big and wet as he waited for Blaine to share what it was he needed to say.

"Kurt, I… I've never… been… with anyone. Not even a girl," he stuttered, feeling his lower lip quiver and nerves relocate to be on the surface of his skin instead of under it where they belonged.

Kurt's eyes flickered between Blaine's and it was impossible for him to guess what was going on inside his head.

Had Kurt been with a lot of boys, and just couldn't picture himself with someone who had no idea what he was doing? Or was he shocked that Blaine was so shallow to think about sex when they were sharing this beautiful moment?

"I'm a virgin too. No boys, no girls, no one. But it's irrelevant - because the only important thing right now; the only thing we need to hold on to - is each other," Kurt responded, and made Blaine's heart stop for a second only to race away again.

"But if you don't wanna do anything we can stay here. Like this. It's okay. I like feeling you close to me this way, " he whispered, and let his one hand down Blaine's arm. It was like he wanted to let him feel that he meant it, that he just needed to say the words and they would stop.

"When I said that I would wait for you forever this was included. I won't pressure you into it - you should be ready." Kurt craned his neck to place a soft kiss on his lips, making butterflies dance a wild lambada in his veins.

"I _am_ ready. _For you_," Blaine heard himself whisper, and in that moment he knew that it was true, and all insecurity disappeared.

Kurt let his hand up to drag Blaine's face a little closer so he could let his lips almost meet Blaine's ear while his fingers caressed his neck.

"Good. Cause I'm ready for you too. I wanna feel you in me. I want us to be one," Kurt whispered, and his hot breath made Blaine feel like the thunderstorm was suddenly roaring inside of him instead of outside the window.

Blaine bent down to start kissing Kurt's neck right under his ear as he felt Kurt dig his nails into his skin.

"I… don't know… what to do," Blaine panted against his neck while he let his tongue play with Kurt's earlobe, causing Kurt to gasp abruptly.

It was suddenly very real to him that he knew nothing about how boys had sex with each other. Sure, straight sex was stuff everyone knew about - but he didn't have a clue about gay sex and it terrified him. Not only was he afraid that he would mess up in every thinkable way, he was also extremely aware that this was Kurt's first time too, and he wanted to make sure it didn't turn out to be a horribly uncomfortable memory to him.

After a few seconds Kurt raised to his elbows and Blaine quickly understood that he wanted to sit up.

Blaine sat up on his knees between Kurt's legs, and Kurt rushed to sit on his knees as well.

"Do you trust me?" he asked, a spark in his eyes that Blaine had never seen before. Was Kurt nervous?

"More than anyone in the world," Blaine spat out without even blinking.

A smile showed on Kurt's lips and the nervous spark disappeared. He moved closer, so close that their bodies were touching again.

"Then let me guide you through it," Kurt said as he let his lips back to Blaine's and his arms up around his neck. He started to make Blaine fall down to lean against the pillows in a sitting position, as Kurt let his hand down to grab around Blaine's knee making it rise, before he let their lips part. Blaine felt exposed from the position, but he was with Kurt so it didn't matter. He didn't have any secrets from Kurt, and he wanted to let Kurt see him fully.

Kurt let his hand to his mouth where he let two fingers in, and Blaine watched him move them around with closed eyes, the fire screaming in his stomach by the sight, and he was sure that Kurt knew it and purposely made him enjoy it.

Was he moaning silently or was it something Blaine imagined?

Kurt let his fingers slide out of his mouth, fingertips slightly brushing his lips, before he led them down between Blaine's legs. He could feel Kurt letting his fingers slide down his crack to find his hole, making every muscle in Blaine's body tense before Kurt slowly let a finger inside him, careful and soft, but still making Blaine gasp by the sudden feeling.

The deeper Kurt went in the more stiff his nipples grew and the harder he felt his dick go - to the point of exploding, he was sure.

Kurt bent down to kiss Blaine again, this time their tongues meeting instantly while he felt Kurt's finger slip and out of him while Kurt's hard cock brushed against the back of his naked thigh, smearing pre-come over his skin.

Blaine felt it hard to breath, unable to stop himself from breathing Kurt's name against his lips, before he was surprised by Kurt letting one more finger in, and he heard himself do a whimper more high pitched than he knew he was capable of.

The feeling wasn't like anything he had ever felt or imagined and he felt his hand slide down to firmly grab around Kurt's ass, realizing that the only thing that could stop this aggressive throbbing in his dick would be to feel himself inside Kurt.

"I wanna be in you. I wanna…" Blaine heaved before a moan took over from Kurt crooking his fingers inside him.

Kurt got what he was saying and made his fingers dig as deep into Blaine as he could, and Blaine could feel his knuckles bore into the flesh of his cheeks, before Kurt slowly pulled his fingers out again. Blaine's muscles tightened in desperation to feel him again, and a weak sigh streamed from his lips.

Kurt let his tongue retreat to his own mouth and let his lips massage softly against Blaine's before they moved together to let Kurt be the one to sit against the pillows and Blaine sit between his legs.

"I'm scared. Please… let me know if I do something wrong. Just… guide me to your body," Blaine begged, and Kurt nodded in assurance. He started letting his hand brush from Blaine's face down over his arm to grab his wrist and let his hand up so Kurt could let his tongue lick up Blaine's index and middle finger before he let them slide into his mouth, his eyes locked on Blaine's while doing so.

The feeling of Kurt's warm mouth and tongue sliding up and down and around his fingers while staring intensely into his eyes made Blaine wish that he would never stop. His tongue was so soft, and it was almost like he could feel it on his cock, making him have to bite his own tongue to not let out a heavy whimper.

Kurt let his tongue take one last trip between, and up, his fingers before he let them leave his mouth, warm and wet. He led Blaine's hand down between his legs, Kurt leading his fingers down his crack, making Blaine feel Kurt's hole against his fingertips.

Kurt started pressing on Blaine's finger to press it into his hole while he bit his lower lip, the sight making Blaine do an unwilling jerk of his hand causing his finger to abruptly go into Kurt to the knuckle, making a weak "_Yes, Blaine _-" escape Kurt's lips.

Blaine was still insecure, though, and he hoped that Kurt wouldn't let go of his hand. He needed Kurt to help him through it.

Blaine let his finger slowly slide in and out of Kurt's hole, the feeling warm and wet, as he let his free hand grab around Kurt's hip. He could feel Kurt's thumb assuringly brush his wrist, his index finger still at Blaine's middle finger to keep him inside, helping him move in and out, making him raise his speed.

Right as Blaine was starting to feel comfortable, feel that he was in control of the situation and that he was doing it right, Kurt moved his hand and started to press Blaine's index finger in next to the first, and Kurt whimpered and moaned with the fingers of his free hand boring down in the mattress under them.

Blaine continued at the same pace as before, watching Kurt's eyes drift open and closed, and biting the inside of his cheek. Blaine started feeling his way to difference speeding, and he couldn't stop think about how it would feel to have his dick inside Kurt.

He wanted to feel it so bad, and just the thought made sweat break out on his forehead and his breathing turn unsteady.

Out of nowhere Kurt let the tip of his own index finger slide into his hole next to Blaine's two fingers before he tightened his grip around Blaine's wrist and slowly moved his hand, Blaine feeling Kurt's hole tighten around his fingers as if to try and keep him in a little longer.

Blaine was heaving for air, but Kurt dragged him down to kiss him soft and slow, their lips moving lazily together.

"Where's the yellow tin box you always bring when you have dry lips?" Kurt asked, breathing heavily into Blaine's mouth, making Blaine almost cough from the next portion of oxygen trying to fight its way to his lungs.

"In the drawer in my nightstand. Why?" Blaine asked, confounded by the request.

Kurt closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he raised to support on his elbows, and stared Blaine in the eyes.

"Use it," Kurt whispered suggestively.

At first Blaine didn't really understand what he meant, until it suddenly hit him and he felt his skin stretch over his muscles. He chewed a little on the inside of his lower lip, glaring at Kurt; taking in how gorgeous he looked lying there - just for him.

Blaine shuffled a little, careful not to hurt Kurt as he stretched his hand to open the drawer and fumbled a little around until his fingers hit the cold box.

The little yellow box was cold in his hand as he picked it up and screwed the lid off. Kurt's glance was anticipating, and Blaine could hear his blood rush in his ears.

Kurt moved to sit up in front of Blaine and let their eyes meet.

"Are you ready?" Kurt asked earnestly, and Blaine knew that he wasn't talking about the situation but about the moment, what was to come and what it would mean - for him, for _them_.

He swallowed and nodded, Kurt's eyes a mix of blue and green with stars claiming his pulse and letting the thick clouds melt off his brain.

Kurt let his hands up to cup Blaine's face so he could kiss him - gentle and soft, like a marshmallow brushing lightly over his lips, before Kurt laid back down on the pillows, hand on Blaine's neck, dragging him down with him.

Blaine felt Kurt's hand on his, leading his fingers into the Vaseline. It was greasy and cold, and Blaine was willing to swear that his heart skipped a beat as he felt it on his skin.

Kurt's hand helped him smear it over his cock that felt harder than ever. He had never felt anything so freezing in his entire life, and he gasped by the feeling, but Kurt's soft fingers against his skin made him quickly return to the reality of the situation.

"I want you, Stardust," Kurt whispered through a slow kiss, and Blaine knew that this was it.

He took a firm grip around the root before he rested his forehead against Kurt's. He could feel the head of his dick press against Kurt's hole, while Kurt was struggling to keep his breathing even without much success.

Kurt spat out a weak groan when Blaine felt his head all inside of Kurt, scared that it might hurt him, but letting go of his cock to place his hands on each side of Kurt.

He moved his hips a little forward making Kurt groan again, Blaine too afraid to as much as breath too hard.

Out of nowhere he felt Kurt's one leg rise and let his heel rest on the lower of his back.

"Kiss me, stardust. Please, kiss me," Kurt begged, his voice hoarse and different than Blaine had ever heard him before - and Blaine obeyed.

He let his lips down to meet Kurt's, feeling that his tongue had gone dry, and his movements insecure.

Kurt dug his heel harder into Blaine's back, making Blaine's hips jerk and his cock go deeper into Kurt, causing Blaine to gasp into his mouth.

"Oh my god. Fuck, Blaine -" Kurt gasped high pitched. Blaine felt the words hit his tongue, tasted them, tasted how much it had to mean that Kurt liked it.

Kurt was warm around him and the feeling of being closer to him than anyone had ever been was sensational, but it hurt so much.

"God, you're so tight," Blaine burst out before he could stop himself.

Kurt was so tight around him that his cock was throbbing even more than he could ever have thought possible. It was so painful, and somehow it was comforting too - like a promise that this was only for him, that this was something Kurt had never shared with anyone before.

"I'm sorry," Kurt squeaked, his lips clasped against Blaine's cheek, spit cooling his skin, and his foot digging hard into the dimple on Blaine's back.

Blaine took a chance and thrust deeper in, feeling Kurt's dick smear pre-come over their abdomens, his as hard as Blaine's was inside him.

When he felt himself inside Kurt to the root he let out a high pant, knowing that they couldn't be too loud, but he didn't care. They could wake up his father, but right now all that mattered was that he was with Kurt - he was in Kurt, he was melting to be one with Kurt.

Blaine's supported on his one hand so he could let he other rush to grab Kurt's face firmly and kissed him aggressively, while Kurt let his palms onto his shoulder blades.

Blaine let his pelvis carefully thrust back and forth, feeling himself go in and out of Kurt, the tightening in one time unbearably aching and unbelievably amazing.

Kurt's breathing was out of control, and with every thrust he moaned deeply, and Blaine felt him let his calf up to rest against his ass, making each jerk of his cock go deeper.

"Shit, baby. It hurts so much - " Kurt whimpered, making Blaine freeze in the movement and let his lips move away from Kurt's.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'll stop. I'm sorry," he panicked, and started to sit up so he could pull himself out - but Kurt let his hands down to take a hard grip on his ass.

"No. Don't stop. I want you, I want more of you. Give me all you've got," Kurt pleaded, Blaine feeling his face go redder than it already was, because all he could think of was how goddamn sexy Kurt looked and sounded, and how much he loved him, and that he couldn't believe that he was lying there with him - naked. Having sex, making love.

He let himself slide slowly in and out of Kurt before their lips started moving faster, and he felt his heart pace race in his chest, making his movements follow the example and speed up.

The fire in his stomach was back, and the more Kurt scratched his nails into his ass, the faster and harder he thrust. The fire started running from his stomach to his balls, transforming to flaming lava spurting through his shaft, exploding from his head into Kurt with unwilling jerks, making him go so deep that it was aching, along with Kurt tightening around his root.

"Yes, Kurt. Oh yes," Blaine almost screamed into the pillow with his nose deep into Kurt's hair. He could hear Kurt moaning "_Blaine - more_," the sound of Kurt's sore voice expressing his name making chills run through him, along with Kurt's fingertips deep into the flesh of his cheeks, as Blaine felt himself slowly go limp in his hole that was still tightening more.

Blaine was sure that his heart was going to run itself dead, and he felt like his lungs had given up, even though he was heaving for oxygen into the pillow, his nose and mouth equally dry from panting.

He didn't know how long he laid like that, but suddenly soft lips were placing tender kisses on his shoulder, and fingers gently caressing his ass where there was bound to be bright red marks from Kurt's fingers and nails.

Blaine moved his head a little to kiss Kurt's ear, feeling Kurt's cock to do a little twitch against his stomach.

Kurt let his fingertips brush up against Blaine's naked back, his skin suddenly extremely sensitive, and Kurt's caress comforting and relaxing.

Blaine shifted to move a little up from Kurt, so he could have room to pull out of Kurt. He felt come slide slick down his crack and both of them sighed and groaned from the loss when the connection between them were broken.

Blaine started to move to lie down next to Kurt instead of on top of him, but Kurt stopped him to place an innocent peck, almost seeming out of place for what they had just done, before he let his hand slide caringly down his cheek with their eyes locked.

Blaine fell down on the mattress, his entire body exhausted and drained, his nerves shaking under his prickling skin, as he in one time felt completely empty, but still fuller than he ever had.

Then he realized that Kurt hadn't come, and it was like adrenaline took over his body. He shuffled to lie on his side, seeing Kurt smiling with closed eyes, still hard and exposed, almost as if he was waiting.

Blaine moved closer, so close that it was impossible for anything but sweat to be between them. He let his fingers run up Kurt's naked thigh, seeing a shiver run through him from the surprise of the touch, before Blaine brushed up the tender flesh of his balls, and up to close his hand around the shaft.

As he started swiping up and down Kurt shifted to lie on his side, staring Blaine intensely in the eyes.

Kurt craned his neck, exposing it, his Adam's apple taunting Blaine - so he let his tongue out to lick a wet trail all the way up.

Kurt's chest rose and fell as if he was hyperventilating, and Blaine couldn't stop staring at his lower lip slightly parted from his upper lip and quivering lightly, his heavy breath almost visible in the air between them.

The vein of his dick felt pounding against Blaine's palm, making him take a firmer, closer, grip.

He watched Kurt; observed every movement of each muscle in his face, every flicker of his eyelids trying to close before he forced them to open again, every bite in his lip and every twitch of his shoulders. His porcelain white skin was flushed, and somehow it made him look incredibly vulnerable.

"More, baby. More," Kurt whined as he bent his head down to regain the penetrating eye contact, and for a second Blaine thought that he saw a stellar nebula in his right iris.

He let his free arm dig in under Kurt and wrap around him to pull him closer. Kurt's face clashed into his collarbone, his teeth dug into Blaine's skin as he whimpered for more, and his nails scraped down Blaine's chest, feeling like he was about to tear off a nipple.

Blaine got more and more intimidated and let his fist pump harder, his thumb play with the pre-come over his frenulum.

Kurt was twisting in his arm and the sounds coming from his throat got weaker and more high pitched, making him sound so fragile that Blaine wondered if he was going to break if he kept going for too long.

Blaine let himself get caught in the moment, and found himself moaning into Kurt's hair, biting his ear and rubbing his crotch against his hip, while his hand squeezed around his shaft, letting his fingers feel up and down the vein, his tongue fantasizing about how it would feel to lick up it.

"So close, so close," Kurt wailed, a quick stream of thoughts taking flight through Blaine's head, making him release his arm around Kurt a little to move out so he could see his face.

Then it happened; Kurt's entire body flexed and his hips made a series of quick actions, and in no time Blaine felt his hand be covered in warm spurts, but he nearly didn't notice.

Blaine was watching Kurt - nearly going cross eyed before his eyelids shut, his lips lightly parted but pink, full and wet showing signs of where he had bit down the entire night. His cheeks were rosy like strawberries on milk, a peaceful, angelic expression swimming over him, as his nails squeezed hard like teeth into the skin on Blaine's chest, while he burst out in a whimper of "_Blaine_" and incoherent sounds.

Not only his cock, but Kurt's entire body turned limp in Blaine's embrace, and he let his sweaty forehead fall into the hollow spot between Blaine's shoulder and jaw. His fingers stretched out to let his hands lie flat against Blaine's skin, and he moved soundlessly closer to curl up against him, Blaine drying his hand in the bedspread before he let both of his arms wrap around Kurt, afraid that he actually would break him.

A soft kiss was placed on Blaine's neck, followed by a heavy exhale, as Kurt struggled to regain control of his breathing.

Blaine let his hands caress consoling up and down his back and arms, Kurt letting his naked foot in between Blaine's, their naked bodies completely clasped against each other in that position.

"You look _so_ beautiful when you come," Blaine whispered out of nowhere, kissing Kurt's hair, and a wish to kiss him all over his body; and he knew that Kurt would let him, if it hadn't been that both of them were too exhausted to move.

"I told you that one day we would share hearts and be one -" Kurt said, his voice weak and tired, but happy and relaxed, his lips ghosting over Blaine's hypersensitive skin as he talked.

Blaine remembered that - the day they had sworn _The Vow Of Silence_, the first time they had been naked together; in the meditation room under the blankets, the whole world disappeared around them. Like now.

"Yeah. But you also said it would be under the stars -" Blaine recalled out loud.

"We were under the stars. You kissed me under the stars. Admitted your love for me under the stars - we became one then and there," Kurt whispered truthfully, and Blaine felt dumb that he had thought Kurt meant that they had been connected through sex.

Kurt let his arm around Blaine's waist and stretched his neck to kiss Blaine's chin over his head.

"It's not storming anymore," Kurt said hoarsely, Blaine only now realizing that he hadn't even noticed the thunder and lightning stopping and the storm dissolve into light rain tapping on the window glass.

"I didn't notice. I was… busy elsewhere," Blaine chuckled, not knowing why he was stupid enough to ruin a perfect moment like this with a joke.

"True. I'm glad you were -" Kurt whispered through a kiss on his neck.

"I've got an idea. We just need to be really quiet."

Blaine looked at Kurt in surprise. What in the world could he want them to do now? Blaine was so drained for energy and body fluids that he wasn't even sure he could move and his muscles were aching worse than ever.

Kurt sat slowly up, his movements telling Blaine that his body was in exactly the same state as his own was. He grabbed a blanket from the foot of the bed and draped it around Blaine, before he crawled under it himself.

"Come. Let's go shower," Kurt beamed lazily at him, his eyes shined brighter than Blaine would have thought to ever see anything shine.

The idea was completely reckless and stupid and…

…he hurried to sit up and let his arms drag Kurt closer, before he followed him to stand up, and they tiptoed giggling down the dark hall, their naked sweaty bodies gliding against each other.

As soon as they got into the bathroom they let the blanket drop to the floor and hurried into the shower together. The turned on the water to let it cold and soothing run down over their protesting limbs, and let their arms fold around each other so they could rest their heads on each other's shoulders.

"I looked at you. This morning. When you were in the shower," Kurt admitted through the water drumming at the porcelain under their feet.

"I like watching you. You're beautiful, and your body is flawless - your movements are like watching the waves strolling against the beach, and you're just…"

"I know that you did. At first it freaked me out that someone was there. Then after a while, when I remembered that it could only be you - I liked it," Blaine interrupted him, not really knowing why he hadn't admitted it to himself earlier, because it really was the honest-to-god truth.

"And I find you really, really sexy," Kurt whispered into his ear, before he let his fingers up to entwine in Blaine's wet curls, kissing his nose and resting his forehead against Blaine's while smiling against his face.

"I'm sorry about all these bruises and scratches I've given you. Your entire chest and ass is covered in them, even my teeth marks on your shoulder - you look terrible," Kurt apologized as he brushed carefully over the scratches on Blaine's chest.

"Don't be sorry. Would you judge me if I said that I think it was really hot? The swearing too -" Blaine chuckled embarrassed, thinking about the words Kurt had used that he had never heard him speak before, not sure if Kurt would find him twisted and perverted for being into it.

"Good. Cause I don't think I can stop. You're just… really good at what you're doing," Kurt admitted in a teasing tone, before he let his head fall back to Blaine's shoulder.

"Are you my boyfriend now?" Blaine asked, already knowing the answer, but craving to hear Kurt say it out loud.

"You're more than just that. You're my soul mate. You're my Stardust -" Kurt said, staring into Blaine's eyes like he wanted to say it a thousand times and yet a few more after that.

A grin covered Blaine's face, so wide that his cheeks almost hurt.

Kurt let his fingertips run down Blaine's torso tracing the scratch makes and the contours of his muscles, before he turned and stepped out of the shower leaving Blaine to watch him dance out, his silhouette graceful as a ballet dancer behind the shower curtain, before he stepped out directly into Kurt's open, toweled up arms.

"Can I… can I stay in your room tonight? If I make sure to be out before your dad wakes up?" Kurt asked, completely transformed, like he had turned into an insecure little boy.

"He's getting up really early, but he won't notice at all. I want you to stay with me tonight," Blaine assured him, pressing himself against Kurt under the towel they were sharing.

They hurried to dry up, before they tiptoed back to Blaine's room and pushed the soiled bedspread to the floor, so they could lie down under a single sheet to not get too warm during the night. They could feel the cold wind from the window Blaine had opened slightly stream in over them, cool and soothing, feeling like the only thing that had needed for everything to be perfect.

They laid on their sides, their faces so close that their noses nearly touched, and their fingers locked together between them, when it suddenly hit Blaine that he had no idea what the future held for Kurt. What if he was going to Washington? He couldn't let him do that - not now when they had only just started…

"Tomorrow when… when you're leaving - where are you going?" he asked, afraid to hear the answer. He couldn't stand the thought that he had only just got Kurt, really got him, and then he would leave him before they had even begun.

"I'm going to my dad's house. He doesn't know that I'm coming. But I know he'll take me in. I can't leave you to your dad alone, you would break under him." Kurt's thumb brushed lightly against Blaine's shoulder as he spoke, but all Blaine felt was that his heart grew a size as the heavy boulder on his chest crumpled down and disappeared.

"That's… I'm glad. I couldn't watch you leave me, now that I just got you back. Besides… you should make amends with your dad. I'm sure he misses you," Blaine crooned, doing his best to not sound too relieved - he was ashamed that he had even considered that Kurt could just leave him in Ohio after what they had just shared. They were soul mates, after all.

"He probably barely noticed that I was gone. He's been busy working and with standing by his wife while Finn is in 'Nam," Kurt replied, a tint of pain in his voice and Blaine felt that he could almost hear Kurt's heart breaking in his chest as he said it.

"Do you want me to go with you? Tomorrow, when you go home. So you don't have to face them the first time alone," Blaine offered, thinking that it was the least thing he could do, not knowing how else he would be able to help him, even though he didn't find it appropriate for some stranger to show up at people's doorstep with their runaway son returning at last.

"Thank you. You are - indescribable. But I think this is something I'll have to do alone. But please - come visit me," Kurt hurried out, his tone back to his usual dreamy silk.

"I would love that. As much as you want me to," Blaine burst out, happy that Kurt trusted him enough to invite him to his house, even though it sounded like he wasn't too happy about being home himself.

They stopped talking and instead just laid with their fingers locked together, and their eyes holding each other's gaze. The only thing to be heard was the quiet humming of rain against the window, even though Blaine could feel his heart throb so strong in his chest that he was sure that if the rain hadn't been there he would have been able to hear it.

"Shhh. Did you hear that?" Kurt suddenly whispered excited, like he had just experienced something he had waited for his entire life.

"What?" Blaine asked, raising his head a little from the pillow as if he could see what had made the sound Kurt was talking about, afraid that it might be his father in the hall, but Kurt pulled him back down on the pillow.

"No, silly. Be completely silent, and tell me what you hear -" Kurt whispered anxiously at him and closed his eyes.

"Nothing - just…" Blaine started to say after a moment without speaking, but Kurt hurried to stop him.

"Exactly! There is nothing to hear. It's the sound of silence. Isn't it beautiful?"

Kurt's voice was back to the dreamy, hazy tone that Blaine knew so well, and his eyes had grown huge, threatening to pop out of their sockets.

Blaine stayed still and listened to the rain and the wind in the trees outside, letting the cool wind cover his body in goose bumps.

Kurt yawned and moved closer to him, their naked skin allowing Blaine to feel every detail of Kurt's body against his own, and as Kurt snuggled in to lie with his nose buried in Blaine's damp hair he placed a kiss on his shoulder.

"I love you," Blaine whispered through the darkness, his eyes closed so he better could feel Kurt's presence, like Kurt had taught him a few months earlier. It felt so relieving that he was finally able to say it, and not hate himself for doing so - and know that Kurt felt the same way about him.

"I love you too. Let's sleep, Stardust," Kurt responded dozy, as he wrapped his arm around Blaine's chest.

Blaine was unsure as to what had woken him up, but it didn't take him long to realize that Kurt was shaking and clattering teeth, curled up so close into Blaine's arms that they might as well have grown together.

He looked desperately around himself to find a blanket or something to put over Kurt. Finally he saw the thick blanket they had wrapped themselves in when they had gone to the shower in the middle of the night. Only problem was that it was lying on the floor by the door.

Blaine let his arms carefully lift off Kurt, so he could twist his way out of the bed, when he remembered that they were still naked, which he saw as a great explanation to why Kurt was cold - yet he still didn't want them to put on clothes.

He hurried to close the window before he tiptoed soundlessly around the bed. When he was by the door Kurt sat up in the bed in panic, a shock running through Blaine. Kurt started looking frustrated around himself in the dark when he found Blaine froze in action.

"Blaine. Don't go. Don't leave me. Please, don't do it, Stardust -" Kurt whined, his voice sharp and heartbreaking through the silence covering them.

Blaine heard him sob and shook himself out of the freeze he had been caught in so he could hurry to the bed where he put the blanket around Kurt, his sobbing turning into hysterics.

The second Blaine put his arms around him, wrapping both of them in the blanket, Kurt put his arms around Blaine's waist and continued begging him not to leave.

"Shhh, take it easy, beautiful. Why would I ever leave you?" Blaine cooed with his arms around Kurt's shaking shoulders, rocking back and forth on the bed.

"You were there, but then I woke up, and you left. You left me," Kurt cried into his chest, his tears strolling down Blaine's naked skin, leaving wet, cold marks that sent chills through his torso.

As Blaine sat there with his arms around Kurt, consoling him, trying to calm him down, he started wondering what could have caused this.

He had once read that dreams are the subconscious working through the things people don't speak about when they're awake - was Kurt really afraid that Blaine would leave him? Had this happened before, or was it just because they had just got together? Really together. Or maybe it was because they had spent the night together, and he had still been half-asleep when he saw Blaine by the door.

He wanted to ask, but he didn't want to upset Kurt further, so he held him close and kept humming into his ear to comfort him. After some time Kurt fell silent and relaxed, and it was like he sank into Blaine's arms when it occurred to Blaine that he was back to sleep.

He shuffled over so they could lie down, sure that the blanket was tugged tightly around Kurt, feeling Kurt's body slowly go warmer while he let his fingers slowly run through his hair.

It was hard for Blaine to fall asleep again after that scene. He couldn't stop thinking about what might have caused this shocking reaction while he was still somewhat asleep, but he didn't understand in any way.


	19. Goodbyes And Apologies

"Good morning, Stardust," Kurt whispered as he lifted up Blaine's hand to kiss it. Blaine smiled and opened his eyes to see Kurt lying on his front next to him, glancing at him with big eyes and a hint of a smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

"Good morning. Are you feeling any better?" Blaine asked without thinking. When the words left his mouth he remembered that Kurt had very likely been asleep and wouldn't remember anything of what had happened early that morning.

"Better? What do you mean?" Kurt inquired, his brows furrowing as he sat up in the bed. He was staring down at Blaine with confused eyes, looking like there was something he wasn't telling him.

"It's nothing. It's ridiculous. Well… last night I woke up because you were freezing. You were so cold and I got worried, so I got up to get the blanket we had dropped by the door - and you started crying, telling me not to leave you. But… I would never leave you. You know that right?" Blaine explained, choosing his words carefully while he observed how Kurt's face change from confused to scared. Blaine started to feel uneasy and concerned that he had stirred up something that didn't concern him.

Kurt looked away from Blaine. He looked out the window, to the door and then down in the bed. His breathing became unsteady, and Blaine knew that he was doing his best to keep calm and gain control over his heart pace.

"The other day I… I overheard your dad on the phone. Saying that in a few weeks you'll be going to a military school in Jersey, and that you already know, and that you are excited about it. I didn't mean to pry, or eavesdrop, but…" His voice was cold and hurt at the same time, and Blaine had to blink rapidly a few times. He didn't understand a word Kurt was saying and felt like someone had buried his head in a pile of snow.

"I didn't think that was who you are. I didn't think that… that you could be… that you could actually want something like that for yourself. You're so much better than that. At least… I thought you were -" Kurt sniffed, still not looking up, but his fingers frantically turning over a corner of the blanket again and again.

Blaine swallowed, and tried to gather his thoughts, finding the best way to explain the situation to him, but for some reason all he could think of was how exposed he felt and how awkward it was that they were having this conversation while being naked - he hated himself for being so immature and ridiculous that he couldn't even give a proper answer to something that obviously was troubling Kurt deeply.

He closed his eyes before he quickly opened them again and moved across the bed to grab for Kurt's hand. But Kurt just pulled away and looked up at him with teary eyes and an expression that mostly resembled despise covering his face.

"Please - listen to me. You got it all wrong. That's not the way it is. My father - he wasn't home when I got back from Washington. He got back a few days after me, and he said that… he had signed me up for a military school that he will ship me off to in the middle of October," Blaine started out. He watched Kurt's lips transform to a thin line, and his face turned colder and harder, while he was doing his best to avoid Blaine's eyes.

"Kurt. That is not me. I told him that I wouldn't go, and that he can't make me," Blaine said, and he head his voice shake and his heart differencing speed. He started feeling sick and needed fresh air.

"I dreamed about it. Last night. You; wearing a uniform and opening fire at innocent people. You were so cold and careless about… and you had blood everywhere and… you weren't the Blaine that I know. The Stardust that I love -" Kurt cried silently, now staring into Blaine's weary eyes.

Blaine's heart dropped, and a rush of relief welled in over him. Kurt believed him, he actually believed him - but it scared him that Kurt had thought that he would actually be excited about going to a military school, and that he had dreamed about him like that.

"But that's not going to happen. I promise you - I'm not going, and he should know that," Blaine assured him, hoping he was better at convincing Kurt than he had been at convincing himself; he had no idea how to avoid his father sending him away.

"But why didn't you tell me what you heard? Why didn't you ask me about it? So I could explain to you that it wasn't like that," Blaine wanted to know.

"I didn't want it to be true, and I couldn't believe that it was. But I was afraid that it might be, that you could have changed. So I waited for the right time, but it never came. In the end I figured that I would just… see what happened when it got closer, and enjoy my last time with you if it was true." Kurt sounded embarrassed. Ashamed that he had seriously thought that Blaine could be like that after all that he knew about him.

"What happened? When you said you wouldn't go?" Kurt asked curiously, a wet trail from a tear glistening as it was drying on his cheek. His voice was back to soft and his face as dreamy as always.

"He… he hit me. Fist in the face - dramatic and cliché," he said, trying to hollowly chuckle away the situation, not wanting to make a big deal out of it, but he felt Kurt's arms thrown around his neck and Kurt's naked body clasp against his.

"He hit you? I am so sorry." Kurt released his grip and sat down so he could see Blaine's face and cup his cheek.

"No one should ever hurt your face," he wailed, his eyes intensely penetrating Blaine's.

"It's okay. Don't worry about it. It's not the first time, and… it probably won't be the last," Blaine said and shot Kurt a smile he hoped didn't seem to empty.

"It's not okay. I can't stand the thought of anyone hurting you, but… we'll figure something out. You can come stay at my place," Kurt tried, even though it was obvious that he knew it wouldn't be as simple to get out of Blaine going to that school.

"Your dad lives at the other end of town. My father would know before I would even be inside your house, and then he would hunt me down and drag my ass to Jersey himself - besides… your brother is in the army. Do you really think your dad would house someone hiding from military? Even if it's just school," Blaine sighed, and let his head drop to rest his cheek in Kurt's hand.

"Don't give up. We'll work it out. Come 'ere."

Kurt dragged him down with him to lie on the pillows. The blanket was barely covering them anymore, but it didn't matter, cause their bodies against each other kept them warm.

"I have to go soon. I need to get home before my dad gets home from the tire shop," Kurt exclaimed silently. Blaine felt his guts do a roll and his eyes go dry.

"I don't want you to leave. I wish you could stay with me," he pouted, placing his head to rest on Kurt's chest and his palm softly on his ribs.

"I want to stay too. But I can't…"

"I wish we could be like this forever. Not caring about school or work or parents, not even clothes. We wouldn't need silly things like food, or water, or clothes. We could just lie close, naked, forever -" Blaine said, closing his eyes to dream that it could happen.

"I like waking up to the smell of your hair and the feeling of your body warmth radiating to me. I like listening to the silent hum of your breathing and having you wake me up with kisses and your fingers on my skin." Blaine didn't blink. It was the truth, and it was all that he wished from his life; to wake up with Kurt every day for the rest of his breathing seconds.

"Me too," Kurt sniffed and closed his arms around Blaine to drag him into an awkward positioned hug, giving Blaine the chance to smell Kurt's hair one more time.

"I have to get ready. But it won't be the last time you see me. I promise." Kurt let his fingers run through Blaine's curls, down his back to stop on his hip, where he stroked his fingertips over the lower portion of his back, making Blaine clasp his lips against Kurt's neck from the chills.

Blaine laid down on the mattress, watching Kurt as he stood up to drape himself in the sheet they had been sleeping with. He picked up the pile of his clothes on the floor and walked down the hall to the guestroom, with all movements of his muscles visible through the thin white fabric. The way the sheet was draped around his body like a toga, and his graceful, dancing walk made him look like an angel.

The entire house was big and empty, and his room was cold and lonely without Kurt. Blaine wandered up and down the stairs and from room to room not finding rest anywhere. Eventually he started thinking that maybe time had completely stopped.

He wanted to sit down and read or play music somewhere, but all he could think about was Kurt. Every inch of the house reminded him of Kurt, every song and melody he could play, every comic book he owned.

In the end he put on a pair of shoes and started to walk down the sidewalk. Towards town, not towards the green patch they had been Friday night. He didn't need anymore memories crashing in over him.

The day was cold, and he regretted that he hadn't put on a coat instead of just a sweater but he didn't intend on turning back to get one. He felt like he was suffocating in that house; a feeling that had lasted since Kurt left two days ago.

The sky was gray and little Lima was practically deserted. A few kids were in the gardens playing and jumping in puddles from the night's rainfall, and a few housewives were on their way home from the grocery store down the street.

Blaine passed his old school where there still was light on and the classes were filled with students. It made him think about Dalton in Westerville two hours away - he should have been there by now. His senior year.

It was hard to believe that it only had been a few months ago that he had been a good student getting good grades and not having a direction in his life. He had spent his days on school, homework and music - music had been the only real holding point with essence in his life; and now he was walking by this school, feeling so distant - like he had become a completely different person.

He had a new holding point in his life, and found his direction. He still had his music, but now there was Kurt; the one thing, person, that was keeping his head up. Only problem was that he had no idea how to make that direction a reality, because he was stuck there, and had no horizon of getting away.

The sidewalk felt endless, and it was stupid because no matter how much he walked around he didn't want to go home either - it felt pointless to go home just to be restless.

For a second he considered going by the record store but he didn't really feel like it, so instead he decided to walk down the part of town he usually didn't go to. He might as well try to do something inventive.

The church was only just outside town, and Blaine hadn't thought he would ever find himself there, but suddenly he was standing there. The gates to the little cemetery were old and rusty, and the creaking was loud when Blaine pushed them open.

The ground was muddy, and it felt like every sound of the world disappeared the second he stepped foot inside.

As he walked down between the graves he felt like his feet was getting heavier and his chest colder with every step. Even though he knew exactly where he was going he did his best not to think about it, think about what it was that he was about to do.

The headstone was big and beautiful. It was marble, and a little dove was sitting on the top. Of course the stars and stripes was in the right corner, it was his father that had arranged it all. Small leafless bushes were planted on the pebbles making the plot looking peaceful - something he had wished for his mom for as long as he could remember; a place she could have some peace.

"Mom, I'm so sorry about everything. I wish I hadn't been such a jerk and said something - talked to you before it was too late," Blaine whispered, feeling a little awkward but knowing that he couldn't stop now that he had opened up.

"There was so much I wanted to do with you - tell you about and share with you. It shouldn't have been like that. You should have left him long ago. He was no good to you. This is all his fault. He's such an asshole, and… all my life, growing up, I never understood how such a good person like you could end up with such a… heartless bastard. You deserved to be with someone good."

He looked up in the sky where clouds were dark and threatening, and the wind was getting stronger around him, the trees in the corners of the cemetery swaying.

"But, mom… I won't stick around here. I can't. I'll get away as soon as I can. But I won't forget you. I never could… And I won't be going alone. I… mom, I'm in love. Even though people was starting to suspect I would never find someone. I heard them talk about it, how they found it odd that I'm 17 and never had a girlfriend. I don't care. Cause I have found the one I was waiting for. Kurt."

He paused, as if waiting for an answer. He wished so badly that he could have gotten an answer. That by some magical force his mom would appear in front of him, and he could tell her about all the things he wanted to say, and she would listen and tell him that she was so happy that he had found the person that could make him happy.

"I don't know where we're going. Or how, or even when - but we'll leave together some day. I so wish you could have met him. He's so beautiful, and dreamy, and… he's the best person I've ever met. The only person that has ever made me truly happy. I love him."

He squeezed his lips tight and balled his fists in his pockets. He felt like breaking down on his knees in the pebbles, and make the dirt soak the knees of his jeans. He wanted to kiss the headstone and scream for her to come back to him, but all he did was stare at it and rock back and forth on his heels.

"I will come back, mom. I promise I won't leave without coming back and saying goodbye. I just… I can't anymore right now. I miss you _so much_. Everything is different without you. It feels like the whole world has turned dark and cold. I just don't know how to deal with anything anymore. I'm sorry. I have to leave. I love you, mom," Blaine said as a last before he turned and ran out of the cemetery.

He had no idea where he was running, or even why he was running - he just knew that he couldn't be there anymore. It was hard and he felt like he couldn't breathe. The darkness of the day felt like it was surrounding him to eat him up, and the faster he ran the more he felt like he was losing eyesight.

He just needed to get out of there.


	20. Introduction

Why hadn't Kurt as much as called him? He had promised that it wouldn't be the last time he would see him and he had promised that he could come visit him - but Kurt was so flighty and lived so much in the moment, so what if he had completely forgot all about Blaine? _Out of sight out of mind._

Blaine had been sitting on the floor next to the phone reading comic books all day, but not a sound from Kurt, and he couldn't even call him, because he didn't have his number, and he had long ago realized that he didn't even know Kurt's last name so he couldn't just look it up.

The clock turned 6pm and he figured that if Kurt wasn't going to call him he might as well go to bed and read until he fell asleep. There was no purpose in him sitting on the floor looking at the phone every other minute, waiting for it to ring when it clearly wasn't planning on it.

He got up from his spot and kicked the leg of the little table that held the phone before he turned up the stairs.

Maybe it had been the last time he had seen Kurt. Maybe Kurt had changed his mind and didn't want to see him again. Maybe it was too complicated to be with someone who couldn't tell his family or friends. Maybe Kurt had found out that he could do better. Or maybe he hadn't believed him when he said that he wasn't going to military school. Or maybe he simply had forgotten all about him because he had found a new adventure.

Blaine crashed his head against the tiles of the bathroom wall while brushing his teeth. He had fought the thoughts away so strongly for the past two days, but now it was too much and they all came crashing in on him. All of his worst fears and frightening theories explaining why Kurt hadn't called or showed up after he had left four days earlier was racing around his brain.

_Four days. That's almost a week_, Blaine thought to himself and pulled a grimace in the mirror before he spat out a stream of water when the door bell rang.

Blaine almost choked in the water remaining in his mouth before he dried off his face with the back of his hand and ran down the stairs to the door.

"Hey there," Kurt hazed as soon as Blaine got the door open.

Ugh. Why did he have to look so gorgeous right when Blaine should be mad at him for not giving a sound for almost a week. It wasn't fair play.

"Hey. You're alive?" was all Blaine could think to say without sounding too angry or too happy - he didn't want to start a fight, but he still wanted Kurt to know that he had been worried sick.

"Yeah. Shouldn't I be?" Kurt asked confounded with his brows furrowing and the tiny well-known lines forming over his forehead.

He was wearing his usual tight jeans, a pair of converse and a black leather jacket. Needless to mention his perfect James Dean hair, and the dimples showing even though he wasn't even smiling.

"It's just… you left four days ago, and I haven't heard a word from you since. I was starting to fear that…" but he stopped. He couldn't get himself to speak the words. What if Kurt got mad that he could even think such things about him?

"What, Blaine? What did you fear?" Kurt inquired, suddenly sounding different than Blaine had ever him, and his eyes seemed hard.

"That maybe you had changed your mind. About me -" he burst out, deciding it was better to get it out than to circle around it and make everything awkward and uncomfortable between them.

Kurt pushed Blaine hard away with his shoulder and stepped around him into the house where he grabbed the door out of Blaine's hand and slammed it behind him. Then he grabbed around Blaine's hips and forced him against door to kiss him aggressively, his lips moving determined and his tongue strong and hard against Blaine's.

"Is that answer enough?" Kurt asked as he let go.

Blaine had to take a second to find his breathing and shake his brain in place again so he could regain control of his voice after the kiss. That was so hot and in the same time worrying.

"I could never change my mind about you. I actually came here to ask if you wanted to come to my house tomorrow. You need to trust yourself enough to trust that I want you - because I do. I wanna be with you," Kurt said and let his hands on Blaine's hips go from forcefully to soft, a cold thumb sneaking its way under his t-shirt.

"I am so sorry that I haven't been… accessible. When I got home my dad was thrilled, and it was all good - but his heart is bad, so I thought that I would put all of my focus into being with him now that I had finally got home. And just… a lot of family things. I am so sorry. Please forgive me," Kurt explained talking very fast and high pitched, almost like he had rehearsed the speech in his head multiple times.

"It's okay. I just… I got worried. But it doesn't matter now - live in the moment, right? _We_ are in the moment right now," Blaine smiled at him, before he let his hands around to Kurt's back.

"Just listen to you - how far way you have come. _Be in the moment. _That's true," Kurt nodded at him. All of the lines on his face had disappeared and his brows were completely back where they belonged.

"But… your house. You want me to go to your house tomorrow?" Blaine continued as it hit him that Kurt had actually invited him over - and that he had walked from one end of town to the other just to invite him over the next day.

"Yeah. If you want to. I was thinking that we could meet in front of the library, and we could go to my house together. There's not really anything to do there. I don't have a gramophone, or a guitar, or anything really - but there we could be together," he said with his eyelashes flashing and his lips still glistening from their kiss.

"I would love that. It sounds great. I'm sure your house is lovely," Blaine assured him and leaned in to place a gentle peck on his lips, feeling Kurt's thumb grow a little stronger against the bared flesh on his hip.

"Cool. I'll see you tomorrow then. I guess -" Kurt whispered and reached his hand out to grab around the doorknob next to Blaine, and for a brief second Blaine considered asking him to stay the night - but he knew that it wouldn't be any good, and his father would flip if he found out, and Kurt probably had to go home to his dad.

So he stayed with the door open and watched as Kurt walked out the driveway and disappeared down the sidewalk in the dark before he closed the door and walked to his room.

He didn't fall on his bed to read comic books, instead he picked up his guitar and played whatever crossed his mind while he watched the trees outside his window sway in the wind and the fallen leaves fly around like lost children.

Kurt was sitting on the wet steps to the library when Blaine came. He was wearing a black pair of jeans, the same blue converse and the same leather jacket he had been wearing the previous day, and Blaine's heart made an individual decision to start with a jump rope in his chest as he stood up and smiled at him.

They didn't say anything, not even a simple _hi _was exchanged, but Kurt got to his feet and started walking in the opposite direction of the one Blaine had come from, and naturally Blaine followed without any questions.

As they walked Blaine couldn't stop thinking about how much he wanted to take a step to the right so he could be closer to Kurt, or stretch out his arm and take Kurt's hand - but it wouldn't go. They couldn't do that where there were people. People who would whisper about them only to tell Blaine's dad.

After 15 minutes walk Kurt led them up the driveway of a white house with a neat front garden. For some reason it wasn't what Blaine had expected, but when he thought about it he really didn't know what he had expected.

Kurt unlocked the door and they entered in silence. They left their shoes in the hall and walked through a small living room to come to a staircase they proceeded to climb, where they went into a room that Blaine could guess to be Kurt's.

The room held a bed in the corner, a bookcase and a desk with drawings all over it. Drawings were covering the walls too - peace signs and doves and anti nuclear symbols. Leaves and trees and flowers.

But the thing that caught Blaine's attention like a bolt of lightning was the poster next to the bed. _Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band_. Not only that, but next to the bed was a wooden box with records that looked all new - like they hadn't even been out of their covers. Which wasn't hard to imagine, because when Blaine looked around the room one extra time he couldn't see a gramophone anywhere. Just like Kurt had said.

Blaine's heart felt like it grew a size by the sight of those things that would probably mean nothing to Kurt, but meant everything to him - and now they apparently meant something to Kurt too.

"I wanna have a picture with you. I… I came to think that, when I didn't know if you were going here or back to Washington, I don't have a picture of you. But I want one. I wanna be able to see your face even when you aren't with me. And it would be so much better if that picture could be of us. Together -" Blaine turned to burst out, not having any idea why he was saying that now, and not knowing how he could possibly have forgotten about it.

Kurt smiled, and let his hand slide into Blaine's to squeeze it. His eyes were smiling, and even though the room was tiny, Blaine felt so free that they might as well have been on an empty stadium or on open sea.

Kurt took his jacket and hung it over the chair at the desk, before he took off his own, and hung it into a closet that was built into the wall. Under the leather jacket he was wearing a light blue shirt tugged into his jeans, the three upper buttons open and the top of a white shirt showing under it with the collar cut low enough to show of his collarbone when he moved.

"It's not really much. I told you it was boring. Compared to your room at least -" Kurt apologized in a humble tone, with a flushed face and dry lips from the howling wind outside.

He shot a quick glance around his little room, before he looked to Blaine, waiting for his verdict.

"No. I love it," Blaine exclaimed truthfully. He wanted to run over to kiss the poster of The Beatles on the wall, and go through all of the records, but instead he carefully sat down on the bed, waiting for what was to happen next.

He leaned against the wall so he could take in the sight of the sketches that was almost covering the wallpaper, wondering if Kurt had made them.

Kurt crossed the floor in a few steps and placed a knee on each side of Blaine so he could sit down on him, surprising Blaine with the new position. Kurt cupped his face and leaned down so he could kiss him passionately, but in a dozy way that let all movements of their lips feel deep and burning in a way that made Blaine lose breath and his head cloud up.

He let his palms slide up Kurt's back to feel the soft cotton of his shirt, feeling how cold he was from being outside. He wished that he could warm him up to protect him from the aching of cold muscles and skin. Even his lips felt dry and rasp from being abused by the cold.

"You're amazing," Blaine uttered as their lips parted and Kurt pulled his torso into a close embrace. He felt Kurt rub his cheek against his curls and Blaine felt his own lips and skin like they were about to tear open from a mix of freezing on the outside and flaming on the inside from Kurt's closeness.

"I missed you," Kurt stammered with his arms still locked around Blaine's neck.

The room smelled like Kurt - not like the scent of summer rain that always was around him, but in another, unexplainable way like Kurt. As if his presence had its own scent, and this was it. The same way Blaine's room had smelled when Kurt had been there.

For a split second Blaine got the urge to fling himself to lie down on the bed and bore his nose into the pillow and the sheets, because the fragrance from them had to be intoxicating. The thought led Blaine to think that falling asleep and waking up surrounded by hat scent had to give the best, most comforting sleep ever - only triumphed by falling asleep and waking up with Kurt in his arms, of course.

"I missed you too," Blaine responded, squeezing him closer, feeling that no matter how close they got it could never be enough.

Even though it was early afternoon the room was dark because of the gray sky and the dimmed light from the lamp on the ceiling, and Blaine imagined that during the nights it would be completely black and comfortable.

He wondered if he would ever get to experience Kurt's room at night, to sleep there and be sucked in by the darkness folding around him like a protecting blanket.

"Come here," Kurt crooned and moved to softly push Blaine to lie down on the bed, Kurt still on top, now sitting on his hips.

He ran his fingers up and down Blaine's chest and arms, with a smile that indicated a mix of satisfaction and mystery. How could it be that Kurt knew him better than he knew himself, and he felt like he knew Kurt so well - and yet sometimes it was like he didn't know anything about his thoughts at all? He would always surprise him, and when Blaine expected him to do something he would do the opposite.

"You're letting your hair grow back. That makes me happy. I like that," he said, with his fingers lightly brushing over Blaine's curls.

"I know you do," Blaine smiled, letting his hands brush up and down Kurt's thighs. He was well aware that Kurt loved his curls - the wilder the better.

"My father will probably try to get me to cut it off again. I guess it's my immature way of showing him that I won't let him send me away." The thought was saddening. He still had no idea how to get out of that issue, and the day where he was to take the bus with the other kids going to the military school was coming closer.

"Finn is coming back on Friday," Kurt said out of the blue. Blaine couldn't really decide if the look on his face was sad or excited. He wanted to ask, but if he was sad he didn't want to upset him by digging into the reason.

"His girlfriend, Rachel, is coming over and we'll be having this ridiculous party. Celebrating how he's a big killer and all -"

Kurt dumped down on the bed next to Blaine, no question now that he was deeply troubled by his brother's return.

"But it's gonna be good to see him. See that he's okay, and that he's alive, won't it?" Blaine tried, desperate to take Kurt's mind off the fact that his brother had turned into a killer in his eyes. He didn't want that for Kurt, because he could feel that he really cared about Finn.

"But all of those people whose homes he's stolen - they aren't okay. He's been out trashing and killing and now he's returning to be celebrated as a hero. It's not right," Kurt pouted with a look of despair in his eyes.

Affection filled Blaine - it was incredible how much Kurt cared, how compassionate he was.

"Then don't be there. I mean - I think you should say hi to him, and welcome him home, but… if you don't want to celebrate what he's done then just don't be there. Stay in your room, or go out - or come to my house," Blaine blabbered out, not really feeling that he was in a position to have an opinion, but hating to see how much it troubled Kurt.

Kurt shifted to rest his chin on Blaine's shoulder so he could look up at him under his eyelashes, his eyes mixed with blue and green and a stroke of golden making Blaine's heart jump.

"Would you come?" Kurt's eyes suddenly lit up.

Blaine had no idea what he was talking about. Come where? When?

"To the party. On Friday. Would you be there? If you were there I could just… stay in the background and excuse myself that I can't ignore my guest." Kurt's eyes were flirting, but so obviously begging Blaine to say yes.

He couldn't just show up at a private party in a family where he hadn't even met anyone but Kurt. This was a private moment, and it should only be shared by those close to the person returning from war.

"Kurt, I… I'm not a member of your family. I can't just intrude like that. It's a priva…" Blaine started apologizing, but Kurt interrupted.

"Please Blaine. My dad should be home by now so I can go and introduce you to him and…"

"Kurt, just because I introduce myself it doesn't mean I'm a member of the family. I don't have an invitation -"

"I'm inviting you!" Kurt kept going. Obviously he wasn't planning on letting it go and he was getting stubborn in a way Blaine hadn't seen him before.

"Please. For me. I can't stand through this alone. Smiling fake and acting like he's been out doing an honorable job -" Kurt's face dropped, and the light in his eyes disappeared.

"Okay. I'll… let's go introduce me to your dad and you can ask him if it's okay. I don't wanna crash a family moment," Blaine caved in, watching Kurt's face go from sad and troubled to ease up and go close to a smile, and it was all worth it.

Kurt's lips parted and the corners of his mouth let a grin flash his pearly white teeth, before he stretched up to kiss Blaine's nose.

"You're the best!" he beamed, before he fell down to squeeze his arms around Blaine's torso and bore his cheek down in his chest.

"You could be a part of this family though…" he whispered so low that Blaine was unsure whether he actually meant for him to hear it.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked.

Kurt rushed energetically back to his spot on Blaine's hips, letting his fingertips lightly over his abdomens and his cheeks were back to being flushed.

"One day they will let boys marry boys and we will run away together and… I will get to call you my husband. I am sure of this."

Kurt surprised him more than he ever had. He had never in his wildest dreams imagined that Kurt could be one to believe in marriage - because it was a way of locking two people together forever; taking away their free will.

But Blaine knew that he meant it. He could see it in his eyes, and the glow around his face. Kurt was convinced that one day they would be able to run away to be together, and there would be a place where they could get married and proudly show their love to the world.

He had never thought about marriage. The thought had never crossed his mind, because why would it? All he knew of marriage was that it was a cage, something that locked people together and made people who once loved someone hate that person instead - all Blaine had ever seen of marriage was that it created fear and hatred.

But now that Kurt said it like that - it sounded like something he could do. Maybe. One day. When the time would be right for them.

"But we're only teenagers. Who knows what can happen? The world could turn upside down tomorrow. We could die in a tragic accident, or get torn apart by some horrifying event - but I know that -" Kurt leaned down to let his lips almost touch Blaine's, with his fingers twirled around the collar of his shirt.

"…no matter what happens, nothing can tear our souls apart - because our souls are one."

He unbuttoned Blaine's shirt just across the chest and let his cold hand slide in, palm on his chest, making Blaine shiver and his nipples go hard from Kurt's touch, chills spreading and the hair on his neck stand.

"My heart is yours, and your heart is mine. Always," Kurt whispered, and pierced his eyes into Blaine's and Blaine knew that he wouldn't be able to blink, even if he wanted. But he didn't want to - he wanted to stare into Kurt's eyes forever.

He could taste Kurt's breath on his lips and on his tongue. He wanted to lick his own lips, just to get closer to Kurt and desperately wanted to stretch out to kiss him - let their lips meet for a split second, let them be one for just a tiny bit; but he didn't want the moment to pass.

"Always," Blaine whispered back, swallowing and letting his hand up to place on Kurt's on his heart, an assurance that he meant it.

"We should go down and introduce you to my dad," Kurt said before he placed a peck on Blaine's forehead and started buttoning his shirt again. He moved down to sit on his thighs and help Blaine to sit up.

"Are you ready?" Kurt asked seeming excited.

He wasn't. In no way at all. Regardless, he nodded and did his best to convince Kurt that he meant it. Even though he knew that he was a terrible liar, and that he would be shaking like a leaf once they started to go downstairs. On the inside at least.

"Let's get this over with then," Kurt rushed under his breath and hurried off the bed with his hand closed around Blaine's. He dragged him with him, and led him out of the room and down the stairs.

Blaine pulled his hand from Kurt's when they were almost down the stairs, and entered the living room behind Kurt with his hands locked on his back, not knowing how on Earth he was supposed to live through this. Why had he proposed this?

A man was sitting in an armchair listening to the radio while reading a newspaper. He was wearing a baseball cap and a beer was sitting on the table next to him. It was hard to see his face in the dimmed light from the lamp in the corner, and even though Kurt cleared his throat he didn't even look up.

"What do you want, kid?" Kurt's dad asked as he turned a page. Kurt rocked a little back and forth on his heels, sending Blaine an anxious glance.

"Dad, please. Look at me for a second. There's someone I want you to meet," Kurt announced, his voice a little more high pitched than usual, making a chill run through Blaine.

The man let the paper drop to his lap as he looked at his son, then at Blaine and returned his gaze to his son. That's when it seemed like something happened in his brain - like a bunch of puzzle pieces fell into place, and Blaine wasn't sure he liked it.

"Dad. This is Blaine. He's my…" Kurt started when his dad got up from the chair and started walking towards them, making Blaine feel incredibly tiny and wishing that there was some way he could run away. Sprinting, actually.

"You're my son's boyfriend?" He asked, eyes locked on Blaine as he stood a foot away from them.

_He's going to kill me now, I'm sure he is_, Blaine thought to himself.

What was he supposed to do? Nod? Say yes? Deny it and pretend to be a homophobe?

Blaine wished so bad that he could look to Kurt for advice, that there was some way he could take him aside and ask what he should answer - and why hadn't Kurt prepared him for this? There was no way that he hadn't seen this coming.

"Yes, dad. Blaine is… my boyfriend," Kurt cut in and let his hand onto Blaine's back to slide his hand into his, Blaine only then realizing that he was sweating and his palm was wet from it, afraid to let Kurt hold his hand, but not daring to do anything but accept it.

"How long has this been going on? Do your parents know? How old are you? You look 14," Kurt's dad blabbered out, his questions streaming out like they weren't going to end and Blaine started to feel dizzy.

"Dad. Stop, okay - it's… it's complicated. I'll explain it all I promise, but please be nice. Can we go sit? Blaine looks like he's going to be sick or something," Kurt rushed in and started to drag Blaine around his dad, leading him over to a small sofa they could sit down on. Luckily Kurt sat between Blaine and his dad who sat back down in the chair after a short couple of seconds.

"Dad, please just… hear me out, would you? We met in Washington and… we've been together since. Sort of -"

"What do you mean '_sort of'_?" Kurt's dad interrupted, making Kurt purse his lips and look aggravated.

"Blaine is 17 - not 14, regardless of what you think, and I'm not really sure I wanna know what you're implying. He'll turn 18 soon, so don't worry about that. But - and this is very important for me. For us…" he emphasized and squeezed Blaine's hand, and suddenly Blaine felt all color desert his face.

"No. The first thing you are telling me here is what you mean by '_sort_ _of_' - I don't like the sound of that, Kurt." The man's voice was deep, and Blaine couldn't stop imagining the way he would be able to roar at them like thunder if he got angry - something Blaine was afraid was smoldering just beneath the surface.

"Like I said - it's complicated… Blaine lives at the other end of Lima. We came to Washington on the same bus and stayed at the same place. We met the first night and we just sort of… clicked, and hung out since," Kurt explained in a careful manner, taking in every fraction of his dad's facial reactions.

"That's not what I mean, and you know it. Kurt, just come clean - you know we'll get there somehow. How long have you been.. Together? Or what it is you kids call it -" his dad demanded to know.

Kurt took a deep breath, before he let go of Blaine's hand, leaving a panic to run through Blaine's entire body, completely freaking out without knowing what was going on.

"Dad. I… I honestly don't know how long we have been together. We're in love. We have been all along. Blaine just needed some time to… figure it out. Figure out who he is. When we met he didn't even know that he's… gay. But in the end… how do you really know when love begins? I mean… it just happened, and it wasn't something we… like discussed or agreed on. We just knew it, and we know that it's right - but what does it matter?"

Kurt's voice was starting to get high pitched, and a mix of desperation and excitement was heard in his tone as he started telling his dad about their relationship.

"But what's really important here is that… Blaine's parents doesn't know, and - no one can know. His dad is - he's a military man, and he's not exactly… he would kill him if he knew that he's gay -" Kurt said without as much as blinking. Blaine stared at him; he looked scared and fragile - like his porcelain skin could crumple any second.

"And what about his mom? Doesn't women usually have a more… soft, view on these kinds of things?" His voice hadn't changed, and he wasn't looking at Blaine - he more or less pretended that he wasn't even in the room.

And Kurt's hand was back in Blaine's, squeezing it, letting a thumb brush comforting strokes over his hand.

"Blaine's mom died. Two weeks ago. That's why I came back to Lima. Because he needed me - because his dad…" Kurt's voice rose and then suddenly silenced. Like he had stopped his mouth from running over with words he wouldn't say.

"I'm very sorry for your loss, kid," Kurt's dad said, suddenly looking uncomfortable - as if he wanted to keep up the hard façade, but couldn't get himself to do it with a boy in front of him who had just lost his mom.

Blaine shuffled a little in his seat, uncertain how to react. The way the conversation had steered in on his mom made his stomach roll and his throat tie up. He was sure that the only thing that kept him from throwing up was Kurt's hand holding his, so he settled for nodding in return - very much aware that if he tried speaking no sound would come out.

"Dad - all I am asking is that… we can keep it within the four walls of this house. We need this. Blaine needs a safe haven -"

"And he isn't safe at home?"

"His dad was away when she died, and still he didn't come home till three days later. He knew it, and he just left Blaine to himself, not a care about him in the world. And then he came home and he was just… he was so cold. You should have seen him dad! I heard him - the way he talked to Blaine…"

Kurt was nearly screaming, his voice frantic, and Blaine could feel that his grip around his hand had slowly turned clenching and strong. Blaine had a theory that it was only a matter of seconds before tears would break out on Kurt's face - but he didn't look at him, he just clenched his hand back.

"Well… fine. But I gotta tell you, Kurt, I'm not comfortable about this. If people start asking questions, and I'll have to lie or something - I don't like it," Kurt's dad said, shooting a glance at Blaine before he let his attention back to Kurt.

"But I'll allow it - I just don't want any… shenanigans - in my house. Alright? You're 18, and if he's still 17..."

"It's not like that, dad -"

But his dad held up a hand, indicating that he wasn't to speak yet, and Kurt shut off almost before his hand was all up.

"If you ever need a place to be my house is open for you, Blaine. We don't judge people here."

He held his hand out for Blaine to take it, and Kurt looked at him; silently telling him that it was okay, so Blaine released Kurt's hand and shook it.

"My name is Burt. And yes, you can call me that. If my son loves you, then I guess I will learn how to care for you too… in some time."

He released Blaine's hand and Blaine felt like the weight of the world had just been lifted off his shoulders. It was a relief without comparison, and he wished that he could hug Kurt but guessed that it wasn't exactly a good idea.

Kurt stood up and so did Blaine.

"Thank you, sir -" Blaine said and followed Kurt to the staircase.

"Don't with the 'sir'. I don't like that; too formal. But before you leave I just want one thing clear here -" Burt said as they were about to climb the stairs for Kurt's room. They both turned around to face him.

"I don't care if you are straight, gay, lesbian or even a freaking Martian - if you hurt my son your dad's military ways will be the least of your problems, you get that?" Burt was pointing a threatening finger at Blaine. His voice was firm and serious, but his face a bit more soft than it had been during their entire conversation.

"Of course, sir. Burt - I could never dream of hurting Kurt. I… as Kurt said… I love him," Blaine gulped, completely taking himself off guard; not in a million years would he have thought that he could say those words out loud to anyone but Kurt - at least not so soon. Especially not to Kurt's dad.

"Good. We're on the same page then," Burt said, nodding at him in agreement.

Without warning Kurt hurried off the stairs and across the floor to throw his arms around his father.

"Thanks, dad. Thank you so much," Kurt mumbled, his head resting on his dad's shoulder, sending Blaine a heartfelt smile.

Burt looked a bit surprised, but nonetheless returned the embrace, before he let go of his son.

"Now you two go upstairs again so I can finish this paper. I had a long day at work." He let a few strokes of his hand up and down Kurt's back before Kurt returned to Blaine and they went back upstairs to Kurt's room.

As soon as they were back in his room Blaine let his shoulders fall, and his brain was spinning in relief. He had been so scared - and all that for no reason.

"Jesus, Blaine - you're shaking," Kurt exclaimed and pulled him close to put his arms around him.

They stood like that, arms around each other, for a few moments before they retreated to sit on the bed. They spent the rest of the day on Kurt's bed, not letting go of each other for more than a minute a time - they stayed close, they kissed and cuddled, and simply enjoyed to have a place where they didn't have to worry.

When it started getting late Blaine knew that he had to go home. There was no way that his father would find it acceptable for him to spend the night and he knew that he would be home, so he couldn't exactly just sneak around it. He was also sure that Burt didn't think it would be the best idea either.

"I don't want to go home - I wish I could stay here with you," Blaine crooned into Kurt's neck, feeling Kurt's lips on the soft spot below his ear.

"Me too. But you have to work tomorrow. But we'll see each other soon. Friday - alright? I'll talk to my dad when you leave, and then I'll call you tomorrow," Kurt said, letting his forehead meet Blaine's.

Kurt leaned in to kiss him, before they got off the bed so Kurt could lead him to the door. As they passed the kitchen Blaine politely said goodbye to Burt before they reached the front door in the hall.

"I tugged my number into you pocket, call me if you need anything. Promise me -" Kurt whispered as he hugged him tightly in the hall.

"Thank you. I will," Blaine promised as he released his grip and opened the door.

"Take care of yourself, Stardust -" Kurt said after him as Blaine was almost down the few steps at the front of the house.

Blaine turned and smiled warmly at him before he turned and knew that he had to go home now, or he would never get himself out of there.


	21. Surprises And Homecoming Rage

Blaine had to be in the store early Thursday morning. The morning was clammy and gray, but fortunately it wasn't as windy as it had been the past couple of day, and even though this kind of weather usually put him down this day it didn't.

A load of new records was coming into the store and Blaine was happy that he had something to do to take his mind off things. All that had been running through his head had been Kurt and their talk with his dad the previous day.

He didn't know how he was feeling about going to Kurt's house Friday. His family would be there - would his dad have told them about their relationship? How should he act?

Blaine did his best to focus solely on the records and getting them put in the proper boxes in the store. A few kids he had been in middle school with came by the store and shot him long glances before they finally gutted up to come talk to him.

"So you really are back, Anderson? We heard that you had run away with those freaky Gary and Linda hippies, and then the next thing we heard was that your mom had passed away - I sorta guessed that you didn't even know," the guy said.

Blaine couldn't even remember his name, but he knew that they had been in gym together and he had picked on Blaine for caring more about music than about sports.

The guy was slick and cocky, and kept a firm grip around his girlfriend. She was a petite girl with a slightly pointed face - she was really pretty and Blaine didn't have a doubt that he had chosen her for her looks.

"Well, I am here. I've been back for a while now. Can I help you with anything?" Blaine just wanted them out, he couldn't really take in the thought of having to deal with that idiot; especially not after he had mentioned his mom.

"Just these," the guy said and threw a bunch of records on the counter, and Blaine accepted the money before he put them in a bag.

The girl was twisting a lock of her blonde hair around her finger, a flirty look in her eyes and pouted lips. It was hard for Blaine not to laugh at the sight - this dude who had made his gym lessons a living hell was standing there talking to him so arrogantly and his girlfriend was trying to flirt with him - and Blaine didn't care.

He couldn't care less about that guy and whatever snarky remarks he would have been building up in his head, and he couldn't care less about the girl flirting with him.

And yet he wished that he could tell them; tell them how much he didn't care, tell them how ridiculous the guy's insults were, how ridiculous the girl was for being with him, and even more how ridiculous she was for standing there with her boyfriend's arm around her waist while she was flirting shamelessly with the guy her boyfriend clearly despised - and he didn't care about her because was gay and in love with a boy who loved him back, which made her even more silly.

As they walked out of the store the girl turned her head and pouted a kiss at Blaine, and he couldn't help himself; he shook his head at her with an apologetic look on his face, causing offense to swim over her face.

Blaine was lying on his bed, singing and playing along to the songthat was running on the gramophone when his door opened. He did a little jump on the mattress when he saw that it was Kurt.

"Don't stop playing, please -" he said as he closed the door after him and let his jacket dump to the floor before he crawled onto the bed to sit next to him so he could observe his fingers moving over the strings as he sang along.

"_Kiss me quick I just can't stand this waiting_

_Cause your lips are lips I long to know_

_For that kiss will open heaven's door_

_And we'll stay there forevermore_

_So kiss me quick because I love you so_"

Kurt mouthed the words with him as he repeated the last line twice in time to the music, before the song ended and _Just For Old Times Sake _started. A smirk crept over Kurt's lips and he leaned in over the guitar and let his lips meet Blaine's.

"Is that good enough for you?" he asked as he sat back down on the bed.

"Mhm, that was nice," Blaine responded before it occurred to him that he had no idea why Kurt was there. Also, was it his father that had let him in? He certainly didn't hope so. He didn't feel comfortable about letting Kurt be alone with his father - Kurt was way too delicate to stand his bullying.

"And what brings you to me? And how did you even get in?" Blaine asked, putting the guitar down at the foot of the bed so there was room for him to drag Kurt in to him.

"Your father let me in. But don't worry - he didn't say anything. Mostly just grunted, really," Kurt chuckled under his breath, while letting his fingertips play with the line of his turquoise tunic.

"But… what I am here to say is… my dad said that you could come tomorrow. I guess he feels like he should get to know you anyway or something. I promise it's not gonna be anything overly… anything. Finn is coming home in the morning so we'll just start around afternoon, and we'll just be the family and his girlfriend will come over for dinner and stuff -" he rambled on, apparently afraid that Blaine had changed his mind over the night.

"It would really mean a lot to me if you would be there. I will hold your hand under the table all the way through it and…" Kurt's mouth started running wild, the way he did it when he was getting desperate to prove a point.

"I'll be there - don't worry, I'll be there. I wouldn't miss out on a day with you for anything in the world," Blaine assured him softly, and before he knew it Kurt had flung his arms around his neck.

"You're the best. I have to go home, I just wanted to tell you that my dad said you could come - I guess that if you tell your dad that you're going to a soldier's homecoming party he'll be fine with it."

"Yeah, I guess so. But… can't you stay a little longer? Just an hour or something," Blaine begged and kept his grip on Kurt's hand as he started to get up.

"Okay. Carole is gonna kill me but…"

Kurt dropped down to rest his head on Blaine's abdomens, looking up at him with a dreamy smile.

"Why are you even in this part of town? I thought you said you were just going to call me?" Blaine asked curiously, remembering that he had wondered that already when Kurt had entered his room.

A mysterious gloom covered Kurt's face, and he suddenly turned his attention to a fold in his tunic, his fingers twisting the strings that made up the purple pattern. Blaine wished that it wasn't so, but he couldn't stop focusing on the fact the light turquoise fabric was more or less see-through, and under it Kurt was wearing an extremely tight fitted white t-shirt - and when he was lying down like that it was so tight that it might as well have been painted on his perfectly sculpted body.

"I just had some errands to do in town. I need to go pick up some stuff for tomorrow and so," he answered shortly, sounding like he wanted to avoid the subject, but the effect was for Blaine to only get more curious.

"Well, I don't have anything to do for the rest of the day - I could go with you. If you want me?" Blaine offered, a teasing in his voice, a little too obvious.

"I'll always want you -" Kurt flirted, but hurried to continue.

"No. No, that's okay, I'll do fine. I have to hurry home and you'd probably be bored anyway -" he rushed to say and sat up.

"I'd probably better get going now. I promised to help with a few things. If you want I can meet you by the library at 1 tomorrow," Kurt exclaimed.

"Then you can be there early before my family starts going all nutty, and that way we can have a little time to ourselves first -" he waved his eyelashes and licked his lips.

"I'll see you tomorrow…" And Kurt was out of the room, the door closed after him, leaving Blaine with the hum of a finished record and not a clue as to what that had been about.

Dinner was a silent event. Nothing but the silverware against plates were heard, and the sound of the maid in the kitchen.

Blaine's father had hired a maid instead of the cleaning help. He said that he didn't see that he had time to take care of things as cooking and cleaning and grocery shopping when he had to work too - Blaine knew that it was just an excuse because he saw duties like that as something beneath the dignity of '_a real man'_.

Blaine felt sick by the thought of his father's ideologies.

"Dad. I - tomorrow I'm going to Kurt's house. I don't know how late it'll be. His brother is coming home from Vietnam, and they invited me to his homecoming party," Blaine spat out, eager to get it all out before his father could get anything said.

Blaine chewed on his lip, waiting in anxiety for his father's answer. He looked up and saw something he had never seen on his father's face before. It wasn't pride, but Blaine had no doubt that it very well had potential to be related to pride - and Blaine didn't like it.

"Sure. You stay out as long as you'd like, Blaine. I'll be working all weekend anyway," his father said, making Blaine's heart drop.

He didn't know why, but he realized that for some reason he had hoped for him to say no, hoped that he would say that he couldn't go, so he could give him a reason to defy him. He hated the thought of doing something his father approved of.

_It doesn't matter. You'll be spending time with Kurt, and you will be there for him because he need you to be there. That is all that matters, _Blaine reminded himself.

When he got to bed it was all he could think about as he was lying in the dark. The expression on his father's face that he had never seen before, the approval he had given him, and the thought that Kurt was needing his support.

When he fell asleep he had weird dreams of sitting next to Kurt in Kurt's dad's living room, the room full of people staring at them, when he suddenly saw that their hands were folded together - and chopped of lying on the table in front of them for open display, for everyone to see.

Dreams about lying half naked with Kurt on Kurt's bed, when Kurt stung himself so his finger started bleeding and his dad came thundering at them through the door.

Blaine had spent the whole morning on trying to figure out what to wear. The second he had started getting ready for his morning shower when he woke up it hit him that Kurt hadn't mentioned anything about the dress code for the dinner.

He had found out the phone number Kurt had put in his pocket before he left his house Wednesday, and he had turned it over in his fingers a few times, but decided that it would be silly of him to call Kurt just to ask about what clothes to wear.

In the end he settled for a pair of dark blue jeans and a light blue shirt, with his usual Chuck Taylor's.

Now that he was standing by the library waiting for Kurt he was worried that he should have worn some sort of suit instead. He tugged the coat a little closer around him as he looked down the sidewalk to see if there was any sign of Kurt anywhere.

"Oh there you are. Dreamy as ever -" a soft voice said behind him.

Blaine turned around and saw Kurt smiling at him. He was wearing stonewashed skinny jeans and classic blue Chuck Taylor's like Blaine's matched up with the black leather jacket.

Alright, so maybe he did dress properly for the occasion. That was comforting. At least he had done something right for the day - now he only needed to make it through Kurt's family alive.

Kurt nodded, and gestured for Blaine to follow him in the direction of his house. They walked together in silence, more than a foot between them, Blaine keeping his hands in his pockets to be sure he didn't instinctively grabbed Kurt's hand in public.

"Now that I sort of… tricked you into coming today -" Kurt started as they walked down the street he lived on.

"Hey, you didn't trick me. You need my support, and I wanna give it to you." Blaine wished that he could stop Kurt, grab him by the shoulders and look him in the eyes - tell him that it wasn't like that. That he was there because he had asked him to, and he wanted to be there for him.

But he couldn't. He knew that it wouldn't go. They were in the middle of the street and everyone would be able to see it.

Kurt blushed and smiled awkwardly at him before he continued without commenting Blaine's statement.

"Anyway… I wanted you to come early today because I have a surprise for you. It's nothing really. Nothing big. But I wanted to do this for you -" Kurt stammered as they turned up the driveway to his house.

"You… you didn't have to do that," Blaine burst out; shocked and curious. What on Earth could Kurt have to surprise him with?

They entered the house, and he followed Kurt through the living room.

A big man in a classic green military uniform was sitting on the couch with his feet on the table. Kurt stopped in front of the couch, Blaine following his example out of lack of ideas of what else to do, but glancing at the stairs from the corner of his eye.

"Finn. This is Blaine. My… boyfriend," Kurt said, and Blaine's heart swelled by the word, only to start shrinking and cramping hysterically.

What would a soldier's reaction be to his brother introducing him to his boyfriend?

The man turned to look at them before he stood up and walked over to face them. He was so incredibly tall.

Kurt was quite a bit taller than Blaine, but Finn was way taller than Kurt and it made him seem huge and scary. Blaine was certain that he was starting to shrink right then and there in front of their eyes.

He could feel Finn taking in his frame from head to toe, and Blaine wanted to squeeze his eyes shut while waiting for the punch there was bound to be on its way, but he didn't dare to, so instead he looked at the tall man who was shockingly smiling down at him - the man was really nothing but a big boy.

Finn reached out his hand and Blaine hesitantly shook it.

"Hey man. I only just heard about it. But it's cool. Welcome to the family -" Finn grinned at him, making Blaine's heart stop cramping and his pulse speed up from the relief.

His handshake was strong and masculine, and Blaine wished that his own was at least a little presentable compared to how weak he was feeling at the moment.

"So this should cover it. We'll go up to my room until later. Just… call for us when… yeah," Kurt muttered and led Blaine up the stairs to his room. He stopped in the dark hall in front of his room and turned to Blaine, his face almost hidden by the shadows.

"I'm sorry."

"What for?" Blaine asked confused. What could he have to be sorry for? He hadn't done anything, and nothing had happened. In Blaine's opinion it had actually went really well.

He had been sweet, and slow, and so understanding about this being so new and scary to Blaine.

"He can seem so intimidating at first, but I always remind myself that I'm older than him. Even if it's just a few months," Kurt explained, once again demonstrating how it seemed like he was inside Blaine's brain, knowing every single detail that was going on in there. Knowing every single feeling, and every single thought.

He should find it creepy and uncomfortable, but he didn't. Kurt was the only who had ever truly understood him, ever truly listened to him and known exactly what he meant - Kurt was all he ever wanted.

"Yeah. He's so tall. But… it's fine. He seemed… nice," Blaine assured him, hoping that he sounded convincing.

He was impressed really. Because of his father he was filled with prejudices against military men. He found them all unsympathetic and arrogant - but Finn actually seemed alright. Maybe it was just because he was Kurt's family, but he had felt fine in his presence. As soon as the nerves had worn off, of course.

"Mhm, but compared to you everyone is tall, pixie," Kurt teased, a grin spreading on his face, Blaine feeling his ears grow red. He nudged Kurt with a shoulder before he felt Kurt's fingers lock in his.

They walked into the little room, and Kurt turned on the lights. Blaine felt his jaw drop, and looked to Kurt who, for some reason, seemed a bit embarrassed.

A little table had been put next to the bed, and an old gramophone had been sat on it. It was one of the old, good ones - in really great, dark wood, with a good arm and a perfect turning table.

"I told you it was nothing big. A bit disappointing actually. I can imagine," Kurt mumbled, and Blaine felt his eyes grow huge, nearly popping out of his skull.

"Disappointing? Are you kidding me? What are you talking about? This is amazing - it's beautiful," Blaine blasted out with excitement, feeling a tingle under his skin to get to hurry over there and take the machine in properly and look at all the details, feel the wood.

"Do you really think so? I mean.. it's old, and used, and nothing fancy - it was just really all I could afford," Kurt apologized, his voice still weak and embarrassed.

"You didn't have to do this, silly," Blaine said, realizing that Kurt had spent money he didn't have just to make him happy.

"I just figured that… you love music so much, and I want you to come here and be with me, but I don't wanna keep you away from what you love," Kurt explained.

Blaine was shocked. He turned to Kurt, and let his hands cup his face gently, but firm to show him that he was serious.

"Listen to this, cause this is really important; you could never keep me away from what I love, because what I love is _you_. But I truly adore this, and I truly think that it is beautiful, and I love you for doing this for me," Blaine told him, hoping that Kurt would understand his words, and pay attention to the sincerity of them.

And it seemed like he did. An insecure smile spread over Kurt's lips as he let a hand up to take Blaine's so he could drag him to the bed where he pushed him to sit down - but Kurt walked to the closet where he hung his jacket revealing that he was wearing an extremely tight, white blouse, leaving very little to Blaine's imagination - and yet his imagination started running wild, making his jeans feel tighter than they were meant to, and Blaine quickly let his own coat drop to the floor.

Kurt was just so beautiful, and gorgeous, and his body was flawless - and Blaine just wanted to touch him and feel him and kiss him all the time.

Kurt stayed at the closet, rummaging a little around and Blaine had to force his eyes away, afraid that once Kurt would be back to the bed he would unveil what that shirt was doing to him.

He hurried to put his attention to the gramophone. The wood was dark and smooth against his skin, and the panels were shiny. Not a single scratch was seen, and to Blaine it seemed like it might as well have come straight from the factory - only thing was that these wasn't in production anymore.

Kurt dumped to the bed next to him, hands on his back with a mysterious look covering his face. Something told Blaine that this wasn't the only part of the surprise there was.

"I've got one more thing for you. It was a bit difficult for me to find, as I know nothing about these things, but the people I asked were really nice and helpful. So I really hope you like it."

Kurt revealed what he had been hiding on his back. Black cover, showing two men in black and white with worried, but somehow still peaceful, looks on their faces.

Simon & Garfunkel's _Bookends_ - but he had never introduced Kurt to this one. Which had to mean that he had been out finding music by himself. The thought made a warm fuzzy feeling spread through Blaine.

"I heard this song on the radio - _America_. It was so poetic and beautiful - it reminded me of you. And I want you to feel home and safe here, so I figured that this -" he spread out his arm to show what he was referring to.

"…the gramophone, the box of records and all that, would help that," Kurt said, and let his hands drop to his lap, observing Blaine turn the record over in his hands.

"And this. This is a promise. From me to you - that one day we'll get out of here, and we'll find a place where we can be together without being afraid. I want the whole world to know our love," Kurt ended, and his eyes looked like they were seeing the future. A bright future, if the stars in his eyes were any indication.

Blaine suddenly felt that his cheeks were wet. How did Kurt have this effect on him? He had never really cried in his life, and then Kurt came along, and all the sudden he was super emotional.

He brought the record to his face so he could kiss the plastic covering the black paper and put it carefully on top of the gramophone before he leaned in to fold his arms around Kurt and put his cheek against his chest.

"One day we'll be free," Blaine agreed through a thick voice.

He listened to Kurt's heartbeat. Somehow it sounded more steady and secure than any other heartbeat he had ever heard. Like it emphasized the promise he had just made, and as it if was pounding with a purpose, where everyone else's were pounding without really knowing why.

"You make me feel safe," Blaine mumbled and closed his eyes, knowing that this had to be why Kurt had the ability to make him cry - because he made him feel safe.

He let his other senses take in every piece of Kurt. His scent, the sound of his heart and breathing, the taste of his shirt on his lips, and the feeling of his hands against his back, pressing him closer.

Kurt helped Blaine to lie down by the wall, and stroke a hand over his cheek, before he turned around and Blaine could hear the scurrying sound of a wooden box being dragged over the floor.

"I listened to this all night yesterday. It was the first one I bought, and it's the only one I've played," Kurt told as he pulled the black disc out of its cover and put it on the turning table. Blaine could see that it was a single, and he went over the different singles he had listened to with Kurt in his head, and then the song started playing.

_Stand By Me_. Of course.

"You sang it to me. When we were on the roof and…" He turned around and laid down on the pillow next to Blaine.

"Yeah. I remember. You were so scared, and I didn't know what to do."

His fingers were itching to grab Kurt's hip and pull him closer. He felt like a young school girl, wanting to touch his boyfriend and feel him close all the time.

"I was so high. I was fully convinced that the only thing that could save me, save my life; was you - and your voice. Silly boy I was," Kurt chuckled under his breath, letting his head rest on his arm and his fingertips dig into the pillowcase.

"You're not silly. You were high. I was too. Those 'shrooms were incredible. I've never felt a buzz like that," Blaine laughed at the memory he had almost sweat out. He curled his hands to fists, trying to keep himself from letting them out to feel all over Kurt's body to make sure that he was even real and not just some figment of Blaine's imagination.

"I still think that. That you're the one who's going to save me -" Kurt whispered, sounding ashamed.

"In school, elementary school, I never told anyone… that I'm gay. But I always knew, and… I was in a Catholic school. I was just a child, and the people that I was supposed to trust and find guidance in… they told me that I was doomed. Destined for the eternal flames of Hell," Kurt shared, his voice distant and his eyes closed. Like he was afraid to meet Blaine's gaze.

Blaine wished that he would look at him. He wanted to see his eyes.

"That's awful. I'm so sorry." He felt like a stone was thrown to his stomach. He had never considered the different kinds of religions view on homosexuality - not like that at least. It had to be the worst thing for a child to hear; especially in a place where everyone believed that it was the only reality. With that knowledge it wasn't such a surprise that Kurt distanced himself from other people, and kept himself from getting too close with others.

Then something hit Blaine; did Kurt still think that he was going to Hell?

"But when I'm with you… it feels like I could be saved. Like maybe I won't go… there… after all," Kurt said, answering Blaine's internal question.

He couldn't stop it anymore. Now he had to do it, and he guessed that it was okay - he hoped that it was, because he couldn't let Kurt believe that.

Blaine put his arm around him and dragged him over to lie close to him.

"You're not going to Hell. And even if you do - then I'm going to Hell too, and we can be there together; and in that case Hell won't seem as much as Hell after all, right?"

He ran his fingertips through Kurt's hair carefully to not mess up his perfectly groomed James Dean look, and kissed the tip of his nose, making Kurt smile up at him.

"Kurt, aren't you coming dow - oh sorry, I didn't kno… forget it."

A girl had crashed into the room. She hadn't even knocked, she had just burst in, and then she stopped and stared at them tangled together on the bed before she had ran out of the room.

Blaine panicked. He didn't know why. But he wasn't ready for making out with a boy in front of other people - not even though it was Kurt.

"Dammit, Rachel -" Kurt started swearing when he saw the hunted look on Blaine's face.

"It's okay. Rachel knows about me, and she doesn't always use her… I'm sorry, Blaine. It's okay. It's fine…" he worried and sat up.

The horrible dream of Kurt's dad walking in on them came crashing into Blaine's head, and he felt like he was going to explode. He wanted to run out and away - but he couldn't. He couldn't do that to Kurt, and he had promised to stay for the dinner party, and his dad was expecting Blaine to be there - and how was he supposed to look this Rachel girl in the eyes after his?

The living room was hot and the heat was crawling under Blaine's shirt, under his skin, making him feel the sweat sprinkling out on his forehead. He was sitting on the couch next to Kurt, luckily the living room had been empty when they came downstairs.

"Let's just go in and sit here, then you won't have to face everyone at once," Kurt had suggested when they had seen the empty room, and Blaine had wanted to hug him in gratitude. He still didn't feel ready to meet anymore new people - especially not after the unfortunate event in Kurt's room only 30 minutes earlier.

There was nearly a foot between them but Kurt stretched his hand over the space separating them to hold Blaine's hand and caress it with soothing strokes.

"Relax. It'll be over with soon, and everything will be fine -" Kurt whispered at him.

"Kurt, I am so sorry - I should have knocked. I didn't know… you never have anyone in your room, I…" Rachel, the girl from before had come into the living room and sat down on Burt's chair in front of Kurt, not even sparing Blaine a glance.

She was a pretty girl with big, brown eyes, and long, dark hair. She was a tiny girl with a sharp voice. Her clothes clearly showed that she wasn't like the girls in the commune - she was wearing a mustard sweater, brown tweed skirt and Bordeaux pantyhose, with black penny loafers, and Blaine had a hard time picturing how such a small girl could be with someone as tall as Finn.

"It's okay, Rachel, just… knock the next time, okay?" Kurt said and rolled his eyes at her.

"But it's so good to see you. It's been way too long. How was Washington? Tell me everything!" Rachel squealed as she threw her arms around Kurt's neck, Kurt surprised returning her hug.

The girl released her grip and sat back down in the chair, her anxious expression replaced by excitement and curiosity.

"I guess I should… This is Blaine. We met in Washington - but he lives in Lima too. We were on the same bus and everything," Kurt told, his face and tone of voice turning proud, as he let his hand slip back into Blaine's.

The second Kurt's words were out in the room Rachel looked like she was about to blow up. Her glance went from Kurt to Blaine to their locked hands on the couch - and then back to Kurt.

She abruptly jumped to her feet and held out her hand for Blaine to shake it. Kurt smiled warmly at him, and he stood up to shake her hand.

"Hi. My name is Rachel Berry. I'm Finn's girlfriend. So I guess we're sort of family now?" she beamed at him, and Blaine suddenly felt the collar of his shirt very tight around his neck.

"Rachel - would you mind. Just… sit down for a second," Kurt said in a sharp tone, and the girl's face turned sour before she sat down as demanded.

"Rachel, first of all - you need to think a little before you speak. Sometimes you are just rude. But you can't tell anyone about us, okay? My family knows, and that is about as many who will know at all," Kurt explained, his voice the same strict tone, before he leaned in a little closer, and his voice went low.

"Blaine is still… he's still very new to all of this, so could you please tone it down a notch? I don't want him to be chased off even before…" he stopped and let his eyes bore into Rachel's. She returned his gaze for a moment before she nodded in agreement and seemed almost embarrassed.

"I am sorry. I will… try to be a little more respectful in the future," she said, more directed towards Blaine than towards Kurt.

The rest of the night went on without further problems.

The only one Blaine still needed to be introduced to was Carol - Finn's mom. She was a sweet and warm woman who was very nice and didn't push too far for anything.

Blaine was silent during dinner, and every once in a while he felt Kurt brush a thumb over his knee under the table. The first time he almost jumped by the shock, but after that it was soothing and comforting, and Blaine wished that he had the guts to return Kurt's touch.

They stayed with the family for coffee in the living room after dinner, and Finn told about his experiences in the war, Kurt cringing by the painting stories, moving so close to Blaine that their thighs were pressed together, Rachel and Finn on Kurt's other side on the couch.

As Finn began a story of how his platoon had entered a village that had been completely raided Kurt abruptly jumped to his feet, making everyone's eyes flight to him, as he stood in the middle of the room, a pained grimace on his face.

"I'm sorry, I can't just… I can't just sit here and listen to that - it's so…"

He shook his head and ran out of the room and up the stairs. Blaine panicked. He looked after him but didn't want to be rude and follow, but he still couldn't stand the feeling of staying in the living room alone with all of these people he didn't know - and he knew that Kurt was upset and needed him; that's why he was even there in the first place.

He looked stressed around at the party around him, everyone was silent and was looking at each other. For a brief second his eyes locked with Burt's and he nodded at him with a vague smile.

That was his cue. Blaine hurried after Kurt up the stairs, and burst into his room.

He was sitting on the chair at the desk, facing the dark night outside his window, and Blaine didn't know if he had even heard him enter the room, so he knocked softly on the door before he closed it behind him.

"I know it's you, Blaine -"

Blaine couldn't stop himself from smiling. It was remarkable that Kurt knew it was him just by his knock on the door - his presence in the room. Maybe he actually was psychic?

He looked around the room, his glance lingering on the pencil sketches of birds and trees. He had no idea what to do or say, so he looked down in the floor, hoping that maybe Kurt would say something.

"Are you okay?" Blaine asked after having waited for some time without Kurt as much as indicating that he had plans on turning around at some point.

"How can a person let themselves be trained to kill people, and then volunteer to go to a country and see people be murdered, maybe having to shoot kids and animals and… seeing entire villages being killed - and then he just sit there like…"

He still didn't turn to face Blaine, but his voice was shaking. It wasn't until then Blaine realized that he was drawing as he spoke. His arms were shaking too, and the way he was moving the pencil over the paper was aggressive.

"I… don't know -" Blaine responded, baffled by the situation. He was lost for words, and amazed at how much Kurt cared. He didn't have to care about something that was going on so far away from him - he could just lean back and be happy that his brother was home and alive.

But he didn't. He couldn't just lean back and forget about it all. He was deeply pained about it, and Blaine felt it now more than ever.

Without warning Kurt stood up and kicked the chair so it flew across the small space of the room. He wiped all of the papers and pencils off the desk so it all welled down in a pile on the floor, before Kurt rushed to sit in the corner of the bed with his knees dragged under him, his arms locked around his legs and his cheek resting on his knees while he stared into the Sgt. Pepper poster on the wall next to him.

Blaine was scared. He had never seen Kurt like this. He had never thought Kurt could hold this kind of violence. Kurt who always was so sweet and soft and gentle in everything. He had thrown his things to the floor and kicked the chair with wild force, and now, immediate after, he was over to looking more fragile than ever.

Blaine sat down on the bed, and hesitantly let a hand up to put it on Kurt's arm. Kurt still didn't look at him, he kept staring into the poster on the wall.

"I… I wish there was something I could say. But there isn't… I don't have anything to say or do. As much as I want to. You scare me," Blaine declared, and Kurt turned his head to look up at him, his lips coincidentally resting against Blaine's hand on his arm.

"You care so much. You feel so much - you make me speechless, and I don't know how to comfort you, because… I don't feel the way you do." He was ashamed to say it out loud, but it was true, and he needed Kurt to know it.

Kurt's eyes were big, and the different colors they always held had disappeared and now seemed gray, wet and devastated.

"Will you please just… hold me?" whimpered Kurt, taking Blaine completely off guard - that was the last thing he had expected. He had prepared himself for Kurt starting to scream and cry, maybe even beat him up in frustration and devastation.

"Sure. Of course," Blaine responded, and before he had even blinked Kurt had flung himself into his arms, and curled up in his lap.

"All of these people - no homes, no place to go," Kurt cried into Blaine's shirt.

Blaine quickly figured that he would need to get Kurt to lie down, and got them shuffled to lie down so Blaine could coil himself around Kurt, his arms clenching hard around him, not having anything to say, or not having the slightest idea of what to do.

He didn't know if Kurt was crying, and in reality it didn't matter - Blaine wanted to treat him like he did, because the pain he knew that he was feeling certainly needed that kind of attention. He was crushed and heartbroken.


	22. Accidentally

The darkness was pressing, and Blaine was sure that no matter how long he kept his eyes open they would never get used to it, and they wouldn't be able to see through it. He waited a bit so he could get a hold of his head, and figure out if he needed to sleep more or not.

The situation slowly started to occur to him; he wasn't in his own bed, he wasn't in his own room. This bed was much smaller, and softer - and Kurt was lying in his arms; safe and sound asleep, his breathing peaceful and his body hot.

But this was wrong - he couldn't be sleeping there. His father probably didn't care; he knew that he had been at a military homecoming party, and he would just find it appropriate for Blaine to spend as much time with military people as possible.

Kurt's dad on the other hand…

Blaine was sure that he was going to kill him. He would put his hands around his neck and break it. Or choke him while slowly watching his face go purple and life leave his eyes. Or beat him up and dump him somewhere.

"Kurt. Kurt - _Kurt_!" Blaine shook Kurt's shoulder frustrated, trying to wake him up, beside himself to figure out how to tackle it.

"Hey, Moonchild," Kurt whispered softly as he turned around and kissed Blaine's chin, clearly not having detected how upset Blaine was.

"Kurt, please - your dad is going to kill me. He's gonna say that we can never see each other again, and then he is going to kill me. I am sure," Blaine panicked, hoping Kurt would wake up and face the distress of the situation.

"It's okay, don't worry about it. Look at us - we are both in our clothes, and we fell asleep. Lay back down and I will talk to him in the morning," Kurt yawned dozily, and let his hand caress over Blaine's cheek.

Blaine wasn't convinced. He still felt uneasy on the inside and he was frustrated that Kurt wasn't taking it more seriously. He had screwed up, and he was afraid that it might cost him every contact with Kurt in the future.

It was true, though. They were still wearing their clothes from the dinner party earlier that night, and they fell asleep on accident - maybe Kurt would be able to talk them out of it. He leaned against the cold wall, and felt a chill run through his body.

Suddenly Kurt slowly sat up next to him - it was still so dark that he couldn't see his face, but he could feel every single movement he did, and yet he was surprised when Kurt started placing soft kisses on his neck while opening his shirt.

"I think you should get your jeans off. Jeans are horrible to sleep in. And then I think you should lie back down with me. Hold me again. I am cold now that your arms have left me," Kurt whispered through the darkness, and Blaine's shirt was now nearly completely open.

"Kurt, please. I need to leave or your dad is going to freak out. And then what if he says that we can never see each other again?" Blaine didn't want to, but he stopped Kurt's hands as they got the last buttons opened and ready to drag the shirt off him.

Suddenly Blaine felt Kurt slide out of the bed without a word. Before he could say anything he was out of the door, and Blaine could hear his footsteps disappear down the hall.

He didn't know if it would be best to button up his shirt again. What if Kurt went to talk to his dad, but he wasn't as understanding as he had hoped? What if he came through the door and threw Blaine out of his house? If he was sitting on the bed with open shirt wouldn't that sort of be an open invitation to kill him?

Slow and painful. Violent and bloody. Filled with gush and gore.

Blaine didn't know. He could easily imagine that to be the case, and it ran coolly down his spine.

He fell down to the mattress in the protecting dark of the corner of the bed. He almost fell asleep again when the short beam of light from the hall disappeared and a small click was heard from the door closing.

Everything went back to black around him. After a little while he felt the small action when Kurt was back on the bed. Only this time he started opening Blaine's jeans.

"It's okay. I told him we fell asleep and that you couldn't walk home alone in the middle of the night. He understood, just told me that we were to keep our clothes on," Kurt's voice cooed through the thick black blanket covering the room.

Blaine didn't know whether to stop him or let him keep going. He probably should stop him. That would be the right thing to do.

But admittedly, it was a pain to sleep in denim, so he let him continue.

He let Kurt slide his jeans off and drop them to the floor. Then he felt Kurt's hands slide from his hips and up his torso under the open shirt, where he ended at the shoulders and slid that off as well, lastly ending with his undershirt being pulled off over his head.

There he was; on his boyfriend's bed in nothing but his boxers.

He closed his eyes from the unknown of the situation. From not knowing what was about to happen.

All of a sudden he felt Kurt's lips lightly pressing against his chest. The touch made an electrical wave run through him, and all of his muscles instantly tensed up.

Kurt kept on pressing gentle kisses to his torso, each time a new unexpected place - and when he reached a nipple Blaine could feel him smile against his skin before he let the tip of his tongue brush flighty over it, blood desperately running from Blaine's head to his crotch.

He let a hand up to find Kurt's hair, but it was dark and he still couldn't see - on his way he realized that Kurt wasn't wearing clothes either.

This just couldn't be happening. Why, why, _why _would Kurt do that to him?

He didn't get to voice his worry though, because out of nowhere Blaine felt Kurt lie on him, making him spread his legs, pressing his full body against Blaine's own, revealing that Kurt was just as hard as he was himself.

Kurt let his lips down to Blaine's ear where he let out a small sigh that made the hair on Blaine's entire body stand on ends.

"Kurt… we can't…" Blaine stammered with his arms stretched stiffly down his sides out of fear of what would happen if he touched Kurt back.

"Can't what?" Kurt asked softly and pressed his crotch harder to Blaine's, surely to demonstrate that he was the one in control. Blaine wanted so bad to let him be, but his fear of getting caught was too extreme - now it just had to compete with his lust for Kurt who was so openly presenting himself.

What was most vocal; his fear or his lust?

Kurt's hard cock against his hip made his head cloud over, and before he knew it his hands were gripping hard on Kurt's ass; pressing him down, making Kurt sigh into his ear once more.

"This… we can't… do this…" Blaine objected halfheartedly. That was the worst objection he had heard in his life. Right now he wouldn't be able to argue against Kurt to save his life - which pretty much was the case if Kurt's dad found out.

He felt Kurt's lips nip at the flesh on his neck, making Blaine push his hips upwards causing the friction between bodies and fabric run through his body.

Kurt suddenly sat on his knees, and Blaine felt him take off his boxers, then started dragging off Blaine's when Blaine let a hand stop him.

It was difficult, and he had to gulp to be able to form the words, but he did it.

"Kurt, we can't do this. Not here. You heard what your dad said. He's definitely going to kill me if we do anything. And.. it's not like we were… quiet. The last time," Blaine said, feeling the need to kill himself for saying no to Kurt. Saying no to this.

He wanted it so much, and his balls were starting to size up from the action they had going. He wanted Kurt more than anything.

"Don't worry about that. No one will know. The walls in this house are good, and if… there's always a pillow," Kurt responded; his tone not teasing, but very much serious.

His fingers were still at the hem of Blaine's shorts, almost down around his ass.

"Besides… just because we're naked it doesn't mean we have to do anything," Kurt continued as he dragged Blaine's boxers completely off.

That made Blaine stop confused. So he wanted them to be naked? To be so close that it would be impossible to breathe? He wanted them to touch and feel each other? But not actually act on it? Now that was way more cruel and stressing than anything Blaine had ever considered. How was he supposed to keep that up?

In a split second he surprised himself and grabbed around Kurt's neck to pull him down. Their chests and crotches clasped together, skin on skin, and Blaine let his fingers tangle into Kurt's hair to kiss him forcefully, his lips aggressively moving against Kurt's who had to take a moment to keep up with what was happening, before he returned the kiss just as eager.

Blaine could feel Kurt's hands on his ribs and chest, fingers playing with his taut nipples, the well-known electricity running back through his entire nervous system that felt intoxicated.

"Or we could just be quiet? Or use the pillow? Please don't be quiet," Kurt moaned against his lips, letting his pelvis slide down so Blaine could feel his hard head smother pre-come against his crack, before he made a thrust to let it between his cheeks and press against his hole, a shock running through Blaine.

"I don't think I can be quiet," Blaine heard himself stutter, spreading his legs a little more, pushing with his hands back on Kurt's ass to show that he wanted it.

"Good. Cause I like it when you're loud," Kurt retorted, before he started kissing down his neck, over his chest, before he had to move down so he could kiss over his abdomens.

Without warning Blaine felt a wet trail of Kurt's tongue licking up his sac, running up his shaft to end at the frenulum where he felt Kurt's lips close down around his head, the entire situation making Blaine spit out a loud groan, considering grabbing for the pillow already.

This had been the last thing he had expected. Mostly hands on cocks and heavy make out, but there he was; lying flat on the bed with Kurt grabbing around the root of his dick to make it easier for the tip of his tongue to play with his head.

It was unbelievable, and Blaine let his fingers entwine in Kurt's hair, as he felt Kurt let his lips down to close around his head, and further down to take him in completely - letting his tongue trace the vein of the shaft.

"_Oh Kurt, yes _-" Blaine couldn't stop himself from gasping, and he could feel Kurt smile around his cock as he slowly started to let his mouth up and down. Blaine was so hard and Kurt's mouth was so warm and wet, and his tongue was in one time soft and strong.

The feeling of Kurt licking his fingers was nothing compared to this, and Blaine felt his breathing abandon all sense of control and his fingers grab harder into Kurt's hair.

"Yes, Kurt, _more_," he begged, feeling Kurt rise his pace, speeding up and down, and the way he let his tongue play with the slit over his head each time he reached the top made stars dance on the inside of Blaine's closed eyelids.

He could feel that he was close, so close, and he knew that he should stop Kurt - but it was too damn good, and he didn't want it to end. Kurt's mouth was too good and wet.

"Close, _so close_, mhm…" he heard himself whimper, hating his moral code, but knowing that it was only fair to warn Kurt before it was too late.

And as expected Kurt stopped. He let his cheeks do a heavy suck before he made his lips slide off Blaine's dick and his tongue trace a wet trail from his balls to his head where he let the tip of his tongue do a little dance making Blaine twitch and moan before he sat up.

Kurt let himself fall to the bed where he laid down on the side and made his upper body in over Blaine's making their lips meet.

His mouth was hot against Blaine's and his lips were extremely wet. He tasted sweet and salty at the same time, his lips were full and delicate and it was like his tongue had been worked to fit Blaine's perfectly.

"Holy… Kurt… that was amazing.. How did you… did you…" Blaine gasped, breaking the kiss, not sure he was even coherent, and he wouldn't blame Kurt if he didn't get a word of what he was trying to get out.

"Never. Done… before," Kurt heaved, making Blaine feel a relief run through him.

He couldn't take in the thought of Kurt's lips on another guy's cock. He wanted him all to himself.

"But I fantasized about it," he moaned into Blaine's ear, all of Blaine's nerves abruptly standing on ends.

Had he fantasized about blowing other guys? About sex with other guys in general?

_That's only natural_, Blaine tried calming himself, but he still couldn't help a feeling of terror and panic rise inside him. He had been so stupid to actually think that he could have been the only one for Kurt - ever. He had a life before they met. He was gay before they met. It was only natural for a teenage boy to have fantasies.

"Since the first time I saw you naked… the first time we were really truly close and opening to each other - the first time we really felt each other's spirit, I fantasized about you," Kurt whispered in his ear, as he let a hand slide down Blaine's torso.

"About doing this." He closed his hand around Blaine's cock and swiped slowly up and down a few times before he let go, making Blaine burst out a mouthful of air.

"And having you in my mouth," Kurt continued, letting his tongue find its way over Blaine's lower lip.

"Having you inside me," he ended, with a firm grip on Blaine's hip, nails almost digging into skin.

"I don't know why. I never thought about sex until I met you," Kurt trusted him, his voice more innocent now - but then again, everything was innocent compared to what Blaine had just heard.

Now all he could think about was the way Kurt felt around him, his lips on his cock, his head against his hole, his fingers in his ass.

All of it.

He wanted all of it, and the bare thought made adrenaline rush through Blaine. He turned to lie on Kurt.

Full body on, satisfied smirking when he realized that Kurt had been surprised by the sudden reversed control. He held Kurt against the bed on his shoulders, forcing his legs apart so he could sink down between them, making Kurt do a sore whimper before Blaine let his hand down to Kurt's crack, letting a finger slide into his hole, causing Kurt to do a shocked jump of his upper body from the feel, and he tightened so hard already as Blaine let his finger slide quickly in and out of him.

"Yeah, Blaine, _yes_," Kurt continued his whimpering , and he let a hand scratch down the muscle of Blaine's free arm.

Blaine could feel the fire roar inside of him, and Kurt's aggressive touch only made it harder and more in need of being reacted to.

He pictured himself on top of Kurt, thrusting forcefully into him, Kurt weakly squealing and gasping for more - and without realizing it he slid one more finger into him, both of them thrusting hard into Kurt's tight hole, even though it was almost impossible.

As he did so he arched his back to let his head down and made his tongue trace quickly over Kurt's cock, making him nearly scream "_Shit Blaine_!" Blaine guessing that he had turned his head to the pillow because the sound was muffled and sore.

And Blaine knew that they had to be careful and silent, but Kurt's moaning was too hot to deny himself the pleasure it brought.

"Fuck I love it when you're loud," Blaine exclaimed, his fingers still thrusting fast.

He couldn't stop thinking about how much he wanted to be inside Kurt, but he couldn't. Sure, he had done it before; one time - but he was still insecure about what to really do. He was well aware that the little yellow tin box of Vaseline was lying safely in the pocket of his coat, as always during the winter - because of his dry lips - and he could just grab it out if he needed it.

Kurt kept on twisting and moaning under him, so he differenced speed and somehow let his fingers crook to press his prostate hard, making Kurt's nails dig even deeper into his arm.

Out of nowhere Kurt rose to support on his one elbow, the other hand dragging him closer to Blaine. He tried to kiss him, but he couldn't; his breathing was way too uneven for that, so he settled for letting hips being clasped together.

"Kurt we… we need to stop," Blaine tried carefully, but his brain clouded up.

He really meant it. They shouldn't even have started in the first place, but he wanted it so damn much, and Kurt was just so hard, and such a tease.

"Stop," Kurt gasped weakly against his lips, filling Blaine's mouth with his own air, and Blaine felt every inch of him tighten.

"Stop. Stop. _Stop Blaine_!" Kurt nearly screamed at last, and Blaine stopped in panic - he hadn't realized that Kurt actually meant for him to stop, and not just mocked his idea of stopping.

Now he felt bad, terrible, that he hadn't stopped the first time he told him to.


	23. Together Again

"I'm sorry. Did I hurt you? Are you okay?" Blaine asked frantically, not knowing what to do about his hands so he let them rise in the air as if to surrender.

It was so dark and he couldn't see Kurt's face so he had no idea what was going on, except that Kurt laid back down and was heaving for air.

He had no idea what to say or do, so he waited. Waited for Kurt to take the first step. He was scared to death that he had hurt him badly.

"Come lie with me," Kurt's voice sounded through the dark, soft and smooth as always, only a little breathy - he might as well just have climbed some high stairs, Blaine thought, as he followed the request.

"I wanna try something. Do you trust me?" Kurt asked, and Blaine was completely baffled by the sudden change of atmosphere.

Every fire that had been roaring inside of him only a minute before had been put on hold. The flames were still there, he was still incredibly hard, and he still wanted Kurt badly, but he was waiting. He was confused and aware, but the important thing to him was that Kurt was comfortable.

"More than anyone in the world," Blaine retorted truthfully; curious about what was about to happen, but also a little nervous about what Kurt had in mind.

He felt Kurt crawl over him, clearly still hard as well, and pre-come smeared on Blaine's thigh making him give a little gasp as Kurt left the bed.

Blaine could hear him fumble with something at the other end of the room when he heard a match be lit and saw Kurt lighting a candle. Within a minute Kurt had filled the room with burning candles, bathing them in a dimmed, yellow light.

Kurt returned to the bed, and Blaine moved so he could lie down without having to crawl again, but Kurt didn't lie down. He stayed sitting up, looking down on Blaine. He let his fingertips carefully brush up and down his torso, making goose bumps spread over his Blaine's entire naked frame.

"You need to sit up. We both do. Sit up like me," Kurt explained quietly, and took his hand to help him up.

As confused as Blaine was he almost forgot how horny he had been moments before, how horny he actually still was, and sat up without questions. He realized that Kurt was sitting on his knees, so he mirrored the position.

"I figured it out - why neither of us thought about sex before we met," Kurt confided him - and Blaine was uncertain if he dared believed that what he was thinking was what Kurt was about to say.

"We never needed sex. We don't have sex. We never had sex." Kurt's voice had reduced to a soft whisper, so smooth and delicate that it flowed around their heads and Blaine almost felt it fondle around his sensitive skin.

Kurt closed two fingers around Blaine's wrist and led his hand up to hold still in the air, his palm standing open, presenting itself, towards Kurt.

Kurt let his own palm in the air, letting the tips of his fingers touch Blaine's so their palms could slowly meet.

"This…" Kurt began and let his fingers slowly slide down to fit perfectly between Blaine's.

"Is love," their fingers fit powerfully around each other, their hands now fully connected between them.

"We never needed sex. All we need is love. Our souls have been searching for each other - because the only love they could ever be hungry for is each other's."

His eyes were bigger than Blaine had ever seen them, and the candles were reflected, adding yellow to the already wide color scheme of his irises. His lips were full and wet; so inviting - but it wasn't the time, so Blaine forced himself to concentrate and nodded.

"In the beginning of time God created humans with two pairs of everything; arms, legs, eyes, lips, genitals - _hearts and souls_."

Blaine furrowed his brows. He didn't see where Kurt was going with this, and he didn't even know if he believed in God. What could some sort of Genesis possibly have to do with anything - especially after what Kurt had been through in school.

"When Eve violated God's trust he got angry, and separated the humans to become two - each with one set of arms, one set of legs, eyes, lips, genitals - _one heart and one soul_," he continued, almost without blinking.

"Their punishment was that they would have to search the world for their other half for all eternity. They would never feel complete until they were re-connected with the half they got separated from by God's anger."

Blaine's head started spinning. It was hot and the smell of melting wax mixed with Kurt's summer rain scent made his head clouded and heavy.

"It is very rare for a person to find their other half."

Kurt squeezed his hand a little tighter.

"But we did. Your hands are mine, your legs are mine, your eyes and lips and genitals are mine - because your heart and soul is my other half, and therefore we are now complete. We have found what we have been searching for," Kurt ended, and blood and sense was boiling in Blaine's body.

Soul mates.

He had never believed in soul mates. It seemed like a desperate, childish wish for love in a cold, war filled world.

But now…

"We don't have sex. We make love. It is not just our bodies running wild on our natural urges; it is our hearts, spirits and souls that are satisfying the appetite for love that we have been missing for the time before we met. They are catching up on the time we have missed out on. And when we enter each other, _feel_ each other; it is God letting us melt back to the one man we once were meant to be -"

Kurt wasn't beaming, or grinning - he was serious, and there was a hope in his eyes that was crawling under Blaine's skin. He believed so deeply in what he was saying, and it made a shiver run through every pore of Blaine's being - it made him believe too.

_Soul mates_.

He observed Kurt; watched the micro expressions on his face grow stronger, and the light of the flames licking themselves around his body like he was a creature from another world.

Their knees were already touching, so all it took for Kurt was to rise a little, and Blaine too, before their bodies could press together. Their chests were clammy from sweating, and both of their cocks hard and pounding against the other's hip.

Their faces were so close together that it would only take for both of them to pout their lips to make them meet - but they didn't.

Kurt's mouth was slightly open, and he let his breathing caress Blaine's lips. Blaine had to restrain himself from not grabbing around Kurt to press them so close together that it would nearly be painful; to not grab around Kurt's face and kiss him deep and strong, to not let his hands run freely over Kurt's naked body.

He didn't want to ruin this. He knew now that this wasn't just a lusty late night fuck between two people who loved each other - this was meaningful and something higher than himself, something bigger than them, and he knew that if he was patient and did as told Kurt would make sure that what was to come would be so much more than what he could take right then and there.

"Time -" Kurt whispered, his eyes piercing into Blaine's.

"Patience -" Blaine could feel Kurt's lips brush vaguely over his when he talked.

"Trust -" It was beyond his mind how it could be so achingly difficult to keep away from kissing those lips for just a brief second. It was like magnetism. Defying the laws of physics.

"Spirit -" Blaine felt his pulse rising in anticipation, without having any expectations of what was on its way.

"_Love_." Kurt ended and closed his eyes.

Blaine guessed that it was the plan, so he followed Kurt's example and closed his own eyes, every cell in him tingling for some sort of action to happen.

The room was completely silent, except for their breathing and the wind howling outside, and with every inhaling Blaine felt more and more like he was about to explode.

The small room was growing hotter, and it smelled like sweat and Kurt. All he could smell and taste was Kurt, and it made it tougher to hold still waiting for instructions.

Through the darkness of his closed eyes he felt Kurt's lips press softly against his. It wasn't really a kiss, it was merely two pair of lips meeting, touching, connecting - and he knew that he wasn't supposed to kiss back.

Until Kurt started motioning his lips slowly against Blaine's, and Blaine melted into the moving. It felt like they had been put in slow motion - like time was going slower than it should be. As if it had been put on hold just for them.

He felt Kurt's hand between his shoulder blades, squeezing their chests even harder together, making it painful to have them rise for breathing, but he didn't object.

"Feel my heart," Kurt hazed between their lips, nearly inaudible, making Blaine breath in what Kurt had just breathed out.

And Blaine felt it.

It was incredible. Kurt's heart was pounding against his own, as if skin and flesh and bones wasn't separating them, but heir hearts were directly against each other, begging to melt together to be one.

The feeling made Blaine go dizzy again, and he felt his knees go weak under him. He could hear how their hearts changed from two heartbeats to synchronize to one, and he wondered briefly if his own had completely stopped.

He didn't know where to put his hands. He needed Kurt's skin against his palms, but he was nervous and insecure, and afraid that he would ruin the moment; he wanted it to be as perfect as possible.

"It is yours too -"

"I wanna be one with you." The words escaped Blaine's lips before he even knew they were coming.

"I wanna make love to you," Kurt whispered, and led Blaine's hand to run down his chest, over his ribs, and down to his hip, and Blaine knew that it was okay, and let both of his hands slide around to the lower portion of Kurt's back, the tips of his index fingers finding the dimples immediate above his ass that was so adorably cute that Blaine wished to kiss them every time he saw them.

Kurt rose on his knees, making him look down on Blaine, and Blaine couldn't stop himself from letting his lips trace over Kurt's warm chest.

Blaine let his hands slide up Kurt's back, pressing him closer, and Kurt let his feet around his waist, locking themselves on his back.

"On the nightstand," Kurt whispered in his ear, so breathy that it felt like the words were flowing directly through Blaine's ear and spreading through his blood.

Blaine looked to his side and saw the yellow lid lying on the table next to the open tin box. He let his right hand support Kurt's back, and grabbed the open Vaseline box with his left.

Kurt leaned back, making room for him to lube up is erection, gasping from the cold against his scolding skin, and Kurt's eyes widening from the sound.

As soon as he was done, he dried off his palm against his thigh, not really knowing what else to do about it.

He let his hands onto Kurt's back to help him up, Kurt letting his legs drag him closer to Blaine, rising on his knees and his erection pressing against Blaine's chest. He lowered himself down, and Blaine could feel Kurt's entrance against his head, warm and tight.

Blaine let his arm slide up to full-arm support Kurt's back, as Kurt's arms were clenching around Blaine's neck to not fall down, as Blaine let his hand down to hold around the root of his dick, pressing harder against Kurt's back indicating for him to let himself lower down over him, to let Blaine enter him, both of them inhaling heavily from the pressure.

Somehow it was different than the last time. They were moving so much slower, and it was like he reached into Kurt in a different way.

Kurt was warm and smooth around him. He was tight and the closeness was comforting.

As soon as Blaine was all the way inside Kurt, he let his hand stroke over Kurt's cheek, before letting it slide up to let both hands support his back, while Kurt was moaning into his ear.

The position made Blaine reach another angle inside Kurt than he did the last time, and as Kurt slowly let himself rise, to sink down again, he let his lips capture Blaine's in a passionate kiss, the warmth and tightening making a twitch run though Blaine, as their kiss grew stronger, and Blaine started thrusting his hips slowly up to help Kurt rise and sink down around him.

Each time Kurt rose their lips had to part, so Blaine let his hands slide up to press on Kurt's shoulders, press him down; ass against Blaine's thighs, making Blaine's cock go deeper into Kurt than he had ever thought he would, feeling his head being pressed against the inside of him, making Kurt burst out a heavy breathed whimper.

Instead Blaine let his hips jerk upwards, his dick deeper into Kurt. Both of them rocking back and forth in unison, making Blaine's head brush over Kurt's prostate, and their panting synchronically going heavier.

Blaine rested his hands on Kurt's shoulder blades, firmly keeping him up, while Blaine himself lowered back, pulling slowly out of Kurt, to thrust in hard and deep, Kurt's fingers gripping painfully around Blaine's upper arms.

"Come ba… back to me, Blaine -" Kurt begged, a voice that almost sounded like he was crying, before Blaine let himself thrust one more hard and determined time into Kurt before he balanced himself to sit back up.

Kurt let his arms rush around him, closing the gap between them, Blaine almost doubting what breathing belonged to who, and what limbs belonged to who.

Kurt's mouth fought its way back to Blaine's, taking Blaine by surprise, making him nearly choke and had to breath quickly through his nose. It felt so surreal and he couldn't help wondering how it felt to Kurt - if he experienced it just as sensational.

The way he tightened around Blaine's dick was still painful, but the ecstasy that ran through him every time they moved the slightest made so much up for the pain that he close to forgot it.

He was so happy that Kurt was so bendy, or this position would never have worked: but the way Kurt was sitting on top of him - their lips locking together, their tongues dancing hazily and Kurt's fingers tangled into his hair made him feel like they were closer to each other than they had ever been before.

The candles were slowly starting to die out one by one, and Blaine let his eyes pierce their way into Kurt's out of fear that they would suddenly be surrounded by darkness and he wouldn't be able to see Kurt's eyes anymore.

"You're so good," Kurt moaned, his forehead resting against Blaine's as they motioned slowly, but steady.

Blaine could feel Kurt's erection sliding up and down against his ribs, a combination of sweat and pre-come having his chest almost dripping from their mixed body fluids.

A fire started in his stomach, and moved slowly down towards his crotch, but he didn't want it to. Not yet, not now when he and Kurt were finally one. When they had finally got to melt back together.

He stopped moving, and Kurt did too. Instead he let his right hand from Kurt's back in between them and down to close around Kurt's still hard shaft. Kurt groaned loudly as Blaine let his hand start slowly moving up and down. His ass moved back and forth from Blaine's touch, the friction making Blaine twitch and groan.

Kurt's breathing got faster and heavier, and he let his cheek clasp against Blaine's, his every exhale going directly into Blaine's ear.

Blaine couldn't hold still anymore. He felt his hips starting to slowly move his cock in and out of Kurt's tight hole again, keeping a slow but even pace.

"You're mine. You're really mine," Kurt whimpered into Blaine's ear, almost sounding like sleeptalking, as the speed of Blaine's hand rose, swiping harder up and down.

"Yours… Yes, Kurt. _Fuck. _Always… Yours," Blaine weakly cried back, the lava starting to size up in his balls.

"Now. It's now," he blurted out before he felt his hips thrusting harder against Kurt's ass, again and again, as he felt Kurt's muscles tighten even more, and jets of hot come streaming from his almost aching balls, through his shaft and into Kurt's perfect ass.

He let his teeth dig into Kurt's shoulder, struggling to keep his hand moving around Kurt while feeling like all body fluids were flowing out of him like fireworks, that made him sure he were better of resting against the cold wall or lying down.

"Don't… Don't stop, Blaine. I'm coming," Kurt cried, as Blaine's hips one last time thrust into Kurt's ass, deeper and harder, making his hips roll so he could feel every tiny inch inside Kurt.

And he felt it -Kurt's hips jerking forwards too, hot come spurting out, down his hands.

"Don't stop now," Kurt kept begging, and Blaine continued going as fast as he could while squeezing, watching Kurt's eyes swimming, his brows furrowing and meeting above his nose, and his lips pressing together, biting his lower lip to keep the noises in, but giving up and letting his forehead rest against Blaine's before he gave a last jerk of his hips, Blaine feeling it closely when his hole tightened one last time around the deep root of his dick.

"You're mine," Kurt whispered against his lips as his body un-tensed and relaxed. His chest and stomach were fighting to take in oxygen. Blaine could feel himself limp up inside Kurt, and Kurt went limp in his hand too, and he had no idea what to do about his hand dripping with Kurt's come, knowing that as soon as Kurt moved he would be wet and dripping too.

"The sheet," Kurt panted as if he had read his mind, and Blaine released his grip around Kurt's dick and dried his hand in the sheet before letting both of his hands press Kurt's torso as close to his own as possible, meeting his mouth in a dozy, passionate kiss, before their lips parted, only a few of the candles left to light up their faces.

"I'm yours. I am. I really am -" Blaine assured him, unable to stop smiling broadly, and Kurt smiled back at him.

"Always. We're one," Kurt muttered back between placing gentle pecks on his lips.

All of Blaine's muscles were painfully objecting to the position, and he knew that he should lie down before his body gave up and sank together completely - but he wanted to stay like this; inside of Kurt, feeling them as one.

He was exhausted, and even his brain felt like it was cramping. Their bodies were covered in a thin layer of sweat, and he was sure that they would glide smoothly of each other if they tried.

He returned Kurt's kisses, feeling Kurt's finger tangle caressingly around in his hair. His fingertips were massaging soothing circles on his scalp, and down his neck, making Blaine fear that his head could drop every second.

"I like this -" Kurt whispered, his eyes back to staring into Blaine's, almost looking golden from the dying candles.

"Me too. You're so warm and soft," Blaine muttered in return, his voice threatening to desert him. He clenched harder around Kurt, but his arms had almost given up.

Kurt seemed to feel him, and started to get up, but Blaine pressed him back to have one more kiss before they had to part, doing his best to let their lips transform to one pair, heaving in the taste of Kurt and the smell of his skin, trying to capture as much of Kurt before he had to let go.

They squeezed each other hard and close, before Kurt slowly let himself rise, making both of them sigh deeply from the loss, and Blaine felt come down his cock as Kurt moved to sit on his knees in front of him.

Kurt laid down and let his legs spread for Blaine to lie on top of him, his body quickly growing cold, desperate to feel Kurt again, missing the closeness already.

"Did you feel it too?" Kurt asked, his eyes sparkling and a beaming painting his face.

"I don't think I believe in God - but it was true. We were really one. I could feel you; become a part of me," Blaine whispered, his eyelids heavy and words blurring together in his head.

"You need to sleep," Kurt cooed letting his fingertips brush down over his back, chills running down Blaine's spine from the touch on his sensitive skin, but he was way too drained of energy to react on it.

"I don't wanna sleep. I wanna spend every second with you," Blaine objected, sounding like a tired child.

Kurt shuffled a little, letting Blaine fall down on the mattress next to him, and brushed Blaine's curls away from his forehead, his face clammy from sweating and his hair damp.

"Shhh… We have all the time in the world. All eternity together, darling -" Kurt crooned and made Blaine place his head on the hollow spot at Kurt's shoulder, kissing his forehead, and Blaine knew that his battle against the sleep was lost, and he might as well give in.

"Goodnight, lovely," Blaine muttered through a yawn and kissed Kurt's neck.

"Goodnight, Stardust -"

"I love you."

"I know. And I love you…"


	24. News And Pink

The morning had been awkward. They had laid in bed cuddling until they heard people starting to walk around in the hall and they decided to hurry getting dressed.

"When will I see you again?" Blaine asked, afraid that if he walked out of the door without a plan there could go days or even weeks. Kurt was so flighty and it was impossible to predict his next move - something Blaine loved about him, but it was also worrying.

"I don't know. When do you wanna see me again?" Kurt asked in return, Blaine unable to stop a grin on his face as he leaned against the frame of the front door. They had been in the hall waiting for people to stop walking by '_on accident_' so they could say a proper goodbye.

"How about all the time?" Blaine chuckled, an awkward feeling of Kurt's entire family listening from the living room, but the blush in Kurt's cheeks made it all worth it.

"It won't be long. I promise. I'll drop by the store Monday," Kurt promised and leaned in to peck his cheek before opening the door. Blaine squeezed his hand, doing his best to not let go before he finally had to release his fingers from Kurt's.

The walk home was long and lonely, and the wind was biting into his cheeks, but Blaine didn't really care. He kept going over the night in his head again and again - how Kurt's eyes had been trusting, and how their hearts had felt like one, how the candles had made Kurt's skin seem golden and his eyes too.

Luckily Kurt's dad hadn't said anything when they came down in the morning. No one had actually, but Blaine was sure he had seen Finn sent him a smirk making Blaine blush and wonder if he had heard anything - it wasn't exactly like they were quiet.

It felt like fall had come over night; golden and brown leaves were spread across the street and lawns, and everyone was wrapped in raincoats knowing that it was only a matter of time before next rain squall hit them.

Blaine had always been annoyed with the fall of Ohio. He got water in his shoes, and it was impossible to bring his guitar anywhere because he feared it would get wet. The cold hit way too fast and the streets were muddy and filled with constant puddles - but right now he was actually quite enjoying himself as he walked down the sidewalk through the town, passing the small convenient store and the library.

The colors of the dark, green grass of the park mixing with the dark brown and gold nuances of the leaves under the gray, nearly purple, sky was beautiful and he felt like he should get his guitar to go sing under Kurt's window instead of going home to tea and comic books as he had originally planned.

As he turned up the driveway he noticed that his father wasn't home, and he drew a relieved sigh. He wasn't ready to face potential questions about the dinner at Kurt's house, and he surely didn't have any plans on deepening what spared information he had heard about Finn's time in the war; it only reminded him of the pained look on Kurt's face, his frightening anger and the heartbreaking sobs.

The house was empty and felt big compared to Kurt's cozy house. It was a bit chilly and Blaine realized how much he smelled of sweat and sex… and Kurt.

He knew that he should be exhausted from lack of sleep, and it wasn't exactly the best to sleep two people in Kurt's small bed when they were used to Blaine's big one - but he wasn't even tired, just feeling lazy and dozy, so he showered quickly and put on his pajamas so he could go raid the fridge before he would occupy his mind with his worn-out copy of _1984_.

He had no idea how many times he had read that book, but somehow it never got boring. He loved reading and read a lot of different literature, but _1984_ and comic books was some of the only literature that could keep his attention so focused that he completely wandered into his own world, and didn't as much as hear the sounds around him - but right now he couldn't focus.

Kurt was dancing in and out of his mind, and whenever he read a sentence he had to go back because it was like Kurt was dragging him out of the book and forcing him to think about his smile, and voice, and touch.

Suddenly a thought hit him - he would have to figure out when exactly his father was planning on him leaving, but more importantly; what he should do about it.

He let the book drop to the bed he was lying on, and looked to the ceiling. He couldn't believe that he had pushed it off for so long when he knew that the day was coming closer - but what was he supposed to do about it?

He imagined how it would be if he actually did it, if he didn't find away to escape. The memory of Kurt's disgusted face when he had told him about his fear of his excitement about it, and the expression of pain and despise in Kurt's eyes when he had talked about Finn's commitment to the military made Blaine's heart rush to his throat - he didn't want Kurt to ever look at him with those eyes.

If he didn't find a way to avoid going on that bus would Kurt leave him? Would he start despising him too? Would he simply stop loving him?

The feeling made a gush run through him. He couldn't stand the thought, and he wished that he had never let it enter his brain. He had to do something, make a decision - he needed to talk to his father about it.

Blaine knocked on the door to his father's office. He hadn't been in there since he was 11 - since he started going his own ways and making his own decisions and forming his life around music; since his father realized that he was going to fight against the military for his life.

"Can we talk?" Blaine asked, doing his best to appear humble as he entered the room.

His father was sitting at his desk with his attention down in the paper, an expensive pen in his hand and a cloud of smoke from a cigarette around his head.

"Make it quick. I have work to do," his father responded, not leaving any question for Blaine that he was supposed to stay on the spot at the door so he could disappear as soon as they were done talking.

"I… I can't go to that school. I know you really want me to, but I just can't. I have my job here, and I have stuff at Dalton - responsibilities. I can go back in the beginning of November, and then take summer school to make up for the lost months and extra classes. Just… don't make me go to that school." Blaine was afraid that he sounded begging. He knew that if he sounded pathetic and weak he wouldn't get anything pushed through; then his father would only see even more reason for him to go to that school.

"No need to worry, Anderson. I have taken care of it," his father said, and Blaine's heart dropped and felt like it was about to crawl out of his bellybutton.

He couldn't believe it. Had his father really canceled his enrollment in the military school and arranged for him to go back to Dalton? Was he about to return to his old high school as if nothing had happened?

"Are you se… I mean… am I going back to Dalton? I… thank you," Blaine stammered, knowing that he'd better keep in too heavy of an emotional outburst.

"Now get out. I don't have time for chit-chat."

And that was it. Blaine rushed out of the door and hurried to the living room to get to the phone.

"Kurt, can I… I'm sorry - this is Blaine. Can I please speak to Kurt? It's important," Blaine spat out eagerly into the receiver as Finn answered the phone at Kurt's house.

"_Hello_," Kurt said, his voice like silk running through the phone and draping itself softly around Blaine.

"Kurt, I have something important to tell you. Can we meet?" He felt like he was exploding, and he wanted badly to just blabber out with the news, but he couldn't - he wanted to tell Kurt in person.

They arranged to meet half an hour later on the green patch they had been to the night of the thunderstorm. Blaine rushed to his room to find a sweater to pull over his shirt before he got out of the door even though he knew it would mean that he would be there early.

The green patch was deserted. The only people that ever got there were people walking their dogs, kids playing and teenagers sneaking to get drunk in the weekends. It was perfect - there they didn't have to hide or be nervous about who saw them.

"Blaine. What's going on? Did something happen?" Kurt's voice sounded behind him as he was pacing the lawn anxiously. He turned around as if on cue and saw that Kurt's white skin was flushed and his lips were slightly purple from the cold, his leather jacket was matched up with gray mittens and tight gray jeans.

"I talked to my father. Uhm…" he dragged it out on purpose, only because he wanted to build up the tension, even though he knew that Kurt would be thrilled no matter what - yet he could see confusion and anticipation in his eyes as he waited, holding his breath for whatever news was to come.

"I'm not going to the military school. I'm going back to Dalton. He said he arranged it all. I'm staying here in Lima -" he burst out eagerly, unable to keep it in anymore. He needed to share it with Kurt, needed to let it out and let Kurt take part in his joy.

Kurt squealed and jumped on his toes to throw his arms around him, boring his ice cube nose into Blaine's neck, before he dragged back so he could kiss him, quickly but passionate, letting Blaine feel how happy he was to hear the news.

"This is unbelievable. I was so scared. I thought I was going to lose you," Kurt started sobbing. Blaine was overwhelmed by his reaction so he hurried to dry the tears off his cheeks so he wouldn't get too cold, but they were flowing too fast for Blaine to be able to keep them away, so instead he dragged Kurt close into his arms.

"You won't. You won't. I'll stay here with you. I'm not going anywhere -" he held Kurt out to see his face and let their eyes meet.

"…but even if I were, you wouldn't lose me. You know I hate it as much as you do; I wouldn't change. I'd always be the same," Blaine assured him.

"They brainwash people, Stardust. Your heart is so big, and your soul is so pure. You wouldn't stand a chance. They would end up breaking you down, and you would get all life, and soul, and spirit, and art sucked out of you - you're way too good for that," Kurt got out in thrusts of sobs, Blaine almost afraid that he would mess up his oxygen intake.

He let his hands up to cup his face, forcing Kurt to look him in the eyes, feeling his throat tie up from Kurt's words and worries, as they started to sink in.

"Honey. Listen, even if he hadn't fixed it I wouldn't do it. I would have to go there, but I wouldn't stay. As soon as I found a way to get out I would - but it doesn't matter because it's not going to happen. I'm not going anywhere, and I'm not going to change, and we can stay together, alright?" He searched Kurt's face, watching the relief as the reality hit him behind the glasslike eyes, waiting for a response.

"Can we go home? Your place, mine, I don't care, I just…" Kurt tried sniffing, Blaine dragging him close, kissing his ice cold cheek.

"Sure. Let's go to my place, then we don't have to go so far, and I don't think my father is home. I'll make you tea, and we can snuggle up on my bed." He eagerly kissed Kurt's cheek all the way to his ear, making Kurt do a weak squeal before he agreed, and dried the last tears off his cheeks with the back of his mittens.

When they entered the Anderson house Mr. Anderson's car was still in the driveway so they rushed to the kitchen where Blaine made tea. They brought it up to Blaine's room where they didn't have to worry about his father walking in on them.

Kurt let his mittens and jacket drop to the floor revealing that he was wearing a thin shirt underneath, and he was shaking, so Blaine wrapped a blanket around him and made him sit down on the bed as he put on some music, not really noticing what, just to have in the background.

"You shouldn't walk around outside like that. We're in Ohio, you'll get sick," Blaine crooned and dropped a sweater to the bed in front of Kurt before he fell down next to him.

"I'm fine, really -" Kurt said and sipped his tea, avoiding eye contact. Blaine was completely aware that Kurt knew perfectly well that he wasn't convincing him in any way.

"You are not okay. Put it on. Please -" Blaine kept going, gesturing at the sweater determined not to give up as Kurt's lips still seemed a little purple even though they had been inside for quite some time.

"That depends - will you still hold me?" Kurt asked jokingly, waving his eyelashes at Blaine, before he put his mug on the nightstand so he could let the blanket drop and pull the sweater over his head.

Blaine smiled. A warmth spread through him by the sight of Kurt wearing his sweater. There was just something about it that he couldn't explain, but it felt like the physical proof that Kurt was his.

Kurt stuck out his tongue at Blaine when he realized that he was gazing at him, and let himself fall with his back into Blaine's arms in a perfect position so he could look up at him.

"Is your dad contemplating on killing me after Friday?" Blaine asked, suddenly remembering the other night with the returning fear that he had created troubles in the family.

"No. Not at all. You shouldn't be so nervous - they all really like you. Even Finn, who I had a suspicion was certain that I would end up alone; old and gray all by myself." Kurt took Blaine's hands and started playing with his fingers while he let his eyes gaze around the room.

"You couldn't. I am sure boys will be all over you. Everyone wants someone as amazing as you," Blaine teased, amazed by how lightly he could speak about the gay situation as soon as they were alone. He hadn't known that he was ready for that yet. He still didn't think of himself as gay, but he didn't really think of himself as anything.

Kurt shuffled to sit up and face him, making sure Blaine looked him in the eyes.

"I know it's been very confusing for you, but you did so good with my dad, and with meeting my family. It was brave of you to go against yourself like that. I'm really proud of you -" He let a hand up to brush Blaine's cheek and he felt his heart swell a little in his chest.

_Kurt was proud of him._

"It's okay. It's still hard for you, I get that - all the more reason for me to be proud of you," Kurt grabbed around the collar of Blaine's polo and let their noses meet to brush lightly against each other. Kurt's nose was still cold and made chills run through Blaine, but the closeness comforting.

They drank their tea, and Kurt wrapped the blanket to reach around both of them, before they laid down against the headboard of the bed with Blaine's arms fast around Kurt.

"You have really evolved a lot. You aren't as afraid and lonely anymore. I can feel it in you, hear it when you speak. Your aura color has changed," Kurt told as he let his fingertips brush up and down the soft wool of the sweater he was wearing.

"Tell me about my aura. I like it when you do that," Blaine invited. He had closed his eyes, and let his nose into Kurt's hair as he was holding his arms in a soft, but firm, grip around Kurt's shoulder, letting him rest his head against his collar bone.

"The dark blue is stronger than I ever have seen it. It makes me sad, but I understand - you're still afraid of what's gonna happen in the future. Today it's not as dark though. Because of what your dad told you. It comforts me," Kurt started, and Blaine knew instinctively that there was more.

"Your indigo has turned very strong since you came back to your own music store - you feel more inspired here, more in touch with your creativity. I guess it's the sense of home."

"I think that has more to do with you, really," Blaine whispered into his hair, not knowing why he had said that - it was the kind of thing he would never expect himself to say; but it was true. Kurt was his biggest inspiration, and after Kurt had come into his life he had felt more related to creativity than ever before.

Kurt turned around to face him, placing his hand on Blaine's heart, gazing at it for a few seconds before he turned his eyes to meet Blaine's.

"But the one that is the biggest step - you have gained a color you didn't even have before. A bright pink streaming from your heart. It's beautiful, and it suits you so perfectly. I love it." Kurt's voice was smooth and Blaine was wondering how it would look if it could be turned liquid. Possibly silver and luminous.

"What… does that mean?" Blaine asked, honestly intrigued and curious about what Kurt was telling him. He could feel anticipation and excitement building up inside of him, like when he was reading a thrilling book or watching an adrenaline-filled movie and he was just about to reach for the climax.

"Pink is the color that shows you are loving and tender, sensitive and artistic. Affectionate and compassionate. Pure… and sensual." Kurt's soft, hazy voice was eager and proud, and Blaine could feel that he was smiling even with his eyes by hearing all of this.

"And it shows me that you are in a romantic relationship that you are in love with and fully committed to…" Kurt ended with his palm burning into Blaine's chest, and he wished that he could open his shirt to feel Kurt's hand directly against his skin, letting it leave a print - a print it had already left a few months earlier when they had first met.

All of it, about the aura colors and all that, could easily have been something Kurt had made up. Blaine didn't know the first thing about those things - but he knew that when Kurt said it there was nothing to doubt. It was very much true.

"You have come such a long way, and you have crossed so many of your own boundaries. It is incredible - and I feel so blessed to be a part of this journey you have taken for your spirit."

Blaine was impressed. It was remarkable how much Kurt could tell him about himself from seeing this… energy flowing from his body.

"Do you really think that one day there'll be a place for us? Where we don't have to hide?" Blaine asked suddenly feeling melancholic, in no way thinking that this could ever be.

He knew that they were only teenagers, and they had only known each other for a few months - but this was so much more than just a teen-fling; he just knew it. This was love… and one day they would grow up and be adults and want to move in with the person that they love, and they would maybe wish to have children, and get married, and not having to hide it from the world, but proudly say "_this is the man I love_" - but the world didn't allow that.

"I do. This year they eased the Paragraph 175 in East Germany - the law that branded sexual relations between men a crime. Last year the book _Homosexual Behavior Among Males _was released, and it was such a groundbreaking step. In Canada they said "_there is no place for the state in the bedrooms of the nation_". And there was the CBS documentary last March -"

Kurt's voice rose to a high pitch as he rambled on with the different happenings and Blaine could see how much he burned for this, and how important he thought it was for Blaine to know about these things - and Blaine realized that he didn't know the first thing about the rights of homosexuals in his own country or even in his own state.

"Our country may be primitive and far behind, but the world is changing around us, and we are on the right path. It will happen some day. Last year Puck and I spent 2 months in San Francisco for the entire summer and it was beautiful - boys held hands with boys in the streets, and girls kissed girls in the park. Love really was all around us -"

His eyes grew wide and sparkling, and he nearly lost his breath from being so eager.

"Darling, I will find a place for us to love each other safely. I will protect you till the day I die - even beyond that," Kurt assured him, making Blaine swallow and press his lips together to avoid tears flowing from his eyes. He wished that he could ever show Kurt how much he loved him, but it would be impossible.

"You are so inspiring -" was all Blaine could figure out to respond.

They stayed together on Blaine's bed, wrapped in the blanket and in each other's arms for the rest of the day. Kurt told him about his summer in San Francisco, and how him and Puck had been friends for years, and Blaine told him about how he felt that everything had changed after he had met Kurt.

When it started getting dark Kurt had to leave, but each time he started to get up from the bed Blaine kept dragging him back down, until he finally gave in and admitted that it would be best for him to leave before he had to go home alone in complete darkness.

"No. Keep it on. You were so cold when we got home earlier - you need it out there. I can get it back another day," Blaine insisted when Kurt started pulling off the sweater.

Kurt smiled warmly at him, and dug his nose into the sleeve where he sniffed in deeply.

"It smells like you. I might have to sleep in this tonight," he said with waving eyelashes, Blaine feeling his knees go weak under him by the thought of Kurt curling up under his covers wearing his sweater.

"It's gonna be itchy you know. Really uncomfortable," he commented, truthfully knowing that it could only be uncomfortable with wool scratching against skin like that when he was about to sleep.

"Then find me something else I can sleep in, Moonchild -" Kurt whispered without as much as a hint of a joke in his voice or his eyes.

Blaine's cheeks went a little red. Kurt seriously wanted him to find a shirt he could borrow to sleep in. It was way too much. He was way too perfect.

He found out a t-shirt from his school and folded it together so Kurt could have it in one hand. Kurt led it to his nose where he sniffed in again.

"Mhm, this is perfect."

Blaine dragged him in to a close hug, and kissed him, before he followed him down to the door knowing that there was no way he could either hug or kiss him goodbye there with his father in the house.

The wind wasn't so terrible this night, and it wasn't raining, which was a good thing - Blaine wished that he could follow Kurt all the way home, but he knew that if he even proposed such a thing Kurt would deny him.

The room was dark and cold now that he was alone again, but as soon as he drifted under his covers he could feel and smell the mark of Kurt's presence in his bed, and he didn't feel quite as lonely anymore.

He didn't even dream that night. He merely laid in his bed, observing a star through the parting of the curtains while remembering that he wouldn't have to worry that he might be forced to leave Kurt, and then he fell into a dark, heavy sleep.


	25. Unexpected

Monday Kurt stopped by the record store as promised. When he arrived he asked Blaine to show him where to hang his jacket and Blaine confused showed into the back room of the store.

"You've been here befo…" Blaine started to say, but was stopped by Kurt's lips pressing against his, making panic fuel inside of him.

"I know. I just wanted to give you that," Kurt smiled innocently at him; but Blaine had to take a step back to make space for himself to breathe.

"Kurt. I love it when you come by. It's the best part of my day when you do, and you know that I love ki… spending time with you. But we can't do… this. Here," he said, nervous that it had come out a little sharper than he intended it to, and the look on Kurt's face instantly transformed.

He didn't say anything. He nodded in return and Blaine immediately regretted his tone, but couldn't help keep on being scared that someone accidentally had seen them. Seen them kiss.

"But it's okay. The door is closed, no one sees -" Kurt exclaimed patiently, his eyes revealing a flash of hurt growing.

He was fumbling with the hem of the sleeve of his tunic, and directed his full attention towards his fingers.

Blaine was sad that he had to hurt him, but he was also confused and mad that Kurt would do such a thing when they were out in public.

"But, Kurt -I'm not the only one who works here. What if someone was to come in and see us? I could get fired, and then everyone would know and…" he trailed off, a voice in the back of his head telling him to stop before he got too angry.

"Sorry," Kurt mumbled and turned on his heel and left the back room.

"Kurt -" Blaine called after him, but he was already out.

The rest of the day Kurt didn't talk to him. He danced around at the other end of the store, going through all the new records; singing and dancing to himself, talking to kids that came into the store.

A little girl came in with her older sister, and Kurt lifted her up to dance around the store with her. Blaine was helping the sister, but couldn't help stealing glances in Kurt's direction and observing how bright he was smiling and how much the little girl giggled and clearly loved hanging out with him.

When the little girl and her sister left the store Kurt bent down and exchanged kisses on the cheek with the girl and she giggled and waved at him on her way out.

The store was empty and it was dark outside. There was no chance that there would be anymore customers, but they weren't supposed to close up until the next half hour. Kurt had tripped into the listening booth where he closed the door.

Blaine wanted to follow him, but he wasn't sure if he was allowed to. They hadn't made eye contact all day, and he had no idea if Kurt was actually angry with him for what happened in the back room, but the thought made him uneasy.

Blaine walked to the end of the store, locked the door and turned the sign to say that they were closed. Then he turned off the lights, so the only lamp lighting up the room was the one on the desk. He walked to the listening booth and knocked the door.

"Kurt? Can I come in? Please…" he asked carefully, not really sure if Kurt was listening to music, or if he could even hear him on the other side of the door.

There wasn't any answer, so he took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Can I come in?" Blaine asked as he saw Kurt sitting on the floor in the corner of the booth, the tones of _She's Not You _flowing around the room.

Kurt didn't answer, he merely shrugged, so Blaine walked in and closed the door after him, leaving the room in almost complete darkness. He crossed the small square that was the floor and let himself down on the carpet next to Kurt.

"I'm sorry," he said weakly.

"It wasn't fair. You did something sweet and nice, and I was just scared. I'm really sorry." He paused and let his head fall back against the wall, hoping that Kurt would take up the power of speech.

"There wasn't any reason for you to be scared. The door was closed. No one could see us," Kurt sniffed, his voice clearly telling off that he was hurt.

"I know that, and that's why I'm sorry. You didn't do anything wrong. It wasn't fair of me to be mad at you - because technically you didn't do anything wrong -" Blaine apologized, doing his best to not hurt Kurt any further, apparently not succeeding, because Kurt looked down at him with angry eyes.

"Technically? I technically didn't do anything wrong? I did everything right; I got you to the back room, I made sure no one was there and I closed the door - and then I kissed my boyfriend." His voice was sharp, even more hurt than before.

"You need to work with this, Blaine. I know that you are afraid, and I said that I would never pressure you into telling anyone, or to be public about us, or anything - but you can't run around being scared your whole life. You limit yourself, and you lock up your soul. There are so many limitations in your life, and you need to let yourself free when you can; or you will end up being afraid of everything. I don't wanna see you look over your shoulder for the rest of your life -" Kurt wailed, letting his hand down on Blaine's knee next to him.

"The rest of my life? You thought about the rest of my life?" Blaine inquired, surprised by this new piece of information.

"The rest of your life is the rest of my life, so of course I have -" Kurt said, rolling his eyes at him.

"I promise that I'll… work on it. I really am sorry. I am trying," Blaine returned to the subject, feeling ashamed that he had acted so strongly when Kurt had simply showed him a nice gesture.

"I know you are. And I am really proud of you, you are doing so good. I just… wanna push your limits, so _you _can be brave enough to push your limits a little." Kurt grabbed Blaine's finger and squeezed it in his hand, like he had been a 4 year old.

"Thank you," Blaine said, crooking his finger a little, making Kurt release his grip.

"I guess I should apologize too. It wasn't fair of me to ambush you like that. When I know how you feel," Kurt said, letting his hand close around Blaine's as his head fell down to rest on his shoulder.

"I liked watching you with that little girl today. Both of you looked so… free," Blaine burst out, remembering the expression on Kurt's face when they had danced around.

"She was sweet. We had a good time. We nearly fell in love and ran away together. Then we would have started a dance/yoga studio where she would teach girls to be princesses and dance like them, and I would help people find their inner peace through yoga," Kurt teased and Blaine knew instinctively that he was smiling in the dark.

"Is that so? Then what would be left of me?" Blaine asked, acting hurt.

"You would have been left with her older sister. A nice girl who likes tweed skirts, framed glasses and organ music - just a girl for you, huh." Kurt nearly dropped out of character, but struggled to the last to keep it up.

"Oh… sounds hot though -" Blaine chuckled.

"Unfortunately Princess Marianna and I had to go our separate ways of artistic reasons. It just didn't work out," Kurt clenched Blaine's hand a little harder.

"So she abandoned me. And now I'm all yours -" Kurt ended, with a saying tone.

"Well, in that case I am glad it didn't work out," Blaine whispered and kissed Kurt's hair.

"It's late, we should close the store and leave so people won't think that there's a break in," Blaine forced himself to say, even though he didn't want to.

The little booth felt like they had entered a world that was entirely their own, and there was nothing to be afraid of, and nothing to consider.

Blaine got to his feet and helped Kurt off the floor. Kurt snuck his way into his arms, rubbing his nose against his collarbone while sniffing.

"My dad is gone from Sunday till Tuesday - wanna stay over? Do you think your dad will let you?" Blaine asked and kissed Kurt's jaw, letting his fingers sneak under the line of Kurt's blouse making him jump a little.

"I don't know. I could ask. I could always tell him that… I'll sleep in the guestroom or something. Of course he would know that it wouldn't be like that, but I think he would allow it," Kurt responded, while nipping lightly at Blaine's neck with his lips.

"But he was cool with you going to San Francisco, and Washington with Puck?" Blaine asked in disbelief, only now realizing that fact, and now confused that the things was so.

"Puck isn't gay, if you haven't noticed. Finn and Puck have been best friends for years, and I became friends with Puck, and after Finn got in the army Puck kept hanging out at our house, and he and I got really close - but my dad knows that we are just friends. He knows that I would never fuck Noah, and that Noah would never try to fuck me and then dump me after - he wouldn't even be interested in fucking me," Kurt stated, putting it out as if he hadn't thought about it for a long time.

"And that I could never understand. How anybody would not want to fuck you -" Blaine teased with a chuckle into Kurt's hair, making Kurt giggle at him, and Blaine could feel the skin on his cheek go warm.

"You're just saying that because you want it all the time," Kurt suppressed a giggle with his nose digging into the soft spot under Blaine's ear, making Blaine's stomach go cold.

"That's not how it is. You're hot, and you're amazing, and God, you're so damn sexy. I love making love to you, and I love being naked with you - but I want more with you than just fucking you. You know that, right?" Blaine asked, nervous, holding Kurt out so he could look him in the eyes with the question.

"I know. Don't worry, Blaine. You love me - and we don't fuck. Like you said; we make love, and we can share love without it involving our dicks and orgasms. I know that you love me, Stardust, and you aren't going to stop," Kurt cooed and caressed his cheek, making his pulse return to normal pace.

"Sure, you are such a great fuck that I would never need any other - but if anything was to happen I could easily go without that. If I had to do that to be with you I would; because I'm not just with you for your delicious cock," Kurt said, licking his lips and waving his eyelashes flirtatiously at him, making Blaine blush all the way down his neck.

"I'm with you for your big heart, and loving soul," Kurt assured him as a last.

"You are the best this world holds -" Blaine burst out and clasped his lips to Kurt's before letting his hand down to glide into his. It was the last time during this night that he would be able to hold his hand, so he wanted to do it as long as possible.

"When will we see each other again?" Blaine asked, feeling that this would start to be a permanent ritual every time they were to say goodbye.

"I don't know. I have to stay home tomorrow. I… promised my dad. I promised to help Carole and he wants me to spend some time with Finn now that he's back," Kurt sniffed, apology and melancholia simmering in his voice.

"You don't want to spend time with him? You're afraid he'll tell you about the war? The things he saw, the things he did," Blaine inquired as they entered the back room to find their jackets.

Kurt didn't answer, he nodded, and sniffed one more time, Blaine nervous that he was crying, but no tears were showing on his cheek or in his eyes.

"Tell him, baby. Tell him that you wanna be with him and spend time with him, but you don't wanna hear about it, because it breaks your heart. I've seen what it does to you, and you shouldn't go through that. It's too painful for you. You need to take care of yourself," Blaine told him, begging him to object to his brother's stories, and started wondering how he could have avoided getting into the military himself, only to imagine how Kurt had been face to face with the recruiters and telling them how he was openly out and proud gay. It made a smile spread on Blaine's face - he could never do something like that himself.

"I will try that. Thank you. You're so good to me," Kurt leaned in and pecked his cheek, the last kiss before he took a deep breath and they walked out in the cold of the evening.

Blaine locked the door after them and watched as Kurt danced around on the sidewalk tiles, and he suddenly came to think that they had already been together for so long and it kept going stronger. He would never grow tired of watching the playful spirit radiating from Kurt.

"What are you smiling about?" Kurt asked as they walked down the street towards the library where they usually parted after having spent the day together in town.

"Nothing," Blaine responded, realizing they were already there, sadness growing in his chest wishing that he could hug Kurt goodbye as the least; but it wouldn't go, so instead they looked awkwardly at each other as usual, and let their hands meet in a hand-shake, caressing each other discretely with their fingers, before they said goodnight and walked in opposite directions.

Blaine went to the library to look for new books to read, and stopped by the newsstand to pick up some new comics on his way home from the record store late Tuesday afternoon. He still hadn't heard anything from Kurt about when they were to see each other again, and he was off work Wednesday and Thursday, so he needed to figure out something to do.

When he got home he took a long shower and went to the kitchen to take a chit chat with the maid, Ms. Johnson, while he ate dinner. His father had taken his dinner in the office, and Blaine was fine with that. Ms. Johnson was a nice woman on the plus side of 50, and she was really sweet to him.

Sometimes he suspected that she had figure him and Kurt out, when he told her that he was going to spend the day with Kurt, or when she told him that it was Kurt on the phone - he couldn't really describe it, it just felt like she knew.

"He's a special boy," she always said to him with a wink, before she continued;

"You're a special boy." And then she would smile warmly at him and turn on her heel and leave.

He actually found it comfortable that she possibly knew. He was sure that she would never tell his father, she didn't seem to particularly like him; Blaine had a feeling that she only stuck around for his sake.

If the maid knew about him and Kurt it would mean that he wasn't completely alone with his secret in the big house, and the only one who knew approved, and liked Kurt.

"A boy is on the phone for you," Ms. Johnson told him when she came knocking on his door later that evening, and Blaine's face lit up to a smile as he dropped his book and jumped off the bed to run to the phone downstairs.

"It's not Kurt," she informed him as they walked down the stairs together, and Blaine felt his face drop, and his smile stiffen. Who on Earth would call him, if it wasn't Kurt?

Not that he really wanted to talk to anyone but Kurt, but he nonetheless picked up the phone and forced himself to be polite as he introduced himself.

"_Hey man. I'm back in Lima. Can we hang_?" Puck's husky voice sounded from the other end of the phone. Blaine was surprised to hear his voice and he had to take a minute to really think through what it was he had asked.

"Yeah, sure. That would be cool. I've got the house to myself, so you can just drop by, if you want?" Blaine replied and as Puck agreed he gave him the address and hung up the phone.

"A friend is coming over. Just explain to him where my room is," Blaine told Ms. Johnson and smiled gratefully at her as she promised she would do that.

It didn't last long until there was a knock on his door and Puck crashed into the room with a big grin covering his face, and a cold spreading from his body from outside.

"You live pretty fancy, Anderson -" Puck exclaimed as he let his jacket fall to the floor before he dumped down on the mattress, scooping the collection of literature to the head of the bed so Puck could fill up the foot all by himself.

"Greetings from my forever working psychopathic father -" Blaine chuckled hollowly, as he leaned back against the headboard, to have a look at Puck.

"Yeah, I hear your old man's a bit of a machine. But what's up, dude? It's been ages. Quinn wrote me. I'm really sorry you had to witness that. It sounded bloody and bizarre -" Puck said sullenly staring into the ceiling.

"Yeah. It was pretty morose. I hope she's better now. I haven't heard from her since she left. I'm really sorry about the… baby. You know." It was awkward. Having to pay condolences to Puck for his unborn child that he wasn't there to experience disappearing in a pool of blood and tears.

"I was pretty upset when I heard. But it was for the best for Quinn. She wasn't ready for something like that. I hope she gets better at that school. She wrote me around before she left, so I guess it must have been same time as she wrote you…" Puck shared, and pouted a little, and Blaine thought it best to change the direction of the conversation to avoid it being too uncomfortable for either of them.

"Does Kurt know you're back? Finn's back from the war, you know," Blaine spat out as the first thing that crossed his mind, not knowing why on Earth he had opened that subject, knowing that it would lead to questions.

"I knew it! You two are together - Jesus Christ man, you were so long to get your ass together," Puck exclaimed and jumped to sit up on the bed, making a couple of books fall to the floor with a bang.

Blaine panicked. He didn't know how to react, and he felt his heart cramp up and sweat break out on his palms. Should he come clean or deny it? Wouldn't Puck approve and all that? Would he think that Blaine wasn't good enough to Kurt? Would he think that Blaine was an asshole for not having told Quinn that he was gay?

"Come on, don't worry. It's cool, man. I knew that it was only a matter of time before you got together for real. You've been so freaking flirty all summer, and I've never seen Kurt with anyone like that -" Puck grinned, making Blaine's heart find out the jump rope and his stomach do rolls, and he decided he just as well might let it all out.

"When I heard that Kurt had gone home a month ago or whenever it was, I knew that it was for you. I heard that someone had called him one day, and then he left without any explanation, only for the same guy to call him again in the middle of the night - it was pretty obvious. And he didn't talk about anything but you when you left." He leaned back to the pile of blankets he had created behind him, and stared at Blaine with a satisfied expression covering his face.

"Yeah. My mom died a few weeks ago and… I didn't know what to do or who to call and I just… called Kurt at the commune, and the next day he showed up at my front porch. He had just dropped everything to cross the country to come see me," Blaine said feeling it strange to be so open about him and Kurt.

"You sound surprised? You shouldn't be. That boy would fly to the moon and back for you -" Puck joined in, and Blaine was sure that his heart was about to explode from being too big to stay in his chest.

"He stayed with me for a week. And… it happened. I don't know really… One night he woke me up, and we went for a walk and… it was just right. He had to go home the next day, and… he introduced me to his family and all, and I guess they sort of knows about it. My father just can't know. No one can know. My father had signed me up for military school, but the other day he said that he had fixed and I'm not going anyway. So I guess I'll be back in Dalton next month," Blaine told, unable to hide how happy and relieved he was to be able to tell it all to someone.

"That's so cool. I mean, it sucks about your dad. But with Kurt and all - it's awesome. I'm really happy for you guys. I knew you would be great together one day. I'm really sorry about your mom, though -" Puck said truthfully, looking a bit embarrassed that he didn't really have anything to say about it.

"I don't really wanna talk about it," Blaine spared him. Both for Puck's sake, but also for his own. He really didn't want to talk about it. It still stung to think about his mom, and he wasn't exactly ready to have a break down in front of Puck - or maybe he was only able to cry in front of Kurt?

"But to answer your question - no, I haven't talked to Kurt after I came back. I only came back this morning, and after all you did for Quinn and… you know - and also for Kurt; he's a completely different person after he met you. I just thought I owed you to come and thank you for everything. I was planning on calling Kurt tomorrow or something -" Puck explained, his voice dozy and his eyes threatening to betray him.

"He won't have time tomorrow. He's all… family and stuff these days. But how about I call him tomorrow and ask him to come here Thursday, and you can just be here when he comes over?" Blaine suggested, honestly thinking that it would be cool to hang a bit with Puck.

They had talked a bit on the bus to Washington, and then they had talked a bit every now and then in the commune, but it was never anything more than chit chat, but Blaine really wanted to get to know him. He seemed like a cool guy, and Kurt seemed very fond of him - he needed friends.

"Yeah, we could do that. I wanna surprise him - he'll probably scream," Puck barked a laugh at the thought.

"So I just drop by tomorrow and we'll jam a bit on the guitars and read some comic books and reminisce about our golden youth in D.C.?" Puck asked through a yawn he did nothing to hide as he got up from the bed, Blaine instantly knowing that he was on his way home.

Blaine agreed and followed him to the door where they said goodbye, and agreed that Puck should just drop by whenever he was awake and ready for it the next day.

As soon as he returned to his room it occurred to him how exhausted he was. He felt like he had been carrying around every single secret of the entire world and just recently had let them all drop; it was relieving and relaxing - and incredibly exhausting.

He let all the books and comics and the bedspread drop on the floor in one big chaotic pile, not caring about it, only wanting to retreat to the covers of his bed that would let him sleep without a care in the world.

For now, at least…

It was a nice break to have Puck over. He was impressed with Blaine's music collection and spent most of the day running through the records while Blaine sat on the floor against the bed reading comics, every now and then engaging in a lively conversation about a band or an album.

It was relaxing and comforting to not feel like he had to hide who he was. He felt like talking about Kurt all the time because he finally could do it in the proper way that did Kurt justice; but he didn't. He actually didn't even mention him once. He was nervous that Puck would think that he only wanted to hang out with him to talk about Kurt, and he didn't want to give him that impression. That wasn't how it was.

"So - you know Kurt and I go way back," Puck stated under his breath, Blaine not sure what to expect of the conversation to come.

Puck had put the records back in place and had crawled to lie on the bed while staring at the wind shaking the trees outside.

"Yeah, Kurt mentioned that. It's cool. I'm glad he's got friend," Blaine responded, and let the comic drop from the mention of Kurt's name.

"He never really had. I mean, he's always been cool with Rachel, you know - Finn's girlfriend. But they were never really close. He's always been - not really shy, but more like reserved. It's like… he's always known that he's better than others, but not in a cocky way. Like he has a way of seeing through people, knowing them before actually knowing them, so he just… kept to himself, not really hanging out with people. Guess he just didn't want anyone too close because he knew how easy they could hurt him - he's so… fragile. Delicate."

Blaine wasn't really sure why Puck was sharing this with him, but it made him sad to think that Kurt had been this lonely; he didn't want him to feel like that, he didn't deserve that. He couldn't do anything but agree with him on the fragile and delicate point though - he really was; and there was no doubt that Kurt was a much better person than so many of the people in this world.

"But then he met you, man. He's a completely different person. On the bus from Ohio he was watching you - that was the first time in ages I've seen him smile. The day after we arrived he told me about you, and there was just something about him… his entire face lit up. It was crazy! So yeah, thanks. For bringing life and light into the boy," Puck closed.

He sounded sincere and grateful; it was like he had watched Kurt through all the years and not been able to do anything about his solitude, and then someone, Blaine, just scooped along and did it for him.

"I'll do anything for him," was all Blaine could say, and he was honest - except for his father. That he couldn't do. Not for Kurt, not for anyone.

He was ashamed about that. He should be able to stand up to his father, and tell him who he really was, but…

They went to the kitchen and found some food Ms. Johnson had left for them. They talked about the demonstrations and parties they had been to during the summer. Apparently Puck knew Linda from they were kids, and she had been like a sister to him when his father ran off and left his mom alone to take care of three kids growing up.

It sounded awful to Blaine, and as much as he hated this house and his father, he was grateful that those kind of things hadn't been an issue too while he was growing up.

"Puck? How is Finn?" Blaine asked insecure. He had wondered that for a long time, but he had not wanted to ask Kurt because he didn't want to upset him with stirring up the whole "my-brother-is-a-killer"-issue.

He was curious , cause it was very clear to him that Kurt cared deeply for his brother, and Blaine couldn't make that fit if Finn had always been a strong military supporter, so there had to more to him than just that.

"Finn is a good guy. He honestly is. But he's very old fashioned. He's all cool with Kurt being… you know. Into guys, and all that., but he never really understood him."

It slowly occurred to Blaine that Puck and Finn had been friends for a very long time, it could be heard in the way Puck spoke, but it sounded like they had drifted apart.

"His biological dad was in the military, and he's always known that he wanted to follow those footsteps, so when he got the letter he was proud - and Kurt was crushed," Puck told, and Blaine gulped.

He didn't want to imagine Kurt when he had got the news that his little brother was going to the army to be trained for combat with that sole purpose of sending him to a country where there was higher chances of him getting killed than coming back - and where he was bound to kill people himself.

"What happened then? To Kurt? What did he do?" Blaine spat out unable to stop himself. He just needed to know.

"He didn't leave his room for two weeks. He refused to talk to anyone. Didn't really eat or drink anything. He was all skin and bones after - and it's not like he's on the heavy side already or anything." Puck wrinkled his nose. He looked like the memory was something he had hoped to never cross again, and Blaine felt a little bad that he had brought it up.

"Then one day he came to me, and he said that he had decided that we should hitch hike to San Francisco, so we did, and then we spent a few months there."

Blaine liked the way Puck talked about Kurt. It was like listening to someone talking about their little brother they wanted to defend to the last drop of blood - at least Kurt had had one person in his life that felt that way about him - before Blaine came along. Now he had two.

"_Hummel residence, this is Kurt speaking_," Kurt's voice flowed gracefully through the receiver, making Blaine's heart grab for the jump rope as always.

"Hey beautiful. I was thinking if you would maybe stop by my house today? I've got a surprise for you. My father is working late, so it's cool. We don't have to worry about him today," Blaine greeted him, a swirl in his stomach of how amazing it felt to talk like that over the phone without worrying.

"_Hey Stardust. I don't kn_…"

"Please. Please. I really miss you, and I really wanna show you this," Blaine begged him, remembering that he had promised Puck to get him over. He would be so disappointed if Kurt didn't come.

"_Ugh… okay. I'll have to find a way to sneak out. I miss you too, baby _-" Kurt finally said after a little silence.

"Great. I promise you won't regret it. Can't wait to see you."

Blaine wanted to kiss the phone, but instead he hung up and hurried to shower before Puck came over. He wasn't sure how long it would take for Kurt to be there; he just hoped that Puck would get there first.

It quickly got late. 1, 2, 3 pm, and Blaine started wondering if Kurt was even going to show. Puck didn't seem to think about it, though. Blaine guessed that he was used to Kurt's unpredictable behavior, and as much as he didn't want to face it, he knew that it was a leftover from his strict upbringing under his father's eyes that he needed some things to be clear or he would get nervous, and annoyed.

"Maybe he's not coming," Blaine eventually sighed, and buried his face in his pillow, suppressing a roar of frustration with Puck casually sitting at the end of the bed with Blaine's guitar playing some Beatles tunes.

"Chill, man. He'll be here. You should know by now - you can never really expect him to be on time for anything, he's too free. I don't even think he owns a watch or anything," Puck exclaimed with a laughter, putting the guitar down to lie on his back, tapping a rhythm on the mattress.

There was a knock on the door and Blaine sat up stiff.

"Noah, you're back!" Kurt squealed and ran across the room to jump on top of Puck who didn't have a chance to react. Puck quickly got his arms swung around Kurt even though he was so cold that Blaine could feel him from the other end of the bed.

This was exactly what he had hoped for; this happiness that so obviously was streaming out of Kurt when he sat up on Puck's hips looking down at him, feeling his face and running his fingers through his dark hair, before he finally pinched him in the arm.

"Auch! What'd you do that for?" Puck whined, looking like he had just been slapped in the face.

"Why did you stay away for so long? You didn't even call or write me? I needed you, Noah. You know that I did. I needed you to be there when Finn came home. I wrote you tons of letters but you never even considered to write me back."

A wave of betrayal splashed in over Kurt's face and he fell to sit on the bed between his friend and boyfriend. His lips pouted and his eyes shifted from staring hard into Puck's to down on the bedspread under him.

"I'm sorry, man. I wanted to. But you know how I am with writing - that's not exactly something I could do for a living…" Puck started to defend himself, truly sounding apologetic, but Kurt changed his focus drastically out of nowhere.

"And you. You knew that he was back, and you didn't tell me? How long has this been?" Kurt asked Blaine, looking hurt and sad. He didn't sound upset, but his voice was quiet and weak.

"I… he only called me the other day, and then he came over, and you said you were hanging with your family, so… I just thought we'd surprise you," Blaine blabbered out, desperate to let Kurt understand that he hadn't hidden anything from him, but this was the actual way things had gone down.

"I'm sorry, okay? I really wanted to be there, but I couldn't make it fit with any busses or trains. I tried. I just needed to gather the money and then find some way to get here," Puck tried and grabbed Kurt's hand, searching for eye contact, but Kurt kept staring down in the bedspread to avoid both Blaine and Puck's eyes.

"Does it make up for it that I missed you like hell?" he tried teasingly, Blaine not sure it was the right way to go around it - but Kurt's cheeks blushed and his eyes flickered to Puck's for a split second before he pushed his hand away.

"A little… maybe. I just… I'm sorry, I just really needed you. Blaine was there, but… he doesn't know Finn, he didn't see how it really was." Kurt finally shot Blaine an apologetic glance before he returned his attention to Puck and smacked teasingly over his fingers.

"If I could hate you I would right now -" Kurt said and fell back to the pillow.

"I know… but you could never hate me. You love me, Hummel. You know you do -" Puck joked, and nudged Kurt's knee.

Blaine didn't really know what to say or do about it. He felt like he was walking in on two lovers struggling their way out of a quarrel, and he almost thought that he should tiptoe out to leave them to their reunion in peace.

"Yes. Not because I want to right now or anything -" Kurt pouted, and stuck out his tongue at Puck, before he let himself fall down to curl up in Puck's arms.

"I just really missed you. Lima isn't the same without you, you know."

Blaine watched as Kurt shuffled himself closer to Puck, and Puck folded his arms safely around the fragile boy who looked peaceful in a different way than Blaine had seen him before, making Blaine feel a little misplaced as Kurt buried his nose against Puck's elbow.

"But hey, I should be upset too! You wrote me all these letters but you didn't take as much as one line to tell me that you got yourself a boyfriend now," Puck burst out, as if he had just caught them snogging.

"Well… love can't be explained. Especially not this love - it's too strong for words. I wanted you to see it yourself," Kurt cooed as he grazed his fingers up Blaine's thigh to let his hand slide into his, and suddenly the room felt extremely hot, Puck shooting him a giant grin.

"It's grand, and extraordinary. Unearthly. It came crashing down on us from a galaxy far, far away- This universe can't contain it," Kurt kept going; dreamy and teasing, eyes huge with excitement, and voice flowing through the room.

They got through the day with Puck telling them how the other people at the commune had gone through the months after Kurt and Blaine left; how they had demonstrated and partied, and how Gary and a few of the older guys had been arrested after getting into a heavy discussion with a pair of police officers.

Blaine knew that he should be upset about it, and ask what had happened, but he honestly didn't care. In his opinion it had only been a matter of time before Gary would have got himself into some mess, and he was actually happy that it finally had - it was about time.

"What about Linda, then?" he asked, genuinely curious, nervous, about what she was going to do if Gary ended up in prison for god-knows what other horrible stuff he had done. There was no question that he would end up doing something to give the police a reason for keeping him locked up.

"I think she had something going with Ginger, so I guess she's staying. At least for now. She made a big deal out of how much she wasn't planning on coming home for the holidays. You could always call her…"

"Oh no, I don't think so. She's a big girl, I guess she'll be alright, or she'll call me, or something. She knows where I live -" Blaine rolled his eyes, and looked down on his hand locked with Kurt's.

Kurt seemed to notice and let his thumb brush lightly over Blaine's, making him feel like there was something Kurt was trying to tell him - that he should call Linda. Blaine couldn't deny that a part of him felt that he owed her to call her. After all; everything that had happened hadn't been her fault - and when he had been getting on the bus back to Ohio she had been the one to remind him of Kurt and assured him that Kurt would miss him too.

"I am sure her path will pass yours again some day, Blaine. She cares deeply for you, and you for her. If there's a meaning to that, and I am sure there is, you will see her again one day. There's no need for you to call her if you don't feel like it. As you said yourself; if she wishes to speak to you she will call you," Kurt cooed with closed eyes and the tip of his thumb brushing over Blaine's knuckles.

The day went on slowly and lazily, and before they realized it, it had become late and Kurt needed to go home. Puck promised to follow him on his way so he wouldn't have to walk all through town alone, which Blaine was deeply grateful for.

As he closed the door after them he rested his forehead against the cool front door, while cursing himself away for not having the guts to kiss Kurt in front of Puck. He knew that Kurt understood, and he hadn't even tried. Blaine knew that Kurt wanted to let him take the lead to make sure he wasn't pushing him into anything crossing his lines. Sometimes he just wished that Kurt would push him - it would make some lines easier to cross. Lines he really wanted crossed.


	26. Nerves

Blaine sat nervously down in the chair in front of his father's desk. The room felt dark and heavy on his shoulders, and he had a hard time resisting the urge to run away.

When Blaine had come home from work Ms. Johnson told him that his father wanted to see him in his office. That was a strange thing as Blaine usually wasn't even allowed in his father's office and as his father normally did his best to not converse with him. However, Blaine guessed that he might as well get it over with as postponing it would only make it more nerving, so he sat down and waited for his father to enter the room.

"It is November next week and I know that you are expecting to go to Dalton - but you are not. It is way too late for you to take up your senior year now, so I suggest you go out and get a job to keep yourself occupied," his father said. He had his eyes locked in the papers on the desk in front of him, and Blaine wanted to scream at him to keep his attention on the conversation.

"But, dad… I've already got a job. You know that. I work at the record store in to -"

"A real job. And get your hair cut. You're starting to look like a bum. Again. This is not up for discussion, Blaine. That was all, you can leave now. I have a lot of work to do." He still didn't look up, and Blaine stayed in the chair staring at him in disbelief with his mouth slightly ajar, before he got up and marched out of the room.

What did that even mean? Was he planning for Blaine to go back to Dalton next summer? Or didn't he want him to finish high school at all?

It was so frustrating that he couldn't just tell him what he had in mind - not to mention the way he talked about the record store. _'Not a real job' - baaah_, Blaine thought to himself as he climbed the stairs to disappear to his room.

"There's no reason to read anymore into it than what he said. Just relax. I'm sure it'll all be okay," Kurt assured him when they were lying on Kurt's bed the next day.

"I know. It's just hard when I'm used to him pulling all kinds of schemes on me because he's so desperate to mold me into a psycho replica of himself -" Blaine sighed, and appreciated that Kurt wasn't panicking the way he was himself.

To him it was astounding how easy it came to Kurt take it lightly and wait for the future to present itself instead of instinctively fearing the worst.

"Thank you. For keeping my head cold," Blaine mumbled, and let his fingers tangle around the hem of Kurt's tunic. Kurt giggled as his cold fingers hit the delicate skin of his hip, before he jumped off the bed, making Blaine's heart twitch with the surprise.

"I made you something," he said excitedly and started fumbling around with the piles of paper that was spread around the desk.

Kurt turned around and presented Blaine with the most amazing piece of art he had ever seen. A sheet of A3 paper had been decorated with charcoal sketches of a guitar with a garland twirling around the neck, a white dove resting on the body, stars above it all and the word Stardust in big letters at the bottom of the paper, all finished with Kurt's artistic signature in the bottom right corner.

"I just noticed that you haven't really got anything on your walls, and your wallpaper is boring - so I guessed that you might want something to decorate with."

Blaine had no idea what to say. The drawing was truly impressive, and he could easily see that Kurt had put a great effort into creating it - just for him.

"I don't know what to say. Thank you. It's so beautiful," he spat out, in a desperate attempt to express how much he loved it, but he couldn't find anything appropriate. Words just wasn't enough.

"It's okay if you don't want to hang it on your wall or anything, I just thought -"

"I have the perfect spot for it. I think it's amazing. You're so talented," Blaine said and got off the bed to hug Kurt. Over Kurt's shoulder he noticed that there were a lot of crumpled up first drafts of the drawing spread over the table, but he didn't care. It could have looked like something a kindergartener could have made and he would have loved it anyway. Because Kurt had made it for him. Now he was just so lucky that Kurt was a crazy talented artist, and this was beautiful.

"I'm glad you like it. I don't know much about guitars or anything, so I just kinda drew it from my memory of yours. It was hard though… cause every time I tried picturing it I couldn't stop focusing on your face instead," Kurt smiled shy and turned to roll up the drawing with a rubber band.

"I love it. Thank you. You're way too sweet to me. And the details are so impressive," Blaine assured him and squeezed his hand when there was knock on the door and Puck stuck in his head.

"Wanna come hang with us? Finn and I are gonna watch football in the living room. Uhm… Burt and Carole aren't home so -" he said with a saying grin, and Blaine knew that he wanted Kurt to come hang with Finn with chaperones present.

"Sure. Let's… let's do that," Blaine stammered, feeling that it was pushing his limit, but wanting this for Kurt enough to put himself aside.

Kurt raised an eyebrow as if he was doubting that Blaine really meant it, but after having kept up a pokerface for a little more than half a minute he nodded at Puck and agreed that they'd be down soon.

"I thought you wasn't comfortable about… hanging, with people, like that," Kurt wondered out loud.

"I'm not, but… I wanna be better. Here, in your house, we can be… free. We don't have to worry, so… I should learn how to stop worrying. Besides - you miss Finn. I know you do. So I just thought we'd might as well… try it," Blaine stuttered himself away, trying to convince himself that it was a good plan.

Kurt stared back at him, eyes huge with wonder and amazement, and a smile started creeping out at the corners of his mouth.

"You have come such a long way. Let's go downstairs," Kurt eagered and grabbed Blaine's hand to lead him out of the room and down the stairs.

The TV was loud, and when they entered the living room Blaine could see that Finn was seated in Burt's chair, and Puck was on the couch. Kurt instinctively let go of his hand as they got closer to the couch, and Blaine felt ashamed of how much a relief it was.

Kurt led him around the group of furniture and made them sit down next to Puck. Kurt let his hand discretely find its way back to Blaine's securely hidden between their thighs, keeping them there to be safe from curious eyes. Even though Blaine was panicking on the inside he smiled appreciating at Kurt - it was nice and comforting to know that he wanted this to be done at Blaine's pace.

"I think… Blaine here is scared of you, man," Puck chuckled at Finn after they had sat in silence watching the game for a bit. Kurt sent him a lightning look; a look that Blaine was sure would be able to scare even the biggest and toughest guy, but he was completely freaking out himself. Why would Puck say such a thing? Why would he sell him out like that?

Betrayal at its finest.

No one said a word. All three of them were waiting for Finn to say something in response. He had turned his head to stare at them with a confounded expression painted over his face. Blaine didn't even dare as much as breathing and suddenly Kurt's hand felt burning in his, and he was sure that sweat was breaking out over his entire body.

"Is that true? You're afraid of me?" Finn asked, now complete focus on Blaine and it was impossible to figure out what he was thinking, and Blaine imagined himself run away screaming, Finn twice his natural size running after him

_He's going to take advantage of it. I'll be his new toy, the new entertainment; that person he's going to make do and say all kinds of crazy stuff because even his raised eyebrow is terrifying_, Blaine thought to himself.

He couldn't decide if his best move right now would be to let go of Kurt's hand or to simply hold on tighter, hoping for a bit of his strength to be contagious, but he never got a chance to make up his mind.

"Now that is just ridiculous, dude. I might be what… three times your size, but you seem cool," Finn said through a bark of laughter, and against what he had ever thought possible Blaine felt smaller than ever facing Finn, he could practically feel himself shrinking before their eyes as Finn, Puck and Kurt all looked to him - awaiting his reaction.

"Relax. If Kurt likes you, I like you - unless you break his heart, of course. Then I'll break your neck." Finn winked at him and left the chair to head for the kitchen.

Kurt turned in his seat to face Blaine and used his free hand to rub his knee with consoling eyes staring intensely at him.

"Are you alright?" he asked quietly, making Blaine feel like he was staring into his soul searching for answers.

"You did good. You really did. Don't worry - he likes you. And as you won't go breaking my heart, there's no need to think about his macho-muscle-flexing," Kurt calmed him, letting his thumb caress his thigh lightly.

"And you, Puckerman, I am pretty sure you shouldn't seem so cocky in your corner over there." The lightning was back in Kurt's eyes, and now that Finn wasn't in the room Blaine could really see how terrifying it was and how and he wished profoundly that he would never be at the receiving end of that.

Puck smirked provokingly at Kurt and leaned back in the corner of the couch. Finn returned to his chair and sent Blaine and Kurt a calm smile, and returned his focus to the game roaring on the screen.

Kurt looked to his side and caught Blaine's gaze, squeezed his hand that was still hidden between them - and lifted their locked hands together to lie on Blaine's thigh for everyone to see their entwined fingers.

Blaine's first impulse was to drag away in reflex - that was what he was used to, how it usually was; that they had to hide it - so now that it didn't have to be like that he couldn't stop sending their hands glares from the corner of his eye.

When the game ended the silence in the room felt awkward, like a thick coat pressing over them. Finn shut off the TV and turned the chair so he could face the others.

Blaine knew that he shouldn't worry about it, but he couldn't help noticing how heavy the chair was and yet Finn moved it lightly around like it had been made of paper. As much as he couldn't focusing on how he would break his neck - he could easily do that; with one arm even. A shudder ran through Blaine by the thought and he felt Kurt tighten his grip a little, which made him force his thoughts back to the living room.

What had Puck said Kurt's last name was again? Oh yeah, Hummel - his last name was Hummel.

"I should probably go home so my sisters aren't alone for too long," Puck declared, breaking the silence and got up from the couch.

For a second Blaine almost begged him not to go, to stay so he wouldn't have to actually act on Finn being in the room, but he restrained himself an forced a grimace that he hope would be interpreted as a smile.

Puck shook hands with Finn and Blaine, and Kurt crawled to his knees in the couch to hug him. Once Puck had left he sat back down, and stole himself to kiss Blaine's hand, sending alarms out to all of his muscles.

"I haven't really seen you in town before. What school did you go to?" Finn asked, clearly an awkward attempt on making conversation without knowing what to converse about.

Blaine told him about Dalton that was located in a town a bit away from Lima, and they casually moved on to talk about music, Blaine grateful as that was the one thing he could talk about forever without getting nervous or uncomfortable regardless of who he was talking to.

"Blaine's really talented. He's got a fantastic voice, and he's the best guitar player I ever met," Kurt told his brother, and Blaine was sure that he could sense pride in his voice. A warmth spread through his chest, and a smile started working over his lips.

Finn asked curiously about what music he played, and for how long he had been playing, regular and relaxed questions making the atmosphere a lot lighter and in the end Blaine actually didn't as put on spot, but more like a regular chit chat - before they realized it had become late.

"I think I need to leave," Blaine excused himself and started to get up. He politely said goodbye to Finn and headed upstairs to get his coat from Kurt's room. Once he was back down Kurt followed him closely to the front door.

"I don't want you to leave," he said in a surprisingly sad tone. The look in his eyes stung in Blaine's chest and he wished that he could say that he would stay. At least for a little longer. But he couldn't.

"It's okay. My dad leaves tomorrow remember - then you'll come to my place and we'll be together for three whole days. It's gonna be great," Blaine tired cheering him up, but it suddenly hit him that it was because Kurt didn't want to be alone with Finn.

"How bout this - I promise that I'll call you the second I get home, alright?" he let a hand brush over Kurt's cheek, feeling his skin go from cold to warm under his palm. Kurt nodded and looked like his mood had gone a little up by the thought. It would still be 30 minutes or so before he could actually call him, but it was all he had to offer.

He dragged Kurt closer to kiss him, his mouth so warm and soft that Blaine's head started spinning, and he knew that he went a little overboard when he deepened the kiss a little more than he usually would have in such a public space. When they broke apart he saw that Finn had been watching them from the kitchen and panicked.

"Talk to you later," Blaine rushed out before he turned his back on Kurt and disappeared out the door and down the driveway, knowing how unfair he was being. He wanted to go back and apologize, say that he knew that it wasn't fair of him to react that way - chances were that Kurt didn't even know Finn had been looking.

But he couldn't drop the uneasy feeling storming inside him. He felt like Finn might as well have walked in on them making out on the bed. It was such a private moment.

It was freezing cold outside, and when he was halfway home he already felt like his fingers and toes would never defrost. He kept hoping that the cold weather could clear his mind so he could give Kurt the apology he deserved as soon as he was home.

When he entered the hall at home he hurried upstairs to dump his coat before running back down so he could call Kurt as promised - but his father was in the living room.

Blaine knew that it was impossible to have a private conversation on the phone if anyone was in the kitchen or living room; so he couldn't call him. He didn't want to take the risk that he might say something… sensible to their situation, because his father could be listening. He wouldn't pass that he could easily be eavesdropping.

So he sighed heavily and faced that it would seem way too suspicious if he waited around. He returned to his room and put on a record so he could read a bit, but he kept losing focus - in the end he saw that it was purposeless to keep going over the same paragraph again and again, and went to bed instead.

He couldn't fall asleep though. He kept picturing Kurt's sad face when he said that he didn't want him to leave, and then the hurt expression when Blaine had pushed him away and left with that cold remark. He felt horrible about what he had done, and started considering calling Kurt once his father had gone to bed.

Only that could possibly turn out to be very late, and he couldn't call in the middle of the night like that. It wasn't an option. He shuddered by the thought of Burt or Finn to answer the phone if he called so late. Something he hoped he would never have to do.

When he fell asleep he dreamed of Kurt saying that he didn't want to see him anymore, that they couldn't be boyfriends because he was a douche, and Finn cracking his knuckles in the background. The scene faded out and changed and he found Kurt crying and screaming that he thought he was different, that he thought he was brave and a real man instead of a limp idiot who was ashamed to be with him.

Blaine's entire body was sore when he woke up in the morning. He could feel that the nightmares had made him tense during the night, and he mostly wanted to stay in bed all day. Instead he forced himself out the door so he could go to work.

The hours were slow and around 2 the store quickly filled with teenagers, a steady stream of people that continued throughout the day, and while he kept wishing that he could go home and relax before Kurt came, he had to stroll around helping teenagers, mothers, fathers and all kinds of people with that exact artist or song they heard on the radio, or that album they were looking to give away for Christmas.

Christmas.

After meeting Kurt, and coming back to Lima, and having Kurt back in his life again everything had gone so fast. The seasons had changed and drifted into a blur around him, and now he realized that December was right around the corner.

It would be his first Christmas with Kurt. His first Christmas alone with his father. His first Christmas without his mom.

He wanted so bad to let the happy idea of Kurt during Christmas time fill him, but instead all he focused on was his mom.

The sadness stayed with him over the day, and the soreness in his neck got worse. It annoyed him that he had to work on a Sunday, especially when he wasn't feeling well, so when he finally got to leave it felt like he had held his breath under water for hours and only now got to the surface.

Before he left the store he had called Kurt's house to tell him to meet him in town so they could go back to his place together. It had been Finn who had answered the phone, and said that Kurt wasn't home. When Blaine had asked when he would be back Finn had told him that he didn't know. Blaine left the store with a worry that Kurt didn't want to talk to him after what happened the night before, even though it didn't seem like Kurt at all to just ignore him.

As he walked through the town the cold November breeze was biting his cheeks and he couldn't help hoping for the winter to be over soon. The usual melancholia he always had during fall and winter welled in over him. He had actually expected it to stay away this year - now that he had Kurt to keep him occupied.

Two teenage girls walked by him, frustratingly yelling at the kids they were keeping an eye on, trying to get them to stay on the sidewalk. He realized how long it had been since he had even thought about girls, and he found it funny that he could have forgot it. It was like it was an assurance of how certain he was about Kurt. Girls had never held his interest even though he had tried every now and then - but now they simply didn't exist to him anymore.

When he entered the house he was happy that his father had left early, so he didn't have to worry about that. He wanted to go eat and shower before he would call Kurt again, hoping to get a hold of him and ask him to come over. He really needed to be with him.

He stayed in the kitchen and had some tea and toast before he walked upstairs. The entire house was dark and cold, and it suddenly struck him how incredibly lonely he felt. The maid had put a note on the counter that she had left dinner for him in the fridge, but he didn't feel like eating alone - all he wanted was for Kurt to come be with him.

The hall was so dark and he was sure that if he hadn't lived there for his whole life he wouldn't have been able to find his way to his bedroom, but he was too exhausted to turn on the light. He need a refuge.

He entered the room and let his coat drop in a pile on the floor next to the dresser, before he turned on the little green lamp on his desk - and found Kurt sleeping in his bed.

He looked like a sleeping child. He was completely curled up around under the covers in Blaine's side of the bed, with his fingers entangled in the corner of the pillowcase. So peaceful.

Blaine kicked off his shoes, and when he saw Kurt's clothes neatly folded on the chair he got off his jeans too and crawled into the bed. He wrapped his arm around Kurt who instantly shuffled closer to him, his forehead resting against his collarbone so he could hide his face against his chest.

Blaine had no idea how Kurt had got in, but he really didn't care. For the first time that day he could relax. The entire house was silent around them, and it was only around 5pm, but to them it might as well have been in the middle of the night, because there was no time at all around them.

Kurt's skin was hot, and it didn't take long for Blaine's cold body to reach a healthy temperature, and with the feeling of Kurt snuggled up in his arms he fell asleep with the sound of Kurt's hummed snoring in his ears.


	27. Peace And Games

The room was dark and Blaine felt incredibly hot when he woke up. He opened his eyes a little disoriented, and saw Kurt staring at him from the other side of the bed.

"Hey you," Blaine whispered, his voice thick and his throat telling him that even if he wanted to speak at a normal volume it wasn't an option.

"Shhh," Kurt hushed him as he placed a finger over Blaine's lips.

Kurt's eyes grew more intense, and Blaine listened closely to figure out what the cause of his hushing could be. He tried to find out what it was Kurt was hearing, but all that hit his ears were the wind roaring outside and the branches of the tree scurrying against the window.

The longer they kept silent the more eager Kurt's eyes seemed, and Blaine was startled when he felt Kurt's hand against his under the covers.

"Isn't it fantastic? The nature letting loose around us -" Kurt said, his voice nearly inaudible.

Blaine guessed that it was okay for him to speak now, but he had no idea what to say. It truly was fantastic; but he had never thought about it like that before. The weather was merely there to set the mood and indicate the changing of seasons. How did Kurt notice these things?

"It's beautiful," Blaine finally heard himself mutter, not really sure what he meant by that. Could a raging wind be beautiful, or was it just because the moment was so intense that he imagined it to be? Or maybe he was still asleep?

"I wanna share the nature with you. I'm afraid you don't know how incredible it is, and I really want you to truly feel nature, let it be a part of you - it would suit you so well," Kurt whispered and let a finger trace down Blaine's jaw.

"Will you teach me?" Blaine asked, the feeling of being a child splashing back in over him.

"It's not something that can be taught, silly. It's inside you. It's a part of you - and you have it," Kurt replied seriously and led Blaine's hand to place it on his heart.

"You are the nature; you just need to open to it."

Blaine gulped. Sometimes it was so hard to be with Kurt because he said all those poetic and beautiful things, and all he could do himself was to lie in the dark and listen to his voice without having anything to add, ending up feeling stupid and ignorant to what was important in the world.

"It will hit you. I promise - I can feel that it will be soon. You are ready for it," Kurt cooed with a smile, like a mother assuring her child that his teddy will be okay after the brutal fall from the table.

"You're so… wise," Blaine blabbered out, without even really knowing what he was saying, and it was only when the words had left his lips that he heard how lame he sounded. Wise - what a choice of word.

"Wise… I like that. Even though that makes me sound old," Kurt responded with a raised eyebrow. Blaine looked down in shame, and it hit him how far apart they were. He started to move closer over Kurt's side, but before he could as much as reach the corner of his pillow Kurt abruptly sat up and jumped out of the bed.

"Come," he said dreamy and grabbed Blaine's hand in the midst of the sheets.

"Where are we going?" Blaine asked yet following Kurt down the dark hall.

The house felt big and cold as darkness was filling it thickly. The rug was cold under his bare feet and he was sure that if they were going to stay out of bed for too long he would start shaking.

To Blaine's surprise Kurt led him into the bathroom. Not that he had expected him to lead him anywhere else. He hadn't really expected anything at all. He was in some way pretty sure that he was still half asleep, and when Kurt turned around to turn on the light in the hall instead of in the bathroom he was grateful. He wasn't ready to have sharp lights into his face just yet.

Kurt turned on the water to the bathtub, and Blaine had to yawn and shake his head a little, but he still couldn't quite figure out what was going on.

"What are you doing? It's in the middle of the night. I think it's 4 or something," he muttered, rubbing his eyes like a kid, feeling Kurt squeeze his hand.

"I watched you when you were sleeping, and you seemed so tensed. I can see that you are troubled, so now… we're taking a bath, and you can relax. Properly," Kurt announced and started letting his clothes drop to the floor.

Blaine stood for a minute watching him, not really sure if he was joking, but then he faced that this was Kurt so of course he was being as serious as ever, so he started stripping off his own clothes too and followed Kurt into the tub.

The water was steaming hot as Blaine lowered himself down, sitting between Kurt's legs as he gestured for him to do. Kurt pulled him closer and he could feel his wet chest against his back.

Kurt let his arms around his torso, slippery palms sliding up his ribcage and chest, proceeding up his shoulders to his neck where he slowly started massaging.

It felt so good - so unbelievably good, and Blaine felt all the tension from his nightmares and worries slowly melt off and mix into the bathwater. Kurt's fingers moved with a firmness Blaine would never have thought his soft touch to be capable of. It was like he magically made the tensions flow away - dissolve.

Every now and then Kurt would bend down to kiss a spot he had to be particularly hard on, and Blaine heard himself moan from the relaxation without caring how inappropriate he might sound in the dark.

After a while he let himself fade back against Kurt's chest, and Kurt folded his arms around him, kissed his neck and shoulders and hummed into his ear, a melody Blaine had never heard before, but it reminded him of a hushed lullaby, so he rested his head against Kurt's shoulder and closed his eyes, letting the atmosphere take over.

He started imagining that they were somewhere far away; a mystic island in the Caribbean in a hot pool by a waterfall with nobody around, having escaped all of the troubles that surrounded them at home, no one around - somewhere only they knew.

"You never called -" Kurt suddenly said. It wasn't a question, or an invitation, not even a request for an explanation. It was a simple statement. Like he had told him that he had bought a new pair of gloves, or that his nose got cold when he went outside.

"I started to fear that you had decided that you weren't ready." Again a statement. He didn't even sound hurt. Simply indifferent. But he had known that it wasn't like that. _He had to have known, or he wouldn't have showed up, sleeping in my bed, peaceful, without me even having to let him in - as if it had been his own_, Blaine thought, trying to calm himself down.

Yet he felt an unease simmering under the surface. He wanted to ask how he had known, he needed to know it; but he had a feeling that Kurt was going there - but in his own tempo.

"I saw Finn. And I told him to stop lurking on us. He apologized. He just wanted to check that you're also good to me when we're alone; but he promised to give us some privacy," Kurt explained, and let his fingers slide into Blaine's hair, massaging his curls and scalp, sending hot streams of god-knows-what through his nervous system.

"Then I waited for you, and you never called - so I got sad and started imagining things. That it just wasn't our time yet, that you had found out that you weren't ready for love so soon."

Now Kurt's voice sounded sad.

It reminded Blaine of a little girl that came into the store. He had been sitting with his guitar and she politely asked him if he could play a certain song. He didn't remember which song it had been, and it upset him - it seemed like it was very significant to the memory. Her face and voice had hit him like a bulldozer. He had never heard or seen anyone so sad in his life. The girl told him that the song had been her brother's favorite - but he had died in Vietnam. Blaine had to look away to not cry from her story, and he was sure that no one in the world could ooze of such strong emotions, could feel so deeply.

That happened a month before he met Kurt. Then everything he thought he knew about the world, feelings, life and himself had changed. Or maybe he had changed. Couldn't that be it? That Kurt had changed him.

"I've never cried over the changes of faith before. Always accepted it as destiny; the power of the Universe knows how things should be, and it is for the best for us who have to live through it." He paused, and Blaine could feel that he was building up to some sort of climax.

"Last night I did. I felt like a part of my soul had been shattered. Like Nature had stopped loving me. Like the stars had been wiped from the sky. I cried myself to sleep."

Blaine got a feeling like his heart had been relocated to his throat, and now it was pounding painfully, threatening to run itself out from overload. It pained him beyond words that he had ever made Kurt feel like that, even if he hadn't intended to.

"But then you came to me in my dream. You apologized, and told me that you love me. We were one person, melted together in embrace. And when I woke up I knew that it was right, and that there was nothing for me to cry about."

Kurt paused again, and Blaine's veins felt like they had been filled with hot water.

"I knew that you were going to work, and that your dad was leaving early. So I decided to come here and wait for you so I could surprise you - and save time so I could tell you that I love you as soon as possible," Kurt ended in conclusion, making the hot water in Blaine's veins be taken over by boiling lava.

"You are… so marvelous. But - how long did you wait for me? And how did you even get in?" Blaine blabbered out, confident that it was his time to speak again.

"No. I spent some time talking to Madge downstairs, and then when she left I went to your room. I listened to some music and then I crawled under your sheets, because I missed you. I fell asleep, without nightmares - just the smell of you, and a dream of us in San Francisco together," Kurt told and let his hands slide down to his chest so he could caress him while kissing his neck.

Blaine quickly turned his head to catch his lips, needing to feel Kurt's against his own.

"I love it when you surprise me - which you do pretty much all the time," Blaine cooed before he had to turn his head back. He closed his eyes again, and let his hands down the water to run up and down Kurt's thighs, caressing them as good as possible.

He knew that he needed to do something for Kurt. Over and over again Kurt surprised him with spontaneous ideas that brought them together in ways Blaine had never considered that two people could get to know each other. Kurt constantly did something that altered his view on love. _It's time I take my turn_, he thought.

"Wanna get back to bed?" Kurt asked and folded his arms around Blaine's waist where Blaine hurried his hands up to let his fingers fall into place with Kurt's. He loved sitting there, feeling Kurt's chest rise and fall with his breathing against his back, their slippery wet skin against each other, and nothing but the water separating them. He abruptly turned around to face Kurt, already knowing his answer but still wanted to ask first.

"Can we not wear clothes? Just lie together and… be close, and feel each other." He watched as Kurt's face turned to a big smile, before he leaned in and kissed Blaine's forehead, wiping a curl away.

"That was already my plan, Moonchild -" Kurt smiled and let his hand brush over his cheek. Of course it was. Kurt was always one step ahead in these things. How was it even possible that he had never had a boyfriend before when he was so good at it?

They got up and Blaine wrapped a towel around Kurt before he found one for himself. They cleaned lightly up after them and tiptoed back to Blaine's bedroom where they let the towels drop and snuggled up, entwined in each other.

Before he had laid down Kurt had opened the curtains so they could watch the stars on the dark sky outside Blaine's window. The moon was casting a pale light bathing the room, making Kurt's pale skin seem silver, and Blaine couldn't stop himself from running a fingertip up and down his arm.

"I love you," he whispered into Kurt's ear, and he could hear Kurt purr like a cat as he kissed Blaine's chest and fastened his grip around his waist, a certain indication that they shouldn't talk - just be.

Blaine let himself be comfortable on his pillow, amazed how he had been so sore in his entire body, and now he felt more relaxed and easy than he had ever done. Kurt was magic - he had to be.

"Stardust. Wake up," Kurt whispered as he snuck down to kiss Blaine on the cheek, his nose brushing gingerlyover the tender skin beneath his eye.

Blaine knew that he was unable to smile even before he opened his eyes. He shuffled a little on the pillow so he could let his lips meet Kurt's only before Kurt sat back up and the brief touch felt like an uncertainty on his lips.

He opened his eyes and found Kurt sitting in front of him with a broad grin. He had opened the curtains completely so a warm stream of sunlight baked in through the windows, bathing the bed and making Blaine have to flutter his eyes a few times before getting used to the light.

Blaine was obviously still naked, but Kurt had put on a pair of boxers and a blue plaid shirt he must have found in Blaine's closet. It was hanging loosely around him, and the sleeves were a little too short so he had let them stay unbuttoned, but Blaine couldn't help telling himself how perfect the sight was.

"Morning, gorgeous," Blaine muttered, his voice thick, threatening to break from the hours of un-use. He sat up in the bed only to have Kurt jumping out and returning with a tray covered in plates of pancakes, bowls of fruit and glasses of juice.

"Wow - how long have you been up?" Blaine burst out, covering a yawn with his hand before he shook his head to grasp the situation.

"I woke up around 8 and I couldn't sleep anymore. I stayed snuggling in to you for around an hour and then I went to make you breakfast. I hope it's okay that I sort of snuck around your house on my own - I just guessed that it wouldn't matter much when no one but us is here," Kurt told, balancing the tray so he could crawl around to sit next to Blaine.

"Of course that's okay. This is fantastic. Thank you. But… you could have woke me up, you know," Blaine responded, trying to eye out where to start.

"You looked so peaceful and beautiful sleeping, I couldn't take that away from you - at least not until I had something to offer to you as a replacement," Kurt said as he bit into a piece of orange.

Blaine didn't know what else to do than to give a silent chuckle under his breath and turn to kiss Kurt's cheek before he started eating.

They sat in silence, consuming their breakfast, Kurt every now and then brushing his cold naked toes up Blaine's leg making him twitch and Kurt giggling every single time sending him an apologetically look - even though Blaine knew that it was only a matter of minutes before he would do it again.

When they were done Blaine felt so full that he was sure he wouldn't be able to move for at least an hour, so he put the tray on the floor next to the bed, and grabbed around Kurt to let them slide down on the mattress again.

Kurt continued to sneak his toes up and down Blaine's leg, ending in him moving so close that he could let his own feet find Kurt's and hold them locked between his. He let his fingertips slide up Kurt's thigh and over his hip to trace patterns over the soft skin of his stomach, causing Kurt to break out in laughs so Blaine let his hand onto his back, dragging him closer to start tracing patterns there too, Kurt only laughing and giggling even more.

"It tickles," he squealed as he bent his face down towards Blaine's chest, and Blaine couldn't suppress his own laughter anymore.

They ended up just laughing against each other, and Blaine wasn't sure how healthy it could be after the huge breakfast they had just had, and his stomach started to curl up and cramp, his lungs overloading - but he didn't want to stop. It felt so liberating to just give it all up and laugh for no other reason than the fact that they were together.

When the laughter slowly died out, Kurt hid his face against Blaine's chest, trying to catch his breath, before he kissed Blaine's throat and let his arms slide around him to run down his back in a way that gave Blaine the feeling that he was trying to feel every inch of his skin - a comforting and assuring feeling.

The flannel from Kurt's shirt was soft against his skin, tickling him and making chills run through him. The light touch of Kurt's fingertips at the smaller part of his back made him do a silent involuntary moan, and Kurt craned his neck to kiss him, moving a little closer, their bodies now so close that it was nearly painful to breath.

Blaine let his hands smooth around, venturing Kurt's body, determined that no matter what happened in his life he would always be able to remember that feeling and every twist, curve, dent and bump of Kurt's body.

They laid there, their foreheads leaned against each other, and just letting their hands run up and down one another's back and their feet brushing each other wide grins covering their faces and their eyes refusing to leave the contact.

"I… love you. So much. I had no idea love could be this powerful," Blaine said softly, sure that he would never grow tired of saying it, although he would never feel that the words described it strong enough.

"I love you too. Your love is the strongest I have ever experienced - it amazes me all the time. So pure and honest, you don't even know it yourself, and it makes me overcome with love for you," Kurt trembled, his fingers tracing up and down Blaine's chest.

"I never thought I'd find someone I could love truly. I always thought that in the end I would have to settle with someone who was more of a friend than a lover - but you are love in human form. I don't know how I could ever be so lucky," he kissed his chin and his nose, before his face lit up.

"I just got an idea. Do you wanna go out with me?" Kurt asked, his eyes showing that he was extremely excited about whatever it was he was about to suggest, and there was no way Blaine could ever say no to that.

"Of course I want to go out with you. Where are we going?" Blaine crooned, removing a lock of hair that had stolen its way to Kurt's forehead. It suddenly hit him that they had been together for such a long time now, if they was to count their time in Washington, but they hadn't gone on an actual date - because they couldn't. That was so sad. He wanted to be able to take Kurt out on a real date, he wished so badly that he could proudly tell the world that Kurt was his boyfriend.

"I don't think I'm going to tell you - but you need to dress warm, cause I don't know how long we'll be out," Kurt said, abruptly doing a roll to lie on top of Blaine, kissing his nose, down his lips, chin, over his chest and disappeared under the covers continuing his way kissing down his ribs, his abs, hips, penis and thighs - all light and innocent kisses, like a moth fluttering its wings against his skin, and he almost wished he hadn't said yes to going out so they could stay in bed all day instead.

Kurt kissed his way back up and sat on Blaine's hips, careful not to hurt anything, and letting his fingers run through his hair.

"Maybe we should cut your hair soon," he exclaimed, taking Blaine completely off guard.

"What? I thought you liked my curls," he said, confused and a little sad that he had ran around doing his best to let them stay if Kurt didn't even like them.

"I do. I love them. They're so gorgeous and soft and beautiful - but your dad hates them. I just don't think we, you, should do anything to upset him with you if you can avoid it," Kurt explained calmly, clearly feeling a little awkward that he had to make such a proposition, but Blaine could easily see his point.

"Yeah. You're right. I guess we could do that," he agreed, tracing his fingers up and down Kurt's thighs, but Kurt jumped off him and down on the floor.

"Let's get dressed so we can get out. Look how beautiful the sun is, I'm sure it's waiting for us," Kurt thrilled, his voice almost a singing, and Blaine forced himself onto the floor too, heading for the closet to find some clothes when he realized Kurt had stopped in the middle of the room, staring at him.

"What?" he inquired, curious to what was going through Kurt's mind.

"Nothing. It's just… you're very sexy," he muttered and his cheeks reddened before he sat down and started going through his bag for some fresh clothes.

Blaine grinned at him, but hurried to get dressed. He felt so exposed to walk around naked that way, but he was smiling broadly every second he thought of Kurt's comment.

Kurt had made him put on a beanie to make sure he didn't get sick, and now they were walking down the sidewalk in the direction of the green patch they had met up at when Blaine's father had said he wasn't being shipped off anyway.

Blaine thought it was weird if they were going there as there wasn't anything to do there at this time of the year, but Kurt didn't stop at the green but continued, and it suddenly hit him where Kurt was taking him.

He was right. They proceeded down the street and turned down a little gravel road that ended in a small forest. No one ever came there except for playing kids which there wouldn't be much of at that time on a Monday. In other words; they could run around outside together without caring about other people.

Blaine closed the small distance between them and let his hand fold into Kurt's as they continued walking through the forest. Even though the temperature of the air was low, the sun was keeping their faces warm and he started considering if putting on a sweater instead of a shirt had been a little too much.

Kurt turned to walk away from the path and in between the trees instead, Blaine following faithfully. When they were so long into the trees that they couldn't see the path anymore they sat down on the trunk of a tree that undoubtedly had fallen in the thunderstorm a month ago.

Blaine sat with a leg on each side so he wouldn't slide off and Kurt saw it as a possibility to lie down, his head resting on Blaine's thigh that was incredibly cold through his jeans.

The sun was easily shining down on them as there weren't any leaves on the trees to break it anymore, and the sound of a few birds singing to each other made him miss the summer time.

Kurt had closed eyes, and his cheeks were flushed. He looked like a Chinese doll, and the peace that covered him had Blaine completely hypnotized.

"I have an idea!" Kurt suddenly blasted out, pulling Blaine dramatically out of his mesmerism. Kurt jumped to his feet on the cold trunk and turned to face Blaine. He stretched down his hands for Blaine to take them, and he had no idea what Kurt wanted them to do, but he accepted them and stood up too.

"Here's the rules;" Kurt announced with a grin on his face, and Blaine nodded to show that he was paying attention.

"We are going to walk from one end to the other, and every time one of us are about to lose balance we share a random fact about ourselves. There's lots of leaves to fall on, but of course we won't fall - we'll catch each other."

Kurt looked like he was ready to jump and dance from joy, and Blaine wished badly that he wouldn't take that chance. He thought about it for a brief moment and ended up agreeing even though he thought it was a bit risky.

They staggered to the one end of the trunk and Kurt grabbed Blaine's one hand so they could go together. The bark was slippery from cold dew and even though the trunk was wide it turned out to be a harder task than first expected.

Blaine was the first to screw up. He nearly lost balance but regained footing last minute before slipping off. Kurt stopped and turned to smile awaiting at him.

"Alright. A random fact about myself - uhm… my favorite color is purple," he said awkwardly, not really sure what to say next if he lost again.

"Purple. That's pretty. It's a good color for you. Purple is the color of good judgment. It's the color of people seeking spiritual fulfillment and it's said that if you surround yourself with purple you will have peace of mind. That's why I always bring something purple when I meditate," Kurt told him, making him feel less awkward now that Kurt apparently read a lot into this simple fact about himself.

"Purple has been used to symbolize magic and mystery, and royalty as well. Purple is the color most favored by artists and children - which is more or less the same people." Kurt smiled warmly, and turned to continue over the fallen tree.

It was a fun game. It reminded Blaine of their night on the roof in Washington when they had walked around the edge and were convinced that they were flying. He had an urge at the back of his throat to start singing _Stand By _Me to see how much Kurt remembered from that night as they hadn't really discussed it in close details after, but he didn't. He followed Kurt in silence, holding his breath, hoping not to lose again.

They walked very slowly to avoid problems, but Blaine secretly hoped for Kurt to lose balance so it would be his turn to tell something - and he did. When they were nearly halfway Kurt's right foot slipped; he squealed and Blaine panicked in trying to catch him. They didn't fall, but both of them had lost.

"I'll go first then," Kurt panted from the shock once they were standing safely in the middle of the trunk again. Blaine considered for a second to suggest that they stopped but he still wanted to hear Kurt tell as much about himself as possible, and they were halfway, so it couldn't be too hard from there on.

"When I was in high school I… I was bullied really badly. So I decided to take my own life," Kurt shared without looking at Blaine. His attention was turned towards a bird taking flight high above their heads.

Blaine was shocked. He had no idea that this was the kind of things Kurt wanted to share, and he wanted to ask deeper into what it was about, but he knew that Kurt would keep him focused on the game, so he decided to wait.

He instantly felt alarmingly childish for telling about his favorite color, and searched his brain for something important of the same caliber to share when it hit him - it wasn't the same, it wasn't deep and exposing, but it was important to him, even though he only just realized it at that moment.

"I want to take you to meet my mom," he blabbered out without considering how it sounded.

"I mean - will you maybe one day go to the cemetery with me?" Blaine asked, closing his eyes in how stupid it was. It wasn't like it was a big deal. It was only going to face a stone with engraving on it.

"I would be very honored to meet your mom," Kurt said, noble and not so much as raising an eyebrow to the odd request. Blaine sighed in relief before Kurt turned and started walking again.

Neither of them said anything as they balanced towards the end of the trunk, and neither of them messed up either until they were two feet from the end. Kurt slipped and fell to the ground where he laid motionless.

"Kurt! Are you okay? Kurt?" Blaine screamed and jumped down to sit next to him.

"Kurt? Baby come on. Please be okay. Please open your eyes. Please please please open your eyes," Blaine begged as he shook Kurt's arm, feeling tears growing close to take over his brain, and his pulse rising. Now Kurt wasn't going to open his eyes ever again and everything would be over - he just knew it.

Slowly Kurt started to giggle and before it even hit Blaine what was going on Kurt was laughing hysterically. He opened his eyes and stared up at Blaine, still chuckling. When he saw the look on Blaine's face he struggled to stop laughing, but it was clearly difficult to suppress.

"What the fuck are you laughing about?" Blaine snapped and stood up, leaving Kurt with a stoneface on the ground in front of him. He walked a few feet and kicked at a pile of fallen leaves under a sad-looking tree.

Kurt fumbled to sit up, a stick in his hair and his nose pink. He looked like Blaine had slapped him, and Blaine wanted to go comfort him instead of letting him sit there looking like an abandoned child.

It wasn't that he was angry; he had simply gotten so unbelievably scared, and then when Kurt had started laughing he was so relieved, but it also seemed like Kurt wasn't taking it seriously.

"I'm sorry. I just…" Kurt started, but didn't get to finish the sentence when Blaine cut him off.

"You just what, Kurt? Thought it was funny how I thought you were hurt? Thought it was hysterical the way I feared that you were dead?" Blaine bit his tongue to keep it from running wild. He was afraid that he would start yelling at Kurt and bit so hard down that he thought he could sense a vague taste of blood spreading in his mouth.

He didn't look at him He was still standing under the tree with his hands balled up to fists and frustration boiling around inside him.

"It wasn't like that," Kurt snapped back. He didn't move from his spot on the ground, and his voice seemed weak and fragile - childlike and hurt.

Blaine turned around and found Kurt resembling a 5 year old boy with his mittens almost off, ruffled hair and red nose and cheeks. His eyes were shining strong blue and green, the brown leaves making the golden in them look much more pronounced than usual. His nose and cheeks were flushed from the cold, and his shoulders seemed tensed like they were trying very hard to not start shaking.

"Then what was it?" Blaine roared, watching sadness wave in over his boyfriend, his own heart cramping up from the sight.

"I just -" Kurt started, but nothing more left his lips. Blaine crossed the distance between them and dumped down on the forest floor of dry leaves next to him.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have freaked out like that. I just…" Blaine apologized and grabbed Kurt's arm so he could let his own hand slide into Kurt's mitten and lock their fingers, temperature in the wool pocket quickly making both of their palms clammy.

"I thought you were seriously hurt, and then when you didn't open your eyes I thought that - I'd lost you. I was so scared, and you started laughing, and it just clicked. I am so sorry," Blaine explained and squeezed Kurt's hand awkwardly, preparing for the worst.

Kurt looked at him with a warm gaze in his eyes. He squeezed his hand back and let a smile cross his lips only to disappear immediately after, so quickly that Blaine wondered it he had imagined it. Instead Kurt's face turned grave.

"Thank you," he whispered quietly.

"For worrying about me." He stretched in to place a soft, light kiss on Blaine's lips.

How could he take it so easy when Blaine had just stood screaming at him like a crazy person? That had to be the most remarkable thing ever.

"Aren't you pissed at me? I just yelled and you, and you thank me - why?" Blaine burst out confounded by the strange reaction.

He had expected Kurt to either cry, or come with some foggy explanation about anger only being the way of the frustrated to let loose to stuff one can't control, or something like that.

"Of course I'm not pissed at you. You only reacted like that because you were afraid. I could never get mad at you for loving me," Kurt explained patiently.

Their hands were nearly wet from sweating inside Kurt's mitten, but neither of them removed their hand. The words echoed in Blaine's mind, and he couldn't stop thinking that he was way too lucky to have someone like Kurt. No. Not to have 'someone like Kurt' - but to have Kurt.

"Why did you laugh, by the way?" Blaine asked curiously, suddenly remembering Kurt's unexpected hysterics of giggles. Kurt stared at him and smiled. Then he fell to lie on his back, dragging Blaine to lie down with him.

"When I was a kid my mom always took me here. I played around while she would sing to me or tell me stories. She helped me balance on the fallen trees, and in the fall I rolled around in the fallen leaves, and she would tickle me until I couldn't breathe anymore. I guess it all just kind of reminded me of that," Kurt told, his eyes locked on the blue sky over their heads.

It was painful to listen to Kurt tell about his mom. He always sounded much happier than usual, but every time he closed in on the end of what he was telling he started sounding sad instead. All Blaine could think was that she would never come to make him happy again.

"That sounds really lovely, sweetie." He felt dumb, but had no idea what else to say. Everything he could come up with seemed so irrelevant and insensitive.

Kurt clenched Blaine's hand a little tighter before he left him alone in the mitten. He rolled over to lie on top Blaine and started rubbing his freezing ice-cube-nose against Blaine's.

"Let's go home. I'm tired and I'm sick of wearing all of these clothes," Kurt announced and pouted, making their lips meet.

Blaine couldn't help himself; they were all alone in the forest and Kurt was lying on top of him talking about being sick of wearing clothes - so Blaine wrapped his legs around Kurt's and clasped his lips against his. His hands started lightly brushing over the top of his ass, and the way Kurt engaged in the kiss it quickly became very hot in the warm jacket and beanie Blaine was wearing.

Blaine rolled over to switch so he could be on top, and Kurt spread a little to let Blaine lie between his legs while he let his cold hands under Blaine's jacket. Blaine gasped into his mouth when he felt Kurt's freezing hands against his back and Kurt giggled making Blaine bite down lightly in Kurt's tongue that had bewildered its way into Blaine's mouth.

"I'm gonna start tickling you, you know," Blaine threatened and moved his hands to Kurt's ribs.

"No. Please not that," he begged as Blaine started to poke his fingers into Kurt's sides, making him twitch wildly on the ground. He giggled high pitched, the sound beautiful and lively, only making Blaine want to continue.

Kurt was almost doing a dance under him laughing harder than ever, and it was impossible for Blaine not to laugh himself. It was in times like these where Kurt was most amazing - when he let loose and didn't seem to have a care in the world.

"Blaine stop. I surrender, okay! I surrender -" Kurt pleaded through giggles and heavy breathing, curling his legs around Blaine's ass with his hips jerking upwards.

"If you don't stop I'm afraid I'll end up peeing on you," he said, still trying to hold in the laughter. Blaine barked with laughter even more, but stopped tickling him and kissed his nose before sitting up on Kurt's hips, his legs still locked around him, impressing Blaine with his extreme flexibility.

"I really need to get home now, or I definitely will pee," Kurt warned, an feigned serious expression on his face and running through his voice.

"Of course. I just wanna do something first," Blaine exclaimed and looked around to see if anybody was near them. Not a soul.

Kurt looked confused up at him, but didn't ask, so Blaine put his hands to his mouth and screamed:

"I LOVE KURT HUMMEL!"

Kurt roared with laughter as the sound of Blaine's scream echoed between the trees, and flushing of bird wings around them in the air. Blaine could feel Kurt's entire body vibrating under him, and his hands moved from Blaine's thighs to his own mouth.

"AND I LOVE BLAINE ANDERSON!" he screamed, his voice rasp from laughing, the air visible and white in the cold as the words flowed from his mouth, like they wanted to materialize in front of them.

"I have wished to be able to do that for a long time," Blaine confessed, and squeezed around Kurt's ankle to indicate for him to let go. Both of them quickly stood up, and Blaine took a moment to check that his jeans and jacket wasn't too crooked for when they had to return to the real world.

"You never told me the last fact, though. When you fell down," Blaine said, when Kurt got over to him, standing in front of him, a little closer than necessary.

"I sort of did. I told you about my mom -" Kurt reminded him, and Blaine had to admit that it was true, and that it followed the rules of the game - especially because Kurt had accepted his fail of a revelation about his favorite color. Out of nowhere Blaine felt Kurt's hand slide down his jeans pocket, firmly rubbing his palm up and down his crotch.

"But I'll give you a little more - I think you should be naked all the time," he said, without as much as blinking before he squeezed around Blaine's now semi-hard cock, and leaned close to his ear, like he didn't want the singing birds around them to hear.

"And even though I never thought I would ever have sex in my life, you changed my mind. I love feeling you in my ass," he whispered, his voice somehow more innocent than ever, even though this was probably the sexiest, dirtiest thing Blaine had ever heard anyone say.

He was afraid to move, but apparently Kurt wasn't - he moved his hand and let it slide into Blaine's starting to lead them out of the forest and home, Blaine hoping the heat from his face would disappear before they ran into anyone.

They walked home in silence, and the second they closed the door Kurt let his jacket and mittens fall to the floor in the hall. He kicked off his shoes and tiptoed to the kitchen where the maid was getting ready to leave.

"Hi Madge. You look lovely today," Kurt sang to her and leaned in to kiss her cheek before he took a glass of water. Blaine caught himself grinning at the sight before he greeted her as well. She smiled at them and started to leave the kitchen, but when she was in the hall she returned and sent Blaine a sharp look.

"I was in the guestroom making it look like Kurt slept in there. Your dad will be home tomorrow. Take care of each other, boys." She smiled and winked at them before she left.

The second they heard the front door close Blaine looked at Kurt in shock, but all that met him from Kurt was a smile.

"I am not really sure what just happened," Blaine stammered and had a feeling of Kurt knowing more than he was saying.

"It was nice of her to do that. Now we don't have to worry about it in last minute," Kurt declared and took another mouthful of water.

"Oh come on, Blaine - you didn't seriously think that she didn't know about us, did you? She supports us so much. We talked about it yesterday. That woman knows much more than you would ever guess," Kurt announced and rolled his eyes.

Blaine didn't really know what to make of that, so he nodded with an indifferent expression and turned to start making coffee. He quickly felt Kurt's arms around his waist, and his cold lips against his neck.

"Would it be okay if I go upstairs? I really need to go to the bathroom now and I am so cold," Kurt asked, his voice exaggeratedly whimpering. Blaine agreed with a chuckle, and heard Kurt skip to the hall to pick up his things before his footsteps proceeded up the stairs.

When Blaine entered his room he found Kurt wrapped in a blanket, wearing nothing but his boxers, the shirt he had been wearing in the morning and a pair of extremely warm looking socks. He had papers and a plastic bag of charcoal pencils all across the bedspread, and he seemed very concentrated.

Blaine put the mugs on the nightstand before he let his own cold clothes drop to the floor so he could crawl onto the bed next to Kurt, only wearing boxers and socks now, so he snuck in under the blanket while resting his chin on his shoulder to see what was going on.

"What are you doing?" Blaine asked, not really sure if he was allowed to interrupt.

"It's the fallen tree in the forest. There's the leaves I fell into, and me there; in the pile. And this -" Kurt drew two almond shapes and started drawing circles in them.

"This is you watching over me," he declared as the shapes slowly started looking like a pair of eyes. It was impressive - it truly looked like the scene from the forest, and a pair of eyes looking down at Kurt from the sky over his head.

Blaine couldn't stop staring at Kurt's hands as they moved around over the paper with inspiring grace. It was like the thick black lines were liquid flowing directly from his fingertips, and suddenly it seemed natural and logic why Kurt was so good at touching him, and knowing exactly what to do with his hands and why Blaine never felt it uncomfortable to have Kurt's hands on his naked skin.

"This is… beautiful. It looks so real, and… in one time it looks so sad, but - comforting," Blaine stuttered, perfectly aware that he didn't know the slightest thing about art, but also wanting to express how taken aback he was by it.

Kurt turned his head to smile at him, and Blaine guessed that he was trying to catch the details of his eyes, but instead he felt Kurt's shove a pencil into his hand and grabbed around his wrist.

Blaine looked down and watched as Kurt led his hand around the paper, letting his own fingers down on Blaine's to let him be the one to put the lines, to shade the lines of the trunk and to put the details on the leaves.

Blaine bit his lower lip, trying to keep focus, scared that he would do a sudden movement and ruin the picture completely; but Kurt moved his hand softly around the drawing, and the lines didn't look as graceful and professional as Kurt's but they didn't completely throw it all out of balance though, which he saw as an accomplishment.

Kurt threw the pencil onto the plastic bag, and Blaine thought they were done, but Kurt grabbed around his index finger and put it to the top left corner and made it trace across the paper, smearing out the charcoal eyes to make them look blurry, and both of their fingertips now completely black.

"See - you can draw too," Kurt smiled proudly at him and booped his nose, leaving a black stain.

"Not if you hadn't done all the work," Blaine said truthfully and booped his nose back, making Kurt look like he had dipped his nose into a bucket of black paint.

Kurt laughed and smeared a black line down Blaine's cheek and hell broke loose. Before Blaine knew it he was on his back on the mattress with Kurt on top of him fighting to smear black spots all over his exposed skin, while Blaine tried doing the same to him.

Only problem was that Blaine hadm't thought about the fact that Kurt had access to the bag with pencils, and out of nowhere Kurt had placed his knees on Blaine's wrists and was writing down his naked torso, impossible for Blaine to see what he was writing, regardless of how hard he tried going free.

"There. Now it's official," Kurt beamed and sat down on the mattress next to Blaine while chewing on the end of the pencil he was holding.

"What did you do to me? Did you completely mutilate my body?" Blaine burst out jokingly and jumped off the bed, so he could cross the floor to see himself in the mirror on the inside of the closet door.

He couldn't stop grinning. In big, black letters the words "PROPERTY OF KURT HUMMEL" was written from his chest, over his ribs ending just above his bellybutton.

He staggered smiling across the floor, and crawled cat-like from the end of the bed, and up to crawl over Kurt, sit on his hips and grin menacingly down at him.

"Is that so, huh?" Blaine smirked down at him, looking for a pencil. He traced his black fingertip down to make a black line down the middle of Kurt's chest, before he grabbed the nearest pencil and held out Kurt's arm to write "PROPERTY OF BLAINE ANDERSON" down it.

Kurt chuckled loudly from the tickling of the pencil on his skin, and as soon as Blaine was done writing he locked his hands on Blaine's neck to drag him down in a kiss, their teeth nearly crashing against each other from the force.

Kurt was still chortling against his lips as he locked his feet on Blaine's back.

"I don't think I'll let you go now," Kurt whispered with an amused smile on his face, their eyes piercing into each other.

"What if I don't want you to let go?" Blaine whispered, his throat suddenly tying up and his voice thick, tears pressing behind his eyes.

"I love you," he forced out, his voice close to breaking down, abandoning him, and leaving him with no words.

"I love you too, baby. Is something wrong? What's going on?" Kurt asked, releasing his feet and letting them dump to the mattress, his hands rushing to Blaine's cheeks with worry rushing over his face.

"No. No, not at all. I'm just… happy," Blaine cried, and hurried to sniff, hoping he wouldn't break into full-on-sobbing, because it was too ridiculous that he was crying because he was happy. That was pretty much the complete opposite of what a happy person would do.

Kurt let his hands slide up to his shoulders, and softly made Blaine lie down on him, his head resting on Kurt's chest as he let his fingers caressing run through his hair.

"It's okay, love. I'm happy too, and we'll be happy together. Forever," Kurt cooed. Of course he wouldn't think it was ridiculous - it was Kurt. Perfect, amazing, understanding Kurt.

"I'm property of Blaine Anderson, remember?" Kurt chuckled lightly, kissing Blaine's hair before he let a hand around his shoulders and clenched him down to his chest.

They laid like that for a long time. Blaine had closed his eyes just listening to the sound of Kurt's breathing and heartbeat, enjoying the feeling of his fingers playing with his curls, and the feeling of Kurt's legs around his.

He wished secretly that Kurt hadn't been wearing the shirt so he could feel their skin against each other, but he didn't say anything - he could still feel how warm Kurt was through the fabric.

When it started getting dark Blaine moved to rest his chin on Kurt's chest so they could look each other in the eyes, neither of them saying anything for a long time.

"I think I'm hungry. I'm not really sure though," Blaine declared and rubbed his eye before remembering that his fingers were still black, and Kurt laughed when he had smeared charcoal all over his face.

"If this keeps going I'll end up just as black as Ms. Johnson, you know -" Blaine laughed and shuffled to lie down next to Kurt, his bones sore from lying on top of Kurt for so long.

"That would fit with the curls," Kurt commented with a snicker, making Blaine frown at him.

They ended up going downstairs to find food. As soon as they found some bread and fruit they went into the living room where they snuggled up under a blanket and watched The Tonight Show.

They weren't really laughing, or actually watching, because their attention was more focused on not looking at each other while they kept their fingers brushing lightly up and down each other's thighs or sneaking under the line of their boxers.

It all felt so innocent and childlike as they sat in the dark stealing touches afraid to laugh if they looked at each other. It was like the dark had put a blanket of a different atmosphere over them, and even though they both were still covered in charcoal spots and lines it was like the game upstairs was something that had happened on a completely different day.

Kurt's head dropped to Blaine's shoulder as he tried hiding a yawn, and Blaine let his hand fall to his thigh, where Kurt slid his fingers between his.

"Do you wanna go to bed?" Blaine asked dozy, suddenly feeling very heavy-headed himself but not wanting this day to end. It had been way too great and way too lovely to let it end already - to let it end ever.

"I don't wanna sleep. Can we just go upstairs and cuddle or something? Are you tired?" Kurt whimpered and clenched his hand tighter around Blaine's, their fingers almost painful against each other.

"Let's do that. I'm not tired," Blaine lied and kissed Kurt's hair before he removed his hand and started to get up.

Once in bed Blaine was resting his head on Kurt's chest, with Kurt's arms safely folded around him. He struggled to keep awake. Every time his eyes drifted close he forced them open. He tried listening to Kurt's heartbeat, feeling his breathing and letting his fingers caress over his skin. He didn't want to lose as much as a second with Kurt knowing that he would be going home the next day - but it was all so relaxing, and he felt so safe that in the end he had to cave and fall asleep.


	28. Changes And Revelations

When Blaine woke up the next morning Kurt was still asleep. He was snuggled up with his face against Blaine's neck, his breathing moistening Blaine's skin in hushed snores while his arm was curled strongly around Blaine's waist.

Blaine didn't want to move, because he was afraid to wake him up, and when Kurt moved his leg over to twist in between Blaine's it became impossible to move; so he waited while caressing up and down Kurt's back. The shirt he was still wearing was soft and loose, and it looked like it was trying to break free from Kurt's back.

"You're black everywhere, babe," Kurt mumbled, and Blaine opened his eyes to find Kurt looking down his torso. He traced a finger down Blaine's ribcage, showing that the words had been smeared almost unrecognizable, and a shadow of black made his chest look like he was bruised up, so Kurt looked up at him and grinned.

"Your face too," Kurt laughed, making the mattress vibrate under them.

"You're not exactly pure white yourself anymore," Blaine chuckled and folded both of his arms around Kurt as if to never let him go - and he really didn't want to.

Apparently both of their bodies were covered in charcoal bruises, their faces too, and it made Kurt look like a gorgeous boy-version of The Little Match Girl. As Kurt moved to lie next to Blaine he observed him, and came to the conclusion that he could easily be a new, beautiful comic book hero; white as snow, covered in ashes, fighting with fiery forces from his heart to save those in need.

He chuckled a little at his own ridiculous thought and closed his eyes to imagine it, when he abruptly felt Kurt's nose against his own.

"Now that we got all dirty together - do you wanna go get clean together as well?" Kurt whispered innocently, his eyes strongly showing that he really wanted Blaine to accept.

"Yes. Let's do that. But can we eat first? I'm starving."

Kurt hurried to eat. He ate so fast that when he was done Blaine was only halfway through his cereal and coffee.

"Hurry up. I'll go upstairs to make it ready for us," Kurt rushed.

Blaine kept eating with focus down in his bowl, but when he could hear that Kurt didn't leave he looked up to see what was going on.

Kurt had started to unbutton the shirt and let it drop to the floor. Blaine wasn't really sure what happened but Kurt was quickly over sitting on top of him, and grabbed the bowl to place it on the table that was now next to them as opposed to in front of them like it had been only a few seconds prior.

Blaine felt a chill run through him but he couldn't restrain himself anymore; his hands rushed to Kurt's back, and Kurt bent down to kiss him strongly. Kurt's breathing was heavy and Blaine could feel his heart pound in his chest. Their naked chests were pressed together, and Blaine couldn't stop thinking that it was like their hearts were beating together; in unison.

His hands moved down to the lower portion of Kurt's back, and he let his hands down his underwear to grab his ass, making Kurt jerk his hips forward, closer to Blaine's, now leaving no doubt that Kurt was extremely horny.

"You do know that we're in the kitchen, right? This aren't exactly kitchen-activities -" Blaine commented breathily, sucking on Kurt's lower lip, and his fingers teasing up his crack.

"I tried getting you in the shower, but you're impossible," Kurt mumbled and started kissing his neck, with his teeth nipping lightly, his lips more sucking on the tender skin and Blaine was positive he was going to leave a mark on his neck.

Blaine shook his head a little, fighting the stars dancing in front of his eyes when a sudden urge hit him. He wasn't all sure what he was doing, but he guessed that he somehow could make it work.

He moved his hands to Kurt's hips, and forcefully pushed him away, forcing him to stand up. He pushed him back against the dining table, making him lie down on his back, and Blaine watched the confusion on his face transform into a knowing grin.

Blaine bent down to kiss him while he started dragging off his boxers, letting them fall to the floor too, now revealing Kurt completely naked. Kurt kept bucking his hips upwards, his hard dick pressing against Blaine's abs, and Blaine could feel himself hard in his own underwear. But he had a different plan.

"Do it. Please," Kurt begged against his lips. His voice was close to desperate and the sound only made Blaine feel harder himself. So hard that for a second he considered taking off his own underwear as well, to at least not feel so trapped inside the pressuring fabric.

Blaine leaned down, knowing it would be a horribly awkward position, but he was determined.

He let his tongue trace up Kurt's shaft. The feeling of Kurt on his tongue was dry and warm, and when the tip of his tongue ran over his head it was even warmer but wet with pre-come tasting salty.

Kurt locked his feet around his neck, and as he let his lips slide down around Kurt's cock he could feel pre-come from his own head stench through his boxers. All of it was so damn hot, and the sound escaping from Kurt was loud and high pitched, crawling under his skin.

Blaine lost complete control of his brain and moved his head faster in a steady pace, his tongue tracing up and down, every now and then letting the tip dance over the slit of his head. Kurt's fingers tangled themselves into Blaine's hair, and his every moan kept going breathier than the former.

Blaine made his hand up and without over thinking it he made his middle finger dig into Kurt's hole.

"Fuck, Blaine -" Kurt moaned tenderly in surprise, his voice echoing through the kitchen and his fingers grabbing painfully hard around a handful of his dark hair.

Blaine kept going; letting his cheeks suck, and his teeth scrape lightly up Kurt's shaft, while his fingers kept sliding in and out; crooking and turning.

"Don't stop, Blaine. Don't stop now," Kurt begged groaningly and let his heels push into Blaine's spine. His abs were tensed and his back arching off the table, causing his dick to fuck the roof of Blaine's mouth hard.

Blaine nearly choked but drew a heavy breath through his nose, unwilling to let Kurt's cock leave his mouth just yet. It felt to good to have him on his tongue.

He strengthened his lips around the shaft, and let his ring finger venture into his hole next to the first. He let them as deep in as he could, pulling them out to quickly punch them deep back in, making Kurt thrust back into his mouth moaning hoarsely and grasping for air.

Blaine let his free hand grab around the root of Kurt's dick, feeling his hard balls against his fist and started swiping fast while letting his tongue play with only Kurt's head, and around the head, while letting his fingers crook and press against his prostate.

Kurt kept whimpering, his heels digging harder and his fingers restlessly running around Blaine's hair, down his face and awkwardly caressing his neck.

-and Blaine stopped.

He simultaneously let his mouth leave Kurt's cock, and his fingers leave his hole in one time. Kurt was panting and groaning on the table in front of him, and Blaine had to force his feet away so he could stand up.

He watched Kurt's lungs fight for oxygen, and a mix of pre-come and saliva smeared all over his still pounding erection as Kurt's legs grabbed around Blaine's waist and pulled him closer, making his upper body fall down on top of him.

He felt a twitch in Kurt's dick when it collided with his abs, and his stomach got quickly sticky; but what took his full attention was Kurt's face.

He looked in one time happy, and frustrated. His cheeks were flushed and his lips were wet and full - but his eyes were glistening.

"Why - why - why would you stop?" he asked, thrusting out the words - frustration clearly being the one in charge of the question.

"Let's go to the shower. I want you to fuck me," Blaine whispered and saw Kurt's face light up from the invitation. He stretched out his neck so his head could leave the table and he could reach up to kiss Blaine before he placed his hands on his chest to push him lightly away.

They tripped quickly upstairs towards the bathroom, only stopped one time by Kurt pressing Blaine against the wall to kiss him and let his hand teasingly down his boxers.

When they were finally in the shower the water was hot and relaxing making Blaine want it even more, and he was sure he could explode any second.

Kurt almost didn't make it under the water stream before he started kissing up Blaine's neck, dragging him closer with his hands firmly on his ass. He bent down a little and grabbed around the tendon of Blaine's knee to raise his leg.

"I can't do that, Kurt. I'm not as flexible as you," he heaved through under-water-kisses.

"Sure you can. I'm not fucking you from behind. I wanna see your eyes. Just trust me," Kurt stated assuring, and suddenly he had made Blaine up to fold his legs around Kurt's waist and he could feel Kurt's head pressing against his entrance.

Blaine had his back pressed up in a corner, the tiles cold but soothing on his boiling body.

"Just trust me, baby," Kurt whispered, his forehead leaned against Blaine's as he slowly started to let him slide down.

Fire was burning in Blaine's ass as Kurt carefully entered him. It was in one time painful and hot as hell.

Kurt moaned into his ear, his hands on Blaine's ass feeling strong and assuring; like a promise that it wouldn't keep on hurting, that he wouldn't let him fall, that he would take care of him no matter what happened.

The feeling of Kurt going all the way inside of him was completely different from when he was fingering him. It was like he could feel every detail of Kurt's dick - every shape, vein, everything. It still hurt, but he didn't want it to stop.

He groaned as Kurt pulled himself a little out and pushed back in. Kurt moved to rest his forehead back against Blaine's as he started thrusting slow and careful, using the slippery tiles to take off the weight so it was easier to move.

"Promise me - you'll stop me - if it hurts - too much," Kurt panted against his lips, and for a second Blaine was unsure why Kurt had ever let him do this to him, when Kurt let himself almost out, let their lips meet and thrust back in to hit a perfect spot sending electrical waves through Blaine's body and he accidentally bit down on Kurt's lower lip.

"Oh… yes," he whimpered into Kurt's mouth, feeling himself tighten harder than he thought possible, and he knew that Kurt could sense what he had done because he started speeding up, as he let his one hand support against the wall, making Blaine strengthen his arms around Kurt's neck.

"Don't stop," Blaine assured him, his voice unusually high pitched as he arched his neck from Kurt jerking into him a little harder, and he could feel Kurt smiling as he started kissing his exposed neck.

"Use your hand - for support - against the wall," Kurt instructed him, and Blaine wasn't sure why, but he let his one hand down next to Kurt's on the wall, doing his best to support for whatever was about to come.

Kurt let his hand slide from the wall to Blaine's shoulder, holding it down as he pressed himself hard into Blaine, so he went in all the way to the root, Blaine feeling his skin tightening all over his body.

After that Kurt let his hand down between them to close around Blaine's cock and started pounding his fist up and down, the sensation suddenly too much and Blaine started questioning whether he would be able to keep on supporting himself against the wall because his muscles were in a sensational place between tensed hard and feeling like mush.

It was like the fog that always clouded his brain when Kurt kissed him had spread to the rest of his body. Like Kurt had released some sort of fluid ecstasy through his mouth, ass and cock and now it was streaming directly through his veins and nervous system, making him in one time feel weak and exposed, yet strong and safe.

The adrenaline started feeling like lava, and he suspected that maybe it wasn't just the adrenaline. The faster Kurt moved his hand, the stronger he thrust into Blaine's hole the more he tightened and the stronger the fire in his stomach got.

"Don't come until I say. You can do it, honey. I know you can," Kurt said, letting his tongue find Blaine's, soft and welcoming.

_How could I ever hold back right now_? Blaine wondered panicking, but promised himself to try, to do his best to hold back, even though he could feel it threateningly close and his balls was sizing up and screaming at him to let go.

Kurt stopped his hand around Blaine's cock and let their lips clasp together. He kept thrusting into him, and Blaine could feel his hips banging against his ass. It was nearly impossible for him to not whimper into Kurt's mouth, and the more Kurt's head brushed against his prostate the more his balls pained to come; but he let himself deepen into the kiss, focusing on holding against the wall to not let both of them fall.

The hot water was pouring down over them, and Blaine could feel his curls sticking to his forehead, and sweat making his skin clammy against Kurt's body.

Kurt slowed down the speed of his hips until he had nearly stopped, and Blaine wondered what his plan was when Kurt let the kiss turn soft and tender, his tongue returning to his own mouth, and their lips moving gently against each other, when Kurt broke away to stare Blaine in the eyes.

"Are you ready?"

He didn't wait for Blaine's answer but kept his eyes piercing into Blaine's as he started jerking his hips faster and harder than ever into him while starting to swipe around his cock, his thumb tracing over the frenulum, up, down and around the head.

"Now!" Kurt heaved, his eyes not leaving Blaine's, not so much as blinking when Blaine felt the fire reacting, and as if on cue sending the lava like a canon ball from his stomach to his balls, through his shaft and spurting out over Kurt's hand, on his stomach and onto Kurt's stomach - Kurt simultaneously pounding into him with hot spurts from Kurt's cock running into his ass.

Blaine's first impulse was to squeeze his eyes shut, but then he remembered what Kurt had said "_I wanna see your eyes_" and he kept them open, penetrated by Kurt's blue as he whimpered out wishing for Kurt's lips against his and a need to clench Kurt into him.

Kurt thrust out weak whimpers and his pupils dilated. His eyes were all blue, no tint of neither green nor golden or brown, and his lower lip was full and quivering. Blaine could feel his legs shaking under them but he knew that Kurt wouldn't let them fall.

Blaine felt himself drained of energy from the orgasm, and had no idea how to ever get down from there, but before he could think any further Kurt grinned at him, a chuckle escaping his lips, and Blaine couldn't stop laughing with him.

Kurt carefully let his arms slide onto the lower of Blaine's back, and pressed his chest closer to Blaine's while kissing his cheek, even though he was fighting a strong battle to regain control of his oxygen take.

Blaine felt like a boulder was placed on his chest, and he could swear that he would never get to breath normal again, even though he was slowly starting to return to control, but black spots were forming before his eyes.

Kurt pushed him harder against the walls against his sides, and grabbed around his wrists so he could lead Blaine's hands to lock them around his neck. He placed his one hand against the wall and the other on Blaine's hip before he started pulling himself out of him.

The feeling of Kurt leaving his body was indescribable. It was like he could cry from knowing that they had been connected, but now Kurt was out of his body and they would return to being two people again. When his feet slowly went down to stand in the bottom of the tub under them he felt empty, like some vital organ had been removed from him.

He still couldn't unlock his hands from Kurt's neck, and it was like Kurt knew it and let his arms fold around him to drag him closer under the hot water still streaming down over them.

The water was so hot that he wasn't afraid to have sore muscles when they were done, but he had no doubt that he would need to be there for a longer time if he wanted to feel clean - and in some way he already felt cleaner than ever.

Kurt started running his fingertips softly up and down his back, and Blaine let his cheek fall to Kurt's shoulder. They stayed in that position for so long that he started to guess that they would dissolve and wash out into the drain, and he didn't mind as long as they were together.

"Goodmorning, Stardust," Kurt whispered into his hair, before kissing him behind the ear, and Blaine laughed. He had completely forgot that they had only just woken up and a short god-knows-how-long-ago had been in the kitchen having breakfast.

Kurt released his grip around him and grabbed for the shampoo that he started massaging into Blaine's hair, and Blaine smilingly did the same for him. They gently washed each other, having to scrub a little harder where the charcoal letters had left dark marks, and giggled every now and then, perfectly aware that their skin was overly sensitive and it wouldn't take much for them to hurt from a simple touch.

As soon as they were clean Blaine pulled Kurt closer to kiss him between the eyes.

"Best way to wake up ever. Only problem is that I'm exhausted, and I could easily sleep a little more now," Blaine chuckled and wiped Kurt's wet locks away from his temple.

"Then let's go take a nap," Kurt agreed and squeezed him closer before he turned off the water and stepped out of the shower to throw a towel at Blaine.

Once they were back in Blaine's room they hurried under the sheets and laid on their sides to lock their fingers between them while gazing into each other's eyes.

It was like fighting time and eventually Blaine knew he didn't have a choice.

"It's okay, honey. Let's just sleep. We have all the time in the world," Kurt whispered and squeezed his hand. He stretched up his free hand to close Blaine's eyes before he kissed his eyelids and shuffled closer to wrap his arm around him. Blaine decided that it was true so he might as well get a little more sleep.

When they woke up it was afternoon. They had been asleep for hours, and a wave of panic ran through Blaine before he remembered that his father wouldn't be home until late at night and he fell back on the pillow sighing relieved.

His ass was sore, and his muscles were aching, but he couldn't stop thinking that it was the best reminder he could have of their morning together, so he smiled widely, only even more when Kurt started grinning back at him.

"I came to think - I know that we can't really… go on a real date. So I got an idea. Because I wanna take you out," Kurt suddenly said, and Blaine had to think it over to make sure he had actually heard correct.

"Do you wanna go see a movie with me? I don't care what movie it is, but… that way we could go out in public like other couples do but still… you know, stay anonymous," Kurt suggested, his voice a little insecure.

"That is… that sounds like a really lovely idea, Kurt. Now?" He replied, a little baffled at the request, but eager to do it.

"Yeah. I mean - if you want to. It was just an idea," he started, but Blaine sat up, eyes still locked at his boyfriend.

"Let's do it. Come on. I mean - I guess we should get dressed first. I doubt that to question if we're a couple is the first thing they'll think about if we go there naked, but I guess we shouldn't be too drastic about it. Besides - I don't want anyone else to look at your naked body," he chuckled, and Kurt laughed back, nudging him with his foot, only making Blaine grab it and kiss it before he stood up.

They dressed in silence and picked up their jackets before they walked downstairs. Before they left they headed for the kitchen to get some water, when Blaine remembered the state they had left it in earlier - because now it was as clean as always, and Kurt's clothes weren't on the floor.

Blaine looked to Kurt in panic, and he could see that Kurt was thinking the same.

"You need to be more careful, boys. Your dad might not be around much, but if you don't keep up your precautions then he will find out, and it ain't gonna be pretty."

The maid had entered the kitchen, and Blaine felt his face go red faster than he could think to be healthy.

It was true. They had been way too sloppy to think that they could just leave Kurt's clothes spread all over the floor, and evidence of sex on the table before running to the bathroom to continue having sex, and then just go to sleep instead of cleaning after them.

"Yeah. We… it got a little out of hand. Thank you for… saving us. Again," Kurt thanked her, evidently aware that Blaine wasn't in a state of talking at the moment.

"It's lovely to see two young boys so in love but we all know what will happen if this gets out. You need to think a little more with your brains instead of just with your hearts." She sent them a sharp look, and nodded with pursed lips. Kurt smiled at her and thanked her one more time before he grabbed Blaine's hand and led him to the hall.

They put on their coats and shoes in silence before they left the house. When they got down the driveway Blaine stopped to say something, but he caught himself and continued to walk towards the sidewalk outside the grounds of the Anderson residence.

"What, Blaine?" Kurt asked in a flat voice, no question that he knew what was rolling around in Blaine's head.

"Just tell me - I don't wanna go out when you're feeling like this," Kurt exclaimed and stopped to grab around Blaine's wrist. He dragged him behind a big tree at the corner of the front lawn to shield their conversation from anyone that could pass by.

"She's right, okay? It's too risky that we do stuff like that. It was… it was truly amazing. I have never in my life experienced anything like that, and I wanna do it over and over again. You're so… damn sexy, and you make me feel like… I've never felt before. Ever," he was trailing off, and images from their wild morning were flashing through his mind, his muscles still sore as the biggest and most vivid reminder - but he had to get back to the important part.

"- but we can't. We just can't." He searched Kurt's eyes to grasp a reaction, to comprehend what was going on in his head, behind his eyes, but not a single thing could he find.

"It's cool. We're just… _friends. _Now," Kurt replied, his voice a little light, but his face indifferent.

He moved around Blaine and started walking down the sidewalk. Blaine was unsure how to feel about that reaction, or how to act on it himself so he just stared at Kurt walking towards town.

"What does that mean? Friends?" Blaine asked, hoping it didn't mean what he was fearing it meant, but doubting strongly that it even could.

"Aren't you coming? We won't be able to catch that movie if you just stand there glaring at me," Kurt called for him, and he drew a heavy breath wishing that some day he would be able to truly know Kurt and why he did the things he did. He followed him down the sidewalk and quickly was by his side, proceeding their way towards the movie theater with the conversation still echoing in his head.

They hadn't said a word to each other since they left Blaine's driveway, and now they were sitting in the corner of an almost empty movie theater.

Blaine hadn't kept up with the movie at all. In fact, he didn't even have the slightest idea what it was even called. The darkness they had meant to be welcoming and liberating now felt pressuring and hovering.

He kept stealing glances at Kurt out of the corner of his eye, but his eyes were directed sharply towards the screen. He wanted to make sure that Kurt understood that this was in no way because he didn't want them to have spontaneous and crazy moments, but a precaution to avoid him getting killed or send away.

He couldn't figure out if Kurt was mad at him, but he had been sitting leaning against the wall away from Blaine with his hands securely folded in his lap during the entire movie.

Blaine looked at him again, only this time not so subtle, and he decided that he didn't want this ruined.

He leaned across Kurt's seat to grab around his arm. Kurt stared at him in confusion as Blaine soft, but firmly, pulled him closer. As soon as Kurt was sitting next to him rather than as far away from his as possible, Blaine moved to his ear and whispered:

"I love you. Only you. Always you. I don't want us to be '_just_ _friends_' please understand that."

-before he gently put his lips against Kurt's. It was soft and innocent, but it was there. He had just told his boyfriend that he loved him and then kissed him in a room with other people present. Sure, it was dark and everyone in the room had their focus elsewhere, but he had actually done it, although his heart was racing and he kept his eyes open to make sure no one was watching.

As their lips were locked in a lazy movement, as if they were afraid they would get caught if they let too much passion into the kiss, Kurt found Blaine's hand and let his fingers slide in between his.

"You kissed me. With other people in the room -" Kurt whispered, not confused, but surprised and impressed - proud.

"I don't want our date ruined," Blaine smiled at him through the darkness.

"I love you too. To the moon and back again. You're my best friend - but you're so much more to me than that," Kurt whispered and squeezed his hand.

They finished the movie with their hands together. Every now and then Kurt would lift up their hands to kiss Blaine's and Blaine would lean in to kiss Kurt's jaw line, still no clue about what the movie was, but it didn't really matter. They were on a date. A real date.

The second the movie ended they knew they had to let go of each other so they did. A little sad in doing so. They hurried out of the theater and back through the cold streets, their hands back together as soon as they were inside the Anderson house.

"I have to pack my things and go home, Stardust," Kurt apologized as they entered Blaine's room.

He took off his jacket with a sad and defeated look, but grabbed the drawing from the nightstand. He put it on the wall next to the drawing of the guitar and smiled victoriously at his artwork placed strategically correct for Blaine to see them from his bed.

Blaine walked over behind him to put his arms around his waist and his chin on his shoulder. He watched the drawings a little while, taking in the motives and yet again getting fascinated by the perfection of the lines and the smooth mix of hard and soft.

"You don't have to leave, darling -" Blaine muttered, not quite sure what exactly it was that he was saying. Apparently Kurt didn't catch it either, because he turned to face him, his eyes as big and sad as ever.

"You know that won't go. Your dad is coming home tonight," he reminded me, completely unnecessary. Blaine had definitely not forgotten that his dad was coming home.

"Listen - he's not coming home until very late. I'll just leave a note that I went to bed early and in the morning we'll wait doing anything until he's left for work. Which should be easy enough as he leaves around 5." Blaine was beaming. He surely found his own plan to be great - Kurt didn't look as thrilled, though.

"What about my dad then?" his eyes flickered between Blaine's and his mouth was frowning.

"Don't you think you can convince him?" Blaine asked, feeling his smile stiffen and his mood drop from Kurt's resistance. He hadn't considered Kurt's dad to even be a possibility of a problem. He was so open and supportive about them that Blaine couldn't see why he should be against it.

"I… I'll call and talk to him!" Blaine burst out without the slightest idea of what he was doing.

_Why would I say that? How could I ever in a million years do that? _He suddenly felt very hot, and thought that he should be kicking himself for the reckless suggestion.

"You? You wanna call my dad? You're deadly scared of my dad, baby -" Kurt giggled with a sympathetic look on his face.

"I am not deadl… okay, maybe I'm a little scared of your dad - but I just want you to stay. If that means I have to risk getting my head ripped off by your militant brother and super intimidating dad; then that is what I'm willing to do. To be with you."

Kurt tried to suppress his giggles, but eventually he couldn't and ended up laughing so hard that he slid down the wall to the floor under him. He held his stomach and let his head fall against the wall behind him, pressing his palm against his mouth to hold it in as good as possible.

Blaine didn't say a word. He watched him and waited for him to laugh out, observing the happiness radiate out of him. When he finally finished Blaine was chuckling himself, but offered him a hand to help him up.

"You are so immensely ridiculous. But let's go then. Let's hear what you have to offer my dad in exchange for my company -" Kurt giggled and led Blaine out of the bedroom and to the phone in the hall.

Kurt dialed the number, and Blaine felt his heart fly to his throat. The phone was ringing and with every beep at the end of the receiver his heart threatened to explode.

It was Carole who answered at the Hummel-Hudson house. Blaine considered for a second to simply ask her for permission to let Kurt stay, but stammered his way to ask for her husband instead. The waiting was unbearable and he turned his back on Kurt to lean his forehead against the wall - and the phone was picked up.

"Hi. Sir. It's… Blaine here," he stuttered, turning his words over and over in his head.

"_Is everything okay? Is Kurt okay?" _Burt asked form the other end.

"Yeah, he's fine. More than fine actually. It was… sort of why I'm calling. I - wanted to ask you something. Sir."

Blaine squeezed his eyes hard and felt Kurt sit down on the floor next to the table. Darkness was filling the hall, and Blaine was glad that they hadn't thought to turn on the light. He had no doubt that it could very possibly have made the conversation even harder.

"_God, you're not gonna ask me to let you get married in some other country or something are ya?" _Burt exclaimed and Blaine could almost hear him roll his eyes. What kind of proposition was that?

"No. God no. Don't worry. I just wanted to ask if… if maybe he could stay a night more?" Blaine started banging his head lightly against the wall. This was not the way he had planned for this conversation to go.

"_Come on, kids. I appreciate the consideration, but he's 18. You don't have to ask. I - trust you," _he said, chuckling a little, making Blaine wish that he could disappear.

"_Listen Blaine - you're a good kid, and I like you. You don't strike me as trouble, so I have faith in you taking careof my kid," _Burt explained and Blaine knew that this wasn't his time to speak. He wasn't done talking.

"_Tell Kurt he doesn't have to ask whenever he stays over, but I am happy that you did, and as long as he just let me know when he stays away it's all cool. I just don't want another episode with him running off and staying away for months without letting me know if he's okay. But I would be happy if you would consider spending some time here too. I wanna get to know you," _he said, and Blaine felt his heart drop in relief. He turned to face Kurt who was looking up at him from the darkness on the floor.

"Thank you. I - I will pass that on," Blaine assured him, and they bid each other goodnight and hung up.

Kurt jumped up, like he head been waiting for the right moment - which he probably had. He tripped on tiptoes next to Blaine, eager for what news he had for him.

"He thought I would ask him to let you marry me." He thought he might as well drag it out a bit now that he had so willingly gone through this horror.

Kurt was staring at him like he didn't know whether to laugh, or even believe it.

Blaine told him about the rest of the conversation, and Kurt exhaled heavily when he finished and bit his lower lip. He seemed just as relieved as Blaine had felt himself, and they agreed that they would spend more time at Kurt's place in the future.

The rest of the night they ate and listened to music. Kurt drew more pictures, while Blaine was reading - or tried reading, because his eyes kept flickering to Kurt's hands instead of the pages in the book.

In the end he pushed away the book and let himself fall into fully observe Kurt drawing. The way he crossed the lines over the paper and dropped the pencil to use his fingers to smear the black around and create different shades and patterns was beyond Blaine's mind. To end it all Kurt placed his palm flat on the paper and let it drag over the picture making the leaves and trees look like they were caught in a storm.

Kurt crawled on his knees over the mattress and placed a hand on each side of Blaine's face, and Blaine knew that he had a black handprint on his cheek.

"Wanna look at stars with me?" Kurt asked eagerly, and Blaine was a bit slow because the touch of Kurt's hands were burning into his skin.

"Yeah. Sure. But apparently I have to go wash my face now," Blaine replied and made a movement like he was going to bite Kurt's hand, but instead he nipped at his wrist.

They walked to the bathroom together, and Kurt washed hands before he pushed Blaine to sit on the toilet so he could wash his face as well. Blaine kept staring at his facial expressions, and the feeling of his fingers gently washing his face made him feel like he was 5 years old again.

When they returned to Blaine's bedroom they stripped off their clothes and Kurt turned off all lights before they slipped under the covers lying on the broad side of the bed instead of the long as usual so they could see the stars outside the window.

Kurt folded his hands so he could rest his chin on them while leaning his head against Blaine's. The sky was completely free of clouds and the stars were shining extremely bright.

"Look at that. It's Cassiopeia. That was my mom's favorite -" Kurt said and pointed at a group of stars right above some branches from the tree that always crashed against the window when it was storming.

"It's beautiful," Blaine said thickly, more watching Kurt's starry eyes than the starry sky.

"Kurt. Tell me about your mom -" he asked and rolled to his side to get a better look at him. Kurt's face turned sad and his eyes stayed locked on the constellation.

"There's nothing to tell. She was beautiful and extraordinary. That's all," he responded, reluctant and distant, but Blaine wasn't planning on giving up this time. He always did his best to talk his way out of it, but this time it was his turn to tell.

"It's not fair, you know. I've told you so much, but what do I really know about you. And the… suicide-thing. You never explained that to me. How can I know that I shouldn't walk around being afraid that one day your dad will call me up and say that -" He trailed off searching for a way to say what he was thinking without uttering the actual words, but Kurt hasted to cut him off.

"What is it you want to know about me, Blaine? There's nothing to tell you. I'm really not that fascinating. I'm actually quite boring," Kurt snapped and turned his head to look at anything but his boyfriend. Blaine moved over to fold his arm around him, and mush his nose into his hair.

"That is not true. You're the single most interesting kid in all of Ohio. In the entire world - and I wanna know everything about you. I know how much you love your mom, and I just wanna know about her because I know she makes you happy - and I wanna know everything about you so I know how I can make you happy," Blaine tried explaining, but Kurt still didn't look at him. He didn't even react.

"When you said that… when you told me about your school, and the suicide… thing… I got really scared. And sad. And… it's not that long ago that you were in high school. I don't want you to ever feel like you have to make that decision again, but I don't know what happened. So I don't know what to do to prevent it, and if you don't talk to me… I just wanna get to know you, that's all."

He sighed and let his head drop to the mattress. Maybe it was just for the best that he gave it up. There was no point in pressuring Kurt to tell him stuff that he didn't want to share.

"She always smelled like… summer rain. When I was 12 I found one of her old perfumes, and it smelled so much like her that I cried for an hour. After that I started carrying the bottle around with me everywhere I went, but when I got older I started wearing it. Because I was afraid that I would forget how she smelled, and I know that if I forget that I will forget her. I still use it to this day, and every time I put it on I'm afraid I'll start crying, because that is all I have left of her."

Blaine stared at the back of his head in disbelief. Had Kurt just told him something private? Something he hadn't told anyone before?

"She took me to the forest and showed me the details of the leaves, the animals and the tree trunks, and taught me how to reflect it into a drawing. She led my hand the way I led yours the other day. She was the best artist I have ever seen."

He silenced, and Blaine wanted to ask him to turn around. He didn't know if he was crying, but he didn't want to ask. Blaine was afraid that if he started asking questions, or simply said anything at all, Kurt would stop telling, and he might never have the chance again.

"She had this yellow dress that she loved so much. She looked so beautiful in it, and she always wore it. I remember one day when I was 4; she and my dad had taken me to the park, and I dropped a bowl of strawberries on her dress. I was sure she would freak out. It was ruined, and I started crying - but even though I was the one who had ruined her dress she took me up and started comforting me. The stains never disappeared completely, but she still kept wearing it. She said that the stains reminded her of me. I remember she wore it on my first day of school."

Kurt turned his head and looked at Blaine. He wasn't crying. Not so much as a tear was on his cheeks or in his eyes. His eyes were occupied by stars and he was smiling reminiscent. He moved his arm so he could let his fingers play with a fold in the sheet under them.

"She loved music just as much as you do. She was a singer, and she sang to me whenever I was upset or felt lonely - actually she sang to me all the time, because she knew how much I loved it. But I never really felt lonely until she died. Even though I didn't have any friends I had her, and that was worth so much more than anything I could ever wish for. I wish so much that you could have met her - that you could have… sung together."

Blaine's mouth had turned dry. He knew instinctively that this was things Kurt had never talked to anyone about before, and yet he had just laid it all out for Blaine.

"I was 15. It was before my dad met Carole, and Finn and Puck was… they were these guys in my school. The jocks I didn't associate with. It was pretty standard for me to get cruel remarks and get pushed into a locker when I walked down the hall. But one day this guy… the hall was deserted, because it was late and people were either at class or had gone home, and I had just left my stuff in my locker for the weekend, and I was on my way home when… this big guy from the hockey team - he pushed me into a supply-closet."

Kurt closed his eyes, and his fingers stopped moving. A tear escaped one of his closed eyes and made a stain as it hit the white sheet between his fingers. Blaine wanted to reach out and comfort him and tell him that it was okay.

But he knew that it wasn't okay, and he was shocked and paralyzed. He had no idea what was about to happen next in the story, but the ice in his guts told him that he wasn't going to like it. It was like reading a horror story - he was afraid to hear the end, but he just had to know what happened.

"He closed the door, and it was dark and… he kissed me. Forced his tongue into my mouth, and pressed me against the shelves and… he started touching me. Under my shirt, down my pants. I wanted to scream, but I was so scared. This guy always bullied me. He was the worst. I couldn't move. But I… he stopped when he heard the bell. He ran into the hall before anyone else could, and I was in there alone."

His voice had started to shake, and it chilled down Blaine's spine. It was painful to listen to and he needed it badly to be a lie, a bad dream, to think that anyone could ever have done anything like that to Kurt.

"I went home and I… slit my wrists. It was all too much. I felt so lonely, and I had no one to turn to, and I wasn't even sure what it all meant - I just wanted the humiliation and fear to go away. But my dad came and… he took me to the hospital. The doctor was a friend of my dad's and he promised 100% discretion, so no one would ever know. Finn and Puck doesn't even know. I don't think my dad ever told Carole. No one but me and my dad."

He sniffed and finally looked up at Blaine who could feel that he had turned pale from the shock.

"I felt so dirty and humiliated -" Kurt sobbed and Blaine put his arm around him to drag him closer.

He wished that he had never forced him to talk about it. Wished that he hadn't forced him to think about it. Wished that it had never happened.

What was he going to do now? There was nothing he could say or do to take this away. He couldn't make Kurt feel any better in any way. It was pointless to hold him and whisper consoling words in his ear because it wouldn't undo this atrocity someone had done to him.

Blaine searched his brain, desperate in an attempt to find something to say; but there was nothing. Whatever popped into his head seemed childish and insensitive. So instead he clenched him to his chest, and let Kurt's tears stroll down his naked skin and his sobs disappear under the covers he had hidden his face under.

"I am so sorry, baby. I shouldn't have made you talk about it. I wish I could take it away from you," Blaine mumbled into his hair, both of his arms locked safely around him, rocking back and forth on the mattress.

It felt like his tears and sobs would never end, but after what seemed like an eternity of soothing sounds and Blaine consoling stroking his hand up and down Kurt's back it was like Kurt was too exhausted to continue. His tensed muscles relaxed in Blaine's arms, and his rasp voice stopped - all that came from his lips was his breathing a little harder than usual, moistening Blaine's chest and the fabric covering them.

He bent down and kissed Kurt's hair, but Kurt sat up in the bed. He sniffed and rubbed his eyes. He looked down on Blaine and brushed his hair away from his eyes, and Blaine sat up next to him. Kurt held out his wrists, and the pale moonlight made the scars look silver and like a sick abomination under his skin, and Blaine wondered how he could ever have missed seeing them there.

"There - now you know. I told you there wasn't anything to talk about. It looks horrible, and I am just lucky it's not too visible. There you have all of the dirt on my dark, mysterious past. Happy now?" Kurt sniffed. It wasn't an angry tone, Blaine knew that he was only trying to distance himself from the story he had just told him, but it was still sharp in his ears that Kurt could even consider to ask if that made him happy.

"Of course I'm not happy. How can you say that? Some psychopath scarred you for life - and no, I don't mean these," Blaine snapped and nudged at Kurt's one arm.

He got an idea. He jumped off the bed and walked to Kurt's bag in the corner where he got out a pencil. He returned to the bed where he sat next to Kurt and grabbed his right arm - and drew a peace symbol on the scar. Then he grabbed his left wrist and drew a heart on the scar.

"These scars - don't ever let them define you. This -" he let his finger trace over the peace symbol and the heart.

"_This _is what defines you. Your heart and the peace inside of you." He squeezed his hands around Kurt's wrists, and looked to his eyes. The drying tears were shining in the moonlight like tiny crystals on his skin, and it took Blaine a lot of strength to not lean in to kiss them away.

"I wish I could do something to take away what happened to you. If I hadn't been so tiny I would kill the bastard. But you taught me that it's not the way to do things. I'd much rather spend my energy on being here with you - and showing you that I will never ever let anyone hurt you ever again."

Kurt twisted his arms out of Blaine's grip and placed his hands softly to cup Blaine's face, his eyes nearly completely green tonight.

He didn't say anything, he just looked at Blaine's face - and smiled.

"You are so incredibly extraordinary- Magnificent. I stand by what I have said all along - you _are_ love."

Kurt's hands slid down over Blaine's shoulders and found his hands between them.

"My mom's name was Elizabeth. She and my dad got married in the summertime. She loved the nature, and music, and art in all forms. Her favorite flower were lilies. She had a special bond with nature…"

Kurt's thumbs were tracing patterns over the lines of Blaine's palms as he spoke, and it didn't seem like he was planning on ending anytime soon, so Blaine let him continue and listened.

"Every winter she would take me out when the first snow started falling. If I was in school she would come pick me up, if it was in the middle of the night she would wake me up and put on my coat over my pajamas. Then she would take me to the forest so we could feel the first snow falling. She could sense it in some way - I don't know if she could smell it, or feel it; but somehow she always knew right before it started snowing."

He looked up and smiled at Blaine.

"She really does sound incredible. I'm sure she would remind me very much of you. She does in everything you tell about her. If anyone here is a Moonchild it's you -" Blaine smiled at him, eyeing a chance to get his mood a little up.

"Can we sleep? I don't have anything close to energy left," Kurt groaned through a sudden yawn. Blaine chuckled and lifted their hands to kiss both of Kurt's wrists, before he started to move to lie down, but Kurt stopped him.

"Can we lie at the foot of the bed tonight? I wanna see the stars when I fall asleep," Kurt asked insecure; like he was uncertain if he was allowed to make such a request.

"Of course we can. We can lie anywhere you want. As long as it's not outside, cause that would be freezing," Blaine assured him and threw the pillows to the other end of the bed.

They switched sides so Kurt would have a better view of the sky, while Blaine folded his arm around him from behind, with Kurt's left hand twisted into Blaine's and his right hand locked around Blaine's wrist.

It didn't take long until Blaine was on his way to falling asleep, and he was sure that Kurt was sleeping as well, so he was surprised when Kurt suddenly whispered from his own side.

"You don't have to worry. I could never think about leaving this life again. I have you now; nothing could make me want to leave you."

"Good. If you did I would have to follow," Blaine whispered and kissed his neck. Kurt shuffled closer and moved to lie on his side so he could observe the stars but Blaine could move to rest his head on his shoulder. It only took a minute from Blaine had adjusted himself and until Kurt was asleep - he could hear it in his breathing.


	29. Early In The Morning

Kurt left early the next morning. It was tough, and both of them kept making excuses for him to stay just a little longer, but the reality was that Blaine had to go to work at noon, and they both knew that if Kurt stayed he would end up calling in sick and they would curl up on the bed for the rest of the day

Kurt promised to drop by the store Saturday, though, which made it a little easier to deal with as Blaine had feared the usual question of when they would see each other again.

When Blaine got into the store the owner himself was there and he declared that they had to schedule shifts for the rest of the year, so Blaine signed himself up for as many shifts as possible. He hated knowing that this would be in the way of his time with Kurt, but he had a hope that if he kept working hard enough the day he turned 18 would also be the day he could move out of his dad's house.

Kurt faithfully showed up in the store as often as he could. These days he took advantage of the possibility to question Blaine about music whenever they were running low on customers.

They usually spent the slow days on Blaine playing and singing a few lines of a song and Kurt would have to guess the title. He was getting better, and Blaine couldn't help feeling proud of him. It was undisputable that Kurt really wanted to get into music, and he worked very hard to memorize titles of albums and songs and names of bands and artists. Every now and then Blaine even caught him walking around singing to himself, and Blaine wished that he would sing to him because his voice was beautiful.

But Kurt refused, always with the same sentence, that annoyed Blaine.

"I am no singer," he said, and Blaine would object, but knew that it was a pointless quest to try and change his mind.

Blaine was sure that Kurt loved to sing, and when he thought no one heard him Blaine could hear that he sang a lot - but he had a theory that he had given up music when his mom died, because it reminded him too much of her, so he let it go. For now.

It wasn't that they couldn't hold hands, or kiss each other, or even give each other a hug while they were in the store that was the hardest - the worst part was when they had to part in the evening and couldn't do anything but smile and awkwardly shake each other's hands. Like they had just been friends. Distant friends, in Blaine's opinion.

Whenever he walked home all he could think about was what it would cost him to run back and grab Kurt by the arm, push him into an alley and kiss him goodbye like he should be kissed. Just a light touch of lips against lips.

Now that it was so cold Kurt was wearing mittens outside so he couldn't even feel the touch of his hand against his own when they shook hands to say goodbye, and it didn't make it better that Blaine never knew if he would show up in the store the next day.

The hall of the Hummel house was warm and Blaine felt like his eyes were starting to water up from the sudden heat hitting his face. Kurt was leaning against the wall waiting for Blaine to take off his shoes, strolling his fingers up and down his arm until Blaine finally gave up on his shoelaces and kicked the sneakers right off instead.

"And what do we do now?" Blaine asked when he stood up to find Kurt grinning at him.

"We… go to my room and get rid off your jacket, and then we'll come back down and act all social. Don't over think it, we'll just stay in the background," Kurt assured him and directed him towards the stairs.

As soon as they were back down in the living room Blaine decided to stay quiet unless people asked him anything. When Kurt's dad joined them Blaine rushed to his feet and presented his hand, but he just laughed at him and sat down in his usual chair.

"Seriously, Kurt - you should get a bit hold of your boyfriend. If he keeps being so polite I'm gonna start to question my own behavior among people," he laughed and grabbed for the newspaper, and Blaine was sure that he was crimson red all over his face.

He pulled his hand quickly away and hurried to sit back down. Kurt rubbed his hand caressingly against his thigh with a sympathetic look.

Blaine stayed shut and bit his lower lip shyly, hoping not to make anymore a fool of himself for the rest of the day.

It was the last Sunday of November and Kurt's family had invited him over for dinner. Apparently it was a tradition that on this day every year they would have dinner together. Puck and Rachel would come over too and they told Kurt that as he was with Blaine now of course he should be there too.

When Kurt had given him the invitation his first impulse was to say no. Doing a family dinner was way too scary, but he knew how much it meant to Kurt so he accepted and spent the week leading up to on freaking out.

Now he was there and was simply hoping to get through it alive.

Finn and Puck joined them and Blaine was happy that it could ease up the tension in the room, but it didn't last for long as Finn started asking him all kinds of questions about his music and his school, which resulted in Kurt's dad participating in the conversation and asking questions too - mostly if he was into sports and what his plans were.

In the end Blaine realized that he wasn't even nervous anymore and that he had been talking freely with Kurt's family for over an hour and Kurt hadn't even said a word. He had stayed in the background and observed Blaine interacting with them.

Blaine looked to him and was met by a giant grin covering Kurt's face, so he took a deep breath and let his hand find Kurt's; actually holding his hand in front of his family.

After dinner and coffee Kurt led Blaine to his room to pick up his coat so he could go home but Kurt closed the door behind them.

"That was… wow. You did it, Stardust. You spent an entire night with my family and not freaking out once - not even when Rachel tried getting you to sing. That was so amazing," Kurt beamed at him.

"Oh well now I have the entire walk home to have a post-traumatic-heart-attack," Blaine said under his breath, still shocked that he had accomplished to not die during the evening.

"Stop that. You did so great. I'm really impressed."

And that was all it took. The nerves that had been twisting around inside him for a week had transformed into butterflies and he had made it out on the other side - alive.

They kissed goodbye in Kurt's room, and Blaine said goodnight to the family before Kurt followed him to the door where he hugged him and promised that he would come see him again soon and Blaine wished that he didn't have to leave. He had started to feel so comfortable in Kurt's house and he was baffled by how much he didn't want to leave, not just Kurt, but the entire atmosphere of the house.

The walk home was long and freezing cold. Frost was starting to cover everything and his breathing was white in front of him as he walked under the lampposts. The second he came inside at home he hurried to take a long, hot shower and went directly to bed after.

It was 4:30 when Blaine woke up. He had no idea why he woke up so early on a Saturday morning but he could feel that he wasn't supposed to go back to sleep so he got up and went downstairs to make coffee. When he entered the kitchen he randomly looked outside and saw that it was snowing.

That was it. That was why he had woken up.

He ran to his room and hurried to get dressed. He pulled on the thickest sweater and the warmest scarf he could find before he rushed downstairs and out on the sidewalk. He practically ran through town - both because he was cold and still not completely awake, but also because he didn't want it to stop snowing before he reached Kurt's house.

What was he supposed to do now? He was standing in the Hummel driveway and looking up on Kurt's window. It was dark around him, except for the yellow shine from streetlamps and the light in the houses of the people who had to meet in early for work.

It was so cliché, and it was ridiculous, and he knew he shouldn't be doing it - but he had no other option.

Blaine crouched down and found a handful of tiny pebbles and starting throwing them one by one against Kurt's window.

He emptied his hand like that. A handful of pebbles against the window glass but no reaction. Maybe he was just really fast asleep. It was only around 5 in the morning so he couldn't really blame him. Blaine sighed and turned to walk home; sad and defeated. He had really wanted to share this with him.

"Hey. Don't leave without me -" Kurt's voice sounded behind him, and Blaine turned to see him run through the dark. He was still wearing pajama pants and his hair was muffled around from sleeping. His cheeks and lips looked like roses on snow from the cold already, and he was closing his jacket over the sweater he had borrowed from Blaine a month ago.

"I didn't think you heard me," Blaine said as Kurt jumped into his arms.

"Are you kidding me? I woke up and saw you down there so I just hurried to get some clothes on before you left. Seems like I was almost too late," Kurt nearly whispered. It was like the snow required them to be quiet.

"I just wanted to take you out in the first snow. And no one's up, so…" Blaine said and reached out his hand for Kurt to take it. Kurt smiled at him but looked down at his out-stretched hand and shook his head.

"No. We can't. Not here. We can never know who's watching us. But let's go, we'll find somewhere where it's okay," he cooed sympathetically, and they started to walk down the sidewalk.

Blaine walked. Kurt danced around, trying to catch snowflakes on his tongue, but most of them ended in his hair or on his cheeks. He kept up his childish game all the way to the forest where he ran in between the trees and started spinning around like he hoped to get soaked by the snow.

It was already pretty strong, and it stayed in heavy layers on Kurt's jacket, making him look like a snow creature the way he danced around and giggled like he was the only person in the world. Blaine couldn't help laughing at him - it was remarkable to see his spirit caught in a moment like that.

Blaine walked over to stand against the trunk they had balanced on and watched as Kurt seemed like he was all alone and didn't care about anyone or anything. He was still incredibly tired and could easily sleep for hours more, but it had been all worth it to see Kurt happy like this.

"Come here, dance with me," Kurt whispered as he took Blaine's hand an led him away from the trunk. He put his arms around Blaine's arms around his waist, and his own arms around Blaine's neck and they danced. Like they had done in Blaine's living room months ago.

It was like the world had been put on mute around them, and the only thing that could be heard was the silent creaking of their feet as they moved around on the fallen leaves on the ground.

"_Just to dance with you_

_Is everything I need_

_Before this dance is through_

_I think I'll love you too_

_I'm so happy when you dance with me_"

Kurt quietly sang into his ear. Blaine was surprised and tugged him closer. Kurt was singing to him. He wanted to move so he could see his face, but he was afraid that if he did he would stop singing - and it was too beautiful to let it stop.

"_If somebody tries to take my place_

_Let's pretend we just can't see his face_

_In this world there's nothing I would rather do_

_I discovered I'm in love with you_

_Cause I'm happy just to dance with you_"

He only sang the last two verses over and over again, but it didn't matter, because it was all they needed.

"I can't feel my fingers anymore," Kurt whispered after a long times silence where they had just stood moving around in the same spot.

"Do you wanna come back to my place? We can sleep a little more if you want. I'm so tired," he proposed and released his grip a little so he could look Blaine in the eyes.

It was still dark and Blaine guessed that it couldn't be more than 6am so he kissed Kurt's ice cold nose and grabbed his hand so they could walk back to Kurt's house.

As soon as they were in Kurt's room they stripped off their clothes and Kurt found some warm and dry for them to wear. Blaine put on a pair of pajama pants that were a little too long, and kept his undershirt on while Kurt took on a dry pair of pajama pants himself and revealed that he was wearing Blaine's t-shirt under his sweater - so he actually did sleep in his shirt.

Kurt was freezing after having been outside in such spared clothing. His entire frame was shaking, and his thighs were blue as he put on the fresh pants. As soon as he curled up next to Blaine on the bed his cold hands were so cold against Blaine's chest that he started shaking too.

Blaine found a few blankets in the chair by the desk and made sure to wrap them tightly around Kurt before he crawled back under them too.

"If you get sick I'm not sure I'll be too happy about myself," he muttered as he made sure Kurt's entire body was covered. Kurt was doing his best to keep his cold toes away from Blaine's legs, but he was so nervous that he would end up sick that he covered Kurt's feet with his own.

"If I get sick I'll expect you to come take care of me," Kurt yawned dozy and kissed his Adams apple. Even his mouth and breath were freezing cold and Blaine considered if he should get him the Vaseline from his pocket so his lips wouldn't crack in the morning, but decided that it was more important to get him heated up.

"I promise I will. But I'll keep you warm now, so you won't get sick, alright?" Blaine assured him and smashed his lips against his forehead.

Blaine stayed awake trying to get Kurt's body temperature back to normal by holding him close and stroking up and down his back. The second Kurt's breathing was a silent humming against his heck he allowed himself to fall asleep too.

When Blaine woke up it was around noon. A thick layer of snow covered Kurt's windows, making the room dark even though the curtains were open.

Blaine was glad to find that Kurt wasn't cold anymore. He was actually steaming hot, and Blaine moved closer to let his hands under Kurt's shirt on his back so his fingers wouldn't get cold before he snuggled into his chest.

It was impossible to tell if Kurt was still asleep, but he quickly folded his arms around Blaine and started stroking his hair. Blaine started brushing his fingertips up and down his back, and it quickly became clear that he was awake because he started moaning tenderly into Blaine's ear.

"I'm guessing you're up. Are you feeling any better, babe?" Blaine mumbled and looked to see if Kurt had opened his eyes.

He stared up at Blaine under long eyelashes with his eyes still looking tired. He started strolling his fingertips up and down his chest, and over his shoulder under his collar.

"I'm fine. Still freezing a little, but it's nothing bad." His voice was rasp and thick, but he was smiling broadly.

"You're freezing? But you're so hot -" Blaine burst out in disbelief.

"My looks doesn't have anything to do with it," Kurt teased and shuffled to pull Blaine closer in a hug, Blaine chuckling a little but welcoming the embrace.

"Thank you, Stardust. For taking me out this morning," Kurt whispered. His voice had turned weak and innocent and he hid his face against Blaine's neck. He was clearly thinking about his mom, and Blaine was happy that Kurt had trusted him with this information so he could give him this experience.

"Of course. The snow reminded me of you. And…" He didn't know why, but he couldn't get himself to say it. What if it would make Kurt upset that he had done it because of his mom, he couldn't do that.

Kurt broke away and put his head on the pillow. His eyes were searching Blaine's, even though there was no question that he already knew it had been because of his mom. He folded his arms and put his cheek on his hands on the pillow, still staring Blaine in the eyes, like he waited for something.

"I know why you did it. Because of what I told you about my mom. It's okay. Don't be nervous; I'm really happy that you did it. It was truly magical. I felt like I was back to being 7 again - only with a better sleeping-buddy," he smiled assuring and closed his eyes.

"Good. I'm glad," Blaine muttered before he sank back in the pillow and closed his own eyes too.

He listened to the wind howling outside and the sound of footsteps downstairs. He could hear someone in the hall, and a door closing. It was comforting with the sounds of other people in the house, and he came to think that he wanted to spend much more time at Kurt's place, because it truly felt homely.

There was a knock on the door and Blaine's eyes rushed open. He wasn't sure how well it would be taken if he was found in Kurt's bed that way, but Kurt not as much as opened his eyes when he called whoever was on the other side in.

"Hey kids. I saw Blaine's shoes down in the hall and I figured that I would ask if you wanted to come down to have lunch with me and Finn?" It was Carole. As sweet as always; not a single sign that she was angry to find them like that and Blaine quickly relaxed again.

Kurt looked to him to see for a reaction so he nodded in agreement and Kurt said that they'd be down in a second. Carole smiled and left the room before Kurt jumped out of the bed. He put Blaine's sweater back on and pulled Blaine close to kiss him before they went downstairs.

Finn and Carole were sitting at the table so they sat down and started eating. Carole was nice enough to get them tea, and it didn't take long until Kurt had explained how Blaine had woke him up with the pebbles and taken him out to the forest at the other end of town. Blaine snuck his hand into Kurt's under the table while he observed him speak with great enthusiasm of the beauty of the trees covered in snow, and how the light from the lampposts made the snowflakes look like crystals.

"That's so nice. As long as you remember to wear enough clothes. It's freezing out there." Carole and Kurt continued discussing the snow and after a little while Kurt directed the conversation in on art and literature, doing his best to engage Blaine and it didn't take long before he wasn't even thinking about it anymore and just talked.

Without realizing it Kurt had moved his chair closer to Blaine's and was resting his head on his shoulder. As a reflex Blaine wrapped his arm around Kurt's shoulder, and Finn grinned at him. He felt himself blush a little, but he wasn't uncomfortable about the scene at all.

_This gotta be how it's like to have a well-functioning family_, Blaine thought to himself.

They relocated to the living room where Kurt dragged his feet under him in the couch and snuggled up against Blaine, who didn't think twice to pull him closer.

They spend the day discussing books and music - which would be Blaine and Carole discussed books and music; Finn watched some game on TV and Kurt just looked at them, joined with a comment here and there but mostly stayed curled up against Blaine's chest, and Blaine could feel that he even fell asleep once in a while.

"Hey Blaine. Didn't know you'd be here," Burt greeted when he came home and found them in the living room. Blaine shifted a little in his seat but smiled politely, uncertain how to tackle it, as he had no idea how Burt would react to him sneaking into Kurt's bed in the early hours of the day.

"Blaine was so nice to come and wake up Kurt when he found out that it was snowing this morning. So they went out and came back to take a nap, and later the boys were so nice to come and spend some time with us," Carole explained her husband. He gave something that Blaine hoped he could interpret as an approving smile before he bent down to kiss Carole and walked to the kitchen.

Kurt tightened his grip around him and smiled up at Carole, before he turned to lie on his back, stretching across the couch, wriggling his toes in Finn's face.

"Do you wanna stay over tonight? I bet it would be okay wi… Carole can Blaine stay over tonight?" Kurt sent big, begging eyes in Carole's direction and Blaine knew that if he ever was at the receiving end of that glance he would give Kurt the moon if he asked for it.

"I will have to talk to your dad but I don't see any problem in that," Carole replied and got up to go to the kitchen.

"You do wanna stay for the night, right?" Kurt asked and turned his attention to Blaine who was snickering to himself over the way Kurt just assumed that he would be alright with it.

"I would love to stay for the night," Blaine assured him and ran his fingers through Kurt's hair.

"Doesn't really seem like it's gonna be possible to leave the house soon. It's snowing like crazy out there," Finn commented, and pulled Kurt's legs into him, his eyes still focused on the screen.

"Oh no. That sounds horrible. Being trapped in this house with you," Kurt said dramatically and giggled as he clenched Blaine's arm as tight as to his chest as possible.

He bit Blaine playfully in the wrist before he jumped off the couch to head for the toilet - and left Blaine to be alone with Finn.

"So uhm… it's pretty cool. With you and Kurt. He's so happy. I was afraid that when I left he would just sort of - sink into depression. I knew that Puck would take care of him and keep an eye on him and everything, but I knew he'd be down and stuff. Now I come home and think he haven't even missed me because he talks about you and sing and dance all the time instead -" Finn grinned at him and luckily it seemed like he actually meant it.

"I know it's been hard for him, and I - honestly just want to see him happy," Blaine said truthfully, happy to know that Kurt didn't run around being sad when they weren't together.

"You aren't planning on running away together without me, are you?" Kurt asked as he crawled over the back of the sofa to plunk down in his seat between Blaine and Finn.

"Not all, bro. Not at all," Finn laughed and put an arm around him.

Kurt put both of his arms around Finn and curled up against him, his face completely hidden in his sweater, and Blaine had to bite his cheek not to chuckle at how adorable he looked. Every time he mentioned Finn or they were with him Kurt was surrounded by a sad gloom, but as he was curled into a ball under his arm right then and there it seemed like he had completely forgotten all his worries that were related to Finn.

They went to have dinner with their parents later, and Blaine was happy to realize that even though Burt was there he still felt as easy in the Hummel family's company as he had done all day. Maybe they weren't planning on killing him after all.

"Do you wanna go to my room? I'm tired," Kurt pouted, his forehead leaning against Blaine's shoulder after they had sat in the living room for a while. It was still snowing heavily and the layers of snow on the windows were so thick that the light from the streetlamps almost couldn't be seen.

Blaine agreed and Kurt took a tour around the living room to kiss his family goodnight, hugging Finn extra tight before they started to head for the stairs, when Burt stood up.

"Hey. Kurt just go up I just need to speak to Blaine for a minute," he said, and Blaine felt it like a heat wave hit him in the face.

Kurt looked a bit nervous to Blaine, but agreed with his father and squeezed Blaine's hand with an encouraging look before he turned to go up the stairs with heavy steps. Burt indicated for Blaine to follow him to the kitchen, away from Finn and Carole, so he did.

_So here's the moment where he's gonna tell me to stay away from Kurt because I didn't follow his rules. Finn heard us have sex and told him and now I will die, or he'll call my father and tell him about Kurt and my life will be over regardless of whether he's killing me or not._

Blaine's brain was going on overload and he feared that he was turning scarlet and sweat was breaking out on his forehead and he would reveal his nerves.

"Listen, I just wanted to thank you for doing that for Kurt. This morning, with the snow and all. It haven't been easy being him, and I just thought that… I'd thank you for making it easier for him now. Doing stuff with him and so. We don't always understand him, but it's nice to know that you do - or at least it seems like you do." Burt padded Blaine awkwardly on the shoulder, and sent him an appreciative glare.

Blaine shifted a little, not really knowing what to say or do about himself. This was the last thing he had expected. So now that Burt was actually thanking him, rather than preparing him for being thrown on a bonfire alive it was nearly even worse. His throat tied up and his eyes started flickering around the kitchen while he struggled for words, but nothing came out, so he panicked.

"Thank you. For… Kurt. Thank you for Kurt," he rushed out, already knowing what an idiotic thing it was to say, but he had nothing better to offer. So when Burt nodded at him with a knowing look he felt his shoulders fall in relief.

"It's cool. That was really all I needed to say. And just… if you ever need it my house is open to you, kid." Burt squeezed his shoulder before he let go and Blaine walked towards the stairs, doing his best to restrain himself from actually running to Kurt's room.

When he entered the room Kurt was sitting in the middle of the floor; legs crossed and hands folded in his laps seeming incredibly anxious.

"What did he want? What did he say?" Kurt blabbered out before Blaine even had a chance to sit down on the floor in front of him. Blaine crossed his legs too before he put his hands on Kurt's between them watching the anxiety run between around in his eyes.

"He just… thanked me. For having taken you out this morning. And… more or less for being with you. For making you happy," Blaine explained slowly, watching the worry wash out of Kurt's eyes and being replaced by stars and a smile at the corners of his mouth.

"See - I told you he likes you. And he said that it was okay for you to stay the night, so there's nothing more for you to be scared about." Kurt got to his feet and bent down to kiss Blaine's hair before he walked to sit on the bed where he started fumbling with the box of records.

"I just really wanna sleep now. I don't know what's with me, I'm just exhausted," Kurt said apologetically as Blaine dumped down to the bed next to him.

Kurt put on the Simon & Garfunkel record he had bought for Blaine and turned off the lights. As soon as he was back to the bed they both went under the covers and Blaine put his arms around Kurt's waist and his head to rest on his chest as the _Bookends Theme _drifted out and faded into _Save The Life Of My Child_.

The dark from the snow provided a feeling of safety that Blaine remembered from when he and Kurt had hidden under the blanket in the meditation room of the commune during the summer. The possibility of being able to speak freely no matter what it had to be.

"I really like being here. In your house, with your family. It feels so homely and… I don't know, it's weird. I never felt that way at my own house before," Blaine quietly shared through the dark, the only sound to interrupt the one from Kurt's heart under his ear.

Kurt squeezed his arms tighter around Blaine's shoulders and pulled the covers a little higher up around him, making a warmth spread over his back, Blaine unable to smile from the simple caring gesture.

"This is your home too now. And my family is your family - as long as you feel like it. Home is where the heart is," Kurt whispered back, and Blaine laid still and listened to the sound of the wind screaming outside the window.

Kurt was so warm and comforting. He felt so safe even though a minor blizzard was going crazy and somehow it seemed completely wrong of him to feel like that. He was lying in another boy's bed, entangled in another boy's body. He knew that if his father found out he would hesitate to beat him up over it. But it didn't matter because he felt safer than ever, and Kurt had taught him that the only thing that mattered was then and there. The moment.

"I wanna be here more often. I mean… at my house it's pretty free because my father's never home so we can pretty much do whatever we want but… your family is… cozy. And I like that."

Suddenly he realized how much he had missed having a family when he grew up. The most that had reminded of family life in his house was family dinners when his father had colleagues over and Blaine had to act as the perfect son.

"We can be here as much as you like, Stardust. Anytime."


	30. Baggage

Blaine knocked nervously on the door at the Hummel house. He turned a little around, jumping a little to keep warm from the cold wind fighting to break through his coat when the door was finally answered.

It was Puck who opened the door, a big grin crawling over his face when he saw Blaine. Kurt didn't know that he was coming so he carefully knocked on the door when he came to his room.

"What?" Kurt snapped from the other side, and Blaine nearly tripped over his own feet from the shock of hearing Kurt sounding so pissed.

He carefully opened the door, a little afraid of what would meet him from the other side - but he didn't even get properly over the doorstep before Kurt was on his knees at the foot of his bed, his arms locked around Blaine's neck.

"What are you doing here?" Kurt asked, arms still closed around his neck. Blaine hugged him back, but gently pulled away before he took a step back to have a better look at Kurt who was still kneeling on the bed in front of him.

"Are you in a bad mood? Cause I can leave if you want," Blaine offered, not wanting to make him feel like he should welcome him in if he really just wanted to be alone.

"No. No! Please don't go," Kurt begged anxious. He plunked down to sit flat on the bed, making room for Blaine to sit too.

"It's nothing. Just slept bad, and then I tried drawing to take my mind of it for a bit, but I kept screwing it up," Kurt sighed and Blaine noticed all the crumpled up paper around the room; some of them showing that he hadn't screwed up as much as he evidently thought. He was way too hard on himself, in Blaine's opinion.

"Let's just forget about it. What brings you here?" Kurt put the pencils and the still blank paper on the table next to the gramophone and placed his one leg in Blaine's lap. He leaned against the mountain of pillows behind him and stared at Blaine, his eyes huge and awaiting.

It was hard. He didn't know if he was ready, but he needed himself to be. He started fumbling with a fold in Kurt's pants before he held his hand still on his shin and looked back at Kurt.

"I wanted to ask you to come to the cemetery with me. I know it's a bit away, and it's cold. It's just… I miss her so much and - I really need you to come, or I'm afraid I won't go through with it," Blaine stammered, listening to his own stupidity. It wasn't fair of him to try dragging Kurt out in the cold like that, especially on a day when he wasn't feeling well. Especially because he had been coughing badly and his voice had been rasp since the night of the first snow.

"It's okay if you don't feel like it. I can just go myself and come back tomorrow or something," Blaine hurried to assure him when he fully took in how tired Kurt looked.

To his surprise Kurt got off the bed and opened the closet. He didn't say a word, but started pulling on a jersey and then a sweater over it. After that he put on his jacket and grabbed his mittens.

"Are you coming? We better get going before it gets dark." Kurt glared at him from the door, once again taking him by surprise. Blaine looked at him, perplexed by the turn of events.

The walk over the cemetery was long , and the only sound that could be heard was the creaking from the shoes on the snow. The second he had turned around the corner to the church Kurt had moved a little closer and folded his arms around his torso. Blaine wasn't really sure what to make of it, so he stayed silent as they walked down the paths looking at the stones covered in white.

Once they reached the right grave he was certain that the pile of snow they had passed outside the fence was building up in his stomach. He felt like he was going to throw up, but took a deep breath and walked in to crouch and brush the snow off the headstone to reveal the surface.

"Hey… mom. It's me; Blaine -" he stuttered awkwardly. He had no idea what he had expected - that it would be easier if Kurt was there? In reality it only made it all feel that much stranger and childish. As if Kurt was magic and in some way could make her appear and answer when he talked to her.

Blaine squeezed his lips to form a thin line before he stood up and walked past Kurt; headed for the gates.

The creaking sound of Kurt running after him in snow and gravel quickly reached his side. Kurt moved in to stand in front of him, cutting off his way to the exit.

"Where are you going? I thought you wanted to talk to your mom," Kurt said softly. His face was oozing with concern - clearly he hadn't been paying attention a minute earlier by the grave.

"Let's just drop it. This is lame - talking to a stone. That's pointless. Let's just go home, okay?" Blaine declared and walked around Kurt, but was stopped by his hand around his wrist.

"It's not pointless. It's not just talking to a stone - she's listening. Come on. If it feels weird I'll go first," Kurt cooed and slipped his hand into Blaine's to lead him back to his mom's grave.

Blaine wasn't really sure what he meant by 'going first' but he didn't question it, just followed and stayed shut.

Kurt took a step closer than he had been before, now so close that he nearly was where Blaine had been only two minutes earlier.

"Hi Mrs. Anderson. I'm Kurt. I promised Blaine to come see you. He misses you. I see it in him all the time. It's in his eyes - it makes me sad. Because I know he's hurting, and there's nothing I can do about it." Kurt paused but didn't remove his focus from the stone.

Blaine felt the pile of snow growing in his stomach. It had spread to his chest, and was now fighting to let ice water break through to his veins.

"I'm afraid he wouldn't have come if I hadn't gone with him. It's too hard for him. I wish I could have met you in life. You were such a warm person. I promise I'll take care of him, Mrs. Anderson. If it's the last thing I do."

Kurt took a step back and Blaine realized that he was staring with his mouth slightly open. Yet again he was marveled by Kurt. He just stood there talking his mom's headstone, to his mom; like she had actually been there. Expressed his worries for Blaine, promised to take care of him.

Blaine let his hand find back to Kurt's, the mitten feeling warm and protecting around his freezing hand. He clenched it, clinging himself to Kurt's support, before he drew a heavy breath and tried again.

"Hey mom. This is… Kurt. The guy I told you about. My - boyfriend." Kurt tightened his grip by the word, and Blaine felt the snow in his stomach confuse itself on whether it should melt or go even colder.

"I just wanted you to - meet him. See how beautiful he is. Experience how amazing he is. It's true though; I miss you so much. All the time. I can't seem to stop thinking about it. But when I'm with Kurt it's easier. He lost his mom too, so he knows how it feels. I just - wish that you could have met each other. Under better circumstances."

He broke off to try gathering his thoughts, but it seemed like they kept deserting him. He was on his own, with nothing but word-salad to pass along. Random phrases of no meaning.

"It's almost Christmas and… I can't even think about what it's gonna be like without you. I don't wanna do Christmas this year. Not without you." He felt the warmth from tear strains on his face, so he brushed them away with the back of his free hand.

Kurt released his hand and put his arm around his shoulder instead. Blaine let himself into Kurt's embrace and rested his chin on his shoulder. One of the good things about Kurt being slightly taller than him; he could always find a place for comfort. He closed his eyes and felt Kurt's arms' protecting grip around him.

He wasn't sobbing. He wasn't even sure he was crying; he just stood there in a hope that the world would disappear around them. At least for a bit.

"Shhh. It's okay, honey. That was so good. Do you wanna leave now?" Kurt crooned, cooing soothing sound in his ear while running his hand gently up and down his back.

Blaine sniffed and pulled himself together. He broke a little away from Kurt, but nothing more than they were still locked in embrace. He turned his head so he could face the grave; face his mom.

"I'm sorry, mom. I have to go. I just miss you. I think it's so unfair that you had to leave us. That you left me. How could you just leave me?" Blaine's voice had turned accusing. It wasn't until now he realized that he was angry.

"Let's go, Stardust. It's fine. We can come back another day." Kurt let his mitten-hand up and down his arm, patiently giving him the time he needed.

"Thank you for sharing your son with me, Mrs. Anderson," he said quietly towards the stone, and Blaine didn't even have to look at him to knowing that he was smiling.

"Her name's Susan," Blaine informed him, not really sure for what purpose - and it was on the stone in front of the, so he could read it for himself if he wished to.

"Merry Christmas, Susan."

And that was it. They could leave. Hand-in-hand through squeaking snow and gravel they walked towards the gates, and Blaine was happy that they would soon be out where he could breath freely.

When they were almost at the gates and Blaine started feeling the relief simmering under the surface Kurt turned down a new small path, a big tree at the end surrounded by a few bushes.

Blaine wasn't sure where Kurt was taking them, but he had a feeling, so he waited and followed in anticipation.

Kurt stopped in front of a single grave but the space of the hedges surrounding it indicated room for two more people to be there, the single stone at the far right.

Kurt walked in and sat down on his knees, the snow soaking his jeans. He didn't seem to even notice the water and dirt soiling his pants, so Blaine let himself just worry about Kurt getting sick and see what happened.

Kurt let his mitten push the snow down, so slowly that most of it melted instead of landing on the ground in front of him.

_Elizabeth Hummel._

So Blaine's hunch had been right. Kurt's mom. Now that he was standing there he couldn't see how he could have missed that it would be hard for Kurt to come here too. His mom was locked away in casket with six feet dirt covering her too.

"Mom. I'm sorry I haven't been here for so long. I just… couldn't. I should have been here so many times. But instead I just ran away. I am so sorry." He let his mitten slip off and placed his bare hand on the cold surface and let his chin drop to his chest.

Blaine didn't know if he should say something. This felt so private. Like he had walked in on a private reunion of long-lost lovers, or walked into the room of a dying stranger. Somewhere he didn't have any right to be.

"I am so embarrassed that I couldn't even… I'm just too weak." He shrugged, like he was trying to show how ashamed he was of himself, to show that he wished he could do something but he was powerless.

"I brought someone. Blaine. I got a boyfriend now. You would have loved him. He's in every way just as fantastic as you. He's got the same artist heart. Remember when I was a kid and you told me that some day I would find my perfect prince? Well, I found him. He sings to me and plays on his guitar, and he takes care of me. Keep my feet on the ground." He chuckled hollowly to himself and let his fingers trace over the engraved letters.

Blaine was a little by surprised. Apparently Kurt hadn't been visiting his mom's grave while they had known each other. That was almost 6 months, which seemed a profoundly long time considering how much Kurt still suffered the loss.

"The other day… the first snow started falling. It was early in the morning, almost in the middle of the night - and Blaine came to pick me up. We went to the forest, like you would take me when I was little. He saved me. He saved me, mom."

Kurt looked up at Blaine with wet eyes and slowly found his hand. Kurt's hand was like ice and it was trembling, his skin so dry it felt like it was about to break, so Blaine clung it hard with both of his hands. Doing his best to get some warm back into his hand. He squatted down next to Kurt, but decided it was no good and put his knees in the ground like Kurt.

He kept Kurt's hand hidden between his own lying in his lap. He felt like he should say something, but there wasn't anything to say, he couldn't wrap his mind around it. Laughing teenagers could be heard from the other side of the mural surrounding the graveyard, seeming like they were in a completely different universe or behind a television screen.

"I love him, mom. And I know you would too. I just… you should know that - now that I have Blaine I'm gonna be okay," Kurt promised, and Blaine found that relief washed in over him.

If he could promise his mom that he was going to be okay, then he would. There was no need for Blaine to worry that he would try ending his life again - he had promised his mom he wouldn't. Somehow that seemed like the definitive promise Blaine had needed to hear to be sure. He was going to be okay.

"Thank you, Elizabeth. For sharing your son with me," Blaine echoed Kurt's words to his own mom.

Kurt looked to him and smiled through his silent tears. An earnest smile. A smile that assured Blaine that he had done good. That it had been okay of him to use her first name, that he had somewhat been approved from beyond the grave.

"Thank you for saving me," Kurt wailed through a thick voice and let his fingertips touch Blaine's cheek briefly.

"I'd do it all over again if I had to," Blaine nodded and leaned in to kiss him at the corner of his mouth. He wanted to kiss his lips, moist them and warm them up from the cold, but he didn't feel that it would be alright to do so - not there.

"Let's go home. I'll get Carole to make us hot chocolate." Kurt leaned in to kiss the stone in front of him and let his fingers take a last tour over the golden letters and the engraved golden leaf before he stood up.

"Kurt, I… was my mom there? In the cemetery?" Blaine asked, rolling eyes at his own idiocy.

"Stardust - your mom's dead. We were just at her grave, baby," Kurt said concerned, looking like he was worried about his sanity.

Well, this was awkward. Blaine had been so sure that…

"Wait - so you can't like… see and talk to dead people? Like ghosts and spirits and stuff?" As the words crossed his lips he wanted to cut his tongue out. What kind of question was that? He definitely wouldn't blame Kurt if he laughed at him straight to his face.

Kurt didn't laugh at him. The concerned lines on his forehead disappeared, and his eyes transformed to looking sad and compassionate.

He turned to let his full body face Blaine's. Kurt was sitting cross-legged on the floor staring up at Blaine sitting on the bed. He put his mug down before he rose on his knees and cupped Blaine's face in his hands.

"I'm sorry. That was ridiculous. I just assumed because… with the auras and you were so intense and I just…" Blaine started blabbering out, excusing his headless suggestion to something that now seemed more like a childish hope, even though he had wondered all the way back to Kurt's house. It had just seemed so real - like he had actually talked to them.

"I wish so bad that I could. I can't tell you how many hours I've spent out there hoping for her to show without any result. But I promise you that if I could - the first thing I would do would be to find your mom for you."

Kurt's eyes were a strong azure with green spots here and there. They were penetrating Blaine's and he knew that if Kurt wanted he would be able to hypnotize him into doing anything he wished to, because he would never be able to say no.

"Why haven't you been there in a long time? I mean it just… I just had this idea that you went there often. To like… spent some time with her. But you never told her about me. Not until today."

Blaine put his hand on Kurt's on his cheek. Happy to feel that it was back to the warm it always used to be. He knew that this would hit Kurt straight in the gut - that he confronted him with this, but he needed to know.

"I haven't been there for 3 years. I can't. Like I said; I'm too weak." He sunk down on the floor, letting his hands drop to his lap.

His face swam over with fatigue and shame. He was chewing on the inside of his lower lip, and his fingers kept turning in his lap. Blaine had never seen him like this. He slid down on the floor next to Kurt, sitting against the bed and grabbing Kurt's hands to stop his fingers from twirling.

"Tell me about it. What happened?" He asked as a gentle invitation.

Kurt didn't look up. He kept his eyes directed down, observing how his fingers tried breaking free of Blaine's grip to twist around again. Blaine was certain that he needed to talk about it, but didn't want to. That it was something groundbreaking hard that had made him stop coming there.

"I couldn't face her. After I… you know, slit my wrists. I know that I would disappoint her so much. This wasn't what she wanted for her son. I was there the day before I did it. Everything was okay. And then when I came home from the hospital I just… I couldn't go there with the bandages, and… then time went on and I couldn't go back. Because then I would have to go into it and - that was just…"

He was about to break. Blaine could feel it in the way his moving fingers got more frantic and desperate, and he could hear it in his voice; it was on the edge and he was sniffing without tears. Blaine had never seen him seeming so uncomfortable - except maybe when Blaine had announced that he was going back to Lima. It was the same kind of anxiety that was on his face.

"Stop. Okay. Just stop! You are sitting there telling yourself that… you're weak, and a bad person. But you're not. Don't let yourself believe that. I know it's hard, and I can only imagine how you must feel. But you are right - she wouldn't wish that for her son, of course she wouldn't -"

Now it was Blaine's turn. He used his index finger to force Kurt's chin up so he would look at him. His eyes were glistening, but there wasn't a trace of tears.

"You don't understand! I am already doomed for Hell, and then I go doing that - it doesn't exactly make it any better. Suicide is a sin! That guy was… he was punishing me for being gay, which was… I guess brought that on myself. And then when I twisted myself out of my punishment I just went home and committed another sin. I'm in no way a religious person - but… some things just don't leave you. This is a serious thing. To try and kill myself was like… saying she didn't do her job as my mom good enough. That she didn't raise me well enough. That -"

Blaine stopped his blabbering by holding his hand over his mouth. Kurt was nearly screaming, and his voice was so high pitched that it nearly cut in Blaine's ears.

"Shut the fuck up. Right now! You are so stupid to listen to right now. I've always thought you were so intelligent and smart and… and then you pull this bullshit! I don't wanna listen to it, because it's not true, and you can't keep telling yourself that. Now you'll keep your mouth shut while I tell you something, right?"

He wasn't even sorry. He knew it was harsh, but it needed to be done. There was no other way to get Kurt to stop talking and listen instead. He didn't want to hurt him, but he couldn't let him go on thinking that way about himself. Even if it would make Kurt hate him.

"First of all: you are not going to Hell! You're a good person. The best person I have ever met. You worry so much about anyone but yourself. No matter what that could never be ignored if there really is a God somewhere. And _that_ is what a mom wishes for her son - especially your mom. For her son to be a good person."

Blaine paused hoping to catch some sort of reaction. He let his hand down and figured that Kurt would sit back and listen but he opened his mouth to object -

"I'm not finished! What happened to you was really bad. It was terrible. That guy wasn't some sort of heavenly punishment because you're gay. You never chose to be gay - you taught me that. You never had a choice. It's who you are. That guy was a sick, twisted, perverted bastard that practically raped you."

Blaine squeezed his eyes as hard as he could. He couldn't let the tears take over, because if he did that he wouldn't be able to get out two comprehending words. But they came anyway, and he fought his way to let his voice stay steady.

Kurt's lower lip was trembling and his eyes were brimming with tears, but he didn't let them fall. He fought to the end to keep them in. His fingers were turning crazier than ever in his lap, but Blaine couldn't focus on that - there were more important things for him to say.

"If anyone should be punished it's him. This horrible thing happened to you, and you had no one to talk to about it - I don't believe for a second that it's something you could ever talk to your dad about. You've struggled with this all alone. It's not healthy, but it doesn't make you a bad person. You had this, but you still kept up this beautiful vision, this incredible, marvelous view on the world and the universe. You're not weak. You're the strongest person I've ever met - even when your dad brought you to the hospital you could have just… finished the job when you got home. But you didn't. You're still here - you're sitting here three years later. With me. That makes you stronger than anyone."

Blaine stretched his arms around Kurt to drag him to his chest, to let him fall into his arms. Breaking the eye contact and thereby breaking his promise to himself on staying cold and hard throughout his speech.

"I can't… when I walk down the street, when a guy comes into the store I can't stop wondering if it's him. The things he did to you. His hands on you. It's - too much. I can't stop thinking about it. Your beautiful, innocent, pure body should not be… touched by anyone but me. Your body is mine. He had no right - and you need to understand that this had nothing to do with you. He's just sicko. Just stop telling yourself that everything is your fault because everything that's happened to you has just been horrific and tragic incidents that you couldn't have done anything to prevent -"

He squeezed him harder against his chest. Stroke his hands up and down his back, but his voice was still hard and determined. It wasn't over.

"As long as you will continue to be you, and to never try doing anything… like that again, you will stay the strongest person I know, and I will not leave you to be alone with this. And as for your mom - she is so proud of you. I know she is. How could she be anything else? The way you keep her spirit alive in anything you do, and the way you fight for what's right and what's good. That's something a mom would be proud of. Like I am proud of you."

He kissed his hair, and that was it. He had turned hoarse from blabbering out without pausing, afraid Kurt would interrupt him and his point would get lost and they would end up fighting.

"Don't let him touch me again. _Please_. Don't ever let him touch me again. You. Only you can touch me, promise me -" Kurt begged against his collarbone, his fingers fumbling frantically with the threads of his sweater.

"I won't. Never. You're all mine, and I don't wanna share you with anyone. I would never let anyone touch you. Never. I'm selfish that way. Your body is mine," he assured him and did his best to turn the tone light. He didn't want Kurt to cry. Especially not because of him. He wanted him to smile and laugh and be happy. A crying Kurt was a wrong Kurt.

Kurt pulled away to look at him. Sniffing and tears playing at the corners of his mouth. How was he still looking like a mythical creature even when he was crying? A situation that turned even models and movie stars into puddles of dreadful sights. Kurt twisted it to be another side to his grace and elegance.

"This!" Blaine said and put Kurt's hand to his heart, and his own to Kurt's.

"This is destiny; faith. This is a heavenly blessing. If there is a God that hate gays - then why would He ever put you and I together? Because this is out of this world. This is stronger than anything earthly. This is you and me. Together. Tethered."

Mission accomplished. Kurt's face lit up in a smile. Tender pink was blushing behind the pale skin of his cheeks and affection was rushing around in his eyes. The blue and green was like watching the sea. A wavy beach with tints of gold peeking in the surface.

Kurt crawled over to sit between Blaine's legs, letting his own wrap around Blaine's waist and his arms around his neck. Kurt rubbed his nose against Blaine's and grinned.

"I really don't deserve you -" Kurt sighed and rolled his eyes teasingly.

"No. You don't. You deserve much more. So I guess I'll just have to do my best," Blaine said under his breath, letting his fingertips caress Kurt's arms.

"Thank you for taking care of me. I really needed that. Someone to… be sharp with me. I don't think anyone's ever talked to me like that. It was nice. Even though you were pretty harsh. I like that -" Kurt said gratefully. It was a sincere thank you, and Blaine was happy. When he started raising his voice at him he had been afraid that he would end up throwing him out.

"But… I can't just sit back and watch you tear yourself down. You're too important for that. Too valuable," Blaine retorted and kissed his nose, his eyelashes fluttering over Kurt's skin, making him giggle.

Kurt rested his forehead against Blaine's, letting Blaine's nose bore into his cheek. Blaine let his lips meet Kurt's cheek, feeling warmth flowing back to his face.

"I like what you said - about me being yours. About my body being yours. It was nice to hear. I like that you wanna protect me, even from things you can't protect me from," Kurt whispered.

"Of course I wanna protect you. Property of Blaine Anderson, remember? I can't let other people get their hands on my property," he laughed, afraid that if he failed to let his own mood ease up just the tiniest bit Kurt would go back to being sad and scared.

"It's my arms -" he let his fingers run over Kurt's arms.

"My legs -" he let his palms run down his thighs over his calves.

"My back -" he let his hands down Kurt's back.

"My nose and eyes and cheeks -" he kissed his entire face.

"It's even my ass -" he took a firm grab around Kurt's ass, making him blush a little.

"It's my dick -" he let his hand slide down to make his palm rub against Kurt's crotch, making Kurt gasp out against his lips.

"And it's my lips -" Blaine kissed him, arms back around Kurt's waist, and he was happy to feel that Kurt let himself deepen into the kiss as well as he did - they were okay. He was happy again, that was all that could be important.

"I'm not going to share you with anyone. Because I'm selfish and egoistical and I want you all to myself forever and ever, and only my hands can be on your body. Of course that makes that I can do whatever I want to your body," Blaine chuckled and clung Kurt so strongly into him that he could reach all the way around him, poking at his ribs making Kurt twist with laughter in his arms. That beautiful laughter that sounded like happy kids on Christmas morning, or the way tinker bells would sound if they could actually chime.

"You're crazy," Kurt laughed and bit his ear, before he wrested himself loose of Blaine's tight grip and picked up his mug that once had held warm chocolate - which wasn't so hot anymore.

"Look - now it's cold. That's not fair," he giggled before he emptied it all out, leaving a slight brown mustache on his upper lip.

"Yeah. That's real nice. Sexy," Blaine chuckled and raised his one eyebrow, before he knew that he had to break the light atmosphere and brushed the cocoa away with his thumb.

"I have to go home. It's almost dark," he announced gloomy, watching the newly found happiness drift from Kurt's eyes.

"I don't want you to leave. I want you to stay. Here with me. Please don't go. I'm sure it will be okay for you to stay for the night," Kurt started to plead, lightly banging his fists against Blaine's chest in begging.

It was tempting. It was oh so tempting, and it would be the best thing in the world if he could go to bed and wake up with Kurt in his arms every day for the rest of his life - but reality wasn't such, and he was still just a 17 year old teenager who had to obey his father's rules. He had slept over at Kurt's place so often, and Kurt had stayed over at his so often that there was a chance that his father would start getting suspicious, and there was never any knowing whether the neighbors would start talking when they always saw Blaine enter the Hummel house and not leave until the next day as often as he did.

"I can't. I'm sorry, but I have to go home. I have work early tomorrow. You can come by the shop and I can follow you home. But… I can't stay tonight. You know I would if I could," Blaine apologized, hating himself for having to say that. He tried getting Kurt to move so he could stand up and collect his things, but he only tightened his grip harder.

"You have to let go, Kurt. As soon as I leave you can go be with your family and you won't even notice I'm gone. You can go to bed early and before you know it we'll be hanging out at the store listening to music and forget that we have to leave each other all the time," Blaine tried and he felt Kurt loosen his grip.

He stood up and reached for his jacket, while Kurt stayed sitting on the floor. He pulled his knees to his chest and folded his arms around his legs, pouting and refusing to look at Blaine.

"One day we won't have to say goodbye," Kurt mumbled with his forehead resting against his wrists.

Blaine rolled his eyes at how dramatic he was, and crouched in front of him with a sigh. How was he supposed to go home when he acted like this? It was playing dirty and as much as it was a problem that Kurt had this effect on him he knew that he wouldn't be without it for anything in the world.

"That is true. I promise that one day we can be together as much as we want. But right now I have to follow orders. Or we won't be able to see each other at all." Blaine sighed and kissed his forehead.

Kurt clasped his hands on both sides of Blaine's face and let their lips collide. The kiss was strong, and in some way it felt new - like Kurt was afraid he would forget what Blaine's lips, mouth and tongue felt like if he didn't memorize it properly in the second. His thumbs were caressing up and down his cheekbones and his lips moved with a steady pace, determined to not let go.

His tongue was soft and caressing against Blaine's, like he needed to remind him to not forget him once he was out of the house. Like he wanted to show him that he wanted to protect him as well. Blaine's pulse was rising and his breathing got heavier, he could feel the heat growing in his face and he let his fingers into Kurt's hair, needing to show him that he would never forget his touch, or taste or smell.

"Go. Just go now before I change my mind," Kurt heaved into his mouth, his lips still moving against Blaine's, but he indisputably meant it, and Blaine was afraid that if he didn't leave now Kurt would either cry or have a fit when he was about to leave.

Blaine sucked him in one more time. Pulled his head closer and let his tongue dance around Kurt's, before he pushed him away and headed for the door. As he was almost out he turned to find Kurt curled up against the bed, looking smaller and sadder than ever.

"I still love you. More than anything, you know -" Blaine declared with his one foot out the door, staring down at Kurt who didn't even raise his head to look at him.

"I love you too. Just… go now," Kurt muttered into his thighs he was hiding his face against. So Blaine closed the door and went home.

Blaine's sleep was troubled his worst nightmare ever.

Kurt was trapped in a dark closet with a big, threatening man raping him while he cried and screamed for help. People were just walking by, but no one did anything. They could hear him scream but not one as much as stopped to think it over.

Then he was on the floor, naked in a pool of blood streaming from his wrists. He was curled up in a ball, his arms holding around his knees, and tears of blood streaming from his eyes Blaine stood by and screamed and shook him but he didn't react. He just kept whimpering and crying like Blaine wasn't even there. Blaine bent down over him, covering his body with his own. He kissed his temples, and tried comforting but there was no sign that he even knew that Blaine was there.

The scene shifted again and they were both lying on their backs in the forest. It was spring and birds were flying and singing over their heads. They were looking at clouds and laughing - and Kurt was safely clinging to his arm while chatting lively about something Blaine didn't pay attention to because he was too busy staring at his moving lips and bright eyes echoing his laughter.


	31. Boyfriends Means Nothing

A week until Christmas. Kurt kept asking him if he wanted to come to his place, but he continually declined politely. He loved Kurt's family and he had started to feel home in their house, but he simple didn't feel that he couldn't barge in on them on Christmas.

Blaine pushed his chair away from his desk and folded up the letter in his hand. He put it into an envelope and did his best to scribble down the address as neatly as possible. Of course nothing could ever be as artistic as Kurt's calligraphic hand writing, but he still wished that he could have done it a little better.

He hadn't seen Kurt for two days. He had promised to help Carole with Christmas preparations and Blaine had long shifts so all he really did was get up early, go to work, and then go home to sleep again.

Now he had written a letter for Kurt. It was short and didn't say much, just enough to what he needed to know. He thought he wanted to at least try to be cute and mysterious the way Kurt always was it, though he already knew he had failed miserably. He put on the stamp and dragged on his coat so he could hurry to the mailbox with it before he went to sleep.

All the letter said was:

"_Meet me by the fallen tree on Saturday at 3 pm_."

That was two days before Christmas so it should be enough for the post to arrive in time for Kurt to get the letter.

He hadn't even signed it. He knew that Kurt would know it was from him, so it wasn't really necessary.

The days were slowing down. The store was filled with customers from opening to close and Blaine was sure that he was going to end up with stress before he could get to his Christmas break alive.

When he hit his pillows in the night he was so exhausted that he didn't even get to watch the moon outside his window. Lately he had tried catching the moon every night before he fell asleep, reminding himself that Kurt was probably looking at them same moon as he was and it helped him sleep.

Fortunately he hadn't had any nightmares since they had been to the cemetery. Actually, he hadn't had any dreams at all. His body was simply too overworked to have his brain produce images enough to form a dream. It was comfortable though. It was way to prefer over the dark dreams glooming in the back of his head.

Luckily his Christmas break started Friday so he had the entire Saturday to himself. He took a long shower and strolled around the house in his pajamas, eating cereal in his room while listening to Elvis and reading comic books. When the clock hit 2:30 he panicked and realized he was late to meeting Kurt.

He dragged on the first clothes he could find and ran out the door. When he reached the green patch he had to slow down. It was way too cold for his lungs to run, and the ice wind felt like needles through his windpipe.

He found Kurt sitting on the trunk waiting for him. He jumped to his feet when he saw him coming from the path. He was turning his hands in front of him, and Blaine knew that if he hadn't been wearing his faithful mittens his fingers would have been twisting each other. Why was he so nervous?

"Is everything okay? What's going on?" Kurt asked anxiously and took a few steps closer when Blaine was almost in front of him through the snow and mushy leaves.

"Hey - slow down. It's fine. I guess. At least I hope it is. Are you okay?"

"It's just… that note was just… never mind. What's going on?" Kurt shot a smile that only seemed half-sincere and Blaine got curious.

"What's going on, Kurt? Just tell me what it is?" Blaine inquired, determined not to continue anything before he had spilled what was making him so anxious.

"It's lame. Just… it was so mysterious. When I got the note I was all chill about it but Puck panicked and kept fearing that you wanted to break up with me, and Finn kept saying that you wouldn't do that, and I kept saying that as well - but Puck was ready to go to your house and ask you, and I just…." Kurt blabbered out, so fast that Blaine nearly didn't catch half of what was going on.

"What? That's ridiculous. Puck's a jerk then. Because I could never do that. And you're a jerk for letting him freak you out that way. Soul mates, right -" Blaine nudged him with his shoulder watching Kurt blush in embarrassment.

"I know. I kept saying that it wasn't anything - but just… the worst fears are always those creeping quickest. I don't wanna talk about it. Why are we here?" Kurt hurried to change the subject, but Blaine was determined to hold it against him for the rest of the day.

"Well… it's Christmas in two days. I don't know if I see you before, and I don't know when I'll see you after so… I got you something, and I just wanted to give it to you so you have it on Christmas," Blaine said insecure. He dug his hand into his pocket and found out an envelope. He was happy to find that he had filled it with enough cotton to not tell of what it held before Kurt could get it open.

"Oh but… Blaine - you shouldn't have done that. That's just…" Kurt was actually lost for words. Something Blaine had never thought would happen - the boy who always had an answer for anything, the boy who always knew what to say at the right times, the boy who never shut up - he was speechless.

"Just - open it, and you'll see that it's nothing fancy. It just made me think of you, and I wanted you to have it." Blaine put the envelope in his hand after Kurt had slid off the mittens to put them between his rib and elbow so he could use his fingers.

There was no way he could see through it, Blaine was sure when he felt the soft under the paper.

Kurt opened the envelope and fumbled his fingers around in the soft cotton. The second he found what he was looking for Blaine could see it in his eyes.

He pulled up the brown leather bracelet and held it up to see the gold pendants. The mittens and envelope fell to the snow under him as he turned it delicately over between his fingers.

"This is… this is beautiful, Stardust. I just…" Kurt took a step closer, his eyes still focused on the pendants in his fingers not even noticing the cotton soaking in the snow under him.

"I just… the g-clef because… music with your mom and all… and the peace symbol shaped as a heart because that is just - everything you are. And -" Blaine started explaining, hoping he made any sense at all.

"And the star because of you," Kurt ended his sentence before he could himself, reading his thoughts, and making a grin cover Blaine's face.

"Yeah. Because of me. Oh I forgot something -" Blaine suddenly realized the last part and dug out a plate of dark chocolate from his pocket.

"Stars and dark chocolate -" Kurt recalled with a smile. He accepted the chocolate with a confounded smile.

Blaine gave a relieved sigh on the inside; he did remember. Then he didn't look as stupid as he had feared when he had packed it all up Friday night before going to bed.

"Good. You remembered. Cause I'll never forget it." Blaine put his hands on Kurt's hips and dragged him closer so he could fold his arms around him.

"Thank you, Stardust. It's amazing. Better than if anyone had given me the moon and the sun," Kurt muttered high pitched in his ear, with his hands folded around the bracelet and chocolate squeezed between their chests.

"Will you put it on me?" Kurt asked and broke his grip around Blaine. His eyes were green in the twilight of the forest, and gold was playing around the pupil.

"Of course I will. Come here," Blaine said and took gently around Kurt's wrist so he could close the bracelet around his arm to lock it securely.

There it was. Even though people wouldn't know this would be Blaine's mark on Kurt. Without people's knowledge they would look at the brown leather chord with the golden symbols, possibly even compliment them, and what they would see would be the evidence of Kurt being his.

"There you go. It looks perfect on you," Blaine smiled and brushed his hand over his cheek before he bent down to pick up Kurt's mittens and the envelope, saving whatever could be saved of the soaked, now-heavy cotton.

"Let's go back to my place and get some heat into you before you start shaking." Blaine kissed Kurt's cheek before he put his arm around him and started leading him out of the forest.

The second they entered Blaine's room Kurt started peeling off his many layers of clothes. He folded them neatly and put them on the chair before curling up under the covers in nothing but his boxers. It didn't take long for Blaine to join him and once they were relaxed he quickly realized that they were both so extremely cold that it would take a long time for them to defrost so they could feel close to normal.

Kurt fell asleep with his face against Blaine's shoulder. Blaine figured that he'd wake him up just in time for him to go home before it got dark, but Blaine fell asleep too. He was way too comfortable with Kurt in his bed to stay awake, so when Blaine woke up around 7 he panicked because he couldn't let Kurt go home in the dark alone, so he decided to let him sleep and tiptoed out of the room and downstairs to the telephone.

"Hey. It's me, Blaine. Uhm - I... Kurt is staying over tonight. He fell asleep, and I just woke up and realized it, so I'll just let him sleep." He wasn't nervous about Burt anymore, but he still felt it strange to inform him that his son was currently sleeping in his bed even though he knew perfectly well that they shared Kurt's bed whenever Blaine was at their house - a very small bed that was.

"You just let him sleep. He needs it. Doesn't get much sleep when he's home. Thanks for letting me know, kid. You take care of each other."

And that was it. They bid each other a good night and hung up - leaving Blaine with a feeling of not understanding what was going on.

Why didn't Kurt get much sleep at home? Apparently he wasn't on the verge of getting sick, it was the lack of sleeping that was making him tired and anxious, leaving a constant fatigue gloom darkening his face and eyes.

Blaine went to the kitchen and found some food. He ate rushed before he hurried to the bathroom to brush his teeth. He staggered back to his room where he found Kurt with his back on Blaine's side of the bed, but clinging his fingers around the pendants of the bracelet on his arm.

He had his knees dragged nearly to his chest, and his arms were holding an iron grip around Blaine's pillow. He smiled at the sight and decided that he could go without the pillow.

He turned on the reading lamp on his night stand before he pulled out a book from the nightstand drawer. He smeared his lips with a thick layer of Vaseline, hoping his lips wouldn't hurt too much from the cold wind that had abused his face so much lately before he started reading. He only got through half a page before Kurt abandoned the pillow and turned to put his arms around Blaine instead. He was still sleeping but his grip on Blaine seemed very conscious.

Blaine quickly started yawning and slid back down to fall asleep again; happy that he had called Burt to let him know that Kurt was there. He could only imagine the terrors that would go through his head if Kurt didn't let him know where he was - if he had run away again, if he was in trouble, if the jerk from his school had found him, or if he had tried to die again.

"Stardust? Blaine!" Kurt hissed through the dark. He had opened the curtains just enough to let a beam of moonlight in to bathe the bed in silver.

"It's okay. I called your dad. You can come back to sleep," Blaine yawned and hid his face under the blanket to keep out the light.

"I know you did. But that's not the point. Come and sit with me," Kurt eagered with his fingertips brushing featherly over the naked skin of Blaine's abdomens. Warmth spread through him, and he feared a wake-up-hard-on was about to overpower him, and something in Kurt's tone told him that he wasn't waking him up to get a midnight fuck.

"What's going on, Kurt?" Blaine inquired and pulled the cover away from his face just enough to let his eyes free. The awaiting expression on Kurt's face was stunning; his huge eyes were close to silver in the pale light, and his mouth was reduced to a thin line in anticipation. There was no way that Blaine would ever go back to sleep before engaging in whatever purpose Kurt could have of pulling him out of his dreams, so he sighed under his breath before he rubbed his eyes and sat up.

"Whatever it is we're not going outside," Blaine declared a little sharp, knowing that he should probably be fast if he wanted to set some sort of boundary to the night's events.

"Of course we're not going outside. It's dark and freezing out there," Kurt retorted in a shocked tone as if it had been Blaine's crazed suggestion out of nowhere.

Kurt got off the bed and sat cross-legged in the middle of the floor with his gaze and posture leaving no doubt that he was expecting Blaine to follow his example.

Blaine drew a heavy breathe, a little annoyed that he had been woken up in the middle of the night, but nonetheless dragged himself out to the floor to sit in front of Kurt so he could mirror his position.

The room was chilly on his naked skin and for a moment he considered asking Kurt if this wasn't something that could wait until the morning; something he already knew Kurt would decline before he could even get a chance to finish his sentence. Instead he decided to play along and just enjoy the sight of Kurt get the kick he usually got out of doing these things.

"What are we doing?" Blaine asked, hoping to at least receive some sort of information.

Kurt got on his knees and let a palm gently brush over his face to close his eyes. He didn't say anything, he waited. Waited for Kurt to give him instructions, but all he heard was Kurt sitting back down in front of him and inhaling strong; but slowly. Blaine did as well.

"Kurt, wha -"

"Shhhh - feel yourself. Feel the dark. Feel the night. No words are needed. Just you - and your breathing," Kurt declared in his soft, dreamy way.

He drew one more breath and Blaine did the same.

He listened. The wind was hissing and wailing outside his window. The house was creaking around them. His pulse was speeding in his ears. Kurt was breathing.

He felt like the darkness in the room served as a protecting blanket. He was still cold, but somehow it didn't seem to matter anymore.

The silence between them, where nothing but their breathing was heard, traced trails up and down his torso - like tickling feathers caressing. He started paying close attention to the rise and fall of his chest, and prickles were running through his toes from being locked to the same position for too long.

After some time it was like the wind wasn't screaming and pleading at them anymore. It was more like it had transformed into singing a melancholic tune that made a chill run down Blaine's spine.

His eyes were still closed, afraid that if he opened them without permission it would upset Kurt that he didn't fully engage in the experience. At least now he was more curious for next move than he was tired and annoyed.

Surprisingly he felt the tip of one of Kurt's fingers on his one knee. One more touched the other. He wasn't sure he was meant to, but he stretched out and put the tips of his index fingers against Kurt's knees as well.

He wasn't surprised when Kurt slowly let their hands slid together to lock. Kurt evidently wanted them to reach a joined connection rather than achieve something individually.

Their hands weren't clenching each other, not even squeezing. They stayed flat; barely touching one another. It was like balancing paper on his palm, or having a light silk fabric covering his hand. It started feeling like Kurt's warmth was running into Blaine.

After they had sat with their hands together for what easily could have been five minutes, or maybe an hour, he realized that he wasn't cold anymore. It was like he was slowly being lowered into a steaming hot tub.

The feathers bushing his skin got much more sufficient, now they reached every inch, every corner, every cell of the surface of his body - only it felt like they were melting into the deeper layers of his skin; like the surface wasn't enough anymore.

Blaine could hear Kurt's breathing go heavier opposite him in sync with his own heartbeat growing faster. He had no idea what was happening between them, and he hadn't quite made up his mind whether he found it comforting or scary - but for some reason he knew, without even trying, that he couldn't break their connection.

They were fused together and there was nothing to do but sit back and wait for what was to happen.

A tiny whimper came from Kurt's lips and for a second Blaine wanted, needed, to open his eyes and search for Kurt's. But he couldn't. It wasn't time yet. Instead he pictured them for his inner eye. Bright azure with spots of green; and a golden ring around his pupils.

The heat channeling from Kurt through their hands had transformed, and the more waves of lava was running through him the closer he got to admitting that there was nothing to be scared of.

Adrenaline started pulsing, brushing like ocean in his ears and he let ecstasy overflow him.

He couldn't stop his thumbs from boring into Kurt's light palms, and yet Kurt let his thumbs stroke gently over the back of Blaine's hands; sending streams of consoling electricity through his nervous system.

In time with the fire inside him growing more powerful Kurt slowly started to carefully turn his hands to entwine his fingers into Blaine's; delicately squeezing in assurance that he wasn't going to let him go.

Blaine was so confused of what was going on inside him, what had taken over his body - but the only thing he could wrap his brain about as comparison was... the sensation of coming into Kurt, or by Kurt's hand.

And there it happened - as if on cue they synchronically let out a heavy breath, a feeling of orgasm filling Blaine, transported through his veins, and goose bumps covering his skin.

He wasn't sure, but in a far distance he thought he could hear himself panting, but he didn't open his eyes. He knew that he hadn't really ejaculated, but he was still afraid that if he looked down he would find his own sperm bleeding through his boxers - it had felt so real.

Lips pressed against his and he realized that Kurt was on his knees, covering his mouth with his own. He hadn't even noticed him moving.

Blaine released his fingers from Kurt's and entangled them into his soft hair instead. He pressed Kurt's face closer to his own, so close that their teeth nearly scratched, but he just needed badly to take him in to fullest - everything that was Kurt.

"Wow," Blaine burst out thickly when he finally let the kiss end.

Kurt didn't move his head. He stayed close and Blaine dared himself to open his eyes. He was staring directly into Kurt's - blue like a summer sky with vague black spots. Like the eyes on the wings of a butterfly.

Kurt broke their contact, startling Blaine by the abruptness of the action. Wordlessly he stood up, offered Blaine a hand and led him back to bed.

He fell down and made Blaine lie down to rest his head on his chest, endorphins still raging through every cell in him. He could hear that Kurt's heart was running just as fast as his own was. Had he felt it too? Probably.

"How did you do that?" Blaine whispered, now finding the pale silver light from the moon beautiful. Like a promise of a better tomorrow - strongly controlled by fate - the perfect metaphor for what he hoped was waiting for them in 1969.

"I didn't do anything - we did it together," Kurt whispered back as he started running his fingers through Blaine's hair and the other hand gently up and down his arm.

"It was... amazing. Surreal - orgasmic" Blaine blabbered out, unable to hold it in.

He tightened his arm around Kurt's waist and let his free arm up to caress up and down his ribs.

"It was heavenly mind blowing," Kurt purred, his words muffled by his lips being pressed into Blaine's hair.

So he had definitely felt it as well. He had known they could do this - that was why he had even woken up Blaine in the first place.

Suddenly a horrifying thought hit him; if Kurt had known they would achieve the orgasmic sensation, then he had probably done it before. With someone else.

"How did you know?" he asked tryingly, hoping for Kurt to open up to it himself. It was too awkward to ask directly. It wasn't like it was sex - although it felt very much like it. At least the ending ecstasy fumes did. Even so it wasn't his place of concern. What Kurt had done before they met wasn't any of his business, he reminded himself.

"Sometimes a spark just shows when it's the right time for something."

Alright, hat didn't help at all. Why couldn't he just answer like a normal person every once in a while? As soon as the thought ran through his mind Blaine felt bad. That was unfair - his dreamy senses were one of the things he loved about Kurt.

"Why didn't we do this before? I mean - all those times back in the commune where we meditated together; you didn't even touch me once through all of those sessions," Blaine wondered out loud, a silent wish in the back of his head that this would lead him in direction of his answer.

Maybe Kurt hadn't been comfortable about having sex and letting people touch him after what happened in his school, so maybe this had been his way of having sex with people.

A rush of jealousy filled Blaine. Maybe other people hadn't been allowed to touch him, but this felt just as bad, in some strange way. What they had just shared was so much a symbol of everything that defined Kurt, this was not a matter of satisfying the flesh but connection of souls; something private and intimate.

If Kurt had shared that with someone else it was like them sharing it tonight didn't mean anything anymore, even though it had meant everything to Blaine only a minute before.

"Some things are not to be shared before the perfect moment arises -"

Oh no, he wasn't going to do that now; answering in short, mysterious sentences that couldn't be deciphered. Blaine felt desperate - he needed to know. He almost couldn't keep his head on Kurt's chest anymore, but he was afraid to see his face when he finally got to the point.

"I once tried - with Puck. But neither of us could do it. We were stoned, and we didn't really believe it was possible to reach that level. Especially not two people together like that. We kept giggling, and eventually we just fell asleep on the floor," Kurt explained.

His heartbeat was back to normal pace as opposed to Blaine's that felt like it wasn't really sure what to do.

He had tried before- but with Puck. But they hadn't been serious about it. Didn't that sort of cancel it All out? When they hadn't even believed it to work? When it hadn't been more than a mere joke in the weed-influenced moment?

"Then why now? Why did you take it seriously with me? How come you believed it to work now?" He inquired, almost demanded to know.

"Isn't that obvious? Because... we're boyfriends. It had to work with you, because we are so strongly connected as one. Because us being boyfriends is stronger than just that. Because I truly believe that what we share is bigger than anything anyone could share. Because the word 'boyfriends' seems almost meaningless to us. Saying that we are boyfriends seems almost low because it could never describe the spiritual bond that we share. It's magic."

Even though Blaine couldn't see him he could hear the shine of honesty and ecstasy in his voice - the happiness radiating from him, even in his touch.

"I don't know how you do it. All of this crazy, amazing stuff. Like you've got some sort of superpower."

Blaine remembered when Kurt had told him that he was a psychic - the first time Blaine ever experienced him not being serious and pensive. He had to stop himself from not laughing out loud at the memory. It had been so comforting to know that he had a sense of humor as well as this incredible gift of touching something inside Blaine. That was the moment where Blaine had realized that this boy might actually be the closest to perfect there was.

"I can't believe you actually thought I was a medium," Kurt chuckled teasingly and dug his mouth into Blaine's hair to kiss his head, still suppressing a laugh, reminding Blaine of his stupid question after they had been to he cemetery.

"Of course I did. You do all of these things and know all kinds of stuff - and you're so intense. It would only make sense if you actually were."

Blaine blushed. He was embarrassed to have suggested such a stupid idea. As if mediums actually existed. Maybe Kurt didn't even believe in that kind of stuff.

"Sometimes I wish I was. But I think it would only make me miss her more. And who am I to keep her bound to this Earth if there is a need for her elsewhere?" Kurt was back to his usual pondering self. This was something he had really thought through.

Blaine started picturing how Kurt had sat day after day for hours by his mom's grave; waiting for some sort of sign, maybe even crying and begging for her - frantically pleading her to come back. Devastated when he realized that nothing happened, and nothing would happen because she was gone for good.

A burning agony spread in Blaine's chest and he had to bite his lower lip hard to choke a whimper knotting up in his throat. He clenched as hard as he could around Kurt, his fingertips boring into his ribs. He pushed his nose into his chest; kissed the skin of his chest, his collar, his nipple, his shoulder - everywhere Blaine could reach to press his mouth against his warm body without releasing his grip.

"Let's make a deal; right here, right now -" he offered thickly, Kurt not saying anything merely nodding and purring in response.

"Let's agree to stop mourning our moms anymore. It's no good and I can't stand seeing your heart breaking over and over again. We should - focus on making them proud. Of course loving them, and missing them - but letting them go, to not let it consume us. I see how big a wound it's left on you... Please let it heal."

Blaine pressed his mouth to Kurt's chest, to his heart, one more time before he placed his hand on the same spot and moved to lie next to Kurt instead, Kurt searching his eyes before he spoke, nearly inaudible.

"You're so wise. And brave."

Kurt silenced, but it didn't seem like he was thinking it over, it was more like he was taking it in and tasting the words - absorbing the sounds that had streamed from Blaine's lips and making room for them to fill the space before he would voice himself.

"I think it sounds like a wonderful idea. I wish I had been brave enough to make that decision myself. You're like my rock -" Kurt grinned at him, and nudged his shoulder before turning to lie on his side to have a better look at Blaine next to him.

Blaine observed how the bracelet smoothed its way around his wrist, the pendants brushing lightly over his skin.

"This is the best thing on you. I don't think you should ever wear anything but this," Blaine said and flipped the g-clef with a smirk.

"Even though you thought I would break up with you - what's up with that? Gotta say that hurt." He was only joking. He knew that Puck had kept bugging him about it since the letter arrived, and now that he thought about it he could see why it seemed a little vague and odd with only that single line, so he decided that the cute and mysterious should stay as Kurt's part of their relationship.

"I'm sorry I made you anxious though - but I still wanna punch Puck because he made you think that way. But I am sorry," Blaine blabbered. He didn't want Kurt to think that he blamed him or have him feel guilty over it.

"It's fine. I did know that you wouldn't leave me. It was just Puck stressing out. He gets so easily upset and freaked out over nothing. It's actually kinda cute -" Kurt explained with a chuckle, his dimples showing and his eyes starting to swim from fatigue.

"You're so adorable," Blaine burst out before he kissed his temple and enfolded Kurt's hand in his, knowing they had to sleep soon but didn't want to because there was no question that Kurt would have to leave early in the morning.


	32. The End

There wasn't anything Christmas for Blaine. He stayed in bed until he couldn't sleep anymore and then he found some food to bring to his room where he stayed reading, eating and sleeping some more for the rest of the day. He didn't really mind; he wasn't in mood for Christmas anyway, and he just wanted the day to be over so he could go to Kurt's house and be with him as soon as possible.

Two days after Christmas he finally got himself out and walked through town to Kurt's house. When he arrived Kurt was in the living room folded in Puck's arms on the couch. Blaine sat down next to them and Kurt let his fingers find Blaine's between them. He let his feet slip in to rest his legs on Blaine's lap while he still was draped in Puck's grasp.

Puck was looking nervously at him, as if he wasn't sure that it was okay for him to sit like that with Kurt. He wanted to be the one to hold Kurt, keep him safe, of course he did - but if Kurt wanted to sit with Puck he wouldn't go in to interfere with that.

"Blaine I… your father isn't home on New Years eve is he?" Kurt suddenly asked, pulling Blaine out of a conversation about football that he had been in with Finn.

"No. He's not. Why?" Blaine asked, uncertain as to what Kurt's point was.

"I was thinking… we could be at your place? Puck, Finn, Rachel, you and I? Just - hanging out, listen to music and stuff." He shuffled a little to rest his head against Puck's chest and watched Blaine as he took in the question.

"Sure. We could do that -" Blaine nodded in agreement, and he could see Puck and Finn's faces light up with the open invitation.

Kurt shot a wide grin at Blaine and rubbed his one foot over his thigh, fire shooting through his body, leaving blood to fill his head.

Puck brushed a lock of hair away from Kurt's temple, making him look shyly down in his hands. Blaine didn't know why, but it bothered him. That was the kind of thing Blaine did for him; brushed his hair away from his forehead, made him smile, made him laugh uncontrollably - held him in a safe embrace.

That was when Blaine saw that Kurt kept fumbling with the bracelet. His fingers turned over the pendants or played with the leather string. He kept looking down, watching them, discovering new details - even though they were pretty clean cut and simple.

He liked that. It was like Kurt was keeping up the connection between them even though he was sitting in another boy's arms. Like he wanted to show Blaine that it didn't mean anything.

Of course Blaine knew that. It didn't mean anything at all. A little part of him still wished that Kurt would have moved from Puck's arms to his when he entered the living room, though.

He forced himself to look away. Focused on Finn, reopened the football conversation and engaged as lively in it as he could. He didn't know much about it as they didn't do football in Dalton, but he had watched some games with his father when he was a kid, and then watched a few games with some of his friends from Dalton.

It hit him that he hadn't even talked to them since he ran off to Washington. They hadn't seen each other in 6 months and Blaine was a completely different person now; he didn't have school, he had a job instead. He didn't have a mom, he had a boyfriend. Would they be okay with the new Blaine if they were reunited?

Blaine felt bad that he hadn't even considered that before. They had been his best friends in school - except for Gary. Had Gary told them about him and Kurt and that was why they hadn't contacted him?

Not that Gary knew anything about what really happened between him and Kurt, but he had started rumors in the commune, so who was to say he wouldn't tell tales to their friends in Dalton too? If he even talked to any of them. He hadn't exactly been popular.

A stinging grew in his chest by the thought of Gary. They had spent their entire life joined by the hip, doing everything together; but he had changed. It wasn't that he changed when they had gone to Washington; it had started already when they were around 14 or 15 years old. He started putting a lot of time into chasing after girls and it was pretty much all he talked about. Then when he started hanging out with the activists he started engaging in those activities. He became a part of a regular crowd that hung out together at one of the guys' place.

Gary made out with, and fucked, every girl he could get close to. Then he met Linda and Blaine was sure he would settle down a little, but she was the same - kissing all the boys and girls, fucking whoever she wanted. Gary turned snaky and edgy. He kept talking about free love, and love being for everyone equally; but in hindsight Blaine saw that he probably already then knew that Gary just wanted a place to be a jackass without responsibilities.

Maybe that was why he like that when he saw Kurt with Puck; they shared a connection that Blaine would never have with Kurt because they had been through a lot together. Furthermore he didn't want them be one of those couples where they fucked whoever they wanted and labeled it as free love. He didn't want anyone but Kurt, and he didn't want to share Kurt with anyone.

"Are you okay, Stardust? You seem so… I don't know, distant," Kurt asked, his brows furrowing in concern. He sat up a little, making Puck's arms drop from around his shoulders to his waist instead so Kurt could lean in to lightly touch Blaine's cheek.

"Yeah. I'm… fine. Can we please - could we maybe talk? Just for a brief moment. It'll be quick, I promise," Blaine burst out, not really sure what it was he wanted them to talk about.

"Sure. Let's just… go to the hall," Kurt nodded in agreement and started moving Puck's arms with his hand before jumping over the backrest of the couch so he could trip to the hall followed by Blaine with unease running through him. What was he supposed to say?

They hid in the shadows of the hall, standing close against a wall with coats hanging from a small, slightly open closet.

"What's going on, babe?" Kurt asked with lines of worry forming over his forehead.

"I love you."

What was that? Why? That was pretty out of nowhere. No, what Blaine needed to say was that he didn't want them to be like that. That he didn't want them to share one another with other people - he wanted them to be just them.

"I love you too, Stardust. Was that… you could have said that in the living room. It's okay. They like us together," Kurt retorted with confusion taking over the concern.

"Sorry. I just… missed having you to myself. But… I'm tired so I'll go home," Blaine excused, not sure if it was because he actually was tired or if he just wanted Kurt to himself, and if he couldn't have that he didn't want anything.

Kurt was clearly disappointed. His smile dropped and his eyes grew gray. His fingers were back to fumbling with the bracelet.

"Everyone loves it you know. Your present. Carole said that it was beautiful, and Finn and Puck both called it cute. My dad didn't really say anything, but I'm sure he likes it too. He did one of his approving grunts when he saw it - he likes you a lot." Kurt was resting his head against the wall, and looked very small in the dark of the hall.

"Good. That's great," Blaine responded and nudged his own shoe with his toes and looked up at Kurt under his eyelashes.

"I'll come over with the guys on New Years eve. We can all have fun, and then you and I can spend the next days together. Here or at your place. I don't care," Kurt stated and watched as Blaine started putting on his shoes and jacket.

He put the scarf around his neck, checked that no skin was exposed and drew a heavy internal sigh before looking back to Kurt.

"I'll go home now. See you." He leaned in and kissed Kurt's cheek before he opened the door and disappeared down the steps and through the driveway.

It was unfair of him and he knew it. He should be going directly home to call Kurt so he could apologize. Instead he went directly to bed as soon as he came home.

He tossed and turned, felt like he was dancing around the sheets, when in reality it was the unease that was gnawing in the pit of his stomach that made his eyes open every five minutes no matter how much he longed to just sleep it away.

It was so stupid, and irrational. He liked Puck. Puck was cool, and Puck had taken care of Kurt when no one else did. Puck was Kurt's best friend, and Kurt would put his life in his hands at any time. Puck was also a cool laid-back guy who had, apparently, hoped for them to get together from the beginning.

So why did it annoy him so much to see Kurt with Puck? Why did he want to drag Kurt to his room where they could be alone instead of stay in the living room where they so often before had hung out with Kurt's family; Puck included? Why did it come as such a surprise to him that Kurt wanted to celebrate New Years with both his brother and his friend as well as with Blaine?

No. He didn't want to let this ruin the night coming up. As soon as they got there he would take Kurt aside and apologize and tell him what a great idea it was.

Because he really thought so. It was a great idea for them to do stuff with other people outside Kurt's house too. The only time they spent time with other people was at Kurt's house or the record store, and as Blaine's house would be free that night wasn't it only natural for them to have people coming over then? Right?

Kurt brought Finn and Rachel when he came over. It was a little weird for Blaine to have other people than Kurt in his house, but he was optimistic and hoped for it to be a fun night, even though he wasn't really sure what they should do.

Luckily for Blaine he didn't have to do the whole host-thing with showing people around; Kurt felt so much at home at the Anderson house that he led them directly to the living room where they all sat down.

Kurt put on some music, and the entire atmosphere was a little awkward until Kurt asked Rachel to dance with him. So they did - Finn and Blaine watched them twirling and swaying around the floor while discussing the music.

"We were all in the same choir in high school," Finn explained as Kurt spun Rachel over the carpet, causing her to break down in a dizzy giggle.

"Choir? That sounds like fun -" Blaine said, a little surprised that Finn had actually been in the choir. It only made sense for Rachel to have been in the choir as she had a good voice and eagerly tried opening discussion on musicals and popular music whenever she saw a chance to it. Puck was very musically gifted so it was only natural for him to be too, but Finn seemed too much of a guy-guy to find any interest in in performing like that.

"Yeah. Rachel kinda hijacked me into it, but I liked it. It also made it a little easier coming to terms with my mom being with Kurt's dad since we were in the choir together - so we kind of knew each other already," Finn told and grinned at him.

Kurt was in the choir? Kurt who always said that he 'wasn't a singer' had been in the school choir. Apparently there was a lot of stuff Blaine didn't know about Kurt.

"Wait, Kurt was in the choir?" Blaine burst out, hoping to get an explanation as to how this all added up, when the doorbell rang and he had to head for the door.

It was Puck. With a huge grin and beer. That wasn't exactly planned, but who was he to turn down beer?

When Blaine returned to the living room with Puck his moment with Finn had clearly passed and there was no hope for fritting Finn for high school information about Kurt, so he had to hold on to all of the questions he might have storming through his head.

They all got themselves something to drink and the rest of them joined Kurt and Rachel on the floor. Rachel kept begging Blaine to sing with her, but he didn't really feel like it. He had a hard time concentrating as he was watching Kurt dancing around, smoothing his body up and down Puck's, twisting and twirling around the room.

Blaine wanted to grab around his waist and pull him close, wanted to dance close with Kurt and feel him smooth his body against his instead of Puck's, but it was just too much. One thing was to hold his hand and hold his arms around Kurt in front of them, but dancing close was just crossing every line there was. At least the way Blaine wanted to dance with him.

Instead he kept in the group of everyone dancing with everyone. He and Finn took turns on dancing with Rachel, and Blaine came to the conclusion that she wasn't as scary as she had first appeared. A bit attention seeking, but nice and respectful nonetheless.

Suddenly the doorbell rang again to everyone's surprise. Everyone looked to Blaine, but he had no idea who it could be as he hadn't talked to anyone in town for a long time except for the people who were currently present.

"Hey. I - just wanted to see if you were home," Quinn smiled at him as he opened the door.

Quinn. He should have guessed that she would be in Lima over the holidays. He hadn't heard anything from her, but it only made sense.

She looked amazing. Her long blond hair was arranged in a cute sideway braid running down her shoulder. She was wearing a flowered dress to right above her knee and she had lost some weight making her cheekbones much more visible on her beautiful face.

"Hi. You're back!" Blaine beamed in surprise. He had been so sure he would never see her again. He let excitement take over and threw his arms around her neck, dragging her close into a hug.

"Yeah. Sure. I just thought I'd see if you were home, and then I guessed that we could hang, if you wanted - but you have company over so I don't wanna interrupt or anything. We can just…"

"No. Seriously. Come on in. It's just Puck and Kurt and… Kurt's brother Finn and his girlfriend. You can join. It's gonna be fun. It's so good to see you. You look really great," Blaine assured her and grabbed her hand to lead her to the living room where the others were still dancing. As soon as they entered they all stopped to look at Quinn in surprise.

After the shock hit them and they eased up they all hugged her and started chatting; asking her about her months of absence and how she had been, Kurt staying in the background. Apparently she had been in their choir too, which led Blaine to deciding that he shouldn't even start to wonder about anything they didn't explain themselves.

The living room quickly turned hot and Blaine's fingers and toes started buzzing from the alcohol. Fortunately he could see that the others were starting to seem a little tipsy too, so he wasn't too nervous.

"I have an idea," Quinn suddenly declared as she held around Blaine's arm.

"We should play blindfold. Blaine, don't you have a tie or something?" She leaned against the backrest of the sofa, firming her grip around his arm to avoid tripping over.

"Sure. I'll go find one upstairs. I'll be back in a minute," Blaine agreed and headed for the hall but Quinn ran after him.

"Could you show me to the bathroom on the way?" She giggled, her breath warm against his face.

"I can show her while you pick up the tie," Kurt offered and started following them.

"No that's cool. It's just on the way, Kurt. I can show her."

Quinn supported herself to Blaine's arm all the way up the stairs, and while she was in the bathroom he found out a tie from his Dalton uniform. When she was done she returned to her spot connected to his arm so she wouldn't fall down the stairs.

The first one to get blindfolded was Finn. He had to bend down so Kurt could reach and place the striped tie over his eyes. They spun him around a few times before he they all formed a row for him to find a random person to kiss.

He found Quinn. She suppressed a giggle before she tiptoed and let their lips meet. The kiss was quick and performed during a lot of laughter. It was awkward and clearly affected by the beers they had consumed.

Next it was Quinn's turn and she found Rachel. That didn't turn out to be anymore than an awkward peck on pouted lips, both of them laughing so hard they nearly missed.

Under a lot of cheering from everyone Rachel ended at Quinn again. This time they laughed so uncontrollably that Quinn ended up kissing at the corner of Rachel's mouth while Rachel's lipstick got smeared over her cheek.

Rachel tiptoed to put the tie over Quinn's eyes, and as soon as had spun around she took a few times back and forth past the row before she stopped. In front of Blaine.

She was fumbling hazily in front of herself before she found his hand and squeezed a little. Blaine bit his lower lip to avoid laughing so he wouldn't reveal his identity. It was tough, but he kept it up. She let her hands up his arms and placed them on each side of his face, and let her lips meets his.

Quinn's mouth was soft and her lips were full and moist from she had kissed the others. She let her lips move slow, but determined, against Blaine's and even through the buzz of the alcohol he could feel that he wanted her to stop. She tasted like beer and lipstick, and even though he placed his hands on her hips and tried pushing her away, tried breaking away from her, she kept going.

Finally she stopped and pulled down the tie, flashing a smirk around at the others before she handed it to Blaine.

He wanted to look to Kurt, make sure he knew that it hadn't been his intention to let it go in that direction, but before he could do anything Quinn had blindfolded him and started spinning him around.

When she stopped he was so dizzy that he was afraid his knees were going to betray him and let him fall. He drew a heavy breath and found footing on the carpet before he did his best to clear his head and staggered over the floor to find one of the others to grab on to. He could feel that he was swaying but didn't really care; he needed the taste of Quinn to go away.

Of course. Perfect. He found Finn. This had to be the worst, most awkward, horrible moment of his life. How was he to survive this ever?

Everyone burst into a roar of laughter, and Finn bent down to kiss Blaine on the forehead. Relieved Blaine pulled down the tie and laughed with the others before he let Finn put the tie over his eyes again.

This time Finn didn't have such a hard time when he had been spun around. Maybe he wasn't as drunk anymore as he had been just before. He quickly found Kurt and pressed a soft peck on his lips, making Kurt blush a little before he nearly tripped over his own feet. He got the knot on the tie released and Finn spun him around during much laughter and securing that Kurt wasn't going to plant himself face forward into the rug.

It didn't even take Kurt two seconds before he stopped. His hands slipped onto Puck's back and he leaned in closer. Their lips met and Blaine was sure that he could see Kurt's hands pressing Puck closer to him as their lips moved together. Did Kurt just open his mouth? Was his tongue on its way into Puck's mouth?

Blaine looked away. He couldn't watch. His emotions were going overboard, and both Puck and Kurt were enjoying it way too much. He was sure that if the music wasn't playing they would both be moaning against each other, and the way Puck held his hands locked around Kurt's elbows to avoid him falling didn't exactly show an innocent game.

"Dude! That's my brother!" Finn burst out. Blaine guessed that they were done making out and he could see the blue and red striped tie dangling against the floor.

"That was so trippy," Puck laughed, and Blaine could hear Kurt laughing too. He still wasn't looking, he hurried to the record player to pretend he wanted to find some new music when in reality he just wanted to yell for them all to get out.

He rested his forehead against the wall, hoping the cold from the wallpaper would provide a little ease to his head. His brain was throbbing and felt like it was on a mission to burst through his skull.

When he returned to the others they had gone back to dancing. Kurt was dancing with Puck and Rachel. Finn and Quinn were sort of dancing by themselves opposite each other, so Blaine emptied his beer and walked over to take Quinn's hand.

They danced for a little while, but Blaine wasn't really into it. The more they twisted and turned around over the floor the sicker he felt and started wondering if there was any way he could sneak to bed without causing too much trouble.

"It's almost midnight!" Rachel announced squealing as she ran on her tiptoes through the living room after her bathroom visit.

She started jumping up and down on her toes in front of Finn while clapping her hands. Everyone stopped what they were doing as Rachel desperately herded them all to the garden door while watching a clock she had found on the table next to the phone in the hall.

Blaine kept a little apart from the others. He didn't feel much for celebrating at the moment, and even less did he feel like hanging out with Puck or Quinn. Or Kurt.

As Rachel reached the end of her eager countdown she let out a high pitched scream before she jumped into Finn's arms to kiss him.

Blaine squinted at Kurt from the corner of his eye but hurried to look away. He was holding his arms around his ribs like he was in pain and his face was pale and twisted in a sad mask. It was too much.

Puck and Quinn were embracing each other next to Finn and Rachel while they were looking at the fireworks over Lima - none of them seemed to notice anything so Blaine turned on his heel and headed for the stairs. His head was pounding and all he wanted was to escape to his bed. He figured they would all find their way out as soon as they realized he had left.

When he reached the stairs he was stopped by a hand on his arm forcing him to turn around, the grip fast and careless. When he turned around he didn't even get to see that it was Kurt before he pressed his lips to Blaine's, but he just pushed him away.

"Don't. Okay? Don't," Blaine burst out, feeling the alcohol fighting to take over control of his voice.

"Can we not do this? Stardust, please," Kurt begged weakly, his hands dropping to his sides and his eyes glasslike in the dark of the hall.

"What, Kurt? Do you rather want to act like it's all cool?"

Fume was welling up inside him. He felt so humiliated and ridiculed. It had just been a game, but Kurt had broken the unspoken rules.

"Do you seriously wanna do that? Cause we can since you're so eager to do it. Or maybe you'd more like to go upstairs and wait for Lucy -" Kurt wailed harshly. His voice had turned hard and angry. Blaine could see that he regretted his words even before they released themselves from his tongue. Now they were out in the open and they couldn't be unsaid.

"Are you kidding me? She kissed me. I tried pushing her away. Seems to me that you were watching pretty closely - then you should perfectly well know that I wasn't exactly returning it. And then you just hurry to Puck -" Blaine spat out, not caring anymore. Not caring about being too loud, not caring about hurting Kurt because he had hurt him so deeply.

"It was just a game, Blaine!" Kurt cut him off, his voice shaking and his hands trembling with fingers turning the leather chord around his wrist.

"Well, the fun part pretty much ended when you stuck your tongue down Puck's throat. You should have thought about that."

Blaine turned around and continued up the stairs, hearing Kurt calling for him from the hall but not so much as looking back on him. He couldn't stand seeing him right now.

At the top of the stairs Kurt stopped him. With a force Blaine didn't even know he possessed he closed his hands around Blaine's arms and held him to the spot.

"Don't you go now! We're fixing this. We have to fix this. You can't go now. Blaine, please let's just… talk this out. We can't end like this -" Kurt begged him.

_End? Who said anything about ending anything? _

A knot was growing in his throat. Or was it vomit? No matter what it was he felt like he was suffocating. Temperature was rising and his head felt like it weighed a ton.

"I'm so very sorry. I… I have no idea what came over me. I just saw Lucy and remembered all those feelings she had for you for so long, and she was kissing your lips, the lips that are _mine_, _that only I am supposed to kiss_, and I lost it. I was close to just running out, but then before I knew it I had the tie around my head and Puck was just there. I am so sorry - it didn't mean anything." Kurt was crying. He was begging and pleading for Blaine to understand but all that went through his head was how Kurt always acted around Puck.

"Are you _sure _you don't feel the slightest thing for him? I mean look at yourself! The way you always throw yourself into his arms, the way you snuggle close to him and the way you grinded up and down his ass earlier tonight. Kurt you… you did the - orgasm meditating thing with him. That was something private, something personal. You could just as well have sucked his dick. Sure, it didn't work - _but you wanted it to_!"

Blaine was struggling to keep his voice even, to not push Kurt away in fury so he could disappear into his room and slam the door, to not tell Kurt to get the fuck out, to not tell Kurt that he didn't want to see him again.

"Exactly! It didn't work! You know why it didn't work - because Puck is my _friend_. He's my best friend. For a very long time he was the only friend I had. That's why I did it with him. I just wanted to know if it could actually work. And then you came around. It worked with you; because it was _meant _to work with you. _Because we're one_," Kurt cried at him, tears soaking his face and sobs cutting him off between words.

_One. They were one. It was meant to work._

"I'm sorry, Blaine. Please don't hate me. I just couldn't take seeing you with her. I clicked, and I hate myself for it, and I just want you back -" He released his grip around Blaine's arms. His fingers had been boring so deep into his flesh that Blaine could swear it would leave bruises in the morning.

He closed his eyes, fighting the alcohol, hoping for it to dissolve so he could think clearly. Stars were dancing around on the inside of his dark eyelids and he could taste his own breath like a thick beer fog coating up his tongue.

"Back? I didn't go anywhere -" he muttered, not really sure what to say.

Suddenly he felt extremely tired, and it was like the ceiling was crashing down over their heads. It was true; he knew that it was. Everything they had shared couldn't just have been some sort of spoof because Kurt couldn't have Puck. He was too pure for that and what they had was too real to have been the next best thing.

"Come here," Blaine crooned thickly and grabbed Kurt's face, crashing his lips against Kurt's; letting his oxygen fill his mouth and lungs, his lips massage the taste of Quinn off Blaine's. Kurt's hands found their way down his chest, around his hips and onto his back where he let his hands under his t-shirt, his soft fingertips tickling the sensitive skin of his lower back.

Blaine's head was back to feeling light, and as Kurt pressed him against the wall he could feel him smile through the kiss. His lips tasted like a mix of beer and salt from his tears, but the taste of Kurt would always shine strongly through.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize that…"

They broke apart in panic. Quinn was at the bottom of the stairs watching them. Her eyes could be seen shining from their end of the stairs, and her lips were pursing before they transformed to a thin line over her face, nearly making it look like she didn't have a mouth at all.

"I… Quinn. I should've told you - I'm with Kurt now. Like… _really _with Kurt," Blaine blabbered out. Kurt was resting his forehead against his collarbone and he could feel that he was trying to hold in a giggle.

"Oh - you never told me that you were… gay," she said and stormed to the living room.

"I didn't know," Blaine uttered nearly inaudible as he watched her disappear around the corner.

He had no idea what to do. He was pinned against the wall and couldn't move. His hands had dropped from Kurt's face to his shoulders with Kurt's hands still under his shirt, as he heard Quinn yelling at the others in the living room.

"Gay! Kurt! Such a perverted freak! Why didn't anyone tell me?"

He could hear Finn trying to calm her down, but evidently it didn't work because next thing that happened was Quinn stomping her way from the living room through the hall. As she passed the stairs she flipped them the finger.

"Fuck you! Both of you!"

She slammed the door so hard the matt glass in the narrow windows of the door creaked from the force, and Blaine felt himself slide down the wall to sit on the top step of the stairs. Kurt stood next to him, looking down at him for a while, before he sat down next to him and let his hand careful onto his thigh.

"Are you okay? I know you really cared about her -" he said, his voice weak and uncertain, like he wasn't sure he was allowed to speak.

Blaine let his head drop to rest on Kurt's shoulder and felt sleepiness overwhelm him. His brain was back throbbing to break free from his skull and his eyes were dry and itchy.

Before they knew it the rest of the party was on the stairs too, sitting down on the steps under them, clearly searching for words.

"I'm sorry. Quinn likes to be dramatic. That was really… unnecessary," Rachel stammered, her hand fumbling for Finn's.

Blaine raised his head from Kurt's shoulder to look at them. Everyone was staring at him, apparently waiting for him to say something, maybe make some sort of official statement to what had just happened.

"Don't worry about it. It was uncalled for that she freaked out like that, and maybe it wasn't the proper way for her to… find out. But it was inevitable, so maybe it's better this way really," he pondered out loud. He couldn't quite figure out who he was trying to convince; him or the others - but in the end he didn't know what he felt, so it actually didn't matter much anyway.

"I'm tired," Kurt muttered and rubbed his right eye with his knuckles before he let his cheek clasp against Blaine's hair.

"And drunk."

Kurt chuckled. Giggled. Laughed. Full on hysterics in the middle of the stairs with everyone around him staring. Rachel followed and quickly the rest did too.

There wasn't anything to laugh about. At all. Nothing was funny - but it felt so good to do it anyway.

"At least I didn't have to kiss Finn. That's what's gonna keep my bad dreams away tonight, I know that much," Puck nearly sobbed through his laugh, making Finn nod frantically in agreement.

"I guess we should get home to bed then. Wanna sleep at our place tonight or are you going home?" Rachel had regained her usual semi-serious voice and had turned her attention to Puck.

He declared that he would go home, and they all got to their feet. They went to the living room where Rachel picked up her purse before they collectively headed for the front door.

Kurt hugged everyone. However, hugging Puck turned out to be an awkward event and it was rushed through in an unnatural quick way. He promised Finn that he would call home the next day to let him know when he was coming home.

While they were saying their goodbyes Puck nodded for Blaine to follow him down the hall away from the others.

"Dude. Man. I am really sorry about that… thing. What happened with Kurt, you know. I don't know what happened, I just -" He hurried out, stumbling over the words, trying to get one thing out before the other, but Blaine stopped him.

"It's okay. We talked about it, and we're alright. Don't think about it, and we can just forget it, okay?" Blaine didn't have the brain to go through it all over again, and he guessed that it was as good as anything. He hadn't done anything wrong, and it had all been one big misunderstanding. That was it.

"I don't know what happened, all the sudden he was just pressing his tongue into my mouth and -"

"I don't want any details, okay! Just don't kiss my boyfriend again. He's… that is my mouth to kiss, okay. And just… keep your hands off him. I don't care about all of that petting and snuggling and shit that you do. Just keep your tongue out of my boyfriend's mouth and keep your hands clean and it's all good," Blaine spat at him.

He really liked Puck. He actually did. He wanted to make friends with him, and he wanted to care about him, because he knew that he cared about Kurt - and he owed him for having taken care of Kurt all that time he was all alone in the world. He just wasn't ready to let it completely go yet, he still needed some time.

"Of course. It's all cool. Cool," Puck agreed and they shook hands, Blaine a little stiffly, before they returned to the front door.

Finn and Rachel were waiting on the doorstep so they all said their last goodbyes before Kurt let the door close after them, and turned to Blaine.

"I'm sorry, Blaine. We're forgetting this, aren't we? It was just a stupid night," Kurt mumbled under his breath. He leaned heavily against the door and his head crashed a little too hard making a little too loud noise.

"It's already forgotten, babe. We're together, and let's just screw it all. This might be the end of a year, but it's the beginning of a new one. I just want this with you." He pulled Kurt away from the door and put his arm around him leading him down the hall and up the stairs.

They went to the bathroom and Blaine started brushing his teeth. Kurt pulled out a brand new toothbrush and threw the packaging on the table next to the sink.

"I bought a toothbrush. So I can let it stay here, so it doesn't matter when I decide out of nowhere to stay for the night. I bought one for you too. It's already in the cup in my bathroom at home. Purple," Kurt explained before he started brushing his teeth.

"That's… really brilliant. I like that," Blaine beamed, honestly wanting to burst out about how adorable and romantic he thought it was, but instead he stood up from his seat at the side of the bathtub and kissed Kurt; both of their lips white with toothpaste foaming from their mouths, mint itching his eyes and burning his tongue.

"Good. I'm glad you like it. I thought I'd just put mine in your room so your father doesn't… you know," Kurt said as he wiped his mouth in the towel hanging on the wall.

They walked to Blaine's room and climbed into bed. Blaine was so exhausted that he didn't even have the energy to strip off his clothes, which resulted in Kurt starting to take it off him.

"Do you wanna sleep naked? I promise I won't try anything, I know you're tired. I just wanna… you know, feel you with me -" Kurt muttered shyly when he had seen to Blaine only being in his boxers.

"Sure. As long as I know that's the reason you're not trying anything. Or else I might get offended that you aren't trying to bang me when I'm lying there wearing my best suit," Blaine teased dozy.

Kurt grinned and nudged him before he started pulling off his underwear as the last. He bent down over him and kissed his bellybutton, a twitch of red hot electricity running through Blaine as Kurt's skin hit the head of his cock.

Kurt fell down to the bed on the other side and pulled his own clothes off too until he was naked himself. Then he threw the covers over both of them, and moved to rest his head on Blaine's shoulder, his one leg sneaking its way over Blaine's so he could let his foot down between his legs - as entangled in each other as possible.

Blaine quickly shifted to his side so he could take in Kurt; see his eyes, let his fingers run over his cheeks and trace the line of his jaw and down his neck, feeling how soft his skin was.

"I just wanna kiss you all over. Everywhere," Blaine whispered thickly after the only thing to have broken the silence being their breathing in the dark.

"You can kiss me wherever you want," Kurt smiled, his eyes still swimming from the alcohol, a yawn constantly waiting to break over his lips.

Of course he could kiss him wherever he wanted. Blaine already knew that; but to hear Kurt say it made his insides bubble. He let his fingertips grab lightly on Kurt's jaw to drag him closer so he could kiss him.

Kurt moved closer, letting their naked bodies meet while he let his own hand over Blaine's shoulder and down his back, letting himself disappear in Blaine's kiss.

The feeling of Kurt's body against Blaine's made his head go light and dizzy again. He wanted to laugh and let his hands run free, but he stayed where he was; cupping Kurt's face with his hand, pressing his free palm against his chest while letting his lips caress Kurt's.

Kurt still had his leg entwined in Blaine's, and the way he let his nails gently tickle over Blaine's back made chills run through him. It was sensational to know that nothing but their skin was between them. Each time they drew a breath the feeling of their chests, ribs, abdomens, hips, dicks and thighs pressed against each other was so much more real, and it made the feeling of Kurt's kisses more intense and sweet.


	33. Who Knows?

Kurt had been at Blaine's place for two days after the epic fail that had been their new years eve. Blaine's father had only been home briefly where they had been in the kitchen, safely on each side of the table. He hadn't done anything but grunting at them, and Blaine decided to not let it get to him. He was having way too much of a good time with Kurt to let anything ruin it. His father shouldn't have that satisfaction.

They had spent new years day in bed covered in nothing but sheets and each other. They had laughed and snuggled, kissed and fucked, talked nonsense and enjoyed the silence surrounding them. To Blaine it was always a poetic epiphany to be with Kurt, because even though he was so earthbound and often talked in ways where Blaine couldn't even follow he also touched Blaine's inspiration and he felt like creating beauty, which mostly ended up in him tracing patterns all over Kurt's naked body with his fingers or his tongue and lips.

Now Kurt had talked him into going out in the Andersons' garden. Luckily it was surrounded by tall hedges, so they didn't have to worry about being seen which was one of Blaine's main criteria for moving outside the house; he wanted to be able to hug, kiss and touch Kurt whenever he felt like it.

The snow was thick and covered the entire lawn. The frost was biting its way into Blaine's cheeks, with the sun reflecting in the snow crystals sharp in his eyes. He staggered a bit around the garden, listening to the creaking under his shoes and wondering if he would ever be able to feel his toes again.

Kurt had stuffed his mittens into his pockets so he could feel the snow on his fingers. He let the tip of his tongue lightly taste the white stuff, flinching by the cold, but grinning from the taste. His cheeks were round and red as he danced across the garden attacking Blaine by splashing a handful of snow against his face with a loud giggle.

The snow dripped into his mouth and quickly melted on his cheek as he turned around to catch Kurt that had ran around the corner. Blaine quickly decided that it meant war so he picked up a handful of snow himself and headed for Kurt.

In a matter of seconds snow was flying through the air, both of them laughing and screaming. Kurt ended up running around the house for refuge where he tried to hide behind a rosebush. Blaine quickly found him though but was surprised by a snowball hitting him in the back of the head.

He looked around and saw two girls and a boy in the street grinning widely at him. They all looked like they were around 12 years old, and it was clear that they were expecting a match. Kurt chuckled and returned fire. It quickly turned out to be Blaine and Kurt against the kids in the garden of the Anderson house.

The kids were all pretty good at shooting and the fight wasn't as unfair as Blaine first had thought it would be. There were no rules, and no rules were followed. The kids hid behind bushes and trees, and Blaine hid behind Kurt until he realized that the boy was sneaking up on him from behind.

He took up a heated one-on-one battle with the boy until he heard Kurt squeal loudly from the other end of the garden. The girls had taken him hostage and was threatening to fill his shirt with snow - Blaine had no other choice than to grab around the boy and get ready to fill his hood.

"No. No, no! I surrender! Leave the kid and I will hold fire!" Kurt declared with his hands in the air. He was grinning and panting, the girls having a hard time holding him back because they were bending over from laughing themselves.

"Leave Kurt and I'll spare the kid," Blaine screamed at them, doing his best to not let laughter take over and keep up a highly serious face, but he could feel the smile creeping up on him, and the boy started tickling him so he had to let go in panic.

Now there was nothing left to do than for Blaine to run Kurt to the rescue. He sprinted across the lawn, almost slipping in the snow, before he grabbed Kurt's hand and pulled him down in the grass with him.

It was hard to say who was laughing the hardest; Kurt, Blaine or the kids, but it didn't take long for their enemies to start fighting each other, pushing each other down in the snow too.

"That didn't exactly help, considering I've now got more snow under my jacket, than I would have if you had left me to those monkeys," Kurt panted, trying to get hold of whatever oxygen his lungs would willingly take in.

"You're very much welcome, sir -" Blaine heaved back at him, staring into the sky. The kids were gasping for breath next to them, still chuckling and giggling to themselves. Kurt nudged him in the ribs before he turned to lie on his stomach so he could look at the kids.

"You played a decent game. I demand a rematch - but not today! Wanna come in for tea and lunch?" he offered them, shooting Blaine a grin.

The kids accepted the invitation and they all went inside. Blaine and Kurt took turns on going to Blaine's room to change into some dry clothes. They offered the kids sweaters, t-shirts and pajama pants while their own clothes dried up. It was quite big for them, but it didn't matter so much.

Kurt and Blaine made tea and sandwiches for all of them before they sat down on the floor in the living room with music quietly playing in the background. The kids introduced themselves as Katrina, Jaime and Zac. At first they were a little shy, but Kurt quickly got them to open up, and they ended up laughing as much as they had done outside.

It was fun and liberating to hang out with them. There were no talk about politics or war, no questions about future or romantic life - all there was between them was laughter, music, comic books and cartoons.

"I saw you at the record store a few weeks ago," Jaime suddenly muttered. She was the shyest of them all and hadn't said much until that point. Her hair was brown and freckles covered her nose. She was wearing one of Blaine's blue Dalton t-shirts, and a pair of Kurt's pants.

They were all lying on the floor after having eaten way too much, and Katrina had suggested they laid on their backs pretending to look at stars on the ceiling. Of course Kurt was thrilled with the idea and they quickly turned it into a game of who could make up most constellations. Blaine and Zac mostly pretended to find clouds shaped as weird figures as they had no clue on the names of the different stars.

"You should have said hi. Do that next time," Blaine grinned and poked her in the ribs.

"I wanted to. I was going to ask you to play a song, but my mom said I couldn't." She sounded embarrassed and insecure. That was strange.

"Well, then you can tell your mom that I don't bite," he said, a little unsure why her mom would have said that.

"Jaime's mom says that you two are boyfriends. She says that every time we see you," Katrina burst out, and Jaime kicked her on the shin.

"Auch. What'd you do that for? It's true," she said and sat up, looking around at the others.

Blaine felt everything inside him tie up, and he could have sworn that some alien life existence was preparing to gnaw it's way out of his stomach. He was frozen in the spot, and had no idea whether to tell them to get out, to act dumb and say that it wasn't true or to fake a heart attack in the middle of the living room floor.

He could feel Kurt staring at him. His big, blue eyes were piercing into his skin, through his skull and into his brain searching for what was happening, begging him to act or do or say something, but he had nothing.

"But boys don't date boys, so it doesn't matter. Let's go, Zac," Jaime snapped and jumped off the floor, heading for the hall. Zac looked confused between Katrina and Blaine before he gazed at the door where Jaime was waiting for him.

"Are you coming?" she demanded, putting her hands on her hips with a sour face.

"Jaime, please come back and sit with us. I think we've got some explaining to do," Kurt softly inquired of her. He sat up and gave Blaine a desperate glance, obviously wanting him to take the decision on what to say or do. His brain cramped, and his throat tied up. Even if she did come back to sit on the floor and some miracle hit him with something to say to her he wasn't sure he would be able to get a sound out.

The girl stared at them in disbelief before she sighed and returned to the circle. Everyone was sitting up now; all three kids staring at Kurt and Blaine waiting for one of them to break the ice and say what they, apparently, had to say.

"Listen - sometimes… it's not really that…" Blaine started stammering, closing his eyes, searching for words, hoping for his voice to disappear so he could excuse himself. He looked to Kurt and realized that he was waiting just as much for an explanation as the kids were. What was he waiting to hear?

"Do you want to know a secret?" he paused and the kids were gauging at him; huge eyes and open mouths, waiting in suspense. Kurt was holding his breath next to him, and he wasn't really sure what he was hoping for, or what he was expecting to happen.

"Yes. We are boyfriends. Boys can date boys if they want," Blaine said and snuck his hand into Kurt's, feeling his eyes burning more intensely into his face than ever.

"But the thing is… not everyone thinks that's cool, so… we need to make sure that no one knows. Because bad things can happen to us if they do. My… father is one of those people. If he knows that I have a boyfriend instead of a girlfriend he will send me away, and then I won't have Kurt anymore," Blaine explained as neatly as possible.

He wasn't sure why he was telling them this. He could have just lied, that would have been so much easier and they would have been out of the door letting him and Kurt back to being alone. However, for some reason he felt that he needed to be honest to them; tell about this joyous part of his life that he couldn't tell to anyone else, except for the people brought into his life by Kurt. It was like fireworks shooting out of him exploding through his mouth.

"That's… weird. I've never seen boys kissing boys before," Jaime burst out looking at her friends.

"Well, you never saw a rocket, but you know the exist, don't you?" Zac snapped at her, receiving a wistful glance.

"I don't care. If you like each other I think that's cool. I just still wanna borrow those comic books you promised," he said and turned to Blaine with a matter-of-factly expression on his face.

Blaine felt like an iceberg melted in his chest, and he sighed heavily, chuckling a little in relief and squeezed Kurt's hand.

"Of course. We can go get them right away," he responded, nearly feeling dizzy as if he had been hit in the face by a shovel. He started to get up, but Kurt kept him down on the floor.

"Katrina. You haven't said anything?" Kurt asked gently, tilting his head a little as he waited for a reaction.

"I don't know," she muttered into the sleeve of a sweater she had borrowed from Kurt.

"So girls can be with girls too? Just not say anything?" she asked a little insecure.

"You know what; a person can be with whoever they want to be with. If they're in love then that is all that matters. Not everyone has to keep it a secret. Hopefully some day it won't be necessary. We're just doing it so I can stay here with Kurt," Blaine told her, not really sure how convincing he was.

"So - do you all want to keep our secret?" Kurt asked a little upbeat to lift the mood of the conversation.

Jaime and Zac agreed, but Katrina looked a little pensive before she nodded to express her own accept of the deal.

"I think you should get home. It's gonna start getting dark soon," Kurt declared and got to his feet. He showed the girls to the bathroom where they could change back into their own clothes while Blaine and Zac went to his room for the comics.

As soon as Zac had changed too they all met in the hall so they could say goodbye. They agreed to have a rematch of snow fight soon, and the kids thanked them for tea and lunch. They politely shook Kurt and Blaine's hands before they disappeared out the door and down the driveway.

Kurt and Blaine headed for the living room to clean up when the doorbell suddenly rang. They looked at each other, confused, because who would ever come visit them? Blaine let down the mug he had just picked up and headed for the hall where he found Katrina waiting on the doorstep.

"Hey. Did you forget something?" he asked, not really sure why she would have come back.

"I just… I just needed to say this," she bit her lower lip as she looked at Blaine. He wasn't that much taller than her really, which he found awkward - but not as awkward as this encounter altogether.

"I think I like Jaime. Only… not as a friend," she said, her entire face going scarlet and tears running to her eyes.

Blaine was baffled. Thoughts were racing around in his brain, and sentences were so busy fighting each other that none of them reached his mouth.

"I'm sorry. Don't tell anyone," the girl cried and ran back down the driveway.

"Katrina! Come back," he yelled for her, but she was already down the street and there was nothing he could do to get her to come back. She was already so far away that she would be around the corner next second.

Blaine closed the door, squinting his eyes, feeling like his knees might give in at any second and let him crash to the floor under him.

"Who was it?" Kurt asked from the kitchen as he turned the corner and appeared in the hall.

"Stardust, are you okay? What happened?" he crossed the floor in quick steps staring at Blaine like he had seen a ghost.

"Yeah. I'm fine, let's just… let's clean up the rest and go to my room or something," he said a little distant.

They made sure the living room and the kitchen looked like they hadn't even been there, and got the clothes the kids had borrowed in the hamper in the bathroom before they retreated to Blaine's room.

Kurt curled up on the floor with his pencils and paper while Blaine found out a book. For a long time neither of them said anything, but kept their focus to their own stuff instead. Blaine's head was still pounding with thoughts of the afternoon's events, but he tried pushing them away by reading the same paragraph over and over again, letting the scratching of Kurt's charcoal over the paper fill his ears.

"You're worried, aren't you? That they'll tell everyone. That everyone is already talking about us," Kurt asked and grabbed the book out of Blaine's hands. He hadn't even noticed him coming to the bed.

He sat down in front of him, his index fingers running in circles on Blaine's knee. His eyes were concerned and somehow it seemed like he was mentally holding his breath.

"It was Katrina," Blaine blabbered out.

"What?" Kurt said, his eyebrows nearly meeting over his nose.

"By the door. She… said that she thinks she likes Jaime. She asked me not to tell anyone. Kurt, the girl thinks she's gay," he explained, realizing that in some way he felt a little sorry for the girl. She had to be so confused.

"Oh. Wow. I… didn't see that coming," Kurt expressed, blinking rapidly for a second.

"But to answer your question; yes, I am… a little nervous. But I don't wanna think about it. We can't do anything about it anyway. Even if people are talking, that's what they do all the time. It's just rumors," Blaine sighed and let his head rest against the headboard.

"Stardust, that's… so true. Jesus, you keep on surprising me," Kurt smiled impressed and leaned forward to sit on top of Blaine to wrap his arms around his neck and kiss his nose.

"I'm really glad that you're taking it all so easily. With Lucy the other night, and with… the kids and now this… I don't know what's gotten into you, but I like it," he said light voiced and caressed his hair with a thumb.

"What can I say, I had the best teacher," Blaine chuckled under his breath, and Kurt smirked back at him before kissing him, and releasing his grip around his neck.

"But seriously, it's okay to be nervous. If something happens we'll figure it out. I won't let him take you away from me," Kurt assured him, and touched his cheek gently.

"I know, but I don't really wanna think about it. I just wanna enjoy being here with you, and take the crap when it comes - if it even comes," Blaine assured him.

They fell down on the bed and discussed the events of day. Laughed about the snowball fight, and talked over the conversation after the shocking revelation of the town rumors. Kurt admitted that he had hoped for Blaine to tell the truth, but didn't expect him to, so when he had actually done it he had been ready to kiss him right then and there in front of the kids. Blaine was glad he had restrained himself; that had been a bit too much for one day.


	34. Sore

It was a few weeks after new years had passed. Blaine worked every day except Sundays so he and Kurt didn't get to see each other unless he dropped by the store which also turned out to be briefly as January was a busy month.

It also meant no kissing, hugging or holding hands. Even when they were on the phone they had to be careful as Blaine's father had taken up the incredible idea of working at home as he mostly was doing reports over the gone year.

It wasn't that Blaine and his father had any encounters. They actually didn't talk at all. When Blaine got up to go to work in the morning his father was already in his study, and mostly he was still in there when Blaine came home, or he was in the living room.

Blaine didn't complain. He merely adjusted to going to work, coming home, eating in the kitchen and going directly to his room for either reading, playing or sleeping. The less contact, the less trouble.

It was Friday night and he watch said 9:30. Blaine had only just finished his shower after having been at the store until 7:30 to help unpack and organize the new records and get a hold of the booking of the gone year.

He was flat-out exhausted to say the least. An agonizing headache had been in charge of his entire body since 5 o'clock and his hands suffered from several paper cuts induced by cardboard boxes. Not to mention that he single-handed had been the one to carry the boxes from the backroom and out to their respective spots in the store. The shop might seem small to people, but when carrying heavy boxes filled with fragile vinyl it quickly turned into an arena.

To make it all even better his guitar was a string short after a woman didn't keep track of her toddler; the poor guy tripped and grabbed for anything close to avoid his stunt - the neck of Blaine's guitar being the lucky support. Admittedly he had known that it was closing in on him having to change the entire set to be on the safe side of things, he had just hoped he could wait at least a few weeks; especially since he did more working than playing these days.

All in all Blaine's day had been so crappy that he was on the verge of wishing for a virus of some sort to hit him, only so he could avoid having to face people, and the real world, for the next few days while he got back in charge of himself.

When he came home Ms. Johnson had left him food in the fridge and a note that his father wouldn't be home until the middle of the night because of some sort of important training course he had to be present at. So the day could have been worse after all; he could have been forced to deal with his father too. The last thing he had brain capacity to stand at the moment.

Now he was sitting on the couch, showered and ready for bed, but forcing himself to keep his eyes open as he had only jus gotten through his dinner. The late night news were rolling over the TV and Blaine had more or less given up on staying awake when the doorbell rang.

His eyes rolled around in his head as he grunted dissatisfied but convinced himself to go and at least check who it was. He dragged his feet down the hall and opened the door.

"Kurt? What are you doing?"

By first look he hadn't seen anyone through the matted glass of the windows in the door, so he had opened the door where he found Kurt on the doorstep. He was down on one knee and his face was glowing yellowish from the vague light bulb over their heads. His cheeks were frostbitten and he was shaking a little.

"Oh yes. I have something for you!" Kurt burst out like he had forgot his purpose of even being there. He fumbled around in his pockets on shaky knees, Blaine staring at him in a mix of confusion and adoration.

From somewhere inside his jacket Kurt produced a purple plastic ring with a black plastic star on the top.

"A promise ring… a promise of the future, you know. Of us finding a future together. Somehow. A promise of me - taking you out to show you the world." Kurt was absolutely glowing and his voice was a little twitchy as he made the promise.

"Get up, silly." Blaine nodded. He was in awe. This was incredible - a promise ring.

That was something boys gave to their girlfriends to get into their pants; but Kurt didn't need that. Kurt had already been in his pants, and everywhere else on his body, and he could do whatever he wanted with him.

This was true. Possibly the only sincere promise ring ever given in all of Ohio.

Kurt stumbled to his feet with a little estranged look creeping over his face.

"This is amazing. _You_ are amazing!" Blaine wished he could throw his arms around his neck and kiss him, so he hurried to drag him inside the hall to slam the door for whatever curious looks could be observing them.

"It's nothing special. It's just from a -" Kurt started explaining but was cut off by Blaine's lips clasping against his.

"It _is_ special. It's cute and I love it," Blaine declared with his forehead resting against Kurt's, unable and unwilling to hide the smile that had wiped away the sleepiness that had been in control of his everything only minutes before.

"It's just from a gumball machine. It's nothing like the beautiful bracelet you gave me; but I saw it and then I spent all my coins on getting it for you. I have a load of bouncing balls and plastic insects in a bag on my desk now," Kurt said sort of embarrassedly.

"Did I ever tell you that you are incredibly adorable? This is the most adorable thing in the world," Blaine assured him ecstatically, pulling him closer and kissing all over his face.

"Come with your hand," Kurt demanded when he finally got himself wiggled out of Blaine's grip. He placed the ring on Blaine's left little finger. It was nearly too small, but he insisted that it should fit, so they made it fit.

As Blaine stood admiring his new accessory Kurt panicked and remembered that he had a bag of stuff on the front step and hurried to get it in.

Kurt explained how he, Finn and Rachel had been to the diner in town where he had seen the ring in the gumball machine. When he finally had got the ring he had put all the other toys in a bag and asked Finn to take them home while he ran to Blaine's house himself, even though Blaine was pretty sure that the bag seemed like he had already planned to go there for some reason.

They only entered Blaine's room when he remembered that his body was a minute away from collapsing, which suddenly seemed completely unfair now that he was actually allowed to kiss and cuddle Kurt as much as he liked.

Kurt dropped his bag in its usual spot next to the chair by the desk before he put on a very serious, though mysterious, expression.

"Sit down and close your eyes," he inquired and indicated for Blaine to take seat on the bed. Blaine's curiosity sense jumped to toes and he considered briefly to ask what for, but that would be pretty pointless, so instead he nodded in agreement and sat down before he closed his eyes.

"Just don't do anything that hurts, please. I am just ac - ooooh."

His eyes were still closed, but he could clearly feel that Kurt had put something around his neck. It was cold on his skin and a little heavy on the front. He wanted to rush his eyes open to examine the object, but he didn't want to take the satisfaction from Kurt.

As soon as Kurt had locked the chain he traced gentle kisses up and down his neck, with his hands only lightly placed on his arms.

"Okay, you can open now," Kurt whispered in his ear, a feeling of contained excitement oozing out of him.

Blaine opened and immediately let his hand rush to the pendants of the silver chain that had been closed around his neck. In his hand he held a miniature guitar, a star and a peace symbol shaped as a heart - just like the ones on Kurt's bracelet.

"Wow. I… you didn't have to do that. That must have been so expensive." _Yeah. Good idea, Blaine - address the price tag before the actual item,_ he thought.

Kurt crawled to sit on his knees on the floor between Blaine's legs.

"Yes. I should. I wanted to. You gave me this wonderful gift that I hope I won't have to take off ever in my life, and here I am bringing you some ridiculous bubblegum piece of plastic that you won't even be able to wear in public - but this you can always wear as long as you keep it under your shirt," Kurt explained and made the necklace drop down the collar of Blaine's t-shirt.

"Yeah. But as long as I'm with you I don't wanna keep it under my shirt," he said and pulled it back out.

"Also, because I love you and you deserve to be coated in beautiful things," Kurt stated.

"I have an idea," Blaine said, something hitting him out of nowhere. He opened the chain and let the purple ring slide down over it.

"There. Now I'll always be wearing the ring too. Just not in the same way," he declared and let the necklace fall back into place. Kurt rose to his knees and locked his arms around his waist. Blaine let his forehead rest against Kurt's where he remembered how much he needed to fall back on his pillow and sleep without having to worry about getting up the next day.

The floral fragrance of Kurt's hair smoothed its way into his nose and overpowered his brain, making his head feel light and his eyelids heavy. He felt himself swaying, but didn't have the power to do something about it, so instead he tightened his grip around Kurt's shoulders.

"Sweetie, you're falling asleep. Let's get you up to bed," Kurt cooed and carefully got to his feet and helped Blaine to lie down. He laid on his side so he could watch as Kurt changed into pajamas too, feeling himself drifting in and out of sleep, but the second Kurt crawled under the covers and put his arm around him he fell asleep. Hard.

When Blaine woke up there was still an hour until he had to get up for woke so he had no idea why he was already awake, until he realized that Kurt was boiling next to him. The boy was curled up to a ball in his arms and his skin felt like it was red hot.

He ran his fingers through Kurt's hair that was moist from sweat and there was no doubt that he had a strong fever. He considered for a moment to wake him up and ask him if he wanted to go home, but instead he decided to let him sleep. If he wanted to go home he would say so when he woke up by himself; there was no reason to disturb him.

Blaine pulled the covers down from his shoulders and shuffled to firm his grip around Kurt's torso so he could drag him a little closer. He wasn't sure how to treat a sick person, but he guessed that if one was having a fever the best to do would to try and get it to cool off.

He stayed with his arms around Kurt who every now and then coughed so Blaine was certain that he would wake up, but he didn't. As soon as the clock hit 9 he kissed Kurt on the forehead and tiptoed to the hall so he could call the record store and turn in sick. If Kurt didn't want to go home he should have the chance of staying, and there was no way Blaine would let him be alone like that.

It was hard to lie but he definitely thought that it was worth it, so he got it over with quickly before he returned to his room. Kurt was still fast asleep, and still unbelievably hot, so Blaine opened a window before slipping back into the bed.

Kurt was lying on his front on the other side of the bed, so Blaine thought he wouldn't get too close to him. He didn't want to cross his lines if he wasn't comfortable about him being close. He laid down on his side and observed Kurt's back rise and fall as he breathed, a rising urge in his fingers to run his fingers up and down his spine, but settled for gazing at him while listening to his breathing.

It was around 1 when Blaine woke up again. Kurt was still asleep so he figured that he probably needed it. He went to the kitchen to get a glass of water for when he would eventually wake up. That was all he could remember from when he had been sick and his mom had nursed him as a kid; water. He would need water.

He felt useless. The last time he had been sick himself had been during the summer where Linda had taken care of him and he hadn't done anything but sleep, other than that he knew nothing about nursing anyone.

"Hey baby. Shouldn't you be at work?" Kurt's voice was rasp and tired when he turned around to look at Blaine. His eyes were red and he looked like he hadn't slept for days. Even though Blaine already knew he was sick a pang of concern rushed through him. He felt like scooping him into his arms and rock him back and forth while singing to him.

"No, it's okay. I called in sick. You can go back to sleep if you want. I'm not going anywhere," Blaine cooed and rushed to lie closer but still keeping a foot between them.

"Oh honey, are you sick? Why didn't you wake me up?" Kurt panicked and started to get up. Blaine hurried to put an arm over him so he couldn't get up, not sure what to do if he suddenly started to act as if nothing was wrong.

"Kurt. _You_ are the one who's sick. You have such a crazy fever. I stayed home to take care of you," he explained as softly as possible, watching as Kurt's expression went from confused through sad to affectionate.

"You didn't need to do that, love. Thank you." Kurt moved over to rest his forehead against Blaine's ribs, his hands folded against his chest. He placed a barely noticeable peck on Blaine's side before he started coughing again, desperate to kill it with his hand.

"I guess I am a little ill," he admitted with a grimace. Blaine rubbed his hand down his back, feeling that he was still incredibly hot so he did his best to maneuver the covers away from his body. He slid down to lie next to Kurt so that their noses nearly met, making it easier for them to keep up a conversation.

"How are you feeling?" Blaine asked, hoping that he wasn't being too oversensitive about it.

"Horrible. Like I've been hit by a train, honestly." Kurt's eyes rolled a little, but eventually he caught up some control of them and sent a strained smile at Blaine.

"I'm sorry. Do you want to go home? I can take you if you want. I have no idea how to take care of someone who's sick…" he nervously blabbered out.

"Can I stay here? I'd much rather be with you. You don't need to take care of me or anything, I'll be fine. I just… I will need your voice and your touch," Kurt said weakly, resembling a sick child more than someone who was nearly an adult.

"Of course you can stay. I'm not gonna leave you until you're better. I promise," Blaine assured him and let a hand run over his hair.

"I got you some water. I don't know… I just guessed you'd be thirsty when you woke up," he said, a little embarrassed that a simple glass of water was all he could produce for him.

Kurt accepted the glass Blaine offered him and gulped down the entire thing before he let Blaine put it back to the nightstand he had got it from.

"You are way too good to me," Kurt mumbled hoarsely and folded his arm around Blaine's waist. His cheek was burning against his chest, and Blaine was feeling so hot that he almost feared that he was catching a fever too, but he didn't want him to move away so didn't mention anything. Instead he stroke his hand over his damp hair a few times before he realized that Kurt was back to sleep.

Blaine watched him for a bit, well-knowing that if Kurt woke up and needed something there was no chance that he would wake up Blaine to get help or support.

Blaine tiptoed out of the bed and down the stairs. Kurt was still fast asleep, and it was already late afternoon, so he thought he should go find some food, wondering what Kurt could possibly eat in that state.

"Oh… hi. I didn't know you were here," Blaine mumbled as he entered the kitchen where he found Ms. Johnson cleaning off the cupboards. She turned and smiled warmly at him.

"Oh I'm always here, honey. Shouldn't you be at the store today?" She asked and threw a sponge into a bucket of soap and water.

Blaine dumped down on one of the kitchen stools to rest his elbows on the counter, his chin resting dozy in his hands.

"Yeah. I should. But Kurt had a fever so I called in sick. Couldn't leave him alone like that," he shrugged and hid a yawn in his palm.

Of course Kurt was capable of being alone, even when he was sick; but he deserved someone to take care of him.

"You are struck hard, boy." She smiled at him before she went for the fridge and grabbed out a pot.

"Yeah. I guess I am," Blaine nodded, not even wanting to deny it. It was nice that she knew, that he didn't have to hide the fact that another boy was lying in his bed - that Kurt was lying in his bed.

He watched as she put the pot on the stove and started heating whatever it was containing.

Blaine rested his forehead against his knuckles and realized how drained of energy he was. He had been so focused n watching Kurt that he hadn't rested himself.

"I'll tell your father that you're having a virus. That way he won't come to your room and he won't tell you to see a doctor. Kurt should be safe in your room then." Ms. Johnson smiled maternally at him and put a bowl of soup in front of him.

"Eat. Then you can bring Kurt some too. The boy is so skinny he looks like he's never ever seen food," she chuckled, before she returned to cleaning the cabinets.

Blaine ate in silence and she filled a bowl for Kurt before starting to clean Blaine's.

"Thank you. So much. For everything you do for us. It's really… nice." Blaine felt that it wasn't really enough. How could anyone ever really thank someone enough for putting their job on the line to protect their relationship?

"Who would I be to stand in the way of young love?" she grinned before she nodded towards the door.

"You better get back up. Can't have him waking up to find the bed empty." Ms. Johnson winked at him and he sent her a crooked smile in gratitude, turned around and headed back upstairs.

"Hey baby. There you are -" Kurt mumbled and squeezed Blaine's pillow as he entered the room. He crossed the floor and put the bowl of soup on the nightstand before he climbed back into the bed.

Kurt immediately moved closer to rest his cheek against Blaine's chest, his arms wrapping around his waist.

"You should sit up. Ms. Johnson made you soup," Blaine cooed, letting a warm palm over Kurt's cool forehead. He was still a bit clammy, but had turned cold, so Blaine pulled the covers a little tighter around his shoulders.

"That is so sweet of her. She's so considerate," Kurt rasped and struggled his way to sit up and Blaine made sure he had enough pillows in his back.

Kurt started eating slowly while Blaine traced gentle patterns over his back and down his arm. He thought that he looked so incredibly weak, but somehow managed to keep up his amazing glow.

Suddenly it hit Blaine how thankful he was that Kurt hadn't seen him being sick in the commune over the summer. He had been so confused about everything, and as awful as he felt he had still been craving Kurt's presence, but now he was happy that he hadn't been there - he prayed that Kurt would never get to see him as the mess he dissolved into when he got sick.

"Are you feeling any better?" Blaine asked softly. Kurt curled up against him and dragged Blaine's arm around him after having put the bowl back to the nightstand.

"Yeah. A little bit. I hate being sick; but it's so lovely to have you taking care of me," he muttered into Blaine's chest, placing gentle kisses on the fabric of his t-shirt.

"Good. I think the fever is starting to wear off," Blaine cooed and squeezed a little tighter, making Kurt express a weak moan.

They stayed in bed doing nothing but lying close and talking. Blaine traced patterns around Kurt's skin where he wasn't covered by his shirt to calm down his stressed out body. Kurt asked him about music; songs, bands and instruments, and Blaine asked him about art and nature. It nearly felt like those steamy summer nights they had snuck to be alone under a blanket in the meditation room.

"I miss the summer," Blaine said, not expecting Kurt to understand what he even meant by that.

Kurt shifted a bit to lie on his back so he could look up at Blaine from his spot on the pillow next to Blaine's thigh.

"I miss it too. But it's January. Soon spring will come to us and the world will look so much brighter," Kurt said, somewhat baffled by the sudden revelation.

"No. I mean… I miss last summer. Our summer. When we were free and didn't have to worry about who or what or why. When I didn't have to lie about sleeping next to you…"

Blaine hadn't even seen until now how much it bothered him that they always needed to sneak around. Sure, it was somewhat easier to be alone at Blaine's house because his father never was home, but they still needed to be careful because some days he would just appear.

When they were outside they couldn't hold each other walking down the street, not even at the record store - the only place they were really able to not sneak around was at Kurt's house; but there they had Finn and his dad hovering over them all the time, and Blaine couldn't shake off the feeling that they saw and heard everything he and Kurt said and did when they were at his house.

"I wish I had been brave enough to kiss you then. In front of everyone. You deserve to be kissed in front of everyone." Blaine was sad that he had been so long on realizing all he really wanted and needed was Kurt. He had been so stupid.

"It goes the way it goes. I am sure there's a reason for it. I wanna kiss you no matter how many or how few people may or may not be looking - but it's okay so long as we know each other's love it doesn't matter what people know or think," Kurt stated. His fingers were running up and down Blaine's thigh, letting the fabric of his pajamas tickle his skin lightly.

"You're right. As always; you are right. I wish I could see the world the way you do," Blaine crooned and ran his fingers through Kurt's hair.

Kurt was looking up at him with a pensive gaze. Like he was pondering over something he had just remembered.

"I thought about kissing you - back then. All the time. What it would feel like, how your lips and tongue would feel and how you would taste. Where you would place your hands and if your kiss would be soft or forceful. From the first time I saw you on the bus. I needed to feel it." Kurt smiled lightly up at him, seeming as if he was sliding into reminiscing.

Blaine was surprised. He thought that Kurt had been so absorbed in other things that stuff like kissing boys wouldn't really be of any importance to him.

"Why didn't you do it? I wish you would have done it. There were so many chances. Maybe then it wouldn't have taken me so long," Blaine burst out. If that had been the way things had happened, maybe the world had been different now.

"You weren't ready. Think about it; if some boy you had only just met started kissing you back then, how would you have reacted? You would have freaked out." Kurt didn't sound judgmental, or even sad at the fact that his boyfriend had once felt that way. Instead he was soft and smiling.

"But… you weren't just some boy, some stranger; you were Kurt. You are Kurt. And even back then I dreamed about kissing you; feeling your lips and tongue against mine - I was just afraid to admit it."

Once again Blaine felt ashamed of his ignorance. It was completely irrational how he had kept telling himself that it was nothing when it had been so obvious. Even his mom who had never seen him with Kurt had known, and now Mrs. Johnson knew it even when they had been so discrete around the house.

"You admitted it to me every day. You just didn't know. The way you sent me glances when you thought I wasn't looking, and the way you made sure to always sit close to me," Kurt grinned and sat up so he could wrap his arms around Blaine's one and rested his head on his shoulder. Blaine freed his arm so he could hold around Kurt, shy over how everyone had known before he had himself.

"Well, I hope my kissing lived up to your expectations," Blaine declared, blushing by the thought of how he could kiss Kurt all the time.

"Oh it didn't. It doesn't - it's so much better. My imagination really failed me on that one," he assured him, cheeks flushed and his eyes sparkling.

Blaine couldn't stop his eyes from darting towards Kurt's lips. They looked so red, and full, and moist in the darkness of the room. If he hadn't been sick he would…

Blaine moved around to cup Kurt's face in one hand and the other at the base of his neck, his fingers gently sliding into his hair. Kurt's lips were rough and dry against his own, and he tasted like the soup he had just ate, but his kiss was just as soft as it used to be, and as always a whirlwind spread in Blaine's belly.

"Mhm, just as breathtaking as always," Blaine moaned against his lips before he moved away.

"Stardust, I don't want you to get sick," Kurt complained with a worried look in his eyes and furrowed brows.

"That's a risk I'm willing to take for kissing you," Blaine chuckled and buried his face in the dent of Kurt's neck. Kurt pulled him in closer to a deep hug, held him fast and hummed quietly in his ear.

They broke apart and Kurt yawned followed by a whimper.

"Go lie back down. I don't want you to hurt or anything. I won't go, I swear," Blaine crooned and brushed his hand down his cheek with a worried look.

"I'm fine, just a little sore," Kurt assured him.

"Humor me then," Blaine begged, afraid the fever had made his muscles way too sore and now he wouldn't admit it.

"Okay then," Kurt finally muttered and rolled his eyes. He kissed Blaine's jaw with a gentle hand on his cheek before he moved to make himself comfortable.

"I was thinking - are you still like… do you still hate Puck?" Kurt asked carefully as he fell back on the mattress, suddenly very focused on watching his fingers twist around each other.

Blaine hadn't expected that. It had been weeks since New Years and neither of them had mentioned the miserable event once. It seemed as if they had made an unspoken deal that it was to be forgotten - or even better; it never happened.

"I… I don't hate him. I just don't want his tongue in my boyfriend's mouth, that's all," Blaine snapped, unexpectedly sharp. He felt his own features go cold and watched Kurt's face turn sad.

"I'm sorry. I really am. It wasn't even that good - I mean, Puck was but…"

"Seriously? You wanna tell me about it? So he's a better kisser than me? Thanks, Kurt, really -" Blaine hissed, shocked at how rude he was, but even more shocked that Kurt actually wanted to tell him the details of how good of a kisser Puck was.

"No. That wasn't… that's not what I was going to say," Kurt muttered, his voice weak under his breath.

"He was good. But all in all it was all awful. I wanted to throw up because I felt so guilty. It was like kissing Finn - like kissing my brother. I am so sorry, Blaine."

The tone of his voice was heartbreaking. He really was incredibly sorry, and Blaine couldn't be sure if it was just the virus going through him and making him moody but he closed his eyes and inhaled heavily the way he always did when he was trying to avoid crying.

Blaine wanted to apologize, wanted to say that he was sorry for being such an ass about it. They had discussed it and he knew that there wasn't anything with him and Puck, so that should be enough. He just couldn't help the boiling feeling inside of him as Kurt had opened the subject.

Why couldn't Kurt just yell at him? He needed him to scream and shout at him that he should stop being a jerk about it. Tell him to stop being so childish and irrational, but instead he should be adult about it and settle for Kurt's statement that it had been like kissing his brother. He should be just as angry at Blaine as Blaine was himself.

Not lie there under the covers being sad, and beautiful, and crushed. Which only made Blaine hate himself even more because he had put that face on him.

"Bottom line is - I don't hate him, okay?" Blaine forced out, fighting to sound softer, but somehow it was like he sounded even harsher than he had done before.

"Okay," Kurt replied high pitched, and curled up on his side with his back on Blaine.

That was the worst. Kurt had never turned his back on him. Ever. He had never thought he ever would. Now he had, and it was all his fault - because he was being jealous; and for no reason.

He slid back down on his own pillow, pulling his knees as much up as he possibly could and closed his eyes. All he could do now was wait for the fire inside him to cool down, and hopefully his cramping brain would relax too.

He wanted to stretch his arm out and let his fingers down Kurt's back; caress him and let him know that he wasn't mad at him, but it was like some magnetic force inside him stopped him every time his brain signaled for his arm to move.

He opened his eyes again, because he realized that he couldn't even hear Kurt breathing. He watched his back move as he inhaled and exhaled, the only movements he did at all. The way he was coiled up he reminded Blaine of an abandoned kitten.

"Do you hate me now?" Blaine asked carefully, realizing how dark the room had got while they had been lying there without speaking.

Kurt shook his head, not as much as uttering a sound.

Blaine moved over the mattress, folding his arm around Kurt's waist, his hand searching for Kurt's as he pressed light kisses on his shoulder. Kurt fumbled to let his hand slide into Blaine's and squeezed it hard, his entire arm shaking from the flexing of the muscles.

He turned around and revealed his eyes red and moist and buried his nose in the crook of Blaine's neck, kissing his collarbone and not letting his grip of his hand ease up.

"I could never hate you. Do you understand that? Never!" Kurt wailed into his chest, almost punching their hands against his shoulder.

Blaine forced his hand out of Kurt's and pulled him closer, his hands running up and down his back to calm him down.

"You're my Stardust. I could never hate you," Kurt moaned, seeming as if he was trying to avoid hyperventilating.

"Good. I love you, I was douche, okay, just calm down. Shhhh," Blaine hummed into his hair, and kissed his forehead, feeling Kurt's muscles slowly ease up in his embrace.


	35. Map Of Love

Blaine spent the entire day walking around the shop playing love songs on his guitar. Girls flocked around him, sending him gooey eyes and gave him their wishes for a song to play while the shop buzzed with people.

As it started to turn dark outside the stream of customers thinned out and Blaine was told that he could take the rest of the day off. He didn't need to get that message twice so he hurried out in the streets and home where he took a super fast shower before he headed towards Kurt's house.

"Hey Blaine. Don't you look fancy," Burt grinned as he opened the door.

"Uhm… yeah. Sort of. Could you send Kurt out? I mean… I'm taking him out. But he doesn't know -" Blaine explained awkwardly, uncertain how to put it out when he didn't want Burt to reveal anything to Kurt.

He agreed and disappeared, leaving Blaine on the doorstep with his nerves suddenly tying up in his throat. He wasn't sure what he was doing was a good idea, but he was determined to go through with it.

"Stardust - what's going on?" Kurt asked as he showed in the door. He was wearing something that mostly looked like a long dress with big patterns in bright blue nuances. He was barefooted and even though his hair was as perfectly groomed as always he looked like he had been sleeping.

"I'm sorry. Is this a bad time?" Blaine asked nervously, hoping badly that he would say no. This had not been a part of his plan. Fortunately Kurt shook his head, and looked at him curiously.

"Good. Please, go get dressed then. I wanna take you somewhere," Blaine smiled, and reminded himself that he was working from a plan.

It only took about ten minutes before Kurt was back wearing a pair of dangerously tight, blue jeans and his usual leather jacket. He jumped down the steps and stopped in front of Blaine with anticipation and confusion on his face.

"Where are we going? And where are your curls?" Kurt asked as they walked back towards town. He was staring curiously at Blaine with his nose wrinkled in a cute fashion.

"I had to get them off. Or my father would have gone crazy with me," Blaine merely answered and proceeded down the sidewalk.

Lima was dark and the stores were closed when they reached the centre of the town. It didn't matter because Blaine had a plan of where they were going. When they reached the record store he turned in the opposite direction of the one they usually took when they were headed for Blaine's house.

He stopped in front of a small diner and turned to Kurt.

"Here. Our first date. Our first _real_ date. In public. I wanna take you on a real date, so… tonight we're eating here, and then I've got plans for us after," Blaine declared proudly and threw his arms out, happy that no one was outside the diner, but well aware that inside it was packed.

"Stardust, but… all these people. Are you sure? I mean… it's really lovely and - but there are so many people," Kurt burst out, obviously baffled by the surprise.

"I know that we can't like… kiss or hold hands or anything, but it's Valentine's Day, and I wanna make it a good one for us, for _you_. So we might have to act like we're just friends, but that doesn't matter because _we _will know that it's a date. I can kiss you all I want later," he announced, determined to let Kurt know how much he meant it, how much he wanted to be with him in a normal way for once.

"Yes. Yes, you can. Always. But then… I will be happy to be your date." Kurt beamed, and Blaine could feel that he had to stop himself to not lean in to kiss his cheek.

Blaine reached out his hand discretely and crook his finger around Kurt's before he let go and they entered the small diner. The restaurant was packed with loving couples sitting around at the tables, and they were lucky to find a small one in a corner, shielded from most of the room.

When Kurt took off his jacket he revealed that he was wearing a white, see-through tunic with a tight purple t-shirt under. Blaine himself had chosen to wear a white shirt and a black bowtie for the occasion. The sight made Kurt's cheeks blush and his eyes lit up in stars.

The feeling of being out with Kurt like that in a public space was nerving. Blaine had to admit that he couldn't stop looking around to see if there were people he knew present, or if the other guests were looking at them, but after some time they started talking and he relaxed a little.

"This is really nice… Blaine," Kurt said, awkward in using his real name, but Blaine appreciated the gesture, even though it felt wrong.

Blaine squeezed around his necklace through the fabric of his shirt. He loved the way Kurt had named him Stardust, and he wanted to beg him to never call him by his birth name again. It sounded wrong, and he missed the sound of Kurt's voice calling him Stardust.

"I'm glad you like it. I know it's not… perfect, or anything. I just wanted to do something special," Blaine told, his voice low but confident that the voices from the rest of the diner were loud enough to cover their conversation.

"I think it's amazing. And you look really handsome," Kurt smiled, and Blaine felt his foot brush against his leg, causing a shiver to run through his entire body. If only it was possible for him to reach out his hand and feel Kurt's - just for a second.

Blaine let his hand down on the bench and let it slide over the leather. He found Kurt's thigh, and it only took a split second before Kurt had let his fingers in between Blaine's.

They stayed for a while with their hands locked under the table. They ate, talked and laughed, and when the waitress came with the check Blaine paid for both of them. She probably knew what was going on, but he found that it didn't mean that much to him. He was with Kurt, and that was all that was important.

When they stepped outside the diner Kurt turned to look at him, awaiting the signal for where their next stop would be. Blaine didn't say anything; he reached out his hand and crook his little finger around Kurt's and bopped his head in the direction of the town before he let go and Kurt followed him.

Blaine stopped in the town square and turned to look at Kurt, who was staring at him with confusion and adoration. Kurt was standing a few steps away, seeming like he was unsure if it was okay for him to go closer.

"Blaine, it was really wonderful. I don't even know what to say. I -"

Kurt's voice was drowned in the touch of Blaine's lips against his. Kurt's hands worked their way onto Blaine's back and pressed him closer while Blaine's hand was softly caressing Kurt's neck.

"Stardust, we're in the middle of town. People could see us… you kissed me!" Kurt exclaimed, clearly thrown off guard by the way everything was suddenly turned upside down.

"Kurt, I love you. You're everything to me, and I hate that I can't show that to the world. So I just figured that no one would be here at this time, so… I just wanted to kiss you in front of the world. It's stupid, I know…" Blaine realized how lame it sounded when he said it. Maybe he should never attempt on creating Valentine's Day's memories ever again.

"That is so sweet, baby," Kurt smiled, and cupped his face with both of his hands.

He looked around them before he turned his gaze back to Blaine's.

"What are we doing now?" He asked and let his hands drop to his sides, taking a step backwards as he knew that there was still a chance that people would come by. It was Friday after all and teenagers often made their way by the town square when they were on their way out to drink.

"We're going to my house. I have something to show you," Blaine declared and hoped that it didn't throw anything off course for Kurt. He remembered that when he had picked him up earlier that night he hadn't exactly looked like he was planning to out.

"That sounds so exciting. I can't believe you've done all of this for me. I didn't even know that it was Valentine's Day," Kurt chuckled and started walking in the direction of Blaine's house.

Blaine stared at him dancing down the sidewalk for a moment before he ran to his side and grabbed his hand.

"Hold my hand. Please," he whispered when he saw Kurt's surprised face.

"Always," he beamed at him, and squeezed his hand tighter.

As they turned up the driveway to the Anderson house Blaine felt everything inside him tie up. The night had gone by so much better than he could have ever hoped for, and now he had come to the last part.

He had spent the entire previous night on making it all perfect and then the morning before work on fixing up the details. Now he was just happy to know that his father would be away for the weekend so they wouldn't be surprised.

He unlocked the door and they entered the dark hall. Kurt started to walk towards the stairs as always, but Blaine held him back.

"Uhm… could you wait here for a second? I just need to fix something," Blaine said nervously and bit his lower lip. Kurt's eyes were shining, big and confused, through the dark, but his face was filled with curiosity and anticipation.

Kurt nodded and Blaine grinned at him while running his hand over his cheek before he left him standing in the hall by himself.

It only took him a moment before he was ready, and he decided that despite the knot in his throat it was time to call Kurt up to his room.

It was a few seconds from Blaine called down the stairs until Kurt insecurely pushed open the door. His eyes popped and surprise filled every tiny feature of his entire body.

Blaine had filled his room with candles. All of them were now lit and he was sitting with his guitar on the floor in a circle where he had made room for himself and Kurt.

Kurt stood staring, taking in the scenery with amazement, before he let his shoes and jacket drop to the floor so he could tiptoe over to sit in front of the circle of candles. The second Kurt sat down and started playing, clearly making Kurt blush as soon as he started singing.

"_Wise men say_

_Only fools rush in_

_But I can't help_

_Falling in love with you_"

Kurt watched him in awe. It wasn't just that he wanted to let Blaine finish; he was definitely speechless.

"_Shall I stay?_

_Would it be a sin?_

_If I can't help_

_Falling in love with you_"

Kurt's eyes turned wet, but he didn't let the tears fall. He observed Blaine, his hands folded at his chest.

"_Like a river flows_

_Surely to the sea_

_Darling so it goes_

_Some things are meant to be_"

The tears found their way down Kurt's face, but he still didn't move. He was frozen in the spot as he let Blaine finish his song.

"_Take my hand_

_Take my whole life too_

_For I can't help_

_Falling in love with you_"

Blaine repeated the last two verses before he let the last note stroll from the guitar. He put it down against his desk and looked to Kurt.

There was no reaction. He was clenching his fists together against his chest with glittering cheeks and a smile over his face.

"Kurt I… I just love you. So much. And I wanna tell you and show you all the time. I wanna drape you in roses, and hold your hand in front of every, and write you beautiful poetry where I compare your eyes to the firmament and your smile with the sun… but the truth is that I can't. I'm too scared to kiss you in front of other people. I'm not articulate enough to write you beautiful poems… I'm just some dude. All I can do is sing you songs other people wrote, while playing my stupid guitar. I just… want you to know that I love you."

He ended his babbling and looked down in the floor, his eyes itching from the warmth steaming from the candles. It was so stupid. Immensely idiotic through and through. He had nothing to offer Kurt but other people's work. That was the naked truth. Yet, Kurt was sitting there with him. Loving him back.

"Shut up. Just… shut up, you idiot!" Kurt whined and grabbed Blaine's face to clasp his lips against his.

Even when their lips had stopped moving together Kurt didn't move away. He let their faces stay together before he slid his hands around Blaine's neck and down his back so he could press him close to his chest, kiss his cheek, ear and neck.

"I don't want all of that. I don't care about all of those things. Because what you give me is so much better. Your voice, and your playing… everything is so beautiful, and it takes my breath away."

Kurt broke away and stared Blaine in the eyes. Lines from drying tears were glittering on his skin, and the candles were reflected in his eyes.

"Your love. _Your_ - _love_ - is so much bigger, and brighter, and infinite times more beautiful than anything I could get from any other boy, or girl, in this Universe. I feel your love for me even when you're not with me," Kurt explained with shaking voice.

Blaine grabbed his hands and stood abruptly up. Kurt took a little time, but eventually followed him. Blaine led him to the bed where he had made sure to make a path to from the circle through the candles.

"I've never thought of Valentine's Day as anything special. But… I want this one to be perfect. And the most perfect way I can think of it to be is if I'm with you. I don't need anything else," Blaine whispered and crawled onto the bed, waiting for Kurt to join him.

It was only a second before Kurt was on his knees in front of him. He let his fingers gingerly up and down Blaine's naked arms, before he slowly started unbuttoning his shirt.

Blaine was uncertain whether it was the candles or Kurt's touch, but he definitely felt his temperature rise. He made sure to not let his eyes leave Kurt's for even a brief second while he felt Kurt take off his bowtie and shirt.

Blaine started pulling off Kurt's tunic, the t-shirt following it to the end of the bed. Kurt's fingertips ran down Blaine's torso, causing chills to run with them down his spine.

Kurt let himself fall to the bedspread under them; a gorgeous figure with silver skin from the moonlight reflecting the yellow flickering flames from the candles. Blaine was frozen in the spot, absorbing him with his eyes.

He bent down and started to slowly unbutton his jeans, and only a few seconds later Kurt was naked on his bed, now his entire body silver like a creature from nature - like a fairy or a nymph.

Blaine let the rest of his own clothes drop too, only keeping on the necklace Kurt had given him, before he fell to the bed to lie next to Kurt. He couldn't take his eyes off him though; he was completely mesmerized by his beauty.

Neither of them said a word. The wind outside was blowing slowly, but it wasn't anymore than a sad howling against the window.

The room was so heated that Blaine almost didn't notice the sudden lack of clothes on his skin, and he couldn't stop focusing on how strong green Kurt's eyes were through the darkness.

"If I could I would stare at you forever. I don't even want to blink. Will you grow old with me?" Kurt whispered, like he was afraid that they would be heard, or that something terrible would happen if he broke the silence.

"You will never be old," Blaine simply declared. It was impossible for him to imagine Kurt as old. Ever.

"Your heart is so… young, and innocent. You will stay young forever," Blaine explained, his voice nearly inaudible, but they were so close that he could Kurt's nose brush his, so he didn't doubt that he had heard him.

"Then… will you stay young forever with me?" Kurt asked hushed, as he started to let fingertips run over Blaine's cheek and down his neck, to caress patterns on his chest.

"I've never found bodies interesting - or even attractive. Neither male nor female bodies - but yours…" Blaine placed a hand on Kurt's chest.

"Yours is… Your body is amazing. It's so beautiful, and it fascinates me so much." His hand traced its way down his ribs to his abdomens and over his hipbone to end at the smaller of his back.

"Your body has its own story. I wish I could stare at you naked all the time." Blaine leaned in to kiss his shoulder, and as he broke away he could see Kurt smiling with both his mouth and eyes. Somehow it seemed like he was smiling with his entire body; Blaine had never experienced anyone be able to do that.

"Yours is like a map of love," Kurt exclaimed, giving Blaine the feeling that this was something he had decided long ago. Did that mean that Kurt thought about him, about his body, when they weren't together?

"When we lie like this, and we're completely quiet, looking at your body gives me the feeling that your singing and your voice has been sculpted to _be _you."

Kurt rested his head on his arm, and Blaine let his eyes travel from his hairline, over his forehead and temples, across his entire face; step by step, to memorize every single detail down to the last vague freckle.

Silence filled the room around them, nothing but the sadness from the wind outside the window and Blaine was sure he could hear their hearts beating.

The feeling of Kurt's bared skin close to his was electric, and he wanted it closer despite the heat filling the room. Yet, he felt chills all over and he knew that the temperature would only continue rising, regardless of the candles burning out.

Kurt reached up and let his palm down over Blaine's eyes to close his eyelids. He felt Kurt's hand around his wrist and felt him lead his hand around over his body. He quickly got the notion and Kurt fell to lie on his back instead of his side.

Blaine opened his eyes and sat up so he could see Kurt clearly. Kurt smiled trusting up at him before he closed his own eyes and waited.

Blaine leaned down and kissed his collarbone before he re-closed his eyes and let his right hand travel across Kurt's body. The sensation of Kurt's boiling skin sent Blaine's brain and heart into a game of artistry and he had to stop himself from chuckling.

He remembered back to the day on the grass in Washington where Kurt had taught him that his looking sense was holding back his other senses.

At this very moment he felt the heat from Kurt's body much stronger than ever before. Kurt's skin felt much smoother; like fluid silk, or red wine. The dents of his muscles were much clearer. He felt the hardness of his nipples like sculpted in rock, and his heart felt like it was pounding, fighting, to break free from his chest.

When Blaine's hand had found its way down to Kurt's wrist he stopped. He instinctively opened his eyes, and saw that Kurt was staring at him too. His eyes were swimming with sadness because he knew why he had stopped.

Blaine lifted his hand and kissed his wrist, kissed the scar, and let Kurt's palm run down his cheek, pressing it against his skin.

The scar had lost all meaning, it was nothing more than a ghost of Kurt's past, but would never be a part of his future.

Blaine moved the bracelet on his wrist to make sure it covered up the scar; assuring Kurt that all that had made Kurt feel that he needed to make this mark on his life Blaine wanted to replace with all he could give him, and all he would ever need.

He started kissing up Kurt's arm, leaned down to kiss his shoulder, his neck, over his collarbone and crawled up to sit on him so he could kiss down his chest while letting his hands run flatly up and down his arms.

Kurt caught his hands, and entwined his fingers with Blaine's while he worked his way down Kurt's body by pressing kisses against his naked skin.

When he reached his navel Kurt started giggling and twitching, so Blaine let his tongue trace cat licks over the sensitive spot a few times, causing Kurt to giggle and twitch even harder, his grip on Blaine's hands tightening.

Blaine fell down to lie next to Kurt, his arms locking around him and his one leg curling its way in between Kurt's legs. He rested his head on Kurt's belly, before starting to play with his fingers. Kurt ran his fingers through Blaine's now way-too-short hair, and made his fingertips run circles and eights on his shoulders.

In reality it was too hot to be close like that, but Blaine didn't want to let go of Kurt. He could hear his pulse in the veins down his mid-torso, and he could feel Kurt's skin heating up his entire head.

His crotch was pressed against Kurt's thigh, and he knew that he should feel exposed for not even being covered by so much as a blanket, but he didn't. He felt safe and protected; hoping that he could find a way to let the night never end.

"Happy Valentine," he whispered and kissed the tip of Kurt's index finger.

"Happy Valentine, Stardust," Kurt whispered back and let his index finger run down the back of his nose, before running up and down his arm, Blaine clenching around his hips with both arms now.

The candles started slowly dying out, and against all Blaine's expectations he started shaking from the lack of heat from the flames. Kurt forced him to sit up so they could disappear under the covers.

As soon as they were under Kurt shuffled close to Blaine and let his lips softly onto Blaine's. He massaged softly against Blaine's lips while his hands explored Blaine's body, making Blaine fear that he would ruin the moment by sporting a hard-on from the touch of Kurt.

The moon was still shining silver over the bed, and Kurt seemed somehow even more gracious than usual even though he nearly didn't move at all. Blaine was torn between wanting to look at Kurt forever, and wanting to close his eyes so he could completely disappear into the world of Kurt's arms.

In time he gave in and let his heavy eyelids take over, so he could press his body against Kurt's, feeling his body mirror his, while Kurt's arms protectively held around him.


	36. Finally

A knock was heard on the door making a startle run through Blaine before he gathered himself enough to invite whoever it was into his room. No one ever came to his room except for Kurt and he knew that he was at home spending time with his dad, so he was baffled that anyone had even come.

"Dad? What - I mean…" Blaine stammered as he let his book drop to the mattress and hurried to sit up on the bed. He couldn't remember when his father had been in his room the last time - or if he even ever had been in his room.

He watched as his father's eyes quickly darted around the room between his guitar and records, to Kurt's artwork on the wall. A dissatisfied grunt crept over his lips before he turned to Blaine with a sharp look.

"A colleague is bringing his family for dinner tonight so don't make any plans. You _will_ be here," his father said in a tone that didn't leave the subject open for any kind of debate. This had been decided and it was the way things were going to go down.

"Uhm… okay," Blaine replied, uncertain why his presence was required, but knew that it would no good asking for an explanation.

"Be ready downstairs at 18.55." His father grunted and nodded at him before he turned around and left the room. Blaine was left baffled on his bed, unable to really pick up where he had left his book.

He didn't have any plans for the evening, but it still annoyed him that his father made these kinds of decisions - what if he had plans? _Only a few months left and I'm 18, and then he doesn't get to decide anything anymore_, Blaine reminded himself.

He crawled off the bed and walked in circles on the floor of his room a few times before he figured that he should probably take a shower. He found out some clothes that he guessed his father wouldn't find entirely inappropriate for the occasion before he took the heavy stepped journey to the bathroom.

Standing in the shower with water pouring down his face made him think of Kurt. Every part of the house reminded him of Kurt, and they had taken so many showers together that Blaine related everything in the bathroom with him. The dusty pink tiles on the walls reminded him of Kurt pressing his chest against his and his arms around him. The shampoo symbolized the way Kurt always smelled like summer rain even though he was covered in strawberry-scented soap. Even the stream of water reminded him of the feeling of Kurt's lips against his wet, slippery skin.

As Blaine stepped out of the shower he could still see the outline of the heart Kurt had drawn in the dew on the mirror after they had showered together over the weekend.

He shook his head and demanded of himself to try and think of something other than Kurt, well aware that it was definitely easier said than done. Kurt was all that was on his mind.

To Blaine's surprise the colleague of his father who came for dinner was the father of his old classmate, Trent, so suddenly he was face to face with a person he had shared 3 years of his life with, but hadn't spoken to in the last 8 months.

The dinner was awkward. As they hadn't spoken for such a long time neither of them knew how to tackle the situation, and they ended up only answering politely whenever their parents addressed them, or they stuck to keeping their focus in their plates, every now and then sending each other strained smiles across the table.

After dessert the adults declared that they would retreat to the living room, and Mr. Anderson suggested that Blaine and Trent went to his room. Blaine had no idea how to handle that, but as Trent found great interest in music too he figured they would find something to talk about along the way.

Trent had only been to Blaine's room a few times, so when he entered and saw the collection of records filling up most of one of the walls he was impressed.

They spent a long time going through his records. He told about his job at the record store in town, and Trent told him about the new additions to the glee club in Dalton. At one point Blaine mentioned the big record store in Washington and he instantly regretted. He had purposely avoided mentioning Washington all night, because talking about his time across the country would mean dragging Kurt into the conversation.

"What happened over there?" Trent asked curiously after a moment of deep silence.

_Here we go, _Blaine thought, feeling his stomach roll and his shirt start to itch. He searched his brain desperately for a way out of the subject, but he couldn't see anything to it.

"Nothing. I mean… I just hung out with some people, and just - forgot about everything. I found out that Gary is an asshole," he said as casual as possible. Images of Kurt lying on the grass in the sun was flickering through his mind; sunbeams were playing over his skin and changing the nuances of his hair, while he was gazing at Blaine with mystery in his multicolored eyes. Those beautiful eyes.

"Yeah. I heard about that. Uhm… I heard that - he freaked out at you because you found a girl he didn't like or something." Trent was flipping through the pages of a comic book he had grabbed from the stack next to Blaine's bed.

He was telling the truth. That was honestly all he had heard. Trent never lied, he was one of the best guys Blaine had ever met, and now that they were hanging out he was sad that he hadn't called him after he came home.

At least that meant that no one was talking about his connection to Kurt. Now it just nagged Blaine who had said that their ways had parted because of a girl - it had to be someone who knew about Kurt but wanted to help them keep it to themselves.

Linda.

"You could say that. It was a bit more complicated than that…" Blaine said, not wanting to lie to Trent.

"I didn't mean to intrude or anything. It's fine, cool - none of my business," Trent assured him hastily, the look on his face emphasizing his words.

"I - Trent, it wasn't a girl. I'm gay. It was because of a boy Gary freaked out on me," he blabbered out before he could stop himself. He had no idea how he had been so careless to let it slip that way, but now that he had it was like something heavy had been taken from his heart, making it easier for it to beat.

Trent was staring at him with mouth slightly ajar. Blaine balled his hands to fists in his lap, and didn't know if he should say something or let the words sink, when his friend suddenly spoke, nearly making Blaine jump from his spot on the floor.

"Wow… that's - new," Trent exclaimed, his voice like he was trying to collect himself and his thoughts - let the information ground and form some sort of reaction from his brain.

"Shit," Blaine mumbled to himself and let his head dump back against the bed they were sitting in front of. Now he had screwed things up with Trent and ruined his one chance to have a friend in this godforsaken town.

"So - are you like… seeing anyone?" Trent asked insecure, his eyes flickering between Blaine's eyes and Kurt's drawings on the wall. The drawing of Blaine had to be the one to really keep dragging his attention away. It was hard to figure out what was going on in Trent's thoughts, but Blaine knew that even if he didn't want anything to do with him anymore (which he probably wouldn't, Blaine was sure) he wouldn't spread it around. This was a secret he would take to the grave if Blaine asked him to, because that was just the sort of person Trent was.

"Yeah. Well… that boy Gary went crazy about. Kurt. We've been together for a while now," Blaine replied, feeling himself shrink in front of Trent. He felt so damn exposed; his entire everything was laid out for Trent to see who he truly was, no covering up. Now all he could do was answer his questions and wait for him to walk away.

"That's so cool. I'm really happy for you," Trent smiled at him, and Blaine felt his heart stop in his chest; freeze over.

He said it was cool. He was actually okay with it. Blaine felt like throwing his arms around his neck, but stopped himself guessing that would be pushing his luck a bit too far. Instead he let out a relieved sigh.

"What's he like?"

Blaine had the impression that Trent was insecure and uncertain about how personal he was allowed to get, so Blaine figured that he might as well lay it all out, and put everything out in the open.

"Kurt is… special. He's dreamy and intelligent, and has this big heart with room for everything and everyone. He's just everything - so beautiful and kind. And he's an artist. He makes me feel like… I'm flying," Blaine told, hearing his voice become hazy and realized that he had got carried away.

Trent was staring at him in awe, clearly listening openly to Blaine's tale about the reason for his happiness, and he was suddenly comfortable about telling Trent everything.

"Sounds like the perfect guy for you," Trent grinned, flashing his dimples and honest eyes. Blaine couldn't help chuckling; the fact that someone had just said that Kurt was "the perfect guy for him" and the thought that Trent didn't despise him now that he knew that he was gay made his insides bubble with happiness and a feeling of safety wrapped around him as he felt comfortable about opening up about this side of his "double life".

They spent a few hours on Trent asking about Kurt, and Blaine asking about things at Dalton after he left. Apparently people missed him, but no one had really been sure what was going on, and after his mom died none of them felt comfortable enough to be the one to contact him, because they had been unsure of how much he wanted them in his life anymore. No one at Dalton even knew that he was working in the record store either.

When it got late there was a knock on the door and Trent's mom said that they were leaving, Blaine feeling sad now that they had only just got into talking freely.

"It was really good to see you," Blaine said as Trent's mom left them to their goodbyes. They got off the floor and Trent gave Kurt's drawings one last look of admiration before he headed for the door.

"Definitely. Don't be a stranger in the future, promise? And… don't worry, I'm not gonna tell anyone. Your secret's safe with me - but I wanna meet him," Trent declared. Blaine grinned and hugged him. It felt so good to know that he had a chance of getting his friends back.

Blaine followed him downstairs and shook his parents' hands before they left. He headed for the kitchen to get a drink, feeling his father's eyes follow him around. It was odd, but Blaine had a feeling of being observed creeping under his skin.

When he was in bed he wished that he could have called Kurt to tell him about his talk with Trent. He excitedly thought of how Kurt would be ecstatic for him and eager to meet his friends. He would definitely need to introduce Kurt to Trent - maybe he would even be able to let his other old friends know about Kurt as well.

For the next week Blaine was positively glowing. He was on a high from hanging out with Trent, and from the surprise that he had called him the next day to hear if Blaine wanted to do something the following Monday. As Blaine wasn't doing anything but working and Kurt didn't have time until Wednesday he agreed.

They met at Breadstix for coffee and then they walked to the record store. Trent was eager to see what the store had to offer, and he was even more thrilled to see that Blaine was highly respected for his musical knowledge and talent.

"I was thinking about something," Trent said after they left the store where he had spent way more money than he should have. They were walking down the main street of Lima and it was getting late so he had to get on the bus to get home in time.

"Well… you said that your… Kurt, is an artist. So I came to think if you've got like some of his work that I can see?" He sounded insecure and awaiting. Like he was nearly expecting Blaine to decline his request.

"Sure. I mean… I only have a few sketches he did. But they're really amazing - and if I asked him he would either have something lying around, or he would probably just make something for me," Blaine assured him casually. He wanted Trent to see how talented Kurt was. Heck, he wanted the whole world to see his talent.

They agreed for Blaine to figure out something with Kurt's drawings for him to see. Trent's mom was working in a gallery so he had grown up with her interest for art, and as he had grown older he had taken it to heart as well. Blaine had once been to the gallery and the exhibitions were incredible - he dreamed that one day Kurt would be able to do an exhibition of his own drawings.

When the bus left Blaine started his way home. Fortunately it wasn't that cold so he decided to walk through town instead of down the side street he usually took home during the night. He passed the diner, and suddenly he was faced with Puck and some girl by his hand.

"Hey… uhm… hey," Puck stammered, clearly as surprised as Blaine was himself. He turned pale and his grip on the girl's hand seemed suddenly stiff. He scraped a little in the ground with the tip of his boot before he got himself together.

"Can you give us a minute? I'll be right there," Puck said to the girl. She received the message with a confused expression that turned sour when she glanced at Blaine. She stuck her nose in the air and released her hand from Puck's so she could strut some feet away, out of eavesdropping distance.

"Dude… I'm really sorry about what happened. I haven't talked to Kurt since New Years, and I don't think he wants to unless you're cool with it - but he's my best friend, man. He's having a really tough time, and he needs me. I'm sorry," Puck babbled out.

Blaine had already guessed that he wanted to discuss New Years again, but he hadn't expected him to rush out that way. He was probably afraid that Blaine would turn him down without even hearing him out. There was no question that he really wanted back to be friends with Kurt.

"A tough time? What are you talking about?" Blaine had honestly no idea what he was referring to and it pained him. When he was with Kurt he was as happy and dreamy as always, he hadn't mentioned anything.

"I've seen it when I'm over to hang out with Finn. When he's home he's moody and pout. I haven't talked to him because he always disappears when he realizes I'm there, so I don't know what's going on," Puck explained. He kept sending glances in the direction of the girl, but she kept pouting and looking demonstratively in the other direction.

"I… let's just call it cool from here. I'm thinking that I'll go to Kurt's place Wednesday, so maybe you could drop by," Blaine suggested. He was still a little reluctant towards Puck, but he knew that it was childish - Kurt only wanted him, and if he was to have friends why shouldn't Kurt? Not that he had told Kurt not to see Puck, he would never do that; he just couldn't erase the picture of Kurt deep buried in kissing Puck with their hands moving around each other's bodies.

"Cool. That's really cool, man. Thanks." Puck's face lit completely up by the invitation and he grinned broadly at Blaine as he reached out his arm to shake his hand.

"So… I'll see you then - and uhm… I never told Kurt to not see you. I would never tell him what to do," Blaine said a little sheepish. He really didn't want Puck to think that he tried to control Kurt. What if Puck had thought that he was controlling and demanding and treated Kurt horribly?

"I know, dude. I know," Puck said assuring and winked at him before he walked back to his date who was starting to seem extremely impatient, and not at all satisfied when Puck finally returned to her side.

When Blaine arrived at Kurt's house his dad told him that he was in the shower, so Blaine figured he would go wait for him in his room. He loved Kurt's room and found it fascinating to look at the decorations on his walls, as if they were telling him Kurt's story.

He crawled onto Kurt's bed and put on a record. The Simon & Garfunkel one that Kurt had bought for him. He loved that one, it always reminded him of Kurt and his promise of them finding a place together where they didn't have to hide. He rested his head against the poster of The Beatles next to the bed and looked around at the drawings around the room.

New sketches had been hung. Mostly the usual with animals, flowers and a variety of peace symbols - but Blaine noticed how his drawings had slowly changed to involve music too. Guitars, pianos, records and keys were twisted into the motives now, but one particular drawing caught him by surprise, and when he saw it he couldn't tear his gaze away.

The sketch was an up-close of a set of hands playing guitar. The motive was so lively that he could nearly see the fingers moving over the strings on the paper, but what truly caught him was that it wasn't just a pair of hands; it was his hands. Down to the tiniest detail with the beauty mark on his right index finger and the way his nails always were cut a bit too short so they wouldn't be troubling him when he played. Even the guitar was a perfect image of his with the scratched laquer and the tiny dots his mom had helped him painting when he first got it, to make it easier for him to learn the grips.

He never new that Kurt had paid that much attention when he played. He always thought that he just closed his eyes and sucked in his voice and the tunes. This was truly remarkable.

"Stardust! You're here early," Kurt squealed the minute he entered the room and saw him sitting in the corner. He fell onto him to throw his arms around Blaine's neck to smother him in kiss. He was only wearing a towel which quickly slid off his waist, but Kurt didn't seem to notice; he simply kept on kissing Blaine all over his face before he found his mouth and lost himself in him.

"I've missed you," Kurt muttered when he finally broke away. His hands were still placed on Blaine's face and his eyes were sparkling as brightly as the smile on his lips.

"I've missed you too," Blaine returned. He was surprised that he was even capable of forming a sentence, because his head was spinning and the butterflies that usually inhabited his stomach had woken up and was throwing a lively party.

He slid his hand down Kurt's side, over his ribs to feel his warm skin against his palm. Kurt grinned at him and pecked his lips before he got to his feet and headed for the closet. The towel was still on the floor so Blaine had a great view of Kurt swaying naked around in front of him.

Blaine was mesmerized by his view, and when it occurred to him that he wasn't even uncomfortable or embarrassed by staring he openly grinned at himself. It was thrilling to know that he had evolved so much in their relationship that he didn't feel awkward about it anymore. He wanted to look at Kurt naked forever.

Kurt pulled on a pair of briefs and a long, purple tunic that mostly seemed like a dress before he returned to the bed where he shuffled into Blaine and placed Blaine's arms around him.

"Mhm, you smell nice," Blaine mumbled hazy into the crook of his neck. Kurt giggled and looked up to kiss his chin. He started playing with Blaine's fingers and sighed, like he finally was where he had waited to be for years.

Blaine told Kurt about his visit from Trent and what had happened. Kurt was ecstatic to hear Trent's reception of the news about Blaine's relationship. His face lit up and he started talking about how proud of him he was for taking that huge step, naturally that caused Blaine to blush greatly.

Kurt insecurely suggested that it could be an opening for him to take contact to the rest of his old friends, and maybe even come out to them as well. It was clear that he was nervous to bring it up, but that he really thought it would be good for Blaine to do it.

"I don't want you to be lonely, Stardust," Kurt muttered while being very absorbed in the tips of Blaine's thumb and index finger.

"I'm not lonely. I could never be. I have you, right -" Blaine objected truthfully, even though he knew perfectly well that it wasn't what Kurt meant. It was just a lot to take in. He had felt lonely all of his life, but he had learned to live with it; when he came to Dalton he was surrounded by friends all the time, and he had grown up with Gary by his side - but he had still felt lonely somehow.

"But, lovechild… I love you, but we can't be joined by the hip forever. We both need to breathe and seek other company. We are both artists by heart; we need input and inspiration from others - so we don't strange ourselves in each other's, and out own, love for one another. You need your friends, beautiful," Kurt explained softly and turned to look Blaine in the eyes, maybe fearing that he had hurt his feelings.

It was true. He missed his friends from Dalton, and he had often feared that he and Kurt was spending too much time together. He didn't think he could ever grow tired of Kurt, but he was right; they would need space, and just because they were together they would need other people in their lives too.

"Mhm… I will definitely see more of Trent in the future, and… I'll see with some of the others too," Blaine assured him and pecked his nose before running his fingers through Kurt's still damp hair. Kurt smiled understandingly at him and shuffled deeper into his embrace.

"Also… I ran into Puck the other night."

Kurt stiffened in his arms. He was surely uncertain what to expect. Apparently he was more sensitive to the subject of Blaine's contact with Puck than Blaine had thought, so he hoped that he could take it off him.

"We talked and… we agreed that he'd come here tonight… to hang out with us. Both of us." Kurt relaxed and looked up at Blaine from his place at his chest. His eyes were shiny and his face awaiting, as if he was expecting a catch.

"I'm sorry I was such an idiot about it. It was really unfair of me. And you need friends too. So… we're good. Puck and I are good. I never wanted you to stop talking to him," he assured him and chewed in the inside of his cheek.

He couldn't stop thinking about what Puck had said about him having a tough time. He wanted to ask, but he didn't want to intrude. If it was something important, or serious, that was bothering him, he would definitely tell him. Wouldn't he?

Kurt nodded. He did know that. He just didn't want Blaine to be uncomfortable. Kurt pushed his friends aside to not push Blaine away. That was both amazing and disturbing in one time. It shouldn't be like that. Blaine didn't want them to have a relationship where one dictated what the other did or who the other talked to - even it was unintended.

"Puck said… he mentioned something about having seen that - he says that you're unhappy when you're home. Is that true?" Blaine finally asked. He was glad that he couldn't see Kurt's face. He didn't wanted to meet his eyes when Kurt realized that he talked about him with others when he wasn't there.

"Finn's started talking… about going back. He says he wants to marry Rachel and then go back. He doesn't feel like he should be here when there's a war going on over there," Kurt mumbled under his breath. There was no doubt that he hadn't mentioned this to anyone. Once again he locked up his pain.

Blaine could feel Kurt shrink in his arms. He came to think of hedgehogs who rolls themselves up when they feel vulnerable. He didn't want Kurt to roll himself up - he wanted him to stay in the open and discuss his troubled mind with him - so he could ease him. The only problem was that Blaine had no idea what to say to ease his mind.

"Oh… I - that's not good. That's terrible. Have you talked to him about it?"

_Good job, Blaine, just push it onto Finn. Jerk. _Blaine wanted to slap himself for that comment. If Kurt had talked to Finn he would have talked to him too. Obviously.

"You haven't seen him when he's watching the news or when he sees a newspaper. The way his gaze goes blank and he tightens his fists, as if he feels like he has run out on his buddies," Kurt sniffed, and started running his fingers up and down a fold in Blaine's polo shirt.

"I know Rachel talked to him. She's a mess over it. I also know that if she can't talk him out of it no one can."

There was a knock on the door and Puck appeared from the hall. He looked like he was afraid that he had walked in on a very intimate moment, so Blaine smiled and nodded at him in assurance that the coast was clear.

He came in and sat down. Kurt sat up and looked insecurely to Blaine who nodded at him to confirm that it was okay, before Kurt moved over to wrap his arms around Puck.

They spent the afternoon and the evening together, playing cards and laughing at random jokes. Puck told them that he had seen Quinn after New Years and she had been crushed. When she returned to the school her parents had sent her too she swore that she would find a way to permanently get out of Lima and never come back.

Somehow it was comforting. Blaine wanted her to get on with her life and do great things. He didn't want her to dwell on him, and he hoped that now that she knew about him and Kurt she would accept that she and him just wasn't meant to be.

When Puck had to leave around 10.30 they walked him down the road and snuck their hands together when they were sure no one was there. When they got back to Kurt's house his dad asked if Blaine was staying for the night so he figured that he might as well do that.

"He'll be alright. He made it this far, so I'm sure he will be able to handle one more round. If he goes. It's not sure. The other day I heard my father tell Trent's dad that they aren't too keen on shipping back those who has already been there for a long time. Like Finn," Blaine whispered when they had turned off all of the lights and were folded up around each other ready to sleep.

Kurt strengthened his grip around Blaine's arm and kissed his shoulder. He stayed silent for a long time and Blaine started to wonder he was even listening to him, or if he might already be asleep. He was holding his arm so fast that Blaine nearly couldn't feel blood in his fingers anymore.

"Let's just sleep, Stardust. We'll talk about it another time," Kurt hushed under his breath.


	37. Loyalty

Trent started dropping by the record store regularly. They discussed new music that were just in, bands vs. other bands, American vs. British rock and Trent told him what the Dalton glee club, The Warblers, were up to. Every now and then Trent would even sing with him and the customers would crowd around them to hear the new guy sing.

"Hey St - _Blaine_," Kurt said, quickly correcting himself before he messed up in public. Blaine hadn't seen him coming into the store and had to stop himself from not letting his emotions take over from the surprise.

"Hey Kurt. This is Trent," Blaine introduced quickly when he found that he couldn't stop staring longingly at Kurt's lips. Trent's face filled with an 'aha'-expression and Kurt put on a soft smile.

"Hey. Thank you," Kurt said as he dreamy embraced Trent, taking him by great surprise. Confusion spread on Trent's face, but Blaine just shook his head. There weren't any customers but Benji was running around in the backroom, so he figured that personal talk wasn't the best idea at that point.

Both Kurt and Trent stayed for the rest of the day to keep Blaine company while he worked. He greatly appreciated it, and couldn't help but smile when he noticed them engage in deep conversation while he was busy elsewhere.

When Blaine's shift was finished they went to Breadstix together. Kurt and Blaine got to sit next to each other and lock their hands under the table. It was obvious that Trent knew that they were holding hands so he grinned at them, making Blaine feel his cheeks blush a little.

Trent and Kurt quickly fell into a conversation about art. Blaine merely listened; fascinated by how they talked about techniques, artists and materials. Before Blaine knew it Trent had invited Kurt to visit his mom's gallery, and Kurt was excited by the thought.

By the end of the night they walked Trent to the bus stop. It was a lovely night without clouds, but lots of stars, and as March was creeping up on them it was only chilly, instead of freezing, but Blaine still crept his hand into Kurt's whenever no one was near them.

"Uhm… The Warblers are doing this party… in like two weeks or something. I was thinking you could come if you want. I'm sure the other guys would think it to be cool," Trent said, surprising Blaine with his invitation. He was starting to wonder if the other Warblers might have forgot about him.

Kurt beamed at him, extremely satisfied that Trent was doing such a good job about helping Blaine in the right direction of taking back contact to his old friends.

"Sure. I would love that. That should be fun," Blaine accepted and felt a suck in his stomach from the thought of going back to his old school. That would mean facing who thought they knew him, but now he had changed so much.

Before his bus came Trent promised to call him with the right date and time. Blaine followed Kurt home and Kurt stole a kiss at his front door before Blaine had to leave to go home. All the way home he couldn't stop thinking about whether or not he would ever be able to tell his Warbler friends about Kurt.

"_I'm sure you're gonna be okay, Stardust. You'll have so much fun that you will forget all about me_," Kurt beamed encouragingly at him through the phone. Blaine had called him as a last thing before getting ready for the party with The Warblers, and he wasn't too proud to admit it, but he was a tad nervous.

"I could never forget about you. But I guess you're right. I should just… relax. If anything else screws up I will always have Trent there - and then I'll come running to you," Blaine mumbled, trying to brace himself for the upcoming face-to-face situation with people he hadn't seen for a long time.

"_I will always wait for you with open arms. Just promise me that you will let go and have fun. Besides - even if you are not telling them about me, about us, it's not like they can see it on you or anything_," Kurt reminded him softly and Blaine tugged his necklace in a tight grip. He just needed to keep it away under his shirt and everything would be fine.

"Yeah. I will miss you there with me, though -" Blaine sighed and started preparing himself for hanging up, or he wouldn't have enough time. He just didn't feel ready to let go of Kurt's voice yet.

"_If you want you can come sleep in my bed tonight. I will tell my dad not to lock the door_," Kurt suggested, and Blaine's heart skipped a beat, maybe even several beats; he was too giddy to notice. All he knew was that he was dizzy and wanted to kiss Kurt as quick as possible. The thought that no matter what happened he would be able to curl up in Kurt's arms by the end of the night was comforting.

"That sounds lovely. I will come over tonight then," Blaine smiled.

"_Wonderful darling. Don't worry about me waiting up, though. Party all you want_," Kurt cooed before they gave each other their goodbyes and hung up.

It was strange to be back in the halls of Dalton. The extravagant interior and the luxurious furniture never ceased to make Blaine wonder how they could put that much trust in teenagers. Not that the Dalton boys were bad kids, quite the opposite actually; they studied hard, were polite and respectful, and they always played by the rules. But they were still teenage boys after all.

"Hey. You made it," Trent thrilled when Blaine walked in the door of the Warbler rehearsal room. It was a spectacular room with high ceiling, chandeliers and comfortable Oxford couches. Even the fireplace were roaming tonight, the flames reflected in the great artworks on the walls.

The other boys hurried to welcome him back when they saw that it was him. They drowned him in questions about where he had been, what he had been doing and why he never returned after the summer. He didn't even have time to answer everyone before they started giving him their condolences for his mom, and telling him about all that he had missed. Everyone was talking at once, and Blaine had to sit to take it all in, but was ecstatic to be back and surrounded by his friends.

It was tough to avoid dragging Kurt into the conversation when they asked him about his new life outside of Dalton. He wanted more than anything to tell them about all that he had shared with Kurt, what Kurt had taught him; he simply wanted to tell them everything about Kurt and let his heart take over his mouth. He just wasn't ready, and he felt guilty about it.

After a few hours they had some drinks, and Blaine had joined on a few songs on the piano. The party was bubbling with conversation, laughs and music. Blaine actually found himself relaxing after a while. He felt an odd sense of home, and he had to take a moment to himself to cherish that feeling.

"Are you gonna tell them?" Trent asked when he and Blaine had found a corner without too much noise and or too many people close. He wasn't expecting anything from him, and it made it easier for Blaine to take in the question and turn it over on his tongue.

"I don't know. I mean - I was thinking that maybe I could tell Nick at some point, but I have no idea when that would be," Blaine shrugged, not wanting to mess everything up now that he was finally back and everyone seemed ecstatic to have him back in their midst.

"Hey guys. Don't look so serious. What' ya talking about?" David barked with a laugh when he dropped down in the couch next to Trent. He took a mouthful of his drink and looked awaiting at them, clearly it hadn't been a rhetorical question.

"We uhm - we were just talking about my b - my friend." Blaine wanted to kick himself. That was too close. It didn't seem like David noticed it, but it was definitely too close.

"A lady friend? Or not some football jerk, huh?" David rolled his eyes, remembering that Blaine once had a fall-out with a football player in town because he had been playing in the park in the middle of Lima, and the guy was not amused with his playing.

"That reminds me - I think it's time we get the story of Gary's fall from the man himself," he suddenly declared and both Trent and Blaine stared at him. Trent looked to Blaine to see his reaction, but Blaine had no idea what to say or do.

"Uhm… there's not really much to tell, actually. When we were in D.C. I just realized that he's a prick," Blaine said casually, hoping to be able to shrug it off without too much notice of him wanting to avoid the matter.

"Well, I heard it was something about a girl coming between you -"

"Jesus, Blaine. Did you go for Linda?"

Some of the other Warblers had gathered around them and wanted to take part in the conversation of Blaine's personal life. The temperature seemed to rise in the room, and he needed to get away from the party.

"It wasn't like that! Linda is - was - my friend, and there wasn't a girl involved. Well, yes, there sort of was; but not the way you think," Blaine snapped at them and jumped to his feet.

Suddenly the room was quiet and everyone was staring shocked at him. Blaine usually didn't raise his voice, and he was certain that he had never done so in Dalton. He felt sick and excused himself before walking towards the door for the green area behind the school.

The March evening was freezing without his jacket, but in the same way it was comforting. He felt awful about the way he had overreacted inside and hoped that the cold could get him back to Earth and lock his stress down. At least until he left the party. He just wanted the conversation steered away from anything that could put him in an awkward position.

"Are you okay?" Trent's voice sounded behind him, and Blaine turned to find him at the doors. He was alone and even though his face was nearly hidden in the shadows Blaine could see that he definitely was concerned. He came over to sit on the bench next to Blaine and waited.

"I don't know, honestly. It's not their fault, I know, but -"

"They're interested in what goes on with you. You know Gary never was popular around here, but you always defended him. Now they're just curious to hear why you suddenly think he's an asshole as well," Trent reasoned.

Gary had always been very unpopular in Dalton because he didn't stick to the values the school represented. He wasn't polite, he cursed in more or less every sentence he said, he held no respect for authorities, but worst of all; he treated girls awful. Blaine always made up excuses for his behavior or stayed out of it - he was his best friend and he wanted to stay loyal to him.

"I know. I know, but…"

"They don't know that you have a boyfriend, and if you don't want them to know we'll just go in there and find a way to twist the conversation away from you, alright? As long as you want to keep it a secret we will do that," Trent exclaimed high spirited, emphasizing how much it was '_we'_ and not Blaine alone.

He couldn't stop grinning. He wanted to hug Trent right then and there for putting so much into helping him. He was overwhelmed by Trent's friendship, and terrified because he knew that there was no way he could ever repay him.

"Wait… you have a boyfriend? Like… you're a fag?" Someone asked behind them and everything inside Blaine screamed. He could feel his brain threatening to cramp and the blood in his veins turned to ice. It was like in the movies where everything stops because the hero is trapped in the tragedy of his life. His heart stopped and even the oxygen in his lungs froze all the way through his throat.

A tall, blonde boy came over to them. It was a guy who had started after Blaine left Dalton. All night Blaine had done his best to avoid him. He found him arrogant and Blaine had been uncomfortable about his presence. Now he knew why.

Blaine couldn't look at him. He was paralyzed and he could feel Trent and the boy's eyes locked on him. He knew that he had to have some sort of reaction to the question, and he knew that Daniel, the new guy, had heard their conversation so there was no chance out.

"I don't believe it," Daniel spat out and rushed away, headed for the doors. Back to the party. Even if Blaine had something to say he wouldn't have had time to before Daniel was gone.

"Fuck," Blaine whispered, even himself shocked by how low and calm his voice was. He wondered what was going through Trent's mind, but even more if there was any way he could get out of the party without having to face the rest of The Warblers.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for anyone to hear," Trent blabbered nervously out. Blaine squeezed his eyes so hard that white sparks started dancing on his closed eyelids before he stood up.

"It's fine. I know you didn't mean to. I'm going home," Blaine assured him and headed for the door. He knew that there was only one way out and that was through the rehearsal room. He could feel that all blood had left his face and his fingers were summing. He had to get it over with. Fortunately Trent was right next to him.

When they entered the room everyone was staring at them. They had all just been waiting for the door to open. Blaine headed directly for his coat in the corner, determined not to look anyone in the eyes. He was afraid what would meet him if he did.

"So you're queer, Anderson? No wonder Gary didn't want to hang with you anymore," someone said loud enough for everyone to hear. Blaine didn't look to see who it was, he just wanted to get away as quick as possible. To his surprise Trent put on his coat too.

"I don't think you should come back. I don't wanna catch it. I like my ass without intruders," another voice laughed when Blaine turned down the hall to head for the main entrance.

"It's sick! It's wrong. Stay away, you freak," the first voice yelled after them before buzzing of voices sounded from the rehearsal room behind them.

The night air felt like knives against his skin when they exited the huge double doors. Blaine had to bite his lower lip hard to avoid his pressing tears get free run. Without caring he opened his coat and pulled out his necklace to clench around it.

"You don't have to do this. You can go back to the party. I'll just take the first bus back to Lima," he stammered to Trent. His feet refused to stop, but kept up a speed he didn't even know he was able to walk with.

"No. I'm not going back. Not after what they did to you," Trent maintained and the spot in Blaine's heart where Trent had found himself started growing. He kept doing it; surprising him with his loyalty.

They stood at the bus stop and waited together without exchanging a word. When the bus came Blaine thanked him and Trent apologized one more time. He was truly devastated and felt that it was his fault.

Blaine felt so guilty the whole ride back to Lima. The only thing that kept him from staying on the bus all the way to the last stop a few hours from there was that he knew Kurt was expecting him to come over.

He got off the bus in Lima centre around 11.30. He needed the fresh air more than anything, so he walked slowly back to Kurt's place. The bus ride had made him nauseas and a headache was pounding in his temples. He couldn't stop thinking about what to tell Kurt.

The Hummel-Hudson house was dark except for the light from the TV and the little lamp in the corner of the living room. Blaine toed his shoes off and hung his jacket in the hall before he headed for the stairs.

"Hey kid. Had a good party?" Burt asked as Blaine walked through the living room. His stomach curled up and he had to force his heart down to avoid spitting it on the floor.

"Yeah. It was… fine," he lied, only wishing to not have to talk to anyone for the rest of the night. If only he could get out of this politely he would be eternally grateful.

"You know, I get the feeling that's not entirely true. I understand if you don't wanna talk about it. To me at least. But I'm here if you change your mind," Burt said fatherly to him and an urge to blabber it all out started pressing in the back of his throat.

He didn't know how to react without losing control of himself so he merely nodded to acknowledge that he understood what his father-in-law had said to him. Burt nodded back and Blaine knew that it meant that he was dismissed, so he returned to his plan on climbing the stairs.

When he was at the top stair he stopped. It was like some sort of magnetic force pulled him back down to the living room. He stopped at the bottom of the stairs, looking for words. Burt hadn't seen that he was back so Blaine debated whether or not to interrupt him. Again.

"They… outed me. Called me a freak," he suddenly burst out, and tears sprung from his eyes. It was such a relief to tell someone, but he was also so incredibly ashamed to stand there in his boyfriend's living room, without his boyfriend even being present, and break down this way.

Burt turned around and stared at him in disbelief. His eyes were huge and was clearly waiting for Blaine to continue, for him to lighten his chest.

"Somene heard Trent and I talking. This dude I don't even know. He told everyone. They… called me sick and -" he couldn't finish the sentence. He couldn't tell Burt the things they had said to him. What if someone had said the same to Kurt?

Blaine was fighting not to break down completely. To not dissolve into a puddle of tears, sobs and spit on the living room rug. His knees were quivering and his eyes were burning. He had to blink rapidly to even be able to see clearly.

Burt didn't wait for him to say anymore. He jumped to his feet and crossed the floor to put his arms around the crying boy in front of him. It was clearly as awkward to Burt as it was to Blaine, but he did it nonetheless and Blaine let himself fall apart.

He cried heavily into Burt's arms for a long time, but pulled himself together. He couldn't stay like this. He took a step back and dried his eyes in the sleeve of his blazer.

"Look, kid. This sucks, I know - but don't worry about them. I know that this is a lot more than just a bunch of teenage boys being cruel, but now I want you to go up there and wake up Kurt -" Blaine started to object, but he held up a hand to stop him and Blaine stopped the words before they left his mouth.

"I know he will want to be there for you even though he's asleep right now. So wake him up and tell him what happened. You need that. Then tomorrow we'll discuss how to tackle this. It's your problem and that makes it Kurt's problem, that way it's my problem too, so we'll deal with this as a family," Burt said and squeezed his shoulders one last time.

Blaine didn't know what to say. He felt horrible for dragging his own troubles into their home, but he would never be able to express his gratitude towards the way Burt received the news. He knew that his own father would never have reacted that way. He nodded and said a thick _'thank you' _before he turned back to the stairs.

Kurt's room was dark and it smelled like incense. Blaine could hear the silent humming of Kurt's breathing and he knew instinctively that he was asleep. He would recognize that sound and feeling any day. He didn't think further, simply let his clothes fall to the floor before he snuck under the covers as close to Kurt as he dared. He knew that Burt had asked him to wake him up, but he couldn't bring himself to drag him out of his peace.

Kurt turned around to hold him almost immediately, and Blaine fell into his embrace at once and realized how happy he was that Kurt was asleep. All the tears that he had held back since leaving Dalton, and struggled to hold back while talking to Burt in the living room overwhelmed him and it didn't take long before he had silently soaked the pillowcase.

"Baby? Stardust? What's wrong? Why are you crying?" Kurt cooed mumbling and pulled him closer.

Great, now he had woken up Kurt too. A perfect ending to a perfect night. He caved in and clenched Kurt harder before letting a heavy sob into his chest, where he nearly drooled and bore his teeth into his flesh from his crying.

Kurt didn't ask anymore. He kept running his fingers through his hair and came with soothing sounds in his ear. Blaine appreciated that the darkness was over them like a blanket protecting them from what had happened.

After what felt like an eternity Blaine was simply too exhausted to cry anymore. His muscles had given completely up on him and his throat was burning from sobbing. He grabbed a handful of Kurt's night shirt and squeezed his eyes shut, hoping that he could sleep soon so the reality of the world would be gone - at least for a few hours.

He wanted to sleep, needed to sleep, so badly. But the faces of his shocked friends and the sounds of the mocking, unfamiliar voices were haunting him every time he closed his eyes, so he didn't dare to. He couldn't take it.

Kurt's fingertips kept running up and down his back and through his hair. He hummed quietly into his ear and ghosted his lips over his forehead and hair. On any other night Blaine would have turned to mush and fallen asleep from the safety in Kurt's arms.

"_I love your loving ways when you hold my hand  
>And with a little squeeze you make me understand<br>That I'm the only one underneath the sun for you, for you  
>Well, I love your loving ways, yes I love your loving ways<br>Yes I do, yes I do, yes I do_"

Kurt started singing quietly. His voice was like velvet ghosting over Blaine's body, and he hoped that he would never stop. He needed him to never stop.

"_I love your loving ways when you kiss, a kiss  
>The way you pop it up makes me go for this<br>Because you make me feel  
>I'm the only one you need, yes you need<br>Well I love your loving ways, I love your loving ways  
>Yes indeed, yes indeed, yes indeed<em>"

He curled his arms stronger around Kurt and stared into the closing darkness of the room. The song was creeping under his skin and he wanted it there. He felt like Kurt was crawling inside of him to stay forever, and it was exactly what he was craving.

"_Oh yeah, your kisses  
>That taste so good to me<br>Oh they tell me  
>Darling, you're not made of wood<br>_

_Well I love your loving ways when you hold me tight  
>You're always good to me and you treat me just right<br>So baby take my love  
>Cause it's meant for you, just you, just you<br>Well I love your loving ways, oh I love your loving ways  
>Yes I do, yes I do, yes I do<em>"

The tears were back to running down his face that he had buried in Kurt's chest. He could hear the silent purring from his singing in his lungs, and the way his heart was pounding strongly directly into Blaine's ear. One of the most comforting sounds he knew.

"_I love your loving ways when you hold me tight  
>You're always good to me and you treat me just right<br>So baby take my love  
>Cause it's meant for you, just you, just you<br>Well I love your loving ways, oh I love your loving ways  
>Yes I do, yes I do, yes I do<em>"

Kurt closed the song with a soft kiss to Blaine's forehead. He nearly panicked when he stopped singing, but remembered that Kurt always had refused to sing to him, so this was more than he could ask for, more than he could ever have hoped for.

"How come you've always said no when I asked you to sing? Your voice is so beautiful," Blaine stammered thickly. He was barely whispering; he didn't want to talk out loud because he was afraid it would break the darkness protecting them.

"No. We're not talking about me now. You need to tell me what happened, Blaine. You're scaring me when you come crawling into my bed and start crying in the middle of the night like that," Kurt said firmly and sat up, forcing Blaine to follow. He had called him '_Blaine' _so he was definitely serious. It couldn't be brushed off so they could discuss it in the morning. He would never agree to that.

"It - happened. Some new guy overheard me talk to Trent and now… they all hate me. All The Warblers know what I am," Blaine stammered out. A fire ran from his stomach, through his lungs and up his throat. It was a test of his strength to not break down again from speaking the words out loud in that way.

"Darling, I don't think they hate you, how could th -" Kurt started softly, but Blaine broke him off.

"You didn't hear them. The things they said when I left. Or see their faces. The way they all stared at me. Like I had some sort of poisonous disease," Blaine snapped at him, immediately regretting that he had talked to Kurt like that, but desperate to let him understand that no one wanted him anywhere now.

"I am so sorry, Stardust. I wish you hadn't been through that," Kurt crooned and dragged him into a close hug. Blaine buried his nose in his hair and sucked in the scent. Not even Kurt's smell of summer rain could calm him down.

"It will probably be around all of the school on Monday and all of Lima on Tuesday. Then I'll lose my job at the record store, and I won't be able to get another one. My father will hear about it, and… I'll never see you again. He'll send me away, and that will be it," Blaine declared and faced the reality of his words. He could feel Kurt go stiff in the bed next to him.

"No. No! That won't happen. We'll figure something out. I am not letting that happen," Kurt said thickly. Now he was crying too.

Blaine let a hand rush to his cheek and felt the tears streaming down over his fingers, so he leaned in to kiss Kurt's cheek instead, to kiss the tears away. The tears he had caused. Kurt's hand clasped over his on his face and held it strong, kissed it and continued crying.

"No matter what happens I will not let anyone separate us. I have been searching for you for centuries, and now that I finally have you I am not letting go," Kurt announced sharply and in a surprise he clasped his lips against Blaine's. When he broke apart they were so close that Blaine could see the shine from his eyes.

"We're back to being one and not even death can take us apart."

Blaine was shocked, and a little scared from his words. The words themselves sounded so dramatic, but from Kurt's voice they were beautiful. He knew Kurt didn't say anything if he didn't mean it, and this was something he believed in stronger than much else.

"I love you," Blaine simply stated, out of words to return to him. He felt like he had been hit in the face by a boulder, and his entire body was threatening to give up so he had to lie back down, and Kurt followed him. They closed their arms around each other and Blaine relieved himself to let Kurt's body warm up his that was still ice cold from the night air outside.


	38. Whatever Happens

When Blaine woke up the next morning his head was buzzing. He moved his nose into Kurt's neck and kissed him gingerly before the events of the previous night came crashing back over him.

He squeezed his eyes hard and hoped that some miracle would look his way and let him go back to sleep where he didn't have to worry about that. Kurt was boiling hot against him, but as much as he wished that they could open a window he only shuffled closer to his sleeping boyfriend. He prayed that Kurt wasn't planning on standing up anytime soon so they could stay there. Maybe just be forgotten by the world so they could grow old and die in each other's arms right there in Kurt's bed.

Kurt turned to lie on his side so he could press Blaine's body closer to his own. He purred into his ear and kissed his forehead, cheek and nose gently, with a hand on his hip and his thumb brushing softly over his exposed skin.

"Goodmorning Starshine," Kurt mumbled and dug his nose into Blaine's hair. A chill ran down his back from the feeling, and for a moment he forgot that he had been sad only a minute ago. Kurt just did something to him that made his mind clear for up to several minutes every now and then.

All Blaine answered was a low humming from the back of his throat when he snuggled his face down in the pillow and felt Kurt's arms tighten even stronger around him. He could hear in the silent sounds coming from Kurt that he was smiling against his temple.

"I uhm… is your dad home now?" Blaine asked, uncertain if Burt went to the tire shop on Sunday mornings.

"I don't know. He might be. Why are you asking? Oh… you want a little morning -" Kurt asked a little confused, but a teasing smile playing at the corners of his mouth, and a blushing in his cheeks spreading, only underlined by the sparks in his eyes.

"What? No. No. That wasn't what I… you're _so _hot right now. _Always_. But… it was last night when I came here, your dad and I talked and uhm - he wanted to know what happened. At the party. So I told him, and… we agreed to discuss it today," Blaine explained, feeling a little strange by the fact that he had taken that conversation with his boyfriend's dad.

"You talked to my dad? About what happened last night…" Kurt repeated. It was impossible to decipher his expression. Was he hurt, or maybe even mad that Blaine had talked to his dad about what had happened at Dalton, when he had tried to avoid talking to Kurt about it?

"Mhm yeah. Sorry," Blaine confirmed sheepishly. Kurt's green eyes were piercing into the skin on his face, burning and scrutinizing his every feature.

"Sorry? Stardust, I think it's amazing. You were so scared of him in the beginning, and now look at you - I think it's wonderful, baby," Kurt beamed at him before he leaned in to place a warm, wet kiss on his cheek.

Blaine grinned awkwardly and relaxed back into the pillow. Good. The last thing he needed right now would be to have Kurt be angry with him too. He didn't think he would be able to stand that.

"I love your freckles. It's so sad that they're almost invisible in the winter," Kurt announced out of the blue after having watched him for a while. Somehow he made it sound like they had spent a thousand summers and winters together. He smiled heartily at Blaine from his spot next to him, and Blaine had an urge to kiss him all over his face, but instead he stretched his neck to peck his nose innocently.

"Then let's see if my dad is home," Kurt declared and crawled over Blaine to get up. Blaine followed quickly, nearly falling out of the bed when his head started spinning from the feeling of Kurt's fingers on his naked chest.

When Blaine was safely at his feet he started to put on his clothes from the night before but Kurt shook his head and rolled his eyes. He turned around to his closet and found a red tunic that he threw at Blaine.

"You can't run around in shirt and tie here, silly. It's Sunday morning," Kurt said like he should have known. Blaine shrugged and pulled the fabric over his head.

The tunic was a little longer on Blaine than on Kurt and he felt strange to wear something that loose compared to his usual polo shirts or plaid shirts.

"I love that color on you. You look great," Kurt commented sweetly and blushed a little. Blaine smiled at him and pulled on his slacks from the night before, and he was ready to go downstairs.

Kurt opened the window and they left the room. Blaine's stomach started to tie up. He wasn't ready to live through it all one more time. He actually just wanted to forget it and enjoy his last day without his life being turned upside down.

"Hey boys," Carole chimed as they entered the kitchen. She hurried to fix both of them up with a cup of coffee and started making breakfast for them as they dumped down in a chair each.

"Burt will be in any second now. I heard what happened last. I am really sorry, sweetheart," Carole cooed as she put toast and jam on the table before she sat down with a cup of coffee of her own.

"We'll figure this out, okay? You're a part of our family now," Carole assured him with a squeeze around his wrist before she let them eat their breakfast in silence. Blaine smiled gratefully at her, but felt a knot in his throat by her words; a part of their family. Kurt's family thought he was a part of their family.

They got to finish both their coffee and toast before Burt entered the kitchen. He took in the scenery without a word before he grabbed some coffee for himself and sat down at them table with them.

"How are you? Feeling any better today, kid?" Burt asked Blaine. He nodded in response, unsure how to tackle the situation. He could feel his nerves tingling, and as if he had asked for it Kurt let his fingers smoothly slide into Blaine's.

"Have you made any thoughts about this? How you are going to handle this, I mean?" Carole asked, the question addressed for both Blaine and Kurt. It suddenly occurred to Blaine that to Burt and Carole this was never just about Blaine; it was about Kurt just as much. It was about both of them; as a couple.

"No. I don't know. I mean; there's not really anything I can do but… wait. See what happens, I guess," Blaine shrugged. He felt stupid; how could he not even have as much as a suggestion for how to avoid a disaster to hit all of them - caused by him.

Kurt started stroking his thumb slowly over Blaine's. Like he knew that he needed it to not break down, or go crazy. He returned his affection by squeezing his hand a little harder in his own.

Burt and Carole looked at each other. Apparently they had discussed the subject deeper than first appeared, and Blaine wondered if they had anything in hand.

"Carole and I talked it over. We came to the conclusion that we think you should try to contact your friend from Dalton; that Trent kid or what's-his-name. Hear if he knows that the others are thinking. As some sort of damage control. Other than there's not really much to do than wait and see -" Burt told and emptied his cup. He stared from Blaine to Kurt and back again. Blaine started to worry that he wanted him to say something but he had no words.

"But - we agreed that if something is to happen that will… you know, make it impossible for you to be at home; our home is your home. So don't worry that you will end up with no place to go. You will always have a place to go here. And if your old man has a problem he is free to pay a visit," Burt wrapped up and Carole smiled warm at her husband.

"I - don't know what to say. Thank you," Blaine stammered, truly speechless and blown away by how much thought they had put into this. He felt a rush of emotions taking over him, and an urge to run around the table to hug both of them had to be suppressed.

"Thank you, dad - and Carole. Thank you so much. That really means the world to me. To both of us," Kurt said in a broken voice, before he stretched his free arm over the table to grab his father's hand.

They stayed in the kitchen and talked a bit about Blaine's upcoming conversation with Trent about what happened. At first he didn't really want to do it. He felt that he had bothered Trent enough with his problems, but in the end Burt convinced him by pointing out that when he had put so much into helping him already he would definitely be ready to help him again.

After lunch, where Finn and Rachel joined them, Blaine and Kurt returned to Kurt's room. They listened to music and Blaine watched Kurt draw a few sketches before it was late and he had to think about going home.

Their goodbye was terrible. Blaine felt sick and worried, and he wanted to coil up in Kurt's arms for the night instead of going back to where his father probably was at home. What if he had heard what happened at the party? A lot of the guys' dads came in the same club as Blaine's father so if the guys had mentioned it at home their parents would have passed it on.

The only thing that could him the slightest comfort was the last thing Kurt had said to him before he left.

"_Whatever happens this will be alright. _We_ will be alright." _

As much as the fear of his father hearing about the party at Dalton constantly roamed in the back of his head, Kurt's words kept dragging him out of the whirlwind and back to the thought of Kurt, and the way his family had reacted to the story of the party.

Maybe they could be alright.

When he came home the entire house was dark, so Blaine could relieved conclude that his father wasn't there. He headed for the bathroom where he hurried to strip of all the clothes from the party and rush under the water. He desperately wanted to wash off the bad memories of the night that was the beginning to the end of his life.

When he was done he wrapped a towel around himself and tiptoed to his room. On his bed was a note in Ms. Johnson's nice handwriting.

"_Your friend Trent called. He will be stopping by after school tomorrow_."

Blaine felt his insides curl up. What could have made Trent feel the need to call him to say that he would drop by the next day? Did something happen? Everything was whirling around in Blaine's head - one theory more horrifying than the next. He decided to hurry to sleep so he wouldn't be up when his father got home late at night, and so he didn't have to speculate.

"I was actually planning on calling you," Blaine mumbled as he showed Trent to a chair in the kitchen. He put two cups of coffee on the table and sat down himself. He turned the cup in his hands a few times, his gaze locked on the black liquid before looking up at Trent.

"Please. Be honest to me. How bad is it?" He asked, knowing that they might as well get it over with. He was in no way interested in taking up the subject, but the sooner he could get the verdict, the sooner he would have some sort of sense of his future.

"Yeah. That's why I'm here. I went back to Dalton. After you had left…" Trent looked awkwardly at his hands. Like he was ashamed that he went back when he had told Blaine that he wasn't going to. That he didn't want to hang with people who had treated his friend that way.

Blaine wanted to tell him that it was okay. That he didn't blame him for wanting to return to the party. It was his friends, after all. But he couldn't get a word over his lips. He was afraid that if he dared to open his mouth he would be sick on the table between them, so instead he waited.

"I didn't want to go back. But I figure that I had to. You know, to try and sort things out -" Trent started explaining, and let out a relieved sigh as he looked at Blaine and found that he wasn't looking angry, more so holding his breath.

"I went back and it was mayhem. Everyone was yelling at each other and I am pretty sure that Jeff was about to kick Daniel's ass. But Thad and David held him back. Nick had completely left the room. When they saw I was back they sort of froze and just stared at me -" he told, and sipped his coffee while collecting his memories of the horrible party.

"Jeff came over to me and he said that hell had broken loose the minute we left, and everyone were fighting because you know us, your friends, were pissed at Daniel and his idiotic friends because of the things they… said to you," Trent said and clenched his fists on the table. Anger was welling up in his face, blushing his cheeks and he pursed his lips.

Blaine emptied his mug. His guts were tying up from the tension of waiting. Anxiety rolled down his back like ice cubes and he had to tighten his grip around his mug to not jump to his feet and pace up and down the kitchen floor.

"Listen… they won't tell on you. If they tell on you, to anyone at all, we will tell the principal about their stash of weed in the pots behind the rehearsal room. They know that it will get them kicked out and Daniel's dad is some fancy executive in some big firm, and the other guys have some fancy dads too. I am pretty sure Daniel's dad will beat him up if he gets kicked out of school - so you should be safe. And they don't even know who Kurt is," Trent closed up and drew a heavy breath from having released it all.

Blaine was speechless. He had no idea what to say. It was all so much at once and it was overwhelming to know that Trent, and the other guys as well, had gone to those lengths to protect him and Kurt from whatever terrible outcome could have been resulted by those guys outing him.

"I don't know… thank you," Blaine started to stammer frantically but Trent cut him off.

"All the original guys are on your side, man. They don't care. They know you and they're all happy for you. The other guys are just freshmen, and ignorant ones," he hurried to say.

"Thanks. I don't know how I could ever repay you. What I could ever do for you - all of that. Trent, thank you," Blaine kept saying, looking for words that would express his gratitude, but no matter what nothing would ever be enough. But the incredible thing was that he could see in Trent's face that he knew.

"There's just one thing though…" Trent said and looked down in the table. Blaine's stomach filled with ice. Had he missed something? Had someone already said something somewhere?

"The other guys wants to have another reunion… just us. And - you need to bring Kurt of course," Trent grinned, and Blaine was certain that his insides melted and dropped to his feet. He chuckled under his breath, awkward and threatening to punch his insides through his mouth.

"Yeah. I'm sure Kurt would be up for that," he agreed and feared that he would start crying from the relief.

The day continued with the guys talking in Blaine's kitchen until it started getting dark and Trent had to get home to do his homework. It made Blaine sad that he had to leave. He felt light and tipsy from the massive weight falling from his chest, and he just wanted to hang out with Trent for hours more.


	39. The Envelope

March drifted into April and the days turned longer and warmer. They didn't hear anymore from Daniel or his friends. The other Warblers kept up their promise about holding Blaine's secret safe and they invited Blaine to a new party in the beginning of May - but he could only come if he brought Kurt, of course.

Blaine had a hard time sleeping because of the light streaming into his room at night, which only made him tired and coffee addicted at work where the customers were being difficult and with the warm weather it was easy to get annoyed.

One day the first thing he did when he entered his room after work was fall face-forward on his bed, determined to do nothing at all for the rest of the day only to go to bed early in the evening. He was just about to force himself up to take a shower when he heard a sound from his open window.

He rushed over to find Kurt on the lawn thrilling his voice at him. He was dressed in the same sarong he had been wearing back in Washington over the summer. He had mixed it up with a tight, purple t-shirt, black round sunglasses and no shoes. He was swaying back and forth and grinning up at Blaine's window.

"How can you be inside when nature is blooming around us out here?" Kurt asked shocked. He lifted his sunglasses to have a better look and Blaine couldn't hold back a bark of laughter.

He didn't think further before he ran downstairs and back to the yard where Kurt was tiptoeing around in a hazy dance, mostly resembling an Arabic muse.

He praised his lord for the tall hedges and snuck up to fold his arms around Kurt from behind. Kurt put his hands onto Blaine's and kept swaying. While Blaine started kissing his exposed neck Kurt moaned a silent humming that completely took over Blaine's brain, making him dizzy.

"You look so gorgeous," Blaine whispered and sniffed in his scent. He let the fragrance of Kurt mixed with fresh grass and warm weather fill him. It was intoxicating and he feared that he could possibly lose balance if he released his grasp around Kurt.

Kurt turned around to wrap his arms around Blaine and brushed their noses together. He let his eyes stare into Blaine's as he locked their fingers together between their chests, still swaying but his humming now so silent that it was nearly gone.

"What are you doing here? I thought I wouldn't see you until the weekend," Blaine muttered, suddenly very aware that his breath was smelling like strong coffee and sweet chocolate, hoping Kurt didn't notice.

"I knew you would be inside, and I thought that was such a shame when you belong out here. So I thought I would come and drag you outside. I saw you go inside when you came home from work, so I guessed that the best way to get you out would be if I was here," Kurt explained quietly.

Blaine smiled at the thought of how well Kurt knew him, that Kurt knew that he would do anything for him, but he was also a little embarrassed that when Kurt spent all of his time outside he would stay inside himself unless he was forced to go out. Not that he didn't like being outside, he just didn't think of doing it until Kurt came and made him go out.

"That's true. You're my weakness, my kryptonite," Blaine grinned and stretched his neck to kiss Kurt's nose. He could feel that the wind was starting to turn cold, but he felt hot from being close to Kurt that way. He wished that the sun would come back and warm them as they were slowly dancing around the garden like that.

"Will you come to my place this weekend? Finn and Rachel will be there, and my dad and Carole talked about doing a family dinner, and… you are a part of our family. I want you to be there. With me," Kurt invited, and let his cheek rest against Blaine's, his skin hot and soft on Blaine's own cold.

To his surprise Blaine didn't take as much as a second to decide. This was where he belonged, and all feared he had before was wiped away.

"Of course I would join you. It sounds really great. Should I like… come Friday and stay for the entire weekend, or…" Blaine started to ask, but noticed that Kurt had shrunken in front of him. He seemed insecure, as if he was trying to build himself up to telling him something. Something he was nervous about saying.

"What's wrong, Kurt?" Blaine burst out and stopped dancing. He took half a step back to have a better look at Kurt, to see if he could see through what was going on in his head.

"Uhm, the thing is… Rachel's parents will be there too, and eh - I was hoping we could tell them - about us. They're fine with me being gay and everything. They like me, and I like them. If we ask them to not say anything they won't. I'm sure they won't," he quickly burst out, and Blaine felt it like a punch in the face.

Suddenly the wind was much colder than he had felt it a moment ago, and a cloud started to drift over the garden. He let his hands drop and stared at Kurt for a moment before he turned on his heel and headed back inside.

"Stardust, come back. Please," Kurt called after him from the garden, but he didn't stop. He knew that he was being unreasonable and that it was completely unfair of him to react that way, he just couldn't stop the pressure in his stomach.

He had only just opened completely up and let in the feeling of being a part of Kurt's family, the knowledge that Kurt's family considered him one of them as well. He was still struggling to hold Kurt's hand when they were at his house, and now he was about to being thrown into being Kurt's boyfriend in front of strangers that he had no relation to at all.

He plunked down on the couch and stared into the black TV screen. Out of nowhere the living room seemed dark and cold. Like the evening had come uninvited and unexpected. A lump in his throat started throbbing. He felt guilty over the way he had left Kurt in the garden and he wanted to go back and apologize, but for some reason his feet didn't want to move.

Kurt showed in the open garden door. He waited, was taking the temperature of Blaine's temperament before he crossed the floor to sit on his knees in front of Blaine, blocking his view to the shut off TV.

"Let's do it, then. Let's… let's meet Rachel's parents," Blaine agreed thickly and locked his hands around Kurt's on his knees. Kurt stared up at him with shining eyes, his face revealing that he didn't believe that he truly meant it.

"It's okay, Stardust. If you don't feel ready we'll…" Kurt started, but Blaine squeezed his hands and cut him off.

"No. It's okay. We're doing this. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have left. I should've… stayed and talked to you. I'm sorry, baby," Blaine apologized, forcing his voice to be strong to show him that he meant it, that he wanted to do it.

Kurt smiled weakly at him, still waiting and staring into his eyes to see if it was true. Blaine appreciated how much it meant to Kurt that he was ready, how much he wanted him to be comfortable about it. That only made Blaine even more certain that it was the right thing to do. It was time he took a hold of his life, and he couldn't hide anymore.

"Listen - Kurt. I can't do this to you anymore. You are so… out and proud, and you are just you. I love the way you want to let the world know about me, and I can't do this to you anymore. I want the world to see that you're with me. I wanna… I wanna try and be better, and - slowly - open up to people who we know can be trusted. I'll be 18 soon, and then I can get away from my father - then we can be together without being afraid of him," Blaine blabbered out, feeling all the heartache that had filled him since he met Kurt drop on the floor between them. Guilt. So much guilt over constantly keeping Kurt hidden away. Kurt didn't belong in the shadows, but out in the sparkling sun.

"I love you," Kurt whispered and kissed Blaine's fingers.

Blaine feigned a smile and started to get up. Kurt followed his example and they staggered to the kitchen where Blaine started cooking up some food for them. Kurt sat on a stool watching him, neither of them saying a word, but the atmosphere thick and anticipating.

When they were done eating Kurt took over the dishes while Blaine watched him. They went to Blaine's room where he excused himself to take a shower, remembering that he had been on the way to do that when Kurt had called him to the garden. He realized how disgusting and sweaty he was feeling and hoped that Kurt hadn't noticed.

When he returned to his room Kurt was lying on the bed with his legs up the wall while he listened to a hummed Beatles record. His eyes were closed and Blaine wondered if he had fallen asleep like that. He looked peaceful and free of all kinds of trouble, so Blaine was careful when he laid down on the bed next to him.

Kurt turned to lie on his side and let his legs slide down the wall to curl them under him. His eyes were still closed but his lips softly found their way to the corner of Blaine's mouth. Blaine kissed him back and muffled his fingers into Kurt's hair. He knew that his father would come home within the next hour, and it would probably be for the best for Kurt to leave before they were faced with each other. They way Kurt was dressed today made Blaine's insides bubble, but his father would only see it as a provocation, and he didn't want to risk Kurt having to listen to his snarky remarks.

"You need to leave. My father will be home soon and…."

"Shhh… I know, darling. I'll go soon. Until then let's just stay here and feel each other's presence," Kurt whispered, eyes still closed, but his lips ghosting over Blaine's cheek with his every word. His breath was soft on Blaine's skin, and he couldn't help missing the feeling of Kurt's lips against the tender skin of his arms and thighs. The feeling that never failed to send chills and butterflies fluttering through his body.

He closed his eyes and shuffled himself into Kurt's arms. The cold he had felt covering him in the living room was replaced by a blanket of comfort and safety. He disappeared into his embrace and laid like that for too long when he heard a door shut downstairs.

"Shit!" Blaine spat out and hurried to sit up. Kurt stayed down looking up at him with huge, confounded eyes.

For a moment neither of them moved. Blaine stayed still to listen, to hear if his father was slamming the doors, or if there was any indication of how his mood could be. Kurt started to creep his fingers under Blaine's shirt, but he sharply pushed his hands away. He couldn't be distracted, he needed to figure out the best way to get Kurt out without running into his father.

"What is the matter with you? It's fine, I'm all cool with not telling your dad that we're together, but now he can't even know we're seeing each other, as… friends?" Kurt snapped, gulping at the word '_friends_' - absolutely not his favorite word to use about Blaine.

He sat up on the bed with a sour look on his face. He made sure to make a big deal of not sitting too close to Blaine and it stung. He rested his head against the headboard of the bed and rolled his eyes with a sniff, before he turned to look out the window where the sky had turned gray, nearly dark.

Blaine was confused and frustrated. Kurt knew how his father was, so why was it such a big deal that he wanted to avoid any complications? It was only to spare him for his father's mean comments on his outfit and general appearance. Not that Blaine thought that Kurt wouldn't be able to handle that - the honest truth was that he was afraid that if he heard his father say something bad about, or to, Kurt he would snap himself. He didn't want Kurt to witness that.

"It's not… that's not fair. You know how he is. I just don't want him to get any more suspicious than necessary, okay? I just don't… I just don't think it would be wise to have him know how often we hang out," Blaine spat and jumped off the bed to take a few steps towards the door where he hoped that he could easier hear if his father was walking around downstairs.

Kurt didn't look away from the window. He pulled his knees to his chest and rested his cheek on his knees without a word. Blaine bumped his forehead against the doorframe. He pounded his fists against each other and walked around a circle on the floor between the bed and the door before he sighed heavily.

He crawled onto the bed and let his face so close to Kurt's that he could hear his breathing. He used his index finger on Kurt's cheek to turn his face, forcing his eyes to meet his. His eyes were sharp and completely blue with only a ring of golden around the pupil. He raised an eyebrow waiting for Blaine to say something, but he had no idea what he was supposed to say, what words he could use to explain himself.

Blaine let himself dump back to sit down on the mattress in front of Kurt. He crossed his legs and looked out the window. The tree outside his window was slowly swaying in the wind, and he wished that he had closed the curtains before he had sat down. The movements and the cold breeze were distracting him from his original purpose of sitting back down.

"It's not that… the thing is… I don't know how to explain this, because it will just sound stupid when I say it out loud. But to me it's a very big deal. I don't want my father to know how much we hang out… because I'm afraid that he might try to forbid me to see you. Of course he could never keep me away from you. Never. But he would say that I couldn't see you, because he would never like you. And I am already going so much against everything he's been trying to teach me, and all of his psychotic rules… I hate it all, I do, I just don't think that there's any reason to… stir more in the pond, you know," Blaine tried explaining. He bit himself in the tongue. That wasn't what he was supposed to say. Sure that was a part of it, but that wasn't the whole truth.

Kurt didn't respond. He let his eyes flicker between Blaine's, searching them and… waiting. He was waiting. Of course he knew that it wasn't the whole story, and now he was waiting for the rest.

"Also… I'm afraid that - if my father sees you, and he would never like you, and the way you are, the way you look, the way you dress… I'm so scared that he would say something provoking, disrespectful to you, or about you when you have left and then - I wouldn't be able to stop myself. I would go crazy. He talks trash about me all the time, but… if he ever says anything about you I will snap. And… you won't like that," he blabbered uncontrolled and nearly incomprehensible. There he had said, he had let it out.

"If you want I could just stay until tomorrow? I can stay in your room until he's gone to bed, and not leave until he's left in the morning," Kurt quietly suggested. His eyes were honest and his fingers were fumbling on his knees. It was hard to tell what he was thinking, his face seemed so indifferent by what Blaine had just said to him. Maybe he wasn't sure what to think of it and decided to act like nothing had happened until he knew?

"What do you mean; snap?" He asked before Blaine had any chance of gathering his thoughts enough to reply to his suggestion. He had not expected that he would have to tell him exactly what he meant about it; he had thought it was pretty obvious.

"I mean… I'm… I'm not really sure what I mean, but I just have all of this rage built up inside of me. Because of him, towards him - and I just know that if he says the least to offend you I would just… probably punch him. I don't want you to see that. You would hate me if I did that," Blaine muttered. He was staring into the bedspread.

He couldn't look Kurt in the eyes when he talked about being violent, that was just too against his nature and everything he believed in, and Blaine was ashamed to share this piece of information with him. But what he was the most ashamed of, and most afraid to let Kurt know, was that if he one day punched his father he wouldn't even feel bad about doing so.

Kurt let his hand run through Blaine's curls. A soft smile filled his face, and green appeared in his eyes. For some reason Blaine noticed that the room was nearly completely dark now, and he was surprised that he could even make out Kurt's eye color anymore.

"I told you once, but I can say it again; I could never hate you. I know you are angry at him. He did some horrible stuff to you, to your mom. But I also know that there's more love than there's anger in you, and that is what your heart consists of. If he said anything to me you wouldn't do anything about it, because you would hold yourself back. If not for you, then for me," Kurt cooed, and somehow his entire face was beaming through the shadows.

Kurt crossed his legs too and moved his torso in over his legs so he could be closer to Blaine. He let his nose ghost up his jaw line, and goose bumps spread over Blaine's skin. Kurt quietly hummed a few notes before he made his face up to be directly in front of Blaine's.

"It's your birthday soon. And then we will run away. I promise. When we get away you will leave your anger behind, and you will be nothing but love. Just the way you're supposed to be," Kurt purred, and Blaine grinned at him.

He couldn't help notice how Kurt's legs were bared now that he was sitting cross-legged so the sarong had opened up. He wanted to bent down to kiss his calves and thighs and knees and his feet, but controlled himself and forced himself back to focus.

He let his forehead bump against Kurt's collarbone and squeezed his eyes shut, embarrassed that they had even had to have that conversation. He had secretly hoped that he would never have to reveal his dark side of anger and rage to Kurt, the side of him that was capable of being aggressive - and violent even.

That was how it went though. Kurt stayed and Blaine excused himself with being tired and going to bed early. He did go to bed early, he just didn't sleep. As soon as Blaine was sure his father wouldn't bother him, they both stripped out of their clothes and crawled to bed where Kurt pulled the covers over their heads.

"Close your eyes, and clear you mind entirely… what do you see when I say - water?" Kurt whispered. He sounded like he was afraid that they would be heard, and Blaine suspected that he had a game going that they were somewhere else in the middle of the night where they had to be silent. Sometimes it seemed like everything was a game to Kurt.

"Mhm… a waterfall?" Blaine responded. His eyes were closed as Kurt had told him to and he realized that clearing his mind was nearly impossible. He had no idea how to do that, and it scared him that he wasn't even capable of something as simple as thinking about nothing.

"Oh… what about… blue? What do you see when I say blue?" Kurt asked, seeming more eager now.

"Ehm… the sky?" Blaine said, and he heard that it actually sounded more like a suggestion than an actual response, so he pierced his nail into his thumb to try and keep his focus in the game.

"Okay… that was easy. How about green then?" Kurt was nearly giggling. Was there something he had missed about this play? Was there something Kurt had missed to explain about what they were doing?

Suddenly it occurred to him that no matter what Kurt was saying after he had said 'water' all Blaine could picture was the island he had thought about months ago when they had taken a bath together and Kurt had been massaging him. The island with the hot steams of water and exotic trees and animals around them. All of it led back to Kurt.

He opened his eyes and grinned at him. Now all he could picture was Kurt dancing around in the water under a waterfall, singing tunes Blaine had never heard before.

"Do you wanna go to Hawaii with me? Some day?" Blaine asked before he even knew that he was planning on asking. As soon as the words left his lips he was excited to hear Kurt's reaction though, and he started chewing his cheek while Kurt's mind worked itself around the sudden invitation.

"I would go to the moon with you, Stardust," he smiled dreamy and moved a little closer.

The temperature under the sheets was steaming hot and Blaine was afraid that he might pass out from the heat, but he didn't want to leave their closed little space. It was too safe, too good, to just leave behind like that.

Kurt closed his eyes, and Blaine instinctively knew that it was his turn. Now he just needed to figure out some words to give him. Something that could give him some sort of insight into Kurt's head. But what?

"What do you see when I say… summer?" He tried out carefully.

"The sun," Kurt responded without as much as a second to think it over.

"What about when I say - celebration?"

_What kind of word is that? What should that even mean? _Blaine thought at himself.

"Love," Kurt answered abruptly. Apparently Kurt didn't have a problem with what that was supposed to mean.

"Okay. Good one. What about - future?" Blaine held his breath. He didn't know why he had said that. It was stupid. But now that he thought closer it could very possibly be some sort of Freudian slip of the tongue. He wanted to see if Kurt would respond just as quickly as he had done to the other words.

"You." He didn't open his eyes, just let the word flow as the most natural thing in the world, and Blaine wanted to reach in to kiss him passionately, but now he couldn't stop or Kurt would know why he had said it.

"Okay. Then I think I'll say games?" Blaine tried as casual as possible, but he was afraid that it had sounded more feigned than anything else. He didn't get to think any further about it, because Kurt opened his eyes and looked directly into Blaine with his answer.

"Our kids."

Blaine had to sink and blink a few times. At first he wasn't sure that he had heard him correctly, but when he had turned it over in his head an appropriate amount of time he didn't have any doubts. Now he just didn't know if he should be sad or happy. He and Kurt could never have kids.

"Wow," was all he could stutter, and wished that he hadn't said anything at all.

"I think we better sleep. You have work tomorrow," Kurt said and pecked his nose. He turned his back on Blaine and shuffled as close as possible while folding Blaine's arm around him.

"Goodnight, Stardust," Kurt yawned and kissed his hand before locking their fingers, and Blaine could hear in his breathing that he was asleep.

The next day Kurt had to leave early, because Blaine had to be at work around noon. They agreed for Blaine to come to Kurt's place Friday after work, and they parted with heavy hearts.

It was getting warmer, and it was nearly impossible to be in the record store even though the door was open throughout the day. Blaine decided to sit outside to play a little, which quickly resulted in people crowding around him. He felt free and something inside him couldn't help saying that maybe life wasn't as hard as the winter had made it seem.

"Hey man, playing much?" Trent said as he dumped down on the mural next to Blaine. He was grinning widely and nearly pulled Blaine out of focus so he missed a few keys, but grinned back as he continued playing.

As he ended his song Trent offered him a cup of coffee. It hit Blaine that he couldn't really know if this was going to be a pleasant visit or if there was something he should fear, but he guessed that Trent didn't exactly appear troubled, so he let himself enjoy the moment and hope for the best.

They talked a bit about what was going on. Trent talked about the show choir competition The Warblers had recently won, and Blaine congratulated him. He also told that Daniel and his friends had quit The Warblers after they had their encounter with the rest of the club. Blaine couldn't say that he was sorry - he just wanted them to pay for how they had treated him.

"At first they tried spreading a rumor within The Warblers that I am gay, but when I said that I'm not of course the other guys believed me. So they have no game with their destructive schemes around Dalton," Trent said casually, making sure that no one was overhearing them. After the party he had made sure to always be certain that no one was within hearing distance of them whenever they were having a conversation - even when there was nothing to be nervous about.

Blaine felt guilty. He had never wanted to put Trent through all of this. He wondered whether it had been the right decision to choose to tell him his secret, but something inside him said that to Trent it wasn't that simple; it wasn't just a matter of trouble or no trouble. To Trent this was just as much about helping, and being there for a friend as it was for Blaine to not be alone with it.

The sun was shining down over them, and it made Blaine's black hair feel like it was about to burst into flames. He wished that he could take Kurt back to the fountain in Washington where they had dipped their feet, but this time he could hold his hand instead of awkwardly hoping for Kurt to take his hand first.

"On a date, ladies?" An acid filled voice sounded behind them, but before they could turn around Daniel was standing in front of him. He was flanked by a boy looking equally as arrogant as he did himself, and he was clearly laughing at Daniel's clever comment.

"Fuck off, Daniel. And would you shut the fuck up? We made a deal, and if you don't keep your side we won't keep ours either," Trent spat out and stared them. He got up and showed that he was quite a bit taller than the freshmen in front of him, and Blaine had to hold in a snicker.

The boys flexed their muscles that weren't as impressive as they thought, and Blaine figured that he'd better stand up as well. This didn't seem like it was going anywhere good, and he was not interested in anything going down at his workplace.

He immediately felt tiny next to the boys in front of him. Being small had always been a pain for him, but he had made it through life not caring much about, although in this particular moment he really wished that he had been taller - at least a few inches.

"Just... leave me alone. Leave my friends alone, and we should be able to avoid any sort of complications," Blaine said with as much authority as his voice could muster. He was very uncomfortable about the situation and his first impulse was to grab Trent by the arm and disappear into the store to leave his bullies.

"But what if we like complications? What's life without a little trouble?" The boy behind Daniel grinned. That was really all he was; just a boy. He couldn't be anymore than 14, maybe 15. Blaine felt a knot tie in his throat by the thought that someone had dragged him into a circle of bullying other people and treating them this way. He was way too young to mark his conscious by ruining other kids' lives. It was sad and for a moment he imagined himself dragging the boy to the side and beg him to find other friends than this Daniel kid.

However, he simply shook his head, picked up his guitar and headed for the store. Out of the corner of his eye he had noticed that the owner was keeping an eye on the situation and Blaine wanted to make sure nothing slipped for him to hear, and to avoid anyone getting into any fights in front of the store. He could feel that anger was boiling under the surface so leaving seemed to be the best tactic.

"Are those guys giving you any problems?" The owner asked as Blaine and Trent entered the store again. He was a big, menacing man, and Blaine was sure that if he said that Daniel and his friend was bothering them he would go out and tell them to stay away - in a way that would make even the biggest of football players curl up.

"No, it's cool. It was just a… misunderstanding," Blaine mumbled and hurried to rush to the counter with Trent right at his heels. He put his guitar in its bag and prepared himself to go back to work.

For the rest of the day they kept staring towards the door, worrying that the guys might come inside the store to make a scene there, but they didn't show. When Blaine got off his shift in the late afternoon he and Trent went to the closest pizza-place before Trent had to go home.

As Blaine walked alone back through town he couldn't help keep looking over his shoulder. It seemed like everything had just collided lately. As if he had let everything pile up and now the mountain was threatening to crash down over him. Either he found a way to get himself out of it, or the mountain would start to crack and he wouldn't be able to prevent the disaster it would cause.

He tried distracting his thoughts by reading some comic books, but it didn't work - the confrontation in front of the store kept popping back into his mind. It didn't help listening to music either, and he even pulled out some of Kurt's paper and pencils to try sketching the way he had watched Kurt do it, but it all ended up smudged and not even stickmen turned out the way he tried to, so he gave up.

After a long time of pacing up and down the floor of his room he caved in and faced that he should get himself together. He walked downstairs and casually entered the living room where his father was watching the news.

Blaine sat on the couch without either of them uttering as much as a word to each other, but he could feel his father's eyes on his face every now and then. He ignored it as good as possible while watching the footage from the war rolling over the screen. All he could think about was Kurt, and how Finn was contemplating on going back.

He started imagining how Finn had looked like while running around in the Vietnamese villages. Was he killing or was he saving? No one had ever mentioned what he was doing over there; the killing stats, if he was one of those who saved the families or if he was one those who raided towns, killed and raped without mercy.

Or had someone mentioned that? He was so confused. All he remembered having heard about Finn's time in the war was all of Kurt's worries. Maybe he should try asking, or would that be too intruding?

The next day Blaine arrived at Kurt's house around 7. Earlier it hit him that he didn't know if Rachel and her parents would be there when he was to come over, and he wasn't sure that he would be ready to be thrust into it that way.

Luckily Daniel and his sidekick hadn't shown since Blaine and Trent left them outside the store the previous day. He didn't know what he would have done if he had been forced to face them alone, and he was happy that he hadn't found out.

"Hey Stardust," Kurt thrilled at him as Burt showed him through the house and into the garden where Kurt was sitting with coal smudges all over his pale skin. He had been absorbed in a sketch when Blaine fell to the grass next to him.

Blaine looked over his shoulder and saw that Kurt was, once again, drawing his hands only this time holding a flower. The stem was long and twisting its way down his wrist, and the flower looked like a Hawaiian Hibiscus. The way Kurt had portrayed it was lively, and Blaine had an urge to bent his head to take in the scent.

"It's really beautiful," he muttered as Kurt signed the corner before he let the paper and pencil drop. He let himself sink into Blaine's lap where he kissed his collarbone and bit lightly at his nipple making Blaine jump slightly.

Kurt pushed gently at Blaine's chest and made them fall down in the grass together. The grass was cold and tickled, but he wrapped his arms around Kurt and dragged him closer. In a matter of no time Kurt had taken over control and was sitting on Blaine's hips.

His fingers found their way under Blaine's shirt and he started stroking his hipbones with his thumbs, making Blaine gush a little, but enjoyed the electricity Kurt made run through him. If he hadn't been so aware of Kurt's family being inside the house he would have turned the control around and dragged Kurt down to smother him in kisses, or forced him to the grass so he could kiss him and let himself disappear entangled in his arms and legs.

This wouldn't do though. He had a feeling that Kurt's dad was keeping an eye on them from the window, and he didn't want him to catch them in a moment so intimate - or even worse; if they got carried away, and didn't stop themselves before nature took its course, and Kurt's dad saw them in all their passion.

He let his hands find their way up Kurt's thighs, constantly reminding himself to keep their touch innocent, as hard as it was with the friction from Kurt moving on top of his zipper.

"I talked to your friend, Trent. He invited me to come to his mom's gallery next weekend. Apparently there's a big event there and he figured I would find it interesting," Kurt said while his thumbs started sneaking down the hem of Blaine's jeans.

"Do you maybe wanna come?" He asked, looking like a kid asking for his mom to tug him in. How could he go from sexy to cute and adorable in seconds?

Blaine blinked his eyes a few times to shake himself out of the former thoughts to focus on the current invitation. He turned the coming up weekend over in his head to figure out if he had anything planned, if he was working or if there was anything to be in the way of going to Westerville with Kurt.

"Sure. Let's do that. But are you sure you want me to go? I'll just be boring and not have a clue what you're talking about, or what we're looking at," Blaine teased, but sure that it was the honest case; he didn't know anything about art, and he was afraid that if he went to the event with Kurt he would only be annoying.

Kurt bobbed his head from side to side, as if Blaine's features would decide whether or not it would be worth it to drag him along. He bit his lower lip with a pensive expression on his face before he let his mouth crack in a smile.

"Yeah. You'll be bored. But we will get to take the bus out there together, and back again. And we can get off at one of the small towns in between and act like a couple without worrying," Kurt suggested. It was only a proposition, not something he had already decided. He wanted Blaine to know that he wouldn't be disappointed if he said no.

Blaine sat up and Kurt curled his legs around his waist rather than sit down next to him. Blaine let his hands slide down Kurt's back, and let them end right above his ass to make sure he didn't fall down. He rested his forehead against Kurt's chest and let the idea sink in. To actually go out in public and be together in front of people.

That was possibly one of the most terrifying things Kurt had ever asked him to do.

"I - don't know. Can we talk about it later? Like… Friday or something then?" Blaine asked without looking up. He wished so bad that he was able to do it, but he knew that if he said yes now there would still be a possibility that he would feel the need to back out, and he couldn't put up Kurt's hopes just to tear them down like that when it was time.

Kurt didn't say anything. He stroked his hands gently up Blaine's back and made his fingers into his curls and down the neck of his t-shirt.

"I'm sorry. I really wanna do that, but… I don't know if I can. Let's just see if I get through this dinner thing alive, okay?" He stared into Kurt's eyes, begging him to forgive him for being such a coward.

_He just don't deserve me, _Blaine thought and had to look away to not let his lips spill over with what was going through his head. If he said it out loud Kurt would surely get sad that he could think such a thing - because that was the way Kurt was.

Kurt clasped his lips against Blaine's and pulled him as close as he could without losing balance. When he broke away he let his fingers run through Blaine's hair before he stood up and dragged Blaine with him.

"Don't apologize. We'll see what happens. We can always go and pretend to be friends," Kurt said and poked his nose before leading him into the house.

They spent the evening with Kurt's family drinking tea and watching TV. It was casual and Blaine tried to relax, yet he kept weighing whether he should tell Kurt about his encounter with Daniel or not, but as soon as he figured he would decide that later the thought of Rachel's parents overwhelmed him.

He was seated between Kurt's legs on the floor, with Kurt's arms wrapped safely around him, so he closed his eyes and tried to imagine that it was summer and they had left Ohio behind. He let Kurt's warm take over his own cold body temperature, and he hoped that the entire family wasn't staring at them, because he wasn't planning on letting go.

"Fuck. I made something for you, but I forgot it at home," Blaine burst out when he woke up the next morning.

_How could I forget that? Jesus, that's the stupidest thing ever, _Blaine thought to himself and pouted.

He had been so excited to give this to Kurt, but now he didn't know if he could make it home before Rachel and her parents would be there. He turned to lie on his side where he found Kurt staring at him with sparkly eyes filled with anticipation.

"I love it when you surprise me," he whispered softly, and he looked like he was about to explode from curiosity. He nudged his nose against Blaine's and let his cold foot slide up Blaine's leg with a giggle.

"I like to surprise you. But it's just a mood killer when I forget what it is I want to surprise you with. Sorry," he apologized and rolled his eyes at his own awkwardness. He tried figuring out if his father would be home at this point, but he realized that he had no idea. Usually he knew his father's weekly working schedule by heart to make sure he could avoid him best possible, but this weekend he hadn't paid attention to it because it hadn't mattered as he would be staying at Kurt's place.

"You can still go home and get it though? I'm not running anywhere - and we're not supposed to be ready for dinner until around 4:30 so there's lots of time. We can even take a shower first," Kurt teased, clearly doing his best to convince Blaine that he really wanted whatever it was he had for him.

"Okay. Okay, I'll go pick it up, I promise," Blaine squealed as Kurt's foot was working it's way longer up his leg, and it was cold and tickling. He couldn't help chuckling as Kurt dragged him closer to kiss him and pulled the sheets over their heads.

Kurt abruptly crawled over Blaine and jumped to his feet. He stood in the middle of the floor wearing nothing but his underwear and started dragging Blaine out of the bed too.

"What are you doing? Can't we stay a little longer? I just wanna cuddle you forever and ever," Blaine complained, nearly falling over the edge of the mattress. He tried resisting, desperately pulling Kurt back towards the bed, but Kurt was in the best position for the game.

"What we are doing? I just told you, silly. We're going to take a shower, come on, I'm smelly." He let go of Blaine's hand and put his hands to his sides, pretending to be offended by Blaine's loss of memory.

Blaine was baffled. A shower? Together? In Kurt's house? That didn't sound very safe. It actually sounded very tempting, but like a deadly horrible idea. Kurt's dad might like him, but he probably wouldn't be too pleased with them showering together under his roof. Under any roof together actually. Blaine had a feeling that when it came to boys Burt thought of Kurt as if he had been his teenage daughter, and he couldn't blame him. Blaine was only happy that people wanted to protect Kurt.

He closed his eyes and swallowed. He could feel Kurt's gaze pierce his skin, and he hid his face under the sheets once again. He needed to let the idea sink in. _Of course Kurt would never do anything against his dad's will right in his face that way, so maybe he's not even home? _Blaine guessed.

In the end Blaine gave in. He agreed to shower with Kurt on the one condition that he didn't try anything while they were in there. Kurt promised, but his sneaky grin should have told him off.

In the shower Kurt pushed Blaine against the tiles to kiss him heatedly, and whilst Blaine's attention was busy elsewhere Kurt locked his hand around his cock and made stars dance in front of his eyes. He was fighting a strong battle to not make too much noise, but quickly repaid Kurt the favor. When they left the bathroom he couldn't help blood rushing to his face and he hoped that the bathroom walls were as thick as the ones in Kurt's bedroom.

They joined Finn for breakfast that went on without any problems. Apparently no one had even noticed them showering together, and Blaine thanked all the higher powers that he didn't have to deal with that. At least no one mentioned anything, so he guessed that it meant that he wasn't in any trouble.

When Blaine was about to go home Kurt pleaded and begged him to let him come, and even though Blaine was afraid that it might ruin the surprise he let him come along. He couldn't just turn down those eyes.

The entire walk through town Kurt skipped and danced over the sidewalk, and it could just as well have been in the middle of the summer, because the sun was hot and for once Blaine felt that all of his worries could be pushed away and dealt with another day. He wanted to enjoy his weekend with Kurt, and the thought of facing Rachel's parents at dinner didn't appear as threatening as it had done earlier.

As they turned up the Anderson driveway Blaine folded his hand around Kurt's briefly before he entered the house. His father's car was in the driveway, so Kurt had suggested himself that he waited outside. Blaine was grateful and promised to hurry.

The second he stepped into the hall he had a feeling that something was different, but he couldn't pinpoint what it could be. He went to his room to pick up what he needed. He started to rummage around his room and packed his stuff down when he saw that an envelope was lying on his pillow.

It looked very official and everything inside him tied up. He turned it over several times, and a voice inside of him screamed to leave it and get out as quickly as possible, but bright red letters were stamped on the front saying URGENT so he couldn't just turn his back on it.

_Come on, no matter what it is it will still be here tomorrow when I get back._

_But maybe it's something that needs to be taken care of now._

_Nothing can be taken care of on a Saturday anyway._

_But if I don't open it now it will be bothering me for the rest of the weekend._

That was it. Blaine had convinced himself that he needed to open it. His inner debate was echoing in his mind as he tore open the paper and pulled out the letter it was holding.

All blood disappeared from his face and he let the paper drop to the bed. He couldn't look at it, not for one second. Maybe his father didn't know what it was and he would be able to postpone it for as long as possible? By any luck it was Ms. Johnson who had put the letter in his room and his father wouldn't even know that he had got mail. Blaine hurried to grab his guitar and the bag he had just packed and ran downstairs, determined not to run into anyone on the way.

"Not so fast there, son. Get out here," his father's voice sounded from the kitchen and Blaine froze in the hall. This was it; he was about to die. There was no way he could get away now. His father would very possibly hunt him down if he tried getting away anyway.

Blaine put the guitar and the bag down against the wall and with heavy steps he walked to face his doom in the form of his father's pride.

"So you finally got your letter. I am guessing there was a date? Well, it was only a matter of time. I was waiting for it," his father said. He was sitting by the kitchen table with a glass of something that looked like it was way too strong for this early in the day.

"I'm not doing it," Blaine stated. He knew that his face was completely white, and he could feel that all of his emotions were raging against each other in a struggle to be the one to be paid attention to first. He should have known that was the reason his father had let him off that school so easily; he had only been waiting for Blaine to receive the letter.

"What? That's not something you get to decide, young man. This is law. You'll never be a man if you don't get off your ass now," his father retorted, and Blaine was certain that he was just as ready for battle as Blaine was himself. This was now or never.

"You might as well face it. I will never live up to your perception of what a man is, so just drop it. I'm not doing it. The army is not for me, and if you were just half the father you tell people that you are you would know!" Blaine spat at him, and now the scores were really being set. He was preparing himself for the big collision that this would evolve to, and he was planning on setting in with everything he had.

"If I have to drag your pathetic ass out there myself, I can assure you that you are going!" His father boomed at him and put the glass so hard to the counter that it could just as well have shot pieces of glass around them.

"Stardust? Are you okay? I thought I heard… oh."

Kurt had showed in the door and was staring wide-eyed at the scene in front of him. Blaine was filled with panic and begged to some higher power that Kurt would go back outside, or even better; hurry home. He didn't want him caught in the crossfire.

"Kurt, it's… I'll be right out," Blaine tried to assure him, but was well aware that there was nothing assuring in his voice. It was shaking and weak, and Kurt knew him too well to believe that he was okay - and he knew Kurt too well to believe that he would just leave after seeing this.

So he made a snap decision. Already before he did it he knew that it was stupid, reckless and it might get him killed, but he didn't care anymore. He didn't really care about anything in that moment.

Blaine took a step towards Kurt and grabbed his hand. He pulled him closer, and stared his father directly in the eyes. His father's eyes were black and cold, and completely merciless, which only made Blaine even more determined of throwing himself into this idiotic plan.

"They wouldn't want me anyway. They don't take gays, do they? I guess that sort of solves the problem, then," Blaine said cocky, and turned to Kurt to clasp their lips together.

Kurt was stiff in his grip, and Blaine felt guilty for having made him a piece in their game, but he knew that he needed to do something to show his father that he was everything his father wasn't, and that he would never be like him.

"Yes, Kurt is my boyfriend, and guess what? Everything has been going on under your roof. If you only knew the times we have kissed, or been close, or… yeah, had lots of awesome, amazing, hot _gay sex _in your house! Thanks for never being home, and making it much easier for me to be with the boy that I love," Blaine blabbered out and let his fingers entwine with Kurt's.

_Gosh, I will never be able to properly apologize to him for this. Please don't hate me, Kurt, _was all that rolled around Blaine's head.

Before he knew what happened he heard Kurt scream, and he felt something burning run through his spine. Kurt's hand had disappeared from his and he had slipped to the floor. It took his oblivious mind a moment before he realized what was going on; his father had pushed him against the wall with the force of a train hitting him.

His father was yelling something completely incoherent at him, and Kurt was by the door screaming and crying. He wanted to get up, but his fingers wouldn't even react when he told them to support against the floor. His head was buzzing, and he could hear his blood pounding in his ears, but he kept telling himself to get back up.

He staggered to his feet, with the help of supporting against the wall and the counter. His father was by the refrigerator, and Blaine knew that he had to get Kurt out as soon as possible, or things would get completely out of control. He didn't know what his father was doing, but his experience told him that he was deciding what to pick up to beat him with.

Kurt's face was soaked in tears, and he looked like he was nailed to the floor. He was shaking, but even though he was obviously desperate to help Blaine he was too scared to move. Blaine crossed the floor with clumsy steps, and unsure about how far he would reach like that.

The second he reached the door it was like lightning hit Kurt and he snapped out of his state of shock. He rushed to Blaine's side, eyes constantly on Blaine's father in the corner. Kurt put his arm around Blaine and helped him down the hall towards the door.

They could hear that his father had realized that they were on their way out so they speeded up. Kurt grabbed the guitar and the bag as he made sure Blaine got safely down the few doorsteps.

As soon as they were on their way down the driveway Blaine forced himself to ignore the pain in his back and let his hand slide into Kurt's as they hurried down the sidewalk. When they turned around the corner towards town they could still hear his father roaring after them, and Blaine wouldn't be surprised if he was about to jump in his car and follow them so he pushed Kurt down a side street he knew was too small for his father's big car.

When they were halfway towards Kurt's house Kurt turned into an alley and stopped to look at Blaine. Tearstains were drying on his cheeks, making his skin glistening in the sun, and his hair was ruffled and he looked like he was about to break down again. He put the guitar carefully against the wall before he let the bag carelessly drop to the ground with a force Blaine had never seen him use before.

"What the… what the hell was that? What happened?" Kurt wailed with a heavy stutter. His voice was shaking just as much as he was himself, and Blaine was completely taken aback by the confrontation.

He had to take a step back to support his back against the wall. It felt like needles were running up and down his spine, and he could feel that his lip was throbbing. Maybe he hadn't been pushed, but punched?

The entire scenario was a blur to him, and images were flying around his head, making it ache even more than it already was from the hit against the wall.

Kurt spun around himself a few times, staring to the sky as if the answer would magically appear for him on a cloud, but when the sky turned out to be completely free of clouds he sunk down on the ground. He wrapped his arms around his knees and started rocking back and forth while sobbing.

Blaine had no idea what to do, but he didn't get to wrap his mind around the situation before Kurt was back on his feet and had walked towards Blaine where he punched his fists into his chest. He wasn't using force, but for Blaine who had just had his entire body stirred it was painful and he started coughing, whereto Kurt let his fists go still against his chest and started crying against his neck.

"What happened? Don't ever do anything that stupid again. You knew that he would kill you!" Kurt cried, and Blaine closed his arms around him. He slid down against the wall and pulled Kurt into his lap like he had been a crying child.

"I'm sorry it was just… I got the letter. I wanted to go before facing him… but he was there, and we started arguing - and then you came in, and… I am so sorry, baby. I am sorry," Blaine whined into his hair. His voice was rasp and shaking. He placed kisses on his head, and stroked soothingly over his hair.

Kurt stopped his sobbing and looked up at Blaine with wet eyes. His eyes were swimming in tears, and Blaine didn't doubt that he had a hard time focusing through the saltwater. Yet, fear was still burning strongly through his gaze, and Blaine was sure that Kurt knew exactly what letter he was talking about.

"The letter? _The _letter?" Kurt asked in horror and sniffed. He knew. He definitely knew. It was painted all over his face, and Blaine could feel it in his body that was curled against his own. This was the moment they both had feared, but still known they would be faced with sooner or later.

He twisted his way out of Blaine's arms and sat down on the pavement in front of him. His eyes weren't meeting Blaine's but staring at the bag that was carelessly swung on the ground, the insides looking like it was contemplating on bursting free.

Kurt jumped to his feet and rushed to Blaine's side where he started helping him up. Everything was happening so fast, yet somehow it felt like everything was going in slow-motion, and Blaine didn't know how to keep up, or figure out what was going on or what was about to happen next.

"We'll go to my dad. He'll help us. You can… you heard him, you can stay at our place and then…" Kurt started blabbering out, but Blain stopped him in his stream of words.

"Kurt, if I stay in this town my father will find me. You know that. You saw him, I can't stay here," Blaine objected through bad coughing. Luckily blood wasn't coming up, which he saw as a good sign, and the least the world could do for him at the moment.

"Let's just… get you to my house, and then we'll figure out what to do. I promise he'll never hurt you again, love. Never. I promise!" Kurt almost yelled the last sentence. Blaine was nearly scared; he had never seen him so frustrated and terrified.

Blaine headed to pick up the guitar and the bag, but Kurt rushed to pick it up before he could get to it. They locked their fingers and headed out of the alley, and down the street. They walked through town with their fingers entwined in the light of day for the first time, and they didn't give a damn that everyone stopped to look at them. It just didn't matter anymore.


	40. Consequences

The second they stepped into the Hummel house Kurt helped Blaine to sit on the couch. As soon as he was sure Blaine would be okay he hurried out of the living room without a word.

Blaine could hear blurred voices talking upset before Kurt quickly returned. As soon as he had talked Blaine into lying down he sat on the floor next to him. Not that Blaine saw any reason for him to lie down, but he wanted to please Kurt since he still seemed so shaken from the experience.

"I talked to Carole. She called my dad at the tire shop. He's coming home. After that she called Rachel to tell her that something has come up and that the dinner is canceled," he told softly and brushed a hand over Blaine's forehead.

His lower lip was quivering as he spoke and he was shaking on his hands as both of them ended in his lap. Blaine reached down to fold his one hand around both of Kurt's. He forced his eyes to stare into his to try calming him down, but he only looked like he was sure the entire thing was his fault.

"Stardust, I am so sorry about all of this. I shouldn't have walked in. Then he wouldn't have done this to you," Kurt sobbed and let his one hand rush to cover his mouth, strangling a wail. With his other he gently let a finger trace over Blaine's swollen lip as fat tears rolled down his porcelain skin.

"It's not your fault. Don't ever think that this could be your fault. He would have gone crazy no matter what, because I refuse to go. Besides; it was about time I told him who I am and - he should know that I love you. Now we can let everyone know that I love you," Blaine crooned and hoped that he sounded as comforting as he wanted to. He felt so damn guilty to have pulled Kurt, and his family, into this circus.

Carole came in and handed Blaine a bag of ice for his lip. His back was still aching, but it wasn't as bad now that he had got a chance to relax it a little bit. Carole handed him a few pillows before she stroke her hand over his hair and left them alone. Blaine appreciated her concern, but he also appreciated that she knew that they needed some time together by themselves before they had to face the consequences of this hell that had broken loose around them.

Kurt moved to sit against the sofa with Blaine's arm safely wrapped around his shoulder. They rested their foreheads against each other and Blaine became much calmer as he heard Kurt's sniffing slowly die out.

It felt like hours drifted by, but in reality they had only been waiting for 15 minutes when Burt stormed into the house. He slammed the door after him and his steps were strong and angry. Blaine wondered what Carole had said that could have made him that mad.

He marched through the hall and slammed the kitchen door so hard that the little glass frames shook, and they could hear Burt and Carole have a heated conversation. Blaine and Kurt didn't look at each other or even said a word. They clutched each other closer and waited for it to be over - or for someone to drag them into it.

After what felt like ages, but somehow still way too fast, both Burt and Carole entered the living room. It seemed like a dark cloud was hanging over their heads, and Blaine didn't like the feeling creeping under his skin from the sight.

Blaine forced himself to sit up and Kurt hurried to help him. Burt sat down in his usual chair, and Carole sat on the couch next to Blaine. Kurt crawled to sit next to Blaine, an arm locked strongly around his leg, and the other on his thigh so he could clench his hand.

"Kurt, you remember what we talked about a few weeks ago? I guess this is time now," Burt said, and all eyes rushed to Kurt. He looked up at Blaine who was silently begging for an explanation, but he merely squeezed his hand and looked back to his dad.

"Yes, dad. I remember it. I wrote it all down to make sure it would be ready if th… if something was to happen so we would need it," Kurt responded thickly and nodded in assurance. Blaine was confused and his head had started spinning in a mix of pain, fatigue and not knowing what was going on.

"Good. I knew you would have it all under control. I guess we need to wait a week or something so Blaine can get his stuff while his father is at work," Carole suggested and shot both of the boys a warm look.

Kurt sat up on his knees and bit his lower lip before he stared at Blaine. His eyes were wet and filled with a mix of fear and something Blaine could only detect as anticipation. If someone wasn't planning on telling him something about this plan soon he was sure that he would burst into flames from the frustration.

"Stardust, I… after the thing at your old school, when you left the next day - we sat down and talked about it. We discussed what could happen, what the consequences would be for you, for us, if it got out to the whole town, and by that to your dad. So we made a plan," Kurt started. He looked to his father who sent him an encouraging nod and Carole smiled at him.

Kurt shifted his weight a little. He took a deep breath and moved a little closer to Blaine who suddenly was very conscious about the fact that everyone in the room was looking at him. They were waiting to get his reaction to what was going on, and all he could think about was that he just wanted to scream until his voice disappeared and then curl up in the dark with Kurt close to him.

"Well, my dad took some money from the tire shop and put aside for us, and then we planned for us to… run away together. Puck know some people that we can stay with. In San Francisco. I will call him and he will get us in touch with them. We have a storage room in the basement, so when your dad is out for work we will go and get your stuff from your house. We can't take furniture and big stuff, but all your important stuff, so you won't have to leave that behind. And then we can go away, where we will be sure he won't find you. Baby, we've planned it all out, it's gonna be okay," Kurt assured him.

Blaine didn't know what to say. He had to close his eyes to gather his thoughts. It was all crashing in over him, and he felt like he had been punched in the stomach. Apparently Kurt had taken every precaution there was, even though he hadn't needed to do that - and his family had helped him.

He slowly fell back against the backrest and let Kurt's words sink in.

_Money, Puck, San Francisco, storage room, important, his father, run away together _- Kurt's words were echoing in his brain, and he imagined them to be a whirlpool of letters washing down the drain. This was really now or never.

There were only two options for him from this point on; run away with Kurt, or go back to his father's house so he could get into the army and become everything he detested…

…and have Kurt stop loving him.

"I have money too. I've been saving up since I started working at the store, and I already had a little savings. It's not much - but if we can only get out there on what we have, then we can get jobs when we get there. Let's do this," Blaine exclaimed in a voice stronger than he had thought it would ever be again.

Kurt beamed at him with eyes radiating like suns, and Blaine wished that they had been alone so he could drag him into a kiss and embrace. Instead he squeezed Kurt's hand as hard as he could and looked to Burt and Carole.

"Don't worry about anything. You can stay here until we are sure that you don't have anything important left at your dad's house. You can stay here as long as you like, but for what we hear about your dad it will probably be for the best if you get going as soon as possible," Carole said and tilted her head to look at Blaine and Kurt entangled in each other.

After lunch Kurt called Puck and told him that there was an emergency so of course Puck hurried over instantly. When he walked in and saw the state Blaine was in he blew up. He was sure that someone had found out about their relationship and attacked them.

Kurt got him to listen and explained the deal which only made him even more angry. He started booming about getting Finn at Rachel's house so they could go beat Blaine's father up. To Blaine's surprise Kurt didn't as much as raise an eyebrow at the suggestion. He merely sniffed and rested his head on his arm that was lying on his knees.

"I don't care. I just don't want him to ever hurt Blaine again," Kurt muttered and sighed deeply.

The day was spent on them discussing how they would make it all work when they were to actually leave. Blaine was impressed at how detailed their planning was, and when Kurt got a notepad from his room his jaw dropped. They had spent a long time checking up on how they could go by bus from Lima to New York, and from there they had checked if it would be easiest to go by train or bus further on.

Kurt's notes were complete with bus and train numbers, names of stations, time of leaving and arrival and even names of places they could go sleep if they would need it.

Blaine was astounded and he had no idea how he could ever begin to word his gratitude of so many people going to these measures to keep him safe. In that second he promised himself that no matter what ever was about to happen he would cut down every person that would stand in his way to make Kurt happy, to keep him safe, to make sure that he would always have what he needed - he had already decided that, but now he was determined to do whatever it would take. Anything.

As it got late Puck headed home, and Kurt went to the hall to say goodbye to him. Blaine could hear him breaking down in a sob. He wanted to go out there, to comfort him and assure him that everything would work out, but he didn't. He wasn't invited for this, and he guessed that Kurt would need some distance to let the events of the day fall into place.

When he returned to the living room he had dried his eyes, and tried covering up as good as possible that he had been crying, and it broke Blaine's heart. They collected their stuff and went to Kurt's room to get ready for bed.

As soon as they were lying down Kurt curled carefully up against Blaine, clearly afraid to hurt him in any way, so Blaine turned on his side and pulled him as close as possible. His back was still hurting, but he needed Kurt to be close to him, he had to feel him, and he couldn't let anything as stupid as air, or sheets, or back pains separate them.

"We're doing this now. In a week or so we will be on our way away from here. And now - we don't have to hide anymore. It will work out now," Blaine smiled weakly at him through the dark. He brushed his nose against Kurt's cheek and felt his skin radiate its warmth to his face.

Suddenly something Blaine hadn't even considered hit him strongly. He felt sick with himself and like the worst person in the world for having overlooked that detail, and now he needed to do something about it.

_If we run away together, this will mean that Kurt won't know when he will see his family again. For me._

Blaine swallowed and moved a little away from Kurt to make sure he could see his face. This was important to how their future would look, and as much as he didn't want to do it, it was the only right thing for him to do.

"Kurt. If you don't want to leave your family I understand. Then you shouldn't. I can go away alone. I would hate to leave without you, but I could never ask you to leave your family like that. Please believe me when I say that I would never ask you to do that. It will be okay, we will figure something out if you'd rather stay," Blaine said weakly, and felt his voice threatening to break.

What? What would they ever be able to figure out if Kurt didn't go with him? Then it would very possibly mean that they would never see each other again. They would possibly promise each other to make it work, but then they would talk on the phone and write each other letters, but it would slowly die out because they wouldn't be able to hold, feel, kiss and see each other. It would be too hard.

Blaine expected Kurt to turn it over in his head. To think it over, and probably say that he needed to think about it, to have some time to really consider what to do, but he didn't.

"I don't want to leave my family," he said without even blinking, his eyes staring at Blaine in horror, and he felt his heart cramp, and fall to ashes on the floor.

He felt like he was about to fall out of the bed and dump to the floor. But he stood by his word; he would never force Kurt to leave his family. They had already done so much for him, and to ask them to tear their entire family apart was just way too much for one to even think about.

For a second he considered to turn his back on Kurt. Not because he was angry, but because he needed space to let the thought think in, and he couldn't let him see how much it hurt him. This would be his last week with Kurt.

"Listen… I love my family more than I could ever explain. They are my sun, my moon, my stars - but I love you too. You are my universe, oxygen and spirit. You hold my heart. I wanna go with you. This doesn't mean that I will never see them again. Some day we will come back and visit them and we won't have to worry anymore, or they will come and visit us in our new home - the home we will build together," Kurt whispered with a mix of stars and sadness in his eyes.

He let a hand caress Blaine's cheek softly while his little finger on his free hand found Blaine's between their chests. He locked their fingers and clung himself to Blaine.

Blaine's heart had transformed from being crumpled up on the floor to flutter away like a hummingbird's wings. _A home together; they would build a home together. _The thought hadn't even passed him before Kurt mentioned it, but now it seemed like the most natural thing in the world - like the right path for them to take.

"Yeah. A home. _Our_ home," he whispered back.

The next days were awful. They were filled with waiting, waiting and nothing but endless waiting. They agreed that they shouldn't go to the Anderson house to get Blaine's stuff for the first couple of days because his father would expect him to come back to pick up some stuff.

To get through the emptiness of being powerless they started out by going over the details of the plans again. When they had discussed them so much that they knew everything back and forth they waited some more.

Thursday morning Blaine woke up to a racket and a feeling of the bed being empty next to him. He got his senses together and looked out in the room to find Kurt on the floor in front of his closet. He was picking up the insides of a box that apparently had fallen to the floor and made the noise.

"Hey sweetie. You're up early," Blaine mumbled and turned to lie so he could face Kurt properly. Kurt did a startled jump in surprise from Blaine's voice, but hurried to fill the contents of the box back in place and put the lid back on. Then he got to his feet and walked over to sit on the side of the bed where he stroke a hand over Blaine's hair. His curls were growing back out and Kurt said that he saw it as a symbol of the beginning of their new life together away from his father's always-watching-eyes.

"I didn't even know you were awake, baby. Your lip's not swollen anymore. It looks like its own lovely self now," Kurt crooned with a soft smile. His hand ran down over Blaine's torso, over his arm and found his hand.

Blaine allowed himself to spend a little time on taking in the view of the sun hitting Kurt's face, making his features stronger than ever, his hair looked like honey and his eyes sparkled. He truly looked like something out of a fairy tale, or a nymph from Greek mythology. Breathtaking without even knowing it.

Blaine moved a little to his side so Kurt could let himself fall into his embrace. Now that Kurt was back in his arms Blaine realized that the floor was filled with clothes, books, papers and artwork.

"What were you doing? It's gotta be like 8 or something," Blaine muttered into his ear as he started running his fingers up and down Kurt's naked arm. Kurt was still only in his underwear from sleeping, and Blaine appreciated it because the sun was baking through the window and heating up the room.

"I woke up and couldn't sleep anymore. I didn't want to wake you up, so I figured that I would start cleaning out my stuff. So I will be ready for packing the necessities, you know," he explained. Kurt turned around and wrapped his arm around Blaine's waist while covering his collarbone, neck and chest in soft kisses that made Blaine's heart jump to his throat.

Yeah. Get ready for packing seemed like a good idea. Blaine was already planning on going to the record store to explain his situation as he knew the owner always dropped by Thursday afternoons. Until now he had only called in sick after the incident Saturday night, which was kind of true as his back was only just starting to feel normal, and his lip look normal again.

He wondered what he should tell his boss. That he had been kicked out of his father's house? That something had happened so he had to move? Or simply lay out the entire, bold truth? He realized that there were people he needed to call, people he needed to tell goodbye - Trent, his mom, The Warblers.

"Yeah. My father will be working late tomorrow, so I thought we could get my stuff then," Blaine agreed. That would be it then; they could leave Lima, Ohio over the weekend and he would never need to look back. A new life.

It suddenly seemed terrifying. For all these years he had just wanted to be an adult and move out of his father's house so he could take control of his own life, but now that he was about to take that huge step with Kurt he was scared to death. So much had changed over the past year.

"What if it doesn't go? What if we don't work together like that?" Blaine whispered, ashamed that the thought had crossed his mind, but certain that they would need to consider the possibility that their relationship could fall apart. He felt Kurt stiffen in his arms. He looked up at him from his spot by his chest with a shocked expression.

"But we will. So there's no reason to worry about that. I'm not saying it's gonna be easy; because it won't. But when we're together even the hard times will be easy. Destiny has helped us, together, this far. So I am sure we will make it," Kurt assured him. His voice was steady and silk soft - Kurt knew that this was true and he didn't need anything but that conviction.

Blaine let the words fasten themselves in his mind and in his chest. He swallowed his heart in his throat and let it find its way back where it belonged while clenching his grip around Kurt who stretched his neck to kiss his nose.

_It would be much easier if we could just stay here, in this bed, _Blaine thought and felt himself get so overwhelmed that tears were pressing to get out. His entire life was a mess, nearly non-existent, and Kurt was throwing his own life away for his sake.

Kurt abruptly sat up and crossed his legs next to Blaine. His lips transformed to a thin line and his eyes seemed cautious. It was like he was about to do something he wasn't sure that he was ready for. He reached out and grabbed the box from the floor, and Blaine knew that he should sit up as well.

"I wanna show you something," Kurt said seriously.

The box was nothing but a black cardboard box with worn out corners and dust on the top. Kurt was holding it between his hands as if it had been one of the most precious things in the world, and Blaine couldn't help wondering what the contents could be.

"This box holds… memories. This is my mom," Kurt told and took off the lid so he could place it on the table next to the bed. The box was filled with papers, ribbons and an empty perfume bottle.

Blaine was so amazed that he didn't know whether he should look at Kurt or the box. This was a very big step for Kurt, he was sure.

Kurt started folding out papers and putting them on the bed between them. Drawings. Motives of nature, instruments and portraits was sketched with gentle, graceful coal lines. A neat signature resembling Kurt's was in the corner, and some of them held both his mom's and Kurt's names.

Under the papers was a thick envelope, and a little notebook with a faded pattern of flowers on the front. The entire content of the box smelled like it had been hidden away for decades, and Blaine wondered how long it had been since Kurt had opened the box the last time.

"This is a piece of her favorite dress. When it was so worn out that she had to toss it she let me have one of the ribbons," Kurt explained and held up a yellow satin ribbon. It was bright and it was very clear that Kurt had taken very good care of it.

He opened the envelope and pulled out a pile of photographs. The top one was Kurt's dad looking much younger than he did now. He was happy and grinning, dressed in a fancy suit that Blaine would never have imagined him to wear, and a young woman on his arm. Their wedding photo. The woman was incredibly beautiful, and she looked happy and very much in love. He couldn't help feel a sting of sadness from knowing that this happiness had been shattered.

Kurt started flipping through the photos. There were pictures showing his parents together, his mom by herself or with friends - his mom with Kurt. Young, innocent, baby Kurt, and older pictures of Kurt from he was 3 or 5. Each and every single picture their joined happiness shined through, and Blaine wished that there was ever a way he could put that smile back on Kurt's face.

"Your mom was very beautiful, honey," Blaine said softly and placed a hand on Kurt's wrist. Kurt shook his hand away and sniffed. He put the pictures back in the envelope before he started putting the things back in the box and put the lid back on, a whiff of fragrance from the perfume bottle filled the air with the scent of summer rain.

"I better give this to my dad so he can take care of it when I'm gone," he said thickly and started to get up, but Blaine grabbed his arm and pulled him back down to sit on the bed.

"No. Kurt, you should bring it. It's your memories, it's your mom. You need this with you, it's a part of you. Or - we can wrap it up, and ask your dad to send it to you once we have settled down. You cannot leave this behind. If you do that you will lose a part of you," Blaine said, convinced that this was the truth.

"It doesn't matter. I don't use it anyway," he tried objecting, but Blaine shook his head at him.

"It does matter! What if you miss her one day and you don't even have a photo? What if you feel like the entire world is falling apart and you have nothing of her with you? What if… what if you get homesick, and wants to leave? Then I will have nothing to say to hold you back and I will have to watch you leave, because I can't even say that you should think about what your mom would want for you," Blaine argued.

He opened the lid and gently moved the drawings and letters. Kurt was staring at him in confusion when Blaine got out the envelope with the photos. He flipped through the bunch and found out one particular that had burned itself into his brain.

He put the things back in the box and closed it again before he handed the picture to Kurt. He looked down on his mom in her yellow dress smiling out to them, her arms locked safely around Kurt who was sitting in her lap. He couldn't have been more than 5 years old when the picture was taken. He was missing a tooth and freckles were covering his face. He was grinning broadly and rested his head against his mom's collarbone.

"At least bring this. I am not going anywhere if you don't bring this. You are going to need it. What if -" Blaine stated, but paused before ending his sentence. He wasn't sure that this would be a wise play, and he felt guilty about doing so, but he knew that this was something that would be very important to Kurt.

"What if one day we find a way to have kids? Then you will want to tell them about your mom - but if you leave the box here, you won't have any pictures, or anything to show them from her. You will leave behind a part of you. If not for you, then bring it for me. For our… kids," Blaine said quietly, his last argument out and he put the box back to the floor.

Kurt sniffed again and dried a tear of his cheek with the back of his hand. He looked from the picture, to Blaine and back to the picture. A little twitch touched the corners of his mouth, and Blaine knew that the mission was accomplished.

"Thank you. You are magnificent. You are the most beautiful flower I could ever wish for in my naked garden," Kurt said and let his free hand brush over Blaine's cheek with a smile. He pressed the picture against his heart and put it on the table before he hugged Blaine.


	41. Loose Ends

The walk to the record store was terrible. It felt long and heavy, and Blaine couldn't help feeling that everyone was staring at him as he walked through town. Kurt had offered to come with him, but he had said that this was something he needed to do by himself.

When he entered the store he gave relieved sigh. There weren't that many customers so it should be quickly over with. He sheepishly said hello to the guy at the counter and went straight to the backroom. There he found the owner and Benjamin going over the monthly lists of what needed to be ordered.

He shifted a bit on his feet, not really sure how to handle it, but decided that there was no reason to hold it in. The sooner he got it over with the better, and the sooner he got it said he could get out of there and get back to Kurt's house.

"Hey Anderson, what's up? I heard you were sick, buddy?" The owner said and pushed a chair out for him to sit. Blaine stared at the chair for a brief moment before he decided to take the seat.

"I uhm… I have something I need to discuss with you," Blaine opened and he saw their faces being taken over by a serious expression. He didn't expect anything else than his own mental state would be visible on his own face and in his attitude of the day.

"Something has happened that - the other day, Saturday, I got a letter. You know, _the _letter, from the army that everyone my age gets these days," Blaine tried carefully. He still wasn't sure how much he was ready to tell, so he figured that he'd better start out slow.

"So - you're leaving to go to 'Nam?" The owner asked, both him and Benjamin clearly confused as they both very well knew Blaine's views on the matter of the war and the military in general.

"No. I am not. Which is why I was kicked out of my father's house. Because I said I refused to go. So to avoid him sending his military police after me, I have to leave town…"

He paused and closed his eyes. He balled his hands to fists and chuckled a little to himself. This was now or never. The first time he would say it out loud to anyone after having decided to give a crap about it all.

"…with my boyfriend."

He went silent, and observed the last word fall into place and really hit them. The store owner didn't move a muscle, but it looked like Benji had an epiphany.

"Kurt. I knew it! There was just… there was just something. That could never be just friendship with you two, am I right?" He grinned, and looked like he was pretty proud of himself that he had figured that out all alone when Blaine nodded in agreement.

However, his boss still hadn't said a word. Blaine was relieved about Benji's reaction, but he was afraid to look to his boss and see what would meet him. Would he be angry now? Would he throw him out of his store? Would he tell him that he would never want to see him again?

"That's a shame. I'm gonna lose one of my best employees from this," he said under his breath, his face still indifferent.

"I'm sorry, sir - I just have to do this, or I don't know what will happen. I just can't stick around to f…." Blaine started, but he was cut off.

"We were actually in the middle of something. You better leave. You can drop by the store before you leave if you wish to. Goodbye."

And Blaine instinctively knew that was it. Benji looked apologetically at him so Blaine sent him a thankful smile. He got off his chair and left the backroom. He said goodbye to the guy at the counter and then he left the store. This was no longer his second-home.

They woke up early Friday morning to go to Blaine's house. Burt said that if they went to the Anderson house and started packing he would be there with the car around noon. As soon as they had finished breakfast the boys got dressed and prepared to leave.

As they left the house Kurt kept a foot away which Blaine was a bit unsure how to handle, but after they got a little further down the street he decided that he might as well get used to it and grabbed Kurt's hand, making Kurt trip to peck his cheek with a broad grin.

When they arrived at the Anderson house Blaine was happy to see that he had remembered correctly and his father wasn't home.

It was strange to be back in the house again. It all felt so unfamiliar and repulsing after everything that had happened in the house. Blaine clenched Kurt's hand all the way to his room. As soon as they were in Kurt opened a window and dropped down on the bed where he curled up to watch Blaine start to pack his stuff.

It was much quicker done than expected. He got his clothes thrown into a bag and his books into boxes. His records were already arranged in boxes, so all he needed were some stuff here and there, such as Kurt's drawings on the wall and personal papers from school that he figured would be helpful later.

While Kurt stayed on the bed, sucking up the sun, Blaine ran to the living room. He found out the Anderson photo albums and grabbed what he could of his mom. He was determined to wipe all sign of him or his mom ever being present in the house away. On his way back to his room he dropped by the bedroom and found out her jewelry box. He almost tipped over a perfume bottle and remembered what Kurt had told him about how he had kept the bottle from his mom so he would never forgot how she smelled. With that thought he stuffed the bottle in his pocket and hurried back to his room.

As soon as everything was packed Blaine fell on the bed next to Kurt who quickly shuffled to rest his head on Blaine's chest. This would be their last time in Blaine's room, so they might as well relax and take it easy until Kurt's dad arrived.

It didn't last long until they heard a car in the driveway, and luckily for them it was Kurt's dad. They got everything stashed into the car, and after an hour they were done. It was weird to look around his room when it was empty for all of his stuff. All of the stuff that mattered at least.

Kurt told his dad that they wanted to walk home instead of driving with him, so they watched as he left the Anderson house. Kurt started heading for the door but Blaine stopped him. There was something he needed to do first, so he asked Kurt to stay while he ran through the house - to his father's office.

He went through all of his books and papers until he found what he was looking for. Luckily his father had a sickly urge to keep everything neat and organized so it was pretty easy to come by.

When he came back Kurt was sitting on the doorstep waiting for him. He got to his feet and Blaine locked after them. When they reached the end of the driveway he put the key in the mail box and drew a heavy sigh. That was it.

They started walking slowly through town to Kurt's house, and stopped on their way for Blaine to get all of his cash from the bank. Now he had no more loose ends in Lima. Almost no loose ends.

"What was it you went back to do at your dad's house?" Kurt asked as they passed the library. Blaine hadn't mentioned it, and Kurt hadn't asked. They actually hadn't really spoken since they left the house. Blaine had the feeling that Kurt wanted him to have space to get used to the feeling of not being attached to his father in any way anymore, and he appreciated it. It would take some time to really sink in.

"I went to my father's office. I found out Ms. Johnson's address. I thought we could stop by her house tomorrow and tell her goodbye. I think we sorta owe her that," Blaine shrugged as they turned down the street of the Hummel house.

Kurt stopped and Blaine was held back by their locked hands. He turned to find out what had happened, and saw Kurt gazing at him with admiration and affection glowing from his eyes.

"You are so - amazing. Considerate," Kurt burst out and clasped his lips against Blaine's. In the middle of town.

At first Blaine panicked. This was definitely crossing the last line. He knew that Kurt could feel it, but he forced himself to relax and welcome in the kiss. There was nothing to hide anymore, so he let his hands slide safely onto Kurt's back to show him that it was okay now.

"I had actually planned for us to go to the cemetery tomorrow. To say goodbye to our moms. But I guess that we could always do that first. That won't take much time, I'm afraid," Kurt beamed at him, and Blaine agreed that it would be the best way to fix the last details.

Saturday they went to the cemetery early, and they had already agreed that this was something they needed to do alone, so when they got inside the gates they split up.

It was a lot harder than Blaine had expected it to be. He kept losing words and his throat clogged up. He didn't cry, but he knew that if Kurt had been next to him he would have been a sobbing mess. Even though it wasn't anything but a stone he couldn't help feeling that once again he was running out on her and leaving her alone stuck in the mess.

He could feel that someone was watching, so when he looked around and found Kurt waiting for him by the tree he sat on his knees in front of the stone. He kissed his fingers and put them to the warm stone and mumbled a low "_Goodbye. I love you mom_," before he got to his feet and hurried back to Kurt.

They stood for a while, embracing each other, holding each other in the sun, before they silently agreed to leave. No tears were shed, but as they rounded the corner and were no longer in sight of the cemetery Blaine had the feeling that this was what his mom would have wanted, so he shouldn't feel guilty.

They went to Ms. Johnson's house and she was happy, but surprised, to see them. She told them that Blaine's father had given her very specific orders that if either of them was to show while she was at the house she was to call him straight away. She had promised but of course she had never intended on doing so. She knew something was terribly wrong, but he hadn't told her what had happened - only that Blaine wasn't to ever set foot in the house again.

She invited them in for tea and they explained her everything that had happened. She was shocked from the story of how Blaine's father had attacked them, but she said that sadly it wasn't anything she hadn't expected from his side.

They stayed for a few hours where they could relax and felt like their worries were slowly starting to disappear. When it got late afternoon they thanked her for everything she had done for them, and she declared that she would give Blaine's father her two weeks notice the following Monday. She also said that if they ever were to need anything they could always find a place under her roof.

When they came back to Kurt's house Blaine borrowed the phone and called Trent. He didn't tell him anything about what had happened, but instead he asked him if he could meet him in town the next day. They agreed that they would meet by the library and Kurt asked Puck to meet them at his house. Carole had arranged for Finn and Rachel to be at the Hummel house too. That way they had a chance to get the goodbyes over with in one session and thereby make it less hard.

The night was horrible and steaming hot. Neither Blaine nor Kurt could sleep. They tossed and turned, talked and drifted off only to be wide awake again.

"What was it you had for me?" Kurt asked curiously. His voice was muffled by his face being nearly hidden in the pillow, and Blaine was completely caught off guard. He had forgotten everything about his surprise for Kurt with all the events going on around their heads.

"Uhm… it's really stupid. It's ridiculous, actually," Blaine mumbled and felt himself blush by the thought of his gift. After all they had been through over the past week his plans for surprising Kurt with a unique gift like this seemed childish and lame.

Kurt moved his head so he could stare Blaine in the eyes, his gaze sparkling and the moon reflected in his eyeballs. A cool breeze filled the room from the open window, and Blaine couldn't help noticing Kurt's skin being covered in goose bumps as he made a little moan from the relief of the wind cooling him down.

"I'm sure it's both stupid, and ridiculous. I really hope it is. That is one of the best things about you - when you're stupid and ridiculous. It suits you so well," Kurt smiled and shrugged.

Blaine chuckled and rolled his eyes in a tease. He should have known that this was the reaction he would receive. He bit his lower lip and stared back into Kurt's eyes, before he took his hand and started to get out of bed.

"What? Where are we going?" Kurt asked confounded, but nonetheless followed Blaine out of the bed.

When they both were at their feet Blaine stepped over to stand as close to Kurt as possible and ran a finger down the middle of his naked torso. He could feel Kurt's heart speed up in his chest, and Blaine felt like giggling from the thought that he had this effect on him.

"Go to the garden. I'll be right down. Then I'll have your surprise ready. Wait for me," he said, and pecked Kurt's cheek.

Kurt looked confused at him for a brief moment, but he wrapped a blanket around himself and left the room. Blaine hurried to find the things he needed before he wrapped a blanket around his own shoulders and tiptoed downstairs.

He found Kurt sitting in the middle of the garden. He looked like he was ready to meditate, and Blaine only found it perfect that his eyes were closed. He sat down in front of him without making the tiniest sound, before he started playing.

"_You light up all my senses, opened the closed door  
>I know this shouldn't be, but I keep on wanting more<br>Your touch is like your song  
>Filling me on and on<em>

_I'm hopeless for you  
>Who'd have thought this could be true?<br>I need your my side  
>I'm tired, done with trying to hide<em>

_Pretty bird  
>Don't fly away<br>Pretty bird  
>Please just stay<br>Pretty bird  
>Forever be mine<br>Pretty bird  
>I need your love<em>

_You make my everything grow aware  
>I'll trust you to take me anywhere<br>No beauty can compare  
>To yours that's shining here<em>

_Pretty bird  
>Don't fly away<br>Pretty bird  
>Please just stay<br>Pretty bird  
>Forever be mine<br>Pretty bird  
>I need your love<em>

_I never thought I'd meet someone like you  
>But no one could ever be the one for me if there wasn't you<br>I go crazy when you're away  
>So please, my pretty bird, please just stay<em>

_Pretty bird  
>Don't fly away<br>Pretty bird  
>Please just stay<br>Pretty bird  
>Forever be mine<br>Pretty bird  
>I need your love<br>I need your love  
>Your love<em>"

Kurt had kept his eyes closed under the entire song and Blaine had been happy that he did so. It was a lot easier when he didn't have to look him in the eyes, and still he had been close to giving up halfway.

"Alright, you can laugh now," Blaine said thickly as he ended the last strokes of the strings. He was sure that his face was so red that he could easily light up the entire darkness of the garden. Something he in no way was interested in.

Kurt opened his eyes, and they were big and blue with green spots. He was holding his hands folded in front of his chin, and he was searching for words but no words came. He was speechless.

"I never did that before. Wrote a song. So that's why it sucks. I told you I wasn't good with words or anything like that. I just wanted to give you something that was completely one of a kind and made just for you - because you are one of a kind," Blaine started explaining, but Kurt held up both of his hands to stop him.

"Stardust. I - I don't know what to say. This was not ridiculous, or stupid, and it definitely didn't suck. It was beautiful and honest and so much you. It was all I could ever wish for," Kurt blabbered out, before he crawled to his knees so he could take the guitar and put it carefully on the ground next to them. He raised his hand to caress Blaine's cheek, and now there was no way he could escape his eyes.

"This was your love, and that is all I have ever wished for," Kurt whispered and placed a soft, innocent kiss on his lips.

Blaine grabbed the corners of Kurt's blanket and dragged it around himself. When they were locked safely inside Kurt's blanket he put his own around Kurt as well. Then they fell down to lie in the grass that was cold, and covered in dew. The night was freezing, but Kurt's body mixed with his own heated up the pocket they had created from the blankets, so they nearly didn't feel it.

They stayed on the grass looking at stars and the moon, while kissing and cuddling until they finally fell asleep, their bodies entangled in each other.

It was noon when Blaine and Kurt arrived at the library as Blaine and Trent had agreed on. He still hadn't arrived so they sat down on the stairs and Kurt snuck under Blaine's arm to make Blaine hold around him while Kurt rested his head on his shoulder.

The street wasn't crowded. It was a typical spring Saturday in Lima. A few teenagers biked past them, mothers walked by with their toddlers and kids were playing in the park across the library.

When Trent showed he looked surprised by the public display of them being together, but he seemed as if he didn't find it appropriate to ask about it. Instead he said hi and when they stood up he followed them back towards Kurt's house.

When they returned Finn and Rachel had just arrived, and Puck seemed like he had been there for a long time. Blaine introduced Trent to everyone, and he could sense that he was confused about what was going on. He didn't blame him, and he just wanted to tell Trent everything so he could get it over with. He owed him that.

They all went to the garden where Rachel and Puck had arranged blankets for them to sit on, so they all sat down, Trent staring at Blaine in clear anticipation. Blaine wasn't sure how much Finn and Rachel knew, so he figured that it didn't do any harm in taking it all from the beginning.

"Well uhm… we asked you to come here because something happened. Something serious," he started out and felt Kurt fold his hand around his and squeeze it. Support, that was what he needed.

Trent looked confused and worried, but he didn't say anything. Again he showed that he was probably one of the best friends Blaine could have ever asked for, and he could imagine his reaction to what he was about to say.

"I got the letter from the military about a week ago. I told my father that I won't go, so he freaked out. I came here and - Kurt and I are leaving. We're going to San Francisco so my father won't have a chance to send military police after me. Because he _will _do that, he's just waiting for me to turn 18 and miss my date of going. So we are taking every precaution. We picked up my stuff in my room the other day, and I quit my job at the record store. I guess I just wanted to tell you goodbye in person - _we_ just wanted to tell you goodbye in person," Blaine explained quickly, doing his best to avoid Finn's eye. He wasn't sure what his views on Blaine running away from duty was.

"I don't know what to say," Trent said after some time of silence. He chewed a little on the tip of his thumb while searching his brain for words, before he looked up to face both Blaine and Kurt.

"It really sucks that you have to run away like that. But I think it's gonna be cool for you. As long as you have each other you'll be alright. I'm gonna miss you, guys," he said truthfully, and Blaine could feel a sting of emotions for Trent in his chest, but before he could react to it Kurt had flung his arms around Trent's neck.

"Thank you. You are such a beautiful soul," he whispered. At first Trent seemed taken aback, but slowly let his arms around Kurt as well.

"It's true. You're so good together, and you're both very bright, so I'm sure you'll be fine. And don't think I - _we_ - won't come visit you," Rachel beamed at them as Kurt released his grip on Trent.

Puck and Finn nodded in agreement, and Kurt bumped his head against Blaine's chest in shyness. Blaine was lost for words. He was overwhelmed by the support from all of them, and he was happy that they had decided to do this get-together before they left. They truly deserved a proper goodbye.

They all had dinner in the garden and spent the rest of the day discussing music, memories and what Blaine and Kurt would be doing when they arrived in San Francisco. Puck told them about the friends of his that they were going to stay with, and as Kurt already knew them he excitedly joined in on the stories.

Blaine held back; listened to the others talking, and observed how well Trent quickly fell into the group. He got sad that he hadn't introduced Trent to them earlier, but promised himself to make sure that he would find a way to have them all visit them at once.

"So… when are you leaving?" Trent asked when Blaine walked him to the bus. Kurt had stayed back to help with cleaning up, but Blaine knew that he had taken on the task to give Blaine and Trent a chance to have the last twenty minutes alone.

"I think it's gonna be tomorrow evening. At least that's what seems easiest to do," Blaine said and sighed.

"The other guys are gonna be bummed that they didn't get to see you before you left. Or meet Kurt," Trent mumbled, and Blaine felt guilty. He had promised them, and he had really been looking forward to introducing Kurt to his old friends.

"Would you tell them that I'm sorry? That I can't do anything about it. I really wanted to go to your party and everything, I just can't stay as things are right now," Blaine pleaded apologetically. He knew that Trent was perfectly aware of the situation and that he would return to The Warblers with the truth, he just felt that he needed to say it again and again. He felt like was he letting them down.

"Man, it's not your fault. But of course I will," Trent promised, and Blaine didn't feel as uneasy as before.

Blaine promised to call Trent as soon as he knew when he would be leaving, and they gave each other a hug before the bus came and Trent had to leave. The walk back to the Hummel house was long and Blaine felt empty inside, but the second he entered the house and Kurt jumped into his arms he felt so full that he could explode any moment.

Sunday morning they woke up from a knock on the door. Kurt's dad showed right as Blaine struggled his eyes open. Kurt didn't seem like he was awake, but simply nuzzled his nose into Blaine's chest with a firmer grip around his waist.

When Blaine realized that it was Burt he hurried to sit up, embarrassed and nervous about Kurt's dad finding him shirtless with his arms around Kurt who was also shirtless. He might be supportive about them and helping them to run away together, but Blaine couldn't imagine that it would be a scenario he was interested in experiencing.

"Blaine, there's a guy at the door asking for you. Says he's worked with you at the store and that he's got something for you," Burt said, looking like he mostly wanted to get out of the room as quickly as possible. In his head they were clearly living in a strictly platonic relationship with their clothes sewed to their bodies.

Kurt slowly opened his eyes and looked up at Blaine who had no idea what it could be about. He was confused and possibly a bit scared to go down to face whoever it could be.

"I uhm… I'll be right down in a minute," he said sheepishly, happy that he hadn't rushed out of bed to flash exactly how much clothes he wasn't wearing.

Burt nodded and left the room. Kurt closed his eyes again and let fingertips run up and down Blaine's thigh, playing with the hem of his underwear before Blaine let his legs out of the bed.

He rushed on his clothes from the day before, ran his fingers through his hair and figured that had to be good enough. He drew a heavy breath to make sure he was going to live through facing whoever it could be and left the room.

When he got to the door he was relieved. He felt his heart drop and his muscles lighten. Benjamin was waiting for him on the doorstep with a grin covering his face as he reached out an envelope before Blaine even got to say anything.

"What's this?" He inquired curiously, feeling the envelope heavy in his hand.

"You'll see. I figured I'd stop by, hoping that you hadn't left yet. Glad I caught you. Found out when you're leaving?" He asked, not seeming the slightest bit as if anything had changed at all, and Blaine was relieved that he was like that.

"We're actually leaving tonight. The sooner the better you know," he shrugged as it hit him. In less than 24 hours he wouldn't be in Ohio anymore.

They talked a bit back and forth, mostly small-talk, and Benjamin wished them a good trip before he dared himself to give Blaine a hug. He told him to say hi to Kurt from him, and asked them to take care of each other. Then he left.

"Who was it, darling?" Kurt asked dozy as Blaine returned to their room. He let his clothes fall back to the floor before he climbed back into bed next to Kurt.

Kurt was observing him with big, glistening eyes. Suddenly he didn't seem as hazy anymore, but awaiting, curious.

"It was Benji. From the store. He gave me this," Blaine said and turned the envelope over in his hands.

Kurt looked down at it with a pensive expression before he let his attention back to Blaine's face.

"What is it?" He asked, though he could see that it was still sealed securely.

"I have no idea. He didn't say," Blaine said and turned it over a few more times. He was curious, but also nervous. He didn't even dare thinking about the possibility of what it could be.

Kurt sat up and kissed his naked shoulder before Blaine drew a heavy breath and decided that he might as well get it over with. So he opened the envelope.

It contained a letter folded around a bunch of dollar bills. His eyes popped and he was sure that his jaw dropped as well.

"What is… Stardust there's got to be like $100 in here," Kurt burst out and squeezed his arm with his own.

It was true. He counted them over and over again. One hundred dollars.

"What does the letter say? Is this from Benji?" Kurt asked, his voice thrill and excited.

"_Blaine_

_We held a hasted meeting after your visit Thursday and came to the conclusion that we couldn't let you run off empty handed. This all came as a surprise, to some of us at least, but we still think that your years in the store are worth saluting. Everyone pitched in._

_Good luck to you, both of you, and may you find a place of freedom._

_Sincerely_"

The letter was signed by everyone working in the store, even the cleaning lady, but what surprised him the most was that his boss had been the first to sign. Apparently he would still find a second home at the store if he wished to.

"This is amazing!" Kurt beamed up at him and read the letter over a few times. He stretched himself to throw his arms around Blaine's neck so he could place a wet kiss on his cheek.

"You deserve this, honey. I am so happy that we didn't leave before you got this," he smiled and stroke his fingers over his neck, his breathing moistening Blaine's lips and his eyes bright as stars.

Blaine was lost for words. He couldn't believe it. It was too incredible to fathom. All of these people had taken time to do this for him. It was a magnificent gesture they didn't have to do for him, and yet they had all done it.

They spent the morning in bed without talking. They stayed wrapped in each other, kissing and simply enjoying their last time in Kurt's room, in the Hummel house.

Around 11 they got themselves out of bed to shower. When they were both ready they went downstairs to join the others for lunch, no one saying much except for everything that didn't address the fact that they would be leaving in the evening.

The waiting was unbearable. No one really knew how to act around each other. It was like they were waiting for the results of a particularly hard exam. Blaine was especially stressed out - how do one act around people when they are dragging a part of their family across the country without any plans of when they would see him again?

He figured that he would give Kurt some time alone with his family so he decided to go to the garden. He found out his guitar and played for a bit. The day was dragging slowly and he started to run out of ideas on stuff to play. He had noticed Kurt sending him longing glances whenever he passed the window or the door to the garden, but he didn't come out to join him.

The dinner was spent the same way lunch had been. It wasn't an awkward or tensed silence, it simply felt like words weren't needed. They all knew what was coming. Even Puck was there with a dark gloom covering his face.

As soon as they were done eating Kurt disappeared upstairs. He didn't say anything, but it was clear that he needed a moment to himself. His dad followed after a few moments, and Blaine stayed on his kitchen chair not knowing what to say or do. Suddenly the kitchen seemed cold regardless of the warm summer weather around them.

"Do you have your things ready?" Kurt's voice asked, startling Blaine as he hadn't seen him appear in the door.

He nodded and got up so he could pick up his bag of the most necessary clothes, books and memories along with his guitar that was waiting for him in Kurt's room. He hadn't noticed him following, but as Blaine was standing in the middle of the room trying to take a moment to say a silent goodbye, Kurt's arms locked around his waist to place a kiss on his neck.

Blaine turned around to disappear into his embrace. This was it. Do or die.

Everyone followed them to the bus. It seemed ridiculous that a total number of seven people were standing by the bus stop, but Blaine was happy that they did. He wanted Kurt to have as much time with his family as possible before he would rip them apart.

When the bus was in sight Rachel started to tear up and threw her arms around Kurt's neck. Carole's tears quickly followed, and suddenly it was all a mess of arms, people hugging each other. Everyone wished them a good trip and they promised to call as often as possible, and of course let them know when they had safely arrived.

Blaine had no idea how to tackle the sudden rush of emotions from the people he hadn't known for very long, but all of them hugged him with such love streaming from them. He wanted to tell them all that their help meant everything to them, but he couldn't describe it, so he stayed shut. He didn't want to cry in front of them.

"I'm gonna miss you, kid," Burt said as he clenched his arms around Kurt. He was crying too. Not that it surprised Blaine -that was who he was, and Kurt had been his entire world for so long.

"I know you'll take care of him, and he'll take care of you. I'm not worried about that, just call if you need anything at all," Kurt's dad said as he surprised Blaine by dragging him into a hug as well as the bus started honking for them to hurry up.

"We love you all so much," Kurt said and kissed everyone's cheeks. He squeezed Puck's hand and jumped into his dad's arms one last time before he started leading Blaine to the bus.

That was it.


	42. Journey

The bus trip felt long. Blaine knew that it was nothing compared to their trip to Washington the previous year, but somehow this was heavier and weighed his heart down. However, he still felt it like a dark cloud was drifting off his body and soul. As scary as this was it seemed like the only right thing left for him, for them.

When they reached New York it was late. Very late. They couldn't get a train before the next morning, so they found the cheapest hotel possible.

The room was tiny and smelled vaguely of bleach. The lights were shaky and the sheets felt like they had been washed so many times they could break any second. The room held two tiny beds. Of course it did when they were two guys asking for one room and the receptionist had raised an eyebrow by their request.

"Don't think for a second I'm sleeping alone," Kurt declared as they had their first look around the room.

"Don't think for a second I'd let you," Blaine smiled dozy at him and grabbed his hand.

They let their bags drop to the floor in a corner. They found out their toothbrushes and hurried to get it over with before Kurt curled up in Blaine's arms and they both fell into a dark, heavy sleep. Apparently it was more exhausting than they had thought to sit on a bus and do nothing for a few hours.

The next morning they got up early and took a long shower together, taking enough time to hold each other without moving under the running water for long enough time for their skin to wrinkle up.

When they left the hotel they returned the key to the receptionist. The same lady as the night before. Blaine couldn't stop himself and placed a long kiss on Kurt's lips, grinned at the lady staring shocked at them and then they left.

They found a place to get some breakfast and had to wait for the train for ten minutes. The day was steaming hot and all Blaine really wanted was to be in the garden with his guitar or comic books, or to be in a pool without a care in the world. Instead he was dying from the heat in an uncomfortable train seat, but every time Kurt squeezed his hand a little tighter he realized how happy he was exactly where he was even though he had no idea what was waiting for them.

As he was sitting in his train seat with Kurt's legs resting across his lap and Kurt's head resting on Blaine's shoulder with a silent snoring in his ear Blaine watched the landscape fade away outside the window and the reality of their situation was buzzing around his mind.

At that point they didn't have a life anywhere, no strings attached - all they had was each other, and a possibility of creating exactly whatever future they wished to. He found it astounding and poetic. This was where he was meant to be.

When they reached San Francisco they didn't go to the address Kurt had written down on his notepad for the people they would be staying with. On the train they had agreed that for their first night they would find a nice hotel to be together without any worries, so they did.

It was bit pricey for what they figured they could afford, but they agreed that it was okay since they were there and they would do their best to get jobs as soon as they had settled down and was starting to get used to the new town and the new people.

This room had a nice double bed. First thing Kurt did was to throw his bags to the floor to attack the bed jumping the mattress like a child out of control. Blaine was laughing hysterically by the sight, but Kurt quickly had him join.

When they fell down they were heaving for breath, but couldn't stop laughing. They wrapped their arms around each other and covered each other in kisses before they fell asleep.

When they woke up it was late evening. It wasn't dark yet, but the sun was threatening to set any minute, so they changed their clothes to something that didn't smell like traveling and agreed to get out to find some food.

It was strange to walk down the street without everyone staring after them when they realized they were holding hands or when they saw that Kurt was dressed in a red sarong. It was liberating and Blaine felt so happy that he could scream or cry or dance.

They agreed for Blaine to get them some food from a little store while Kurt used the restroom. He picked up a lot of different fruit, bread and chocolate before he met Kurt outside and they walked to a beach Kurt knew was a little away. Apparently he and Puck had been there a few times when they had been in San Francisco together.

"Here you go. This reminded me of you," Blaine smiled. He found out a flower he had picked up at the store. He showed it to Kurt before he put it behind his ear. He had no idea what kind of flower it was, but it was pink drifting into white, reminding him of the Hawaiian flowers he had once seen Kurt draw. It was only around a week ago, but after everything that had changed it felt like it had been in another life - that their time in Lima had been another life.

"It's beautiful, Stardust. Just like you," Kurt grinned and threw his arms around Blaine to let them fall into the sand while kissing him deeply.

It was like it was the most natural thing in the world. They were at a beach, far from what had once served as their home with a few people walking by them with their dogs or holding hands, and Blaine let Kurt kiss him in front of those people. He couldn't do anything but kiss him back.

They ate while watching the rest of the sun disappearing down the water. The golden and red light was beautiful over the beach, and Blaine was sure that Kurt belonged in a sunset like that. When they were so full they nearly couldn't move they fell to the sand with their hands locked between them.

It quickly turned dark. Much quicker than Blaine had expected, or maybe it just felt like that because he was having such a good time. When the stars started peeking out on the sky that was gradually turning darker Kurt moved to rest his head on Blaine's shoulder.

They stayed in the sand watching the stars, without saying much. Only a little wind was blowing around them so it wasn't even cold and Blaine figured that he would quickly get used to their new life if every day could be like this.

Suddenly Kurt stood up and started stripping off his clothes while Blaine watched confused. It wasn't until he started walking towards the water, completely naked, that Blaine realized what he was doing. He hurried to get rid off his own clothes so he could follow.

The water was comfortable, nearly hot, and it didn't take long for Blaine to not care that he was naked. There weren't anymore people around them and hadn't been for a long time, so it wasn't like he expected someone to surprise them by showing up. They could still hear cars and the usual big city noise, but it was far away from the beach where trees and bushes were shielding them from the town so they were alone, hidden in their own world.

Kurt splashed water into his face and Blaine returned fire with a laugh. It quickly developed into a heated game, and as there was nowhere to hide neither of them was safe. Blaine locked his arms around Kurt's waist and dragged him down so they fell into the water.

They fought back to the surface with laughter and ended up sitting at the sandy bottom hidden by the water from their waist and up. It was hard not to keep on laughing even though there wasn't anymore to laugh about, except the fact that they were free and together - and completely alone. More alone than they had ever been.

"You're beautiful," Kurt whispered as he looked at Blaine with his wet hair clasping to his forehead and his eyes shining through the dark.

His lips were wet and full, his grin wide enough to lay down an army. His skin was nearly silver in the light from the moon shining down on them and before Blaine knew it he had thrown himself on top of him.

He wrapped his legs around Kurt's waist and Kurt quickly had his arms around Blaine's to make sure they didn't fall back into the water. Blaine was looking down at him, enjoying how he for once had taken the first step to do something impulsive to surprise Kurt.

"You're just saying that because you wanna kiss me," he teased and nudged Kurt's cheek with his nose, Kurt chuckling so much both of their bodies were vibrating against each other.

"Oh I do wanna kiss you. But I really think that you are beautiful," Kurt said with a smile.

"I see. Could it be possible that you want something more than just a kiss? That's not very virtuous of you, mister," Blaine grinned and started kissing his way down Kurt's cheek, over his ear and down his neck.

He could feel Kurt's body grow tense under him, but not in a bad way so he continued letting his lips travel around his skin, caressing him gently, ghosting over his shoulder in a way that made Kurt express an involuntary moan.

He had definitely turned hard himself. How could he not when he was at the beach and wrapped around his naked boyfriend? He could feel Kurt being hard against him as well and Kurt had let his fingers bury in his wet curls. It would have been a disaster if the situation didn't turn him on.

"Beach sex?" Kurt asked with a chuckle and bucked his hips upwards so Blaine could feel his head pushing against his hole.

"I wouldn't exactly fight you if you tried something," Blaine grinned and let his tongue trace up the shell of his ear, shivers running through Kurt, their nipples going hard against each other's chest.

"Good, cause here's no way I could wait until we get back to the hotel," Kurt grinned and started kissing, licking and sucking the tanned skin on Blaine's neck, his hand disappearing between them to lock around Blaine's cock.

Blaine bit down in Kurt's earlobe from the feeling, his legs tightening their grip around him while his arms clenched to Kurt's shoulders, his hands pressing their chests together.

He let a hand run down Kurt's chest, a wish to feel his nipple on his tongue running around his brain, but the feeling of Kurt swiping around his cock made it impossible for him to do anything at all.

"Let me fuck you," Kurt begged thickly, his hips jerking upwards, making his hard dick easily slide up Blaine's crack through the water.

He couldn't believe they were doing this. One thing was to be naked together in public that way, but it was definitely something else to have sex in the middle of the night on a public beach. It was the essence of Kurt, and it was everything he wanted to be for Kurt: fun, impulsive, romantic and sexy as hell.

"Yes. Please," Blaine agreed before he caught his mouth, tangling their tongues together with fire shooting through his nervous system.

Kurt released his grip on Blaine's cock and let his palm slide down his shaft, his balls, his scrotum and down to his hole where he let his finger in without warning. His free hand was safely holding on the lower of Blaine's back to make sure he didn't fall, and Blaine was groaning into his hair.

This was how it felt to be adult with a promise of spending the rest of their lives together. This was how it felt to be free and free of worries. This was how it felt to be alive. This was how it felt to be with the boy he loved and no black cloud over their heads with the threat of tearing them apart. This was how it felt to be in love and be loved back.

The wind was starting to go cold against Blaine's heated skin, but the water was still hot and comfortable so he wasn't nervous. Mixed with the way his own body temperature was shooting for the sky from the feeling of Kurt's hands he was sure he wouldn't start to freeze.

Kurt let one more finger enter him and he nearly bit down on his earlobe. He was fucking his fingers in and out, scissoring and pressing against the insides of Blaine's hole.

His head was swimming and he feared that the cocktail of doing this in public and Kurt continuing to press against his prostrate he would come way too fast.

"Shit. Fuck me, Kurt. Please. Now," he groaned and returned his mouth to Kurt's. He couldn't wait for it. He didn't care that it was probably going to hurt for a bit, but it would be worth it. All he needed was to feel Kurt inside him.

For a second Blaine thought that he had done something wrong. Kurt released his hands from their respective places on Blaine's body, making him gush form the feeling of Kurt's fingers exiting his ass.

Kurt pressed his lips to Blaine's, but slow, sensual and free of tongue. Blaine couldn't help letting his hand caress caringly down Kurt's cheek.

"I love you," Kurt whispered as he broke off the kiss and looked Blaine in the eyes.

Blaine didn't get to react before Kurt had lowered himself down to support on his arms in the sand bottom of the water, making Blaine's legs down on his sides instead of his back.

From his newfound place with his entire body, except for shoulders and up, covered in water Kurt licked his lips and there was just something in his eyes telling Blaine to come get him, so he leaned down, went directly for his mouth, and let himself disappear into a lusty moment of moaning into each other's mouths.

He slowly retreated from the kiss leaving Kurt whimpering after him, but he sat up straight to reach between his legs to grab Kurt's dick. He held it firm, but carefully, by the root so he could lower himself down, the feeling of Kurt entering him burning, but amazing.

"Mhm, shit!" Kurt burst out as Blaine let himself all the way down. Blaine couldn't stop himself grinning down at Kurt as he started rolling his hips back and forth over Kurt's pelvis.

He couldn't stay sitting up. It was too good, and he nearly fell forward to make his hands rest on Kurt ribs before he found his lips while Kurt dared a hand up to grasp around his ass.

He bucked his hips upwards and Blaine could feel him work against his ass, in his ass. Their skin was slippery in the water and it made it much easier for them to move together. The way his body heat kept rising his skin above the water was drying faster than he thought possible, but all Blaine could focus on was the feeling of Kurt's dick working inside him and the need for Kurt's mouth.

"Fuck. Kurt, you're so good," he moaned against his collarbone.

Blaine let his arm around to let Kurt support his back against his arm so he wouldn't fall down, and then he let his free hand down Kurt's chest. He needed to, his body was screaming for him to do it, so Blaine bent down awkwardly to let his tongue trace over Kurt's taut nipple.

He sucked, licked and kissed with Kurt's fingers caressing around his hair and his thrusts going faster and deeper.

Blaine rushed back to his mouth so he could feel his warm breath into his own mouth and his lips full and wet massaging against his. He rolled his hips forward, rubbing his erection against Kurt's ribs, making Kurt whimper as Blaine tightened stronger around him from the friction.

He could feel them sink deeper into the sand, the pressure and moving from both of them heavy and sliding. There was sand everywhere and the sensation tingling on the inside of his skin made him almost laugh.

"Soon, baby - Blaine!" Kurt groaned against his chin and Blaine grinned at him, moving his head down to bite his lower lip.

Without warning Kurt's hand was on the back of Blaine's hand on his chest. He let their fingers lock before he lifted them to make both of them grab around Blaine's aching cock, and they fisted around him, the water making it easy and the speed quickly going in a high pace.

"You're so sexy, baby -" Kurt gushed out between heaving for air, and Blaine knew that he was close, they both were, and it was unbearable. He didn't want to stop it, it was too good. Sensational, adrenaline feeling like it was filling up his brain, heart and cock.

He was sweating, panting, whimpering - but the heat growing inside of him was much stronger than the heat on his skin. It felt like flames were licking up his veins, fire burning in his stomach and pushing to run to his crotch.

Kurt released his hand and for a moment Blaine prepared to follow almost instantly, but Kurt rushed his hand back to keep him jerking himself off.

"Don't stop. Come on me," he whispered sensually, his eyes full of want and lust and love - need.

Blaine nearly choked on his own tongue, but his hand was swiping faster as he felt Kurt's hand let go so he could grip back on Blaine's hip making his thrusts into Blaine's ass harder.

"Dammit Kurt!" Blaine wailed against his cheek as he couldn't stop the growling in the pit of his stomach. Saltwater had to be running directly into his veins, because his balls were aching and his shaft was pulsing with his come spilling out onto Kurt's chest and down his hand mixing with the water surrounding them.

Kurt kept going. Blaine could feel that he was almost there and couldn't stop tightening, squeezing, his hole like he was never going to let Kurt exit him, and he didn't want to. He wanted Kurt to stay inside him forever.

Kurt groaned and moaned Blaine's name in a cascade of high pitched "_fuck yes Blaine_" as his hips jerked against Blaine's ass and he could feel him spilling, painting his hole from the inside, making him come himself one more time with his hand pressing hard against Kurt's neck and his other still locked around his cock.

Blaine clasped against Kurt's chest but he could feel that Kurt couldn't hold them up anymore. His arm was trembling and his body was shaking. Blaine let a hand run softly down Kurt's chest, kissing his cheek and panting against his face before he forced himself to sit up, both of his arms locked around Kurt's torso.

Kurt let his hand fall down to push himself to sit up, leftovers of come still pearly white on his chest, a nipple barely visible through the liquid. He locked his hands around Blaine's shoulders and stretched his neck to kiss his chin as Blaine looked down on him, desperate to fight away the colored stars dancing before his eyes so he could see Kurt instead.

"You are amazing," Blaine moaned needy, his voice rasp and low, and his fingers caressing around Kurt's back.

"Jesus that was good," Kurt grinned and placed kisses on Blaine's collarbone with his hands pressing their chests hard together.

Blaine giggled into his hair and it made Kurt chuckle, both of them ending up laughing loudly, the feeling of Kurt's body vibrating under him while still inside him was making him overly sensitive but it didn't matter because that was where Kurt belonged.

"We just fucked - on a beach," Blaine realized and couldn't stop his laughing. It was the most reckless, stupid, thing they had ever done - but it surely was one of the most incredible things ever.

"Promise me it won't be the last time. This was - magnificent. I don't think I've ever come this hard," Kurt crooned hazy, and Blaine knew that it was time. They had to get out of the water before Kurt fell asleep.

"You can fuck me wherever you want, whenever you want - as long as I get to fuck you too," Blaine cooed and let his hands travel down Kurt's muscular arms.

"Let's go back to the hotel. You're exhausted, darling," Blaine said as he could see Kurt's eyes start to swim in their sockets, but he smiled up at Blaine as if he didn't even notice himself.

"Sure. Let's do that," he agreed mumbling and Blaine started to lift himself off Kurt, both of them whimpering from the feeling.

Kurt lowered himself back into the water, washing the come off his chest, light waves brushing against them and suddenly Blaine felt cold and tired. He was completely drained off all energy and the long train travel hit him. He was worn out and needed to hurry back to a bed where he could curl up with Kurt and sleep without worrying.

They silently got out of the water and back to their clothes. Without caring about their clothes getting wet they dressed and did their best to get rid of all the sand.

When Blaine started to walk back towards the hotel Kurt grabbed his hand and stopped him. He pulled him back, letting their torsos clasp together so Kurt could run a hand gingerly down Blaine's cheek.

"This is it. We're finally here. No more worries, nothing to fear. I can't wait to start a new life with you," he whispered. He smelled like saltwater and sex, but the scent of summer rain was still there to drug Blaine's senses they way he always could count on.

"Thank you. For coming here with me," Blaine smiled without knowing what else he could say. To have someone love him enough to give up his life, home and family was bigger than the universe.

"I couldn't do anything else. We're one," Kurt smiled and kissed him gently before letting his hand run down his arm to lock their fingers again.

"Do you wanna marry me?" Blaine asked, surprising himself. Even Kurt looked like he hadn't seen it coming regardless of how Kurt always saw right through him.

"I mean - if it ever gets possible," he stammered, knowing that it wasn't a possibility for them at the moment, but promising himself to fight as hard as he could to one day be able to call Kurt his husband.

"I thought you didn't believe in mar -" Kurt burst out confounded.

"I do if it's with you!" Blaine cut him off firmly. He hadn't noticed that he had changed his mind, he hadn't thought about it, but with the promise of their new life, their new future - together, it seemed like it was right for them.

"I would love to marry you, Stardust," Kurt smiled and squeezed his hand.

The walk back to the hotel was slow and dozy. Everything was so new and colorful - even in the dark of the night. Blaine's senses were craving to run out and explore straight away, but he was too tired and he needed Kurt's closeness more than anything.

Back in the hotel they let their clothes drop to take a quick shower to wash off the sand before they crawled into bed to entangle themselves in each other and fell asleep during caressing and kisses.


	43. The Afterlife

**1988**

It was hard for Blaine to focus. He just wanted to get out of there so he could get home instead of being stuck in the choir room. He checked his watch and figured that it was late enough so he packed up his stuff and hurried out.

"Hey gorgeous," Kurt smiled and drew him into his arms so he could kiss his husband. He smelled like his usual summer rain scent with a mix of strawberries and fresh coffee. The scent of home.

It was 3pm and Blaine was happy that he made it home before everything was about to start. He kissed Kurt all over his face and couldn't stop grinning. Today was a special day, and he intended it to be celebrated as such.

"I'm gonna take a quick shower. I've been having Taylor for piano lessons all day and the choir room was like an oven," he said to Kurt and kissed his cheek before heading up the stairs.

"That's fine, baby. Just hurry. People will start coming over soon an I want you to be here with us," Kurt called him, his voice a trill on his tongue.

He did hurry. There was no chance in the world he was going to miss this. Kurt's family was coming from Lima - Finn and Rachel with their kids included of course. Puck was already there though, but then again; he was always at their house.

As soon as Blaine was ready and dressed he headed downstairs to the sound of Kurt and Puck in the garden. He didn't even get down the hall to the garden door before he was attacked by a little figure jumping into his arms.

"Daddy! Daddy Kurt said that I should tell you to hurry," she said with a laugh. Her dark hair was gathered in two braids and she was wearing a new dress with purple flowers, her grin flashing the open space from the tooth she had lost the other day with a marvel of pride as she presented it for her daddies in her tiny palm.

"I am ready now, princess. Are you?" He asked and picked her up to carry her to the garden. Sure, Kurt had told him to stop carrying her around like that, something about his back, but how could he when his daughter was turning 6?

As they stepped onto the patio the girl jumped out of Blaine's arms to climb onto Kurt's lap. Puck grinned at him before he leaned down to kiss the girl on her forehead. Blaine hurried over to close his arms around Kurt from behind and kiss him on his hair, their daughter laughing up at him waiting for a kiss herself.

"Where's your brother?" Blaine asked as he sat down next to them and twirled one of the braids around his finger.

"Dear Trent thought he would rather read your old comic books over by the swingset than play with us," Kurt declared and rolled his eyes teasingly.

"Good we have one kid to keep us company, right lovechild?" He chuckled and strengthened his grip around the girl in his arms, making her giggle loudly, nearly falling from his lap.

"Oh well, can't except an 8 year old to want to be bothered with his old, boring parents," Blaine said and leaned back against the table.

After Blaine and Kurt had come to San Francisco they had moved in with Puck and Kurt's friends. They had all been warmly welcoming to them and opened their home for as long as they needed. Blaine quickly got a job in a music store much larger than the one back in Lima and one of the girls they were living with quickly found out that Kurt was a talented artist so she helped him in contact with people willing to pay for his drawings. Only 4 months later they had moved into their own loft.

They weren't married really. They couldn't do that. They had a commitment ceremony as it was called for same-sex-couples. It sucked and they had walked in endless parades and demonstrations to get the laws changed, but they were happy to have taken the final step of their relationship - as much as they were allowed to at least.

Their wedding had been spent with Kurt's family coming from Lima, their friends and a big part of the LGBT community gathering to celebrate them. To celebrate their love. The actual reception had been a small party of family and friends though, ended with an eight days trip to Hawaii filled with art, music and lovemaking. They had agreed to take Kurt's name. With them sharing the name Hummel, and Blaine's family name Anderson completely out of the picture it felt like the last part of his past had been wiped away.

Blaine had started out by playing around in bars and at events, but eventually he got a steady job as a music teacher for kids. Kurt had exhibitions of his art all over the country, each time Blaine proudly standing by his side and holding his hand. He had nothing to hide anymore. Eventually Kurt got a job as an art teacher at the other end of town, though he still got his art out around San Francisco. However, every now and then people around the country would call to ask if he had something they could borrow for an event. He had even sold to a few galleries and collectors across the globe.

Both of them were representatives and presidents of different LGBT clubs and charity organizations. They had kept in touch with the people they had first moved in with in San Francisco and along with them they had signed up for a lot of different political activities. They had never had to discuss their part in the political aspect, because both of them had found it the most natural for them to fight for the community they were now such a big part of.

After having been married a few years they adopted their son. He was only just born when they were allowed to take him home so they named him Trent. They hadn't talked much to their friend Trent after they left Lima and Blaine feared he had forgot about them. Naturally Kurt constantly assured him that no one could ever forget about him, and when their son was 3 years old Trent showed up at their door step. He had got the address from Kurt's dad. He had been in the army, forced in, and he hadn't dared telling them. Of course they welcomed him into their home and he was ecstatic when he found out they had named their son after him.

Soon their daughter came along. A princess they named Susan Elizabeth. Both of their kids were lively and interested in both music and art which the proud parents were thrilled about. They encouraged them in whatever wishes they had, and was very vocal in their schools in different creative and political groups, doing their best to help contribute to create a healthy and tolerant learning environment for the children, as well as helping to create an open space for straight parents to be informed about kids of same-sex-couples, or kids struggling with their own sexuality.

Finn and Rachel had three kids. Two girls and a boy, whom Blaine and Kurt were the proud godparents of. Finn never went back to Vietnam but stayed in Lima with Rachel where they got married a year after Blaine and Kurt had moved away. Puck had a daughter himself, but wasn't married; he was still in a committed relationship with the mother though. He had moved to San Francisco himself and met a gorgeous girl he settled down with.

Sure they had run into troubles. They hadn't been in touch with Blaine's father at all, but after they found themselves with a steady income and they were sure it would stay like that Blaine had called the church in Lima to figure out how he could get his mom's spot at the cemetery transferred to him instead of his father. They had paid for it and made sure it was kept nice and beautiful.

They had been in endless amounts of confrontations with people who didn't find them suitable for having kids, or for being public about their love, but they had fought back, Blaine never letting go of Kurt's hand for a second. He hadn't hidden for 20 years.

Their life had turned out good.

Now they were seated in their backyard surrounded by family and friends, no other worries than whether they wanted coffee or tea.

Kurt went into the kitchen to get cups for his dad and Carole and Blaine snuck after him, surprising him by placing soft kisses on his neck. Kurt hummed silently and closed his eyes to enjoy the feeling of his husband's lips caressing his skin.

"You're such a tease," Kurt giggled and turned around to face him, his eyes sparkling and happy. Blaine would never grow tired of looking at him, he had only grown more beautiful with the years.

"I just wanted to remind you that today it is 20 years since a beautiful boy grabbed my hand and showed me a whole new life," Blaine cooed and folded his arms around Kurt's waist. He nuzzled his nose into his hair and kissed his ear.

"I could never forget," Kurt smiled affectionately and rustled with his bracelet that he hadn't taken off since the day Blaine had given it to him in the forest.

"Of course you couldn't. Even though we were stoned," Blaine laughed and Kurt shushed him with a chuckle.

"I told you we would have it all one day, Stardust," he smiled, staring into Blaine's eyes making his knees go weak.

After 20 years Kurt still had the ability to make his heart race and his stomach fill with butterflies just by looking at him. He would let himself over to Kurt any day. Good thing for him was that he still had the ability to make Kurt speechless and blush with even a simple word.

Blaine and Kurt lived happily together with their two children of love for an unknown amount of years filled with art and music and eventually grandchildren. I wish I could tell you more about that, but it was the perfect love, and the incredible thing about the perfect love is that it is more than one can express.


End file.
